I
Since Asuka's exodus from her house, there has been no fighting- only an eerie silence, punctuated by movements around the house, the motions of everyday life. This, somehow, is worse; the ghosts of those arguments still linger in the dents in the walls and the scratches on the furniture, and Asuka can't stand this. She leaves and goes to Rei's house at every chance she gets, her departures always unnoticed,
her arrivals always eagerly anticipated.
It is December at last. School has let out for winter break; Asuka's birthday has come and gone; her one present (from Rei, of course), a badly-knitted scarf, is wrapped around her neck even as she sleeps. Some of the strings are tangled, little threads of red mixed with blue, but the scarf keeps her warm. One night as Asuka lies awake in her bed, her senses on edge and waiting for the shouting to begin, she imagines Rei- who's shown no talent in knitting whatsoever- asking Yui for help; she could dream that this was something important to Rei, but this is probably just her own wishful thinking.
And one morning, as Asuka lies asleep, it begins to snow in her room- the first snow of the year.
She'd left her window open the night before for no reason in particular (or perhaps to justify wearing Rei's present to bed), and now there are little white crystals drifting into her room, gathering on the windowsill and in little puddles on the floor.
One snowflake ventures into Asuka's room, spirals down in a circle to land on the edge of her ear. Asuka startles with a groan, her hand coming up and swiping the air, only to dart back under the sheets at the chill. Her eyes open- slowly, so she can adjust to the brightness- and she groans again.
It's been snowing outside for quite some time now, and a shift in the wind has brought the weather into her room, her own personal snowstorm. Asuka walks to the window and yanks it down, glaring at the drifts that have built up outside. No doubt her stepmother will ask her to shovel the driveway, and even if it wasn't bitingly cold and their only shovel is breaking where the metal head and wooden pole join together, Asuka wants to see Rei. It's the first snow of the season- there's something to be done with that.
Asuka goes to her closet, pulling on her winter gear, which isn't very wintry at all: just a heavy sweatshirt and a pair of snow pants she'd bought one day on a whim, because trudging to school in sweatpants that soaked up all the snow had gotten so fucking annoying.
She opens the door to her room and peeks out carefully. Her parents' door is ajar; no doubt her father has already gone to work, but Asuka can hear her stepmother's rumblings from within. Asuka's safe, for now. She treads down the hall with more caution than necessary, until her feet hit the carpet of the living room and whatever sound she'll make will be masked by it.
Outside, the snow has piled up higher than Asuka expected; she guesses it's at shin-height, and by noon it'll be up to her knees. She wonders, for a moment, if Rei won't expect her to be coming. Her fingers nervously twist the ends of Rei's scarf, which Asuka hadn't realized she was holding. No, she tells herself. Even if her visit is unexpected, they'll figure something out. There's no reason for Rei to push her away so suddenly (but there is, she's been expecting it ever since the night in the park, an uncertain dread that grips her at the most random of times).
Asuka sucks in a breath and pulls the front door open. The eaves of the house have kept the snow from collecting and blocking her path, and it would seem her father has carved a narrow passage through the snow; she scan see the concrete footpath just beneath a thin layer of white ice. She closes the door behind her, locks it, and she's off to Rei's place.
The roads are somewhat clear, a path paved by the comings and goings of people and their cars. The sidewalks, not having been salted, are still buried in snow. Her boots punch holes in it, come up with little clumps of ice clinging to the edges, crunch down into the snow again.
Before long, she's made it to Rei's. The snow is still coming down, but now the sun pokes out from a gap in the grey clouds carpeting the sky, making the cold a little more bearable. Asuka pauses in front of the house, the yard covered in a pristinely even layer of snow. Something in that image reminds her, forcefully, of winters before: that night in which the cancer in her mother's body had finally bested her, and her father had dropped her off at Rei's with nothing but a few hurried words to Yui.
That, Asuka thinks, may have been the last time she saw her father, too. The man who came to pick her up and bring her back home was a haggard shell, aged twenty years in two weeks' time, too tired to do anything but work and clutch desperately at another try at love, the result of which was a spontaneous marriage he no doubt regrets.
And then there was the winter after that- when Rei, shuttered up in her room, seemed like she would slip at any moment after Kyoko. To this day Asuka doesn't know what Rei was afflicted with; Rei's never volunteered the information, and Asuka's never asked. Rei's sickness is a thing of the past, their friendship has endured, and it will continue to.
Asuka starts down the path to the front door, shuffling through the snow with a sudden recklessness. She brings one hand out of her pockets to push the doorbell and jams it back in just as quickly- why, of all days, has she chosen today to forget to wear her gloves?
There's a thumping from within the house, the sound of someone running to get the door. It creaks open, and Rei's face appears in the crack, her cheeks somewhat flushed. "Asuka?"
"Nah, it's Kaworu. I'm here to see Shinji. Duh." Asuka laughs and gestures over her shoulder. "First snow of the season, Rei. Come on."
"You know mom doesn't like me-"
"And yet somehow you've survived this long. Please? We haven't gotten to play in the snow like this since..."
Rei sighs and turns away, looking into the house. "I'll talk to mom. Do you want to come in?"
"I'll stay out here, thanks." Asuka motions at her clothes, thoroughly covered by snowflakes. "Don't want to end up dripping everywhere."
"Are you sure? We have hot chocolate."
"I'm good. But thank you." Asuka smiles at Rei, tilts her head to tell her to go and talk to Yui. "I'll be here."
"Okay. I'll be quick." Rei vanishes behind the closing door, her footsteps hurrying into the house.
Outside, it's just quiet enough that Asuka can hear Rei and Yui's voices, calling to each other from different rooms (it's not yelling; she's knows well enough that this is not it). She turns, leaning back against the house, and surveys yard again. What will they do, assuming Rei will be allowed to join her? They're too old for snowmen, and it'll take too long. A snowball fight, then. Their first one in over a decade.
The door creaks behind Asuka. Rei pokes her head out, peering around to see where Asuka went. "You're wearing my scarf," she says, stepping out of the house and shutting the door behind her.
"'Course I am," Asuka says, lifting said scarf to cover the flushing of her cheeks. "What the hell are you wearing?"
Rei, swaddled in what must be at least three sweatshirts and two sweatpants, has nothing to offer Asuka but a shrug. "Mom said I had to dress warm if I wanted to come out. I haven't really been out in the snow for long, so I don't have anything to wear like you do."
"You look ridiculous," laughs Asuka. And adorable, she thinks, but she can't say that to Rei's face. Or to anyone, really. "Snowball fight?"
"Of course that's what you want to do." Rei walks down the porch stairs and steps into the snow, gathering it up in her bare hands. The powder hardens as she packs it down, and before Asuka has a chance to say anything more, she pulls her arm back and throws.
The snowball careens off far to the left, smacking against one of the rails. "Really?" Asuka says, scooping snow off the railing to hurl at Rei. "I'll show you how it's done. Get back here!"
"No!" Rei stumbles further into the drifts, nearly losing her balance. She ducks in time to avoid Asuka's barrage of three snowballs, then retaliates with her own. They all go wide, sinking holes in the snow where they land, and then Asuka is charging down the stairs to claim them for her own and hurl them back. Rei dodges them all- a feat given her bulky clothing and the awkward way she moves through the snow- and returns fire again.
As the pair continue, it becomes evident that Rei cannot throw, and Asuka cannot hit her. They're stuck at an impasse in a yard that's rapidly running out of viable snowball ammunition; the snow closer to the ground has hardened and become ice, and the only untouched drifts are the ones around the edges of the house.
It is Asuka who runs out of snowballs first and retreats toward the house for more. Rei charges her from across the yard, grabbing her around the waist and tackling her into the largest standing pile of snow. Asuka shrieks as snow slips under her collar and melts against her back, flails her arms at Rei. "No fair!" she shouts, attempting to scoop up snow with her hands and press it to Rei's face. "Tackling's against the rules!"
"There are no rules," Rei laughs. Asuka rolls her eyes, but she sees the smile on Rei's face and the red adorning her cheeks.
"Alright, fine. I surrender. Happy, Rei?" Asuka lies flat against the snow, staring up at her. "Worst snowball fight ever. If you ever give the guys at school dodging lessons, I'm screwed."
"I won't. I like it when they lose to you."
"A girl after my own heart."
"I learned from the best." Rei stands up and extends her hand for Asuka to take, only for Asuka to wave it aside.
"Nope. Snow angel time."
"Who looks ridiculous now?" asks Rei, watching Asuka flap her arms about in the snow. "I bet real angels would look at a snow angel and be insulted."
"Oh yeah? Well, if you think you can do a better job than I can, I'd like to see you try."
"I will." Rei turns around and falls into the snow next to Asuka, moving her arms up and down. "There. Snow angel, not snow crater."
"Excuse me, who's the one who tackled me and made the crater in the first place?"
"You're just jealous that for once, someone's beaten you in something."
"I'm not jealous, I'm passive-aggressive."
"You're silly, that's what you are." Rei gets back up, leaving two shoe prints at the base of her snow angel. Rei was here, she thinks, and her lips curve up in a smile. "Come on, Asuka. Let's go inside. My hands are cold, and I could use some hot chocolate."
"You're gonna have to help me up," Asuka groans. "Penance for the snow crater."
"Fine..."
Rei reaches down with one hand and grips Asuka's, trying to haul her up. Her foot slips on a patch of ice unearthed by their snowball fight, and she goes down into the snow, landing on top of Asuka.
Asuka stares up at Rei, her cheeks beginning to burn, and she knows it's not from the cold. In a perfect world, she thinks, this would be when she lifts her hands to Rei's face to warm them up, and Rei would do the same.
Rei pushes herself up, sitting in the snow next to Asuka. Asuka continues to lie there, not wanting to get up just yet, but content to watch the clouds drifting overhead and the snow still coming down around her. "It's so pretty, isn't it?"
"It is," Rei says, clasping her hands one over the other and resting them against her knees. "You could watch this forever."
"We'll be tired of it in a week."
"Fine, I could watch this forever."
To that Asuka has no reply. She offers one hand, red and trembling, for Rei to take, not quite certain what she expects. But Rei obliges her, joining their hands and meshing their fingers together. And now Asuka knows that as long as they stay like this, fingers intertwined and staring up at the sky, maybe she could watch those clouds forever, too.
"Do you think you can stay tonight?" Rei asks.
"Probably not. If it snows in the morning and there's footprints in it before anyone else is up, my stepmom's gonna know I was somewhere." Asuka sighs and looks down, and suddenly the beauty she'd found in the snow is gone. "God," she says. "I don't want to go home."
The snow crunches beside Asuka; now Rei is leaning up against her, their shoulders touching. Rei's eyes are fixed on Asuka, watching her with the same intensity she'd watched the sky with only moments ago. She seems to be weighing something; her lips are slightly parted, a white wisp of moisture drifting from them. "Asuka," she whispers at last, and this time her breath does not form a cloud. "You are home."
II
It's been snowing on and off since that day Asuka went to Rei's. The first snow, Asuka has learned, is not really a first snow, but more a beginning of an icy downpour that will drown the winter in cold and linger into spring, like an unpleasant memory that refuses to leave, and the only special thing about it is that Asuka had believed it to be so.
Then again, Rei had believed it too, so maybe there's something in that.
Christmas has come and gone; in a week, classes will start again. Asuka will force herself to rise early in the morning and trudge through the snow to get to school, now bearing gloves to match the scarf Rei gave her (another funny thing- they both gave each other gloves for Christmas, and what is she supposed to make of that?). She'd given Rei a book, too, but there's something about getting gloves that has to be questioned. Such as, how did they know the size of each others' hands? Or would that mean they've both been thinking about holding hands, or the obvious answer- that it's just a Rei thing, and some of it's rubbed off on Asuka.
Whatever the reason, at least they'll both be warm.
Asuka sighs and lies back on her bed, angling her head on the pillows so she can still see out her window. The roads and sidewalks are being cleared now, every morning, but no one's shoveled the backyard, and it's turned into one massive heap, waist-high, of packed ice and fresh powder. Only the space beneath Asuka's window and leading to the gate is clear, because Asuka's kept it that way- not like anyone else will notice.
She's still been visiting Rei, but between Christmas (and despite Yui's invitations to come spend it with them; Christmas is for family, Asuka thinks, and she's not about to intrude on Rei's) and the inane fits of cleaning that her stepmother forces her to assist in, there's little time to make the trip. So, they've been texting instead.
Tonight, Rei hasn't texted back. Nothing to worry about; Yui's probably gathered Rei and Shinji and Kaworu- if he's over, a thought Asuka can't consider without her stomach twisting painfully- around the lit fireplace to play a board game. Rei will text her when they're done. Nothing else to it.
The voice of Asuka's stepmother comes echoing down the hall, informing Asuka that she's started dinner. Asuka snorts and rolls onto her side, pulling the pillow with her. "Good for you," she mutters, her voice muffled. Since Christmas, Asuka's stepmother has attempted to be cordial with her; if anything Asuka prefers the shouting to this, this feeling of tip-toeing around an active minefield.
There's a sound from Asuka's nightstand- two quick, short buzzes. Asuka reaches out blindly, knocking her fingers against the table's wooden edge. She hisses, withdraws her hand, then carefully unfurls her fingers a second time, dragging her phone towards her with her fingertips.
It's not Rei, as she was hoping for, but Shinji who's texted her. From the tiny lettering on the screen, Asuka sees his message only consists of four words- perhaps a short, politely-worded invitation to dinner (Come to our place?- but then why wouldn't Rei have sent that herself?), or maybe he's fumbled and texted the wrong person. Asuka pulls her head out from under the pillow and wills her eyes to focus on the message.
Is Rei with you?
And all at once Asuka feels a chill upon her spine like she's left the window open, and allowed the winter cold to settle around her shoulders. No, Asuka replies, her fingers shaking. She tears her eyes from her phone to briefly look at the nightstand, where Rei's gift has been sitting since the last time she went out into the snow. The gloves are still there, one resting atop the other.
Her phone buzzes again, and she can feel the disappointment dripping from Shinji's reply, just a single word- Oh.
"That's it?" Asuka snaps. She sits up and taps out another message, her fingers propelled by sheer annoyance. Why haven't you called her yet?
She left her phone at home.
Asuka rolls her eyes. There's a pause, and then the screen of her phone lights up with another message from Shinji. Her bike's gone.
And now all of it makes sense, or at least most of it. Asuka shoves her phone into her pocket and reaches under her bed for her spare pair of shoes- she's left her boots out up front, an oversight she will not make again, but there's no time to scold herself for it now. She'll make up for it with Rei's scarf, with a sweatshirt under her jacket and two pairs of socks to slow the seep of melted snow to her feet, and pray that it'll be enough.
Asuka grabs her gloves from the side table and opens her window, tumbles through it with all the grace of a boulder. She lands upright, snowflakes beginning to dust her clothes as she advances forward, through the gate and onto the sidewalk.
Her path through the yard is painfully obvious; she's carved a valley for herself through the drifts, which now stand at thigh height everywhere except the driveway. That area's been painstakingly shoveled clear- by Asuka, most of the time- and if her stepmother doesn't notice the sudden appearance of a rift on their snow-covered lawn, her father certainly will when he returns home.
Still. Rei is out there. From what Shinji's said, Rei can only be headed for Asuka's place; it's the only conceivable destination of Rei's that she cannot ask Yui to take her to, that'd be far enough to require a bike to make the trip. Unless, of course, Rei has suddenly decided she needs more Rocky Road ice cream, and has to have it now. Asuka scoffs at the thought- who would eat ice cream in winter?- and walks on.
The snow begins to fall harder, as if the encroaching darkness is somehow dictating that it come down faster and in larger quantities. It blows in flurries under the streetlights, battering Asuka's face and hands, swirling in little circles with the wind. Asuka pulls Rei's gloves from her pockets and slips them on. The left glove goes on perfectly; the right glove seems to be a bit smaller, but only just the thumb. They're still warm, and Asuka doesn't complain, not as she tucks her face into the scarf Rei's made for her and presses on.
The route from Asuka's house to Rei's has been dictated silently by years of travel, though Asuka knows it better. If Rei's wandered from it, there might be no finding her, unless they somehow meet in the park by Asuka's place, which is nowhere near the path between their houses- but it'd be a very Rei sort of thing. That Asuka's even though of this means Rei's influence is definitely rubbing off on her.
Asuka's just approached the halfway point, a street corner marked by a dented signpost, when at last she notices the familiar blue gleam of Rei's bicycle, and the knot in her chest that has thus far gone unnoticed begins to unravel. "Rei!" she yells, running towards the bus stop where Rei's seated, one leg across the other, her bike leaning against the bench.
Rei looks up, surprise and confusion etched on her face. "Asuka?"
"Shinji texted me," Asuka pants, collapsing onto the bench beside Rei. "Told me you left and forgot your phone. As far as running away from home unnoticed goes, you suck."
Rei's lips twitch upward slightly. Now that Asuka's closer she sees the pale flush of Rei's cheeks, which are lighter than normal. Is it the lighting? Is it the cold? But then there's the strain in her smile, an uncanny mirror of Asuka's own smile from the months before. Something must be wrong. Maybe, through some strange unraveling reality, it's Rei who's leaving home this time, and the world has sent Asuka to come collect her.
Asuka rocks restlessly from side to side. The bench creaks beneath her. "So... what're you doing here?" she asks.
Rei laughs- a sound like the rustling of the wind, perfectly at home in the winter air. "I was about to ask you that. Are you supposed to be out here?"
"I'm paying you back for that time. And I'm already out here, anyway."
"I could send you home. I'm older than you."
"By nine months," she shoots back. Rei laughs again; the wind howls in Asuka's ears for a moment, then goes still.
She wants to ask what exactly Rei is doing, sitting here at the bus stop with her bike, but she doesn't- not quite. These scenarios are the kind that require patience, something Asuka has little of- but she has Rei. She reaches over, placing her gloved hand atop Rei's, and receives a nod in return. They've come to an understanding: Asuka will let Rei speak as she needs to, but will not allow her to leave until that's done.
Rei tilts her head back and sighs, watches her breath condense in the air above her. Asuka leans closer, unraveling one end of her scarf to wrap it around Rei's neck. When Rei looks over, Asuka raises one eyebrow, as if to say see, you're stuck with me, I mean it.
"I was coming to see you," Rei says. "You probably already guessed." And Asuka nods, says nothing; she doesn't need to. "I was biking. There was ice on the sidewalk, and I didn't see it, and-"
She reaches down and pulls her sock away, briefly exposing her ankle to the open air. It's visibly swollen, and Rei winces as she uncrosses her legs, setting her injured foot back down on the snow. "Skidded. Couldn't stop. Tumbled into a snowdrift and hurt my ankle- sprained it, I think."
"So what were you gonna do? Sit out here until someone noticed you were gone and hope you didn't freeze to death?"
"I was planning on walking back, actually," Rei says. "I just needed to sit down and rest a bit. It's not like I can't walk- it just hurts."
"You're impossible. Hopeless." Asuka looks as though she would like to stand, but doing so means taking her scarf from Rei, so she remains where she is. "Tell you what, I'll help you home if you leave the running away stuff to me from now on."
"And what if I decide your offer is a horrible one and I can get home myself?"
"Then... I'll steal your bike. No walking home without a crutch, right?"
"You're a cruel person, Asuka."
"Not cruel. Just worried about you."
Rei smiles, regarding Asuka with a fleeting, unfamiliar fondness before she stands, wobbling towards one side. Asuka rises with her, catching Rei against her body. "You really messed it up, didn't you?" she asks.
"Possibly." Rei exhales sharply, another cloud forming between her lips. "Mom's going to kill me."
"For sneaking out, or for getting yourself hurt?"
"Both. I'll probably be grounded until school starts-"
"Which is in like what, a week?"
"Yeah, a week and a half..." Rei settles herself heavily against Asuka's shoulder, debating where to place a hand for support. Around her waist makes more sense, but would that be too intimate? Around Asuka's shoulder seems safe. She does this, feels Asuka's glove brushing against hers, and knows she's made the right choice.
Asuka grabs Rei's bike by the handles, pulling it alongside her. "Right," she says, looking over at Rei. "You good?"
"I'll let you know if I'm not."
"Fair enough." Asuka steps forward, feels a tug on her shoulder, on her scarf. Rei has yet to move; she looks unsteady, rocking back and forth on her one foot. "Rei?" says Asuka. "We... I can call your mom if you want."
Rei shakes her head, the quickest Asuka's seen her move that night. "Don't want to trouble her," she murmurs. "She's probably cooking dinner."
Right- dinner. Asuka feels her stomach lurch, not from hunger but from the realization that her stepmother might at this moment be wandering the house, calling Asuka's name. And when Asuka's parents have noticed she's gone, well- Asuka won't think of it now. "Then let's go," Asuka says, and squeezes Rei's hand.
Rei's eyes shift from the icy sidewalk to their joined hands, but only for a moment. She sucks in a breath, advancing slowly, looking astonishingly penguin-like. But it works; Rei does not crumple in pain or crush Asuka's hand in hers, so something must be right.
It's slow going- on a sunny day, when Asuka's running, she can make it from her place to Rei's in forty-five minutes. On a snowy night like this, with Rei injured, the time might as well be tripled. But- for a reason Asuka knows, just refuses to acknowledge- she doesn't mind this hour with Rei, this hour spent mostly in silence, with the wind whipping the ends of Asuka's scarf around their faces and the creaking of the bicycle's spokes.
"I can make it from here," Rei says once they've turned down her street. Asuka grips her hand tighter, urges them forward with longer strides.
"I brought you this far. What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't walk you all the way home?" she laughs.
Rei simply shakes her head, and as they pass under a streetlight Asuka thinks she might have glimpsed that fondness again- then Rei's turning away, the light flashing across her eyes, and it's gone. "You'd still be a good friend. You came all this way." For me, she seems to add silently, or maybe that's just Asuka's hopeful thinking again. "Did the gloves help?"
"Yeah. They did." Asuka squeezes Rei's hand again, just because she can, then wiggles her fingers. "This one's a little tight around the thumb, though."
"Oh." With that one sound, Rei's pulling them both to a stop, reaching up with her hands to remove Asuka's glove. Asuka produces a sound low in her throat- not quite a grunt or a grumble, something in between- but allows Rei to take it.
Rei turns the glove over in her hands and shakes it twice. Something small and colorful- Asuka glimpses blue and red before it disappears between Rei's hands- tumbles from it. Rei passes Asuka her glove back, then holds out her hands, stringing a small length of twine between them. "Made this for you," she says. "I put it in there and forgot to tell you."
Asuka reaches for the twine- a friendship bracelet, she can see the braids and the knots now- but Rei does not give it to her. She wraps the ends around Asuka's wrist instead, fumbles with them for a moment, then pulls her hands away. "There," Rei says softly, admiring the bracelet now loosely tied around Asuka's wrist. "For all the ones you gave me."
"Rei..." Asuka lifts her hand, her glove half-pulled over it, and admires the bracelet in the light. The glimpse of it she'd caught before was accurate; the strands encircling her wrist are a pale blue and a dark red, reminiscent of their favorite colors, a little bit of Rei that Asuka can now carry with her wherever she goes. "Thanks," she says, tugging it with a finger to test the knot. It holds, and yet Asuka doesn't pull her glove back on, not yet.
She lifts her hand to the side of Rei's face, fingers dancing lightly across her cheek. The white cloud of Rei's breath stutters, then another one comes out, slightly larger than the last. "Asuka?" Rei asks.
"Your cheek is cold." Asuka slips her glove back on; her hand finds Rei's again, and as she starts walking again Rei notices her strides are longer. "Let's get you home."
They continue down the street and up the path to Rei's house without another word. Asuka props Rei's bike against the porch rails while Rei rings the doorbell, and then they wait, though they're not waiting long.
Within seconds Yui has materialized at the door, her eyes narrowed dangerously- though Asuka notes they relax, if only slightly, when Yui sees her. "Asuka," she says. "You-"
"Went looking for her. Shinji texted me."
"Well, thank you." Yui smiles, holding that expression for a few seconds, then turns to Rei. "You. Explain yourself."
"I was... going to see Asuka. My bike skidded on some ice, and I twisted my ankle."
"And you left your phone at home." Yui inhales sharply, placing her fingertips to her forehead. "You didn't think of calling me with Asuka's, either?"
"I told her not to, you'd be busy-"
"I was busy worrying my head off about you!" Yui sighs and steps to the side, motioning Rei into the house. "Get off your foot, Rei, you'll make it worse. Shinji? Can you get an ice pack? And Asuka- I know it must be late, would you like to stay for-"
"I can't," Asuka says. Her eyes follow Rei as she shuffles into the house, disappearing behind Yui. In the background there is the sound of Shinji ransacking the freezer- would there be Rocky Road, Asuka wonders- and she can smell whatever it was Yui was cooking before they arrived. "I'd love to, but I need to go home."
"Alright. Would you like me to drive you back? I can-"
"It's fine. You should take care of Rei's ankle. I'll find my way back."
Yui's face arranges itself into a thoughtful expression. "Would you at least like some hot chocolate before you go?"
"I can't. I really should... go." Asuka smiles, and feels her lips beginning to crack. Since when had they gotten that dry? "But thank you. I'll... can I come by tomorrow?"
"Maybe. At the very least, Rei won't be going anywhere." Yui shrugs, and with that gesture all the anger that Asuka has perceived seems to drain away. "I'd ground her, but I think her ankle's done that for her. If you want to make the trip, I won't stop you."
"Alright. Thanks." Asuka looks up at Yui, mustering her own smile. "Tell Rei I said good night?"
"I will. And thank you again, Asuka."
For a moment the two regard one another- Yui with some sort of patient curiousness, and Asuka with caution. Then Yui turns, the door swinging shut behind her, and the golden glow of Rei's house disappears behind it, leaving the porch illuminated only by the light from the windows and the moon above.
Asuka retreats down the way she came, her face buffeted by gusts of snow. Enough has fallen that the footsteps she made before have begun to be filled, the outlines no longer distinguishable from afar. By now her father must be home; by now her absence will definitely have been noticed. She'll have missed dinner- but really, what does that matter to her?
She turns and looks back at the corner of Rei's street. The porch light is no longer on, and inside Yui will be fussing over Rei, scolding and tending to her at the same time; Shinji (and Kaworu, if he is there; Asuka didn't see him) will retreat up to his room and wonder what, exactly, had gone on-
And Asuka will continue on her journey home. There really isn't any other conclusion.
She passes the bus stop where she found Rei. Past that point, she acknowledges very little of her surroundings; the houses have all become that same pasty-white color, their mailboxes all dusted with a good inch of snow, the streets all cleared but faintly littered with frost.
At last Asuka makes the last turn, and there is her house, with its porch light off. She advances until her feet brush the rectangles of light on the ground, emanating from the empty windows. It's silent for now, though that'll certainly change the moment she walks through the door. And suddenly, though she knows she can't, Asuka wants to turn back around and go to Rei's, climb through Rei's window instead of her own and sleep there, her parents be damned. Her fingers slip under the edge of her glove, feeling the cord around her wrist.
She stands there, watching the windows for shadows that never come, rolling Rei's bracelet between her fingers again and again, until the snow's seeped through both layers of socks and into her sneakers and the moon is high overhead, simply staring into the place she once regarded as home.
III
Asuka hasn't been grounded, not officially. She's only just avoided it through the good graces of her stepmother (Asuka tries not to roll her eyes), but if she's caught out again later than ten, then she'll be grounded.
It's a fair arrangement. Asuka has to admit that, though it means her visit to Rei's will have to be cut short. It also means she shouldn't be leaving her house through her bedroom window- how Asuka's stepmother overlooked it in the search for her last night is beyond her; maybe her father didn't mention that path carved into the yard or maybe it's just another sign of ineptitude- but Asuka's going to anyway.
Someone's cleared the sidewalks of snow during the early morning, so it's a quick trip to Rei's. Her sneakers, still damp from the night before, crunch against the pavement- salt crystals this time, not packed ice.
A heap of freshly-shoveled snow marks the turn onto the walkway of Rei's house. Asuka rolls her eyes and continues on: there's only one person she knows who shovels snow like that, and it's Kaworu. Of course he'd still be there.
She stops just before the porch, pauses. Does she really need to announce her presence to the entire house, Kaworu included? No, she doesn't. For some reason Asuka can't explain, today seems like a day where only Rei should know she's here (or maybe it's the memory of the night before, rattling inside her skull, the progenitor of strange decisions). She turns and marches out into the untouched snow, leaving tracks everywhere, stray ice clinging to her sneakers.
Asuka hasn't had reason to consider Rei's window from the outside before, and now she sees there might be a problem: mainly, she'll have to jump to even reach the ledge. The window's closed too- Rei isn't the sentimentally careless type; she won't leave her window open just to let the snowflakes in and see if, somehow, she can recreate that feeling of being outside in the wind.
She gathers a bunch of snow between her hands- thank you again, Rei, for the gloves- presses it together, hurls it at Rei's window. It splatters against it with a satisfying rattle of glass. It slides open with a rapid shriek of its metal frame, and Rei pokes her head out, her mouth curved in a frown. "Kaworu? Shinji? That's not funn- Asuka?" Asuka starts to wave, stops when Rei raises a hand. "Why couldn't you just use the front door?"
"I... didn't want to?" Asuka says with a shrug. She sees Rei roll her eyes, but before the thought that she should walk back around to the front has taken hold completely, Rei is extending her hands through the window and motioning for Asuka to grab them.
"Well, come on," Rei says, a hint of laughter in her voice. Maybe she's figured it out now, like Asuka has, the charm of having someone climbing through your window to see you- or it could be the thought of Asuka, burdened down by her winter wear, attempting to fit through it. Asuka hopes it isn't the latter.
She peels her gloves off and sticks them in her pocket. The bracelet around her wrist bounces against her skin as she leaps up, her fingers briefly brushing Rei's. Rei seizes her hand, her grip surprisingly strong as she hauls Asuka up. Asuka scrambles along the side of the house, her sneakers leaving clumps of ice on the outer wall, and then she's tumbling through the window to land awkwardly on Rei's bed.
Asuka sits up with a groan, rubbing her stomach. If that was how Rei felt, coming through her window that time before, Asuka can only wince and love her more for it. She shuffles over to the foot of the bed, only belatedly realizing she's left a trail of melting snow behind her. "Sorry," she mumbles, wondering if she should go and leave her jacket in the bathroom, or- such a silly thought- if Rei will think of something like drying her off with a towel.
"It's alright. It'll dry eventually."
Rei's retreated to her own side of the bed, Asuka notes, to her throne made of pillows and the book resting closed on her desk. She's interrupted Rei's reading, but Rei doesn't seem to mind; if anything, she looks glad that Asuka is here. Her eyes drift over Asuka, sitting with melting ice dripping off her sneakers and clothes, and there's a certain softness to them that makes Asuka wonder what would happen if she leaned over and embraced her.
They'd get water all over Rei's bed, that's what would happen. Asuka pulls her sneakers off, setting them gently at the foot of the bed, then climbs back up to sit on the windowsill. "So I don't get water all over the place," she says.
"That's what you said when you came over before."
"Then I guess I've failed in keeping your house clean."
"At least you didn't drip all over our living room." Rei grins, a sentiment that Asuka returns. She doesn't really get it beyond the idea that somehow she's dirtying another part of Rei's house, but if it makes Rei smile then she'll smile, too.
"Yeah, I'm sure you did plenty of that last night," Asuka replies. "How's the ankle?"
"I can walk on it, but it's sore. Mom's put me under house arrest for a week. The horror." Rei tilts her head at her desk, and now Asuka notices that Rei's got a different book, and she doesn't recognize this author. "I got something new to read, at least."
"And now I've invaded your room. You gonna read to me, Rei?"
"I will, if you really want me to, but only if you tell me why you decided that climbing through my window was the best way to come here. And yes, Asuka, I know when you're lying. You do this." Rei lifts her shoulders, an overdramatic version of a shrug. "It's really obvious."
"Well-" Asuka groans, tilting her head back. "I snuck out again, okay? Didn't want my stepmom asking questions." And it turns out that's all she needs to say; Rei nods and reaches across the space between them, pulling Asuka closer.
Only, Rei's misjudged her force. The zipper of Asuka's jacket opens, sliding a little ways down; the jacket goes slack in Rei's hand, and Asuka topples over onto her side, spraying half-melted snow all over the room. Rei, though startled, catches herself against the bed with one hand. Asuka is not so lucky: she has enough time to gasp before her face makes contact with the bed sheets, and then she's rolling onto her side, straight into Rei's lap.
Asuka looks up, and Rei is staring down at her, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. It's like she, instead of Asuka, is the one who's been stunned by her unexpected fall, she the one who would be reached for and kissed (why that thought, all of a sudden?). Only- Rei wouldn't want to be kissed. Or another way of saying it- Rei wouldn't want Asuka to kiss her.
Rei's leg twitches beneath Asuka's neck, tells her that maybe she's been lying there a little too long. Asuka props herself up with an arm, meaning to go back to her side of the bed, and finds a hand in her way. That hand is, again, clutching for the collar of her jacket; again it pulls her, but Asuka's already in motion, and she's falling for a second time.
Rei, having pulled Asuka towards her, hits the floor first. She pitches slightly from side to side, shoulders knocking into the maze of boxes and books, scattering them around the room to bathe in the snowflakes. Asuka lands on top of her legs; she hears Rei take in a sharp breath and knows she must be pressing on Rei's ankle to some degree.
"Shit, Rei-" Asuka says, face flaring red. "Your ankle. I'm sorry. I-"
She falls silent. Rei's finger finishes tracing the outline of her mouth. Now it's Asuka who's sitting there in shock, barely realizing that Rei hasn't let go of her jacket this entire time. Why hasn't she, Asuka wonders, why is Rei's face suddenly so close to hers, and- oh, oh god, that warmth. Rei's breath ghosts across Asuka's cheek, soft and somehow electric, sending tingles along the length of her body.
This isn't how Asuka had imagined her first kiss to be like, herself covered in droplets of water and even more snowflakes coming down around her, seeping into bed sheets and open pages of books and whatever else they might land on. A first kiss is supposed to be romantic; this scenario is not romantic, and yet it's perfect- because she's with Rei? It has to be that, Asuka thinks. Her lips move against Rei's, as if to say yes, let's stay like this forever.
And then the warmth is gone; Asuka gazes down upon Rei's face, distant from her once more. Rei is saying something, an unceasing stream of words; Asuka catches only brief snatches of them, like My ankle is fine and Will you stay for lunch? It would seem that kiss had never happened, or at least Rei would like to pretend it hadn't; there's a trembling in her eyes that gives it all away. Asuka knows this trembling all too well- she's seen it in herself, felt it, in those moments when she believes she's ruined everything.
She reaches down, curls the fingers of one hand against Rei's cheek. It's enough to quiet her, to allow Asuka to gather her thoughts in the pause that follows. "How long have you wanted to do that?" she says at last.
"I don't know," Rei whispers. Her eyes seem to journey around the room, taking in the disturbed piles of books and the water glittering everywhere before returning to Asuka. "Since the first year of high school, I guess."
And with those words, the air around them is charged again. Asuka nods slowly, pushes herself off the floor and sits with her back against Rei's bed. "I'll stay," she says, but her voice is soft, and it lifts at the end. If anything, it sounds more like she's asking herself what to do.
"You don't have to." Rei is still lying on the floor- why is she still there? Asuka shifts, kneels, bends at the waist.
"I'll stay," Asuka says again, her lips just touching Rei's. She feels like she should add something more- I love you, or thank you. Rei smiles at Asuka, hands reaching up to cup her face. The silence says it all for her.