A/n: How many of you are surprised to see this? I have gotten quite a few requests lately to keep writing for swanfire and I do miss it. I don't have much time for any writing these days though. This chapter was sitting half written for about a year and so I finally got to finishing it. I would like to continue this as planned and hopefully my inspiration keeps me doing so. Don't count on updates being too often but I don't think I'm done with this either. So enjoy, read, review!

Neal couldn't believe he was here again, standing on the porch of his father's estate but he knew Belle and Emma were right. He needed to talk to his father and really talk to him – not just yell and not let the old man get a word in edgewise.

He'd heard somewhat of an explanation of his father's behavior but he wasn't willing to sit down and listen fully.

Belle helped him to realize there may have been more to his father than meets the eye. Belle's dedication and loyalty and clear love for the man had to mean something. The man he knew as his Papa was still in there and perhaps if he did give him the chance to prove it, he could see it for himself.

That was all he wanted, really. That was all he ever wanted – to have his father back.

It was the love he still had for that man, the soft spoken spinner that brought him here. He was still the Dark One, that much was obvious, but perhaps there was still hope for him.

He let out a breath and knocked quietly on the door, rubbing the toe of his shoe nervously into the welcome mat. It was another minute before the door opened and he was once again face to face with his father.

He still half expected to see the golden faced Dark One and felt a stab at his heart, seeing the human face of his Papa staring back at him, looking more like the spinner with his saddened eyes.

"Bae…" The name escaped Rumple's mouth before he could stop himself, his eyes trailing over his son's form as if still not believing he was there and then he corrected himself. "Sorry…Neal-"

"No." Neal whispered with a shrug and a swallow. "It's okay…I mean…you can call me Bae, if you want."

"Really?" His father seemed surprised and he nodded.

"It's who I am, isn't it? Especially here…in this town." He sighed quietly. "Besides…I'm here to talk. Father to son. Rumplestiltskin to Baelfire. I…don't want you to hide under the Dark One's shadow so it's not fair of me to hide behind Neal's."

There was a glimmer of hope in the older man's eyes as he nodded in understanding and then stepped aside. "Come on in, son."

There was another pang to his heart at the gentle tone to his voice and letting out another breath, Neal stepped inside.

"You hardly wanted to speak to me yesterday." His father said from behind him as he closed the door and Neal turned around to face him. He was leaning on his cane for support and that was the first time Neal truly acknowledged the fact that he was using one and how much pain he must have been in to use it. As soon as he acquired the Dark One's magic, he walked limp free – he could run a marathon if need be. Magic was here in Storybrooke and yet he still used the cane – perhaps the Dark One wasn't as strong here.

"What changed your mind?"

Neal stuffed his hands in his pockets, sucking in a breath. "Your girlfriend." The word felt weird on his tongue – he was still getting used to the idea that his father even had a girlfriend. His face scrunched up slightly, "I'm sorry about that, by the way. The way I treated her – both her and you – in the diner. It was uncalled for."

Rumplestiltskin nodded graciously, silently accepting his son's apology and dismissing it just as quick. "You talked to Belle?"

"She talked to me, actually." He scoffed with a slightly amused laugh. "She's very…opinionated."

A small smile cracked across the older man's lips. "She keeps me grounded."

"Good…that's...that's good." Neal muttered quietly, his eyes once again focusing on his father's gimp leg. He made no sign that it was bothering him but he knew it had to have been and he actually felt some concern for him.

"You wanna sit down?" Neal offered, looking off to the living room through the archway.

Rumple's brow rose and then nodded. "Yes we can sit. Come." He headed toward the living room and Neal frowned as he followed behind his hobbling father.

Rumple took a seat in a well worn arm chair – one he must have used for the twenty eight years he spent there and Neal took a seat across from him on the loveseat.

Neal leaned back against the leather and folded his hands in front of him, clearing his throat against the silence.

"What did you want to talk to me about, Bae?"

Neal lifted his shoulders, heaving a sigh. "Everything. I…I want to know everything. I know you told me about the curse and…the…the portal but um, I was so angry I was barely listening. I'm…willing to listen now. Really listen."

There was a brief flicker of panic on the older man's face, the fear of talking about all of this and his son rejecting him no doubt, but Neal softened his expression, making it easier for him to open up.

"Alright…" Rumple let out a quiet breath with a nod. "The first thing you have to know Bae is that I do regret letting you go over that portal."

Neal's jaw tensed for a moment but he said nothing in reply. He was here to listen, not argue.

"The horror that filled me the instant that portal closed and you were gone, I-" He paused and bowed his head in shame. "I truly wanted nothing more than to reopen the portal and follow you. That was the most cowardly moment of my life and yes, for that one moment, I thought more of the magic and power I was going to lose, more than I thought of you. I'm not going to make excuses, no matter how much I could blame it on the Dark One's magic, it was my choice and I just…made the wrong one. I became so angry at myself for letting you go that I let the Dark One take over just so I could find my way back to you. I wanted nothing more than to find you. Yes, I reveled in the power and the magic that I had. It did take me over three hundred years to even find all the necessary ingredients to create the curse and I manipulated people's lives, I did things that I was not proud of. I know…I know it doesn't make you feel better to know I did all of this for your sake but for me…knowing that it'd lead me to you, at the time, it was worth it. Unless someone voluntarily sought me out to ask for a deal, the only deals I did make were for the sake of the curse. There were no other options, Bae."

He looked up sadly to his son who was staring back at him with an unreadable expression. "I asked, I looked, believe me, I looked everywhere. I found a man who could travel between worlds using a magical hat but he could not travel to this world for this world had no magic. I…almost acquired another bean but I was tricked out of it."

Neal raised his brow. "You were tricked out of it? Who in their right mind would try to trick you?"

There was a flicker of darkness in his eyes, followed then by a flicker of pain. "A pirate." His voice dripped with an anger that sent a chill up Neal's spine. It was the Dark One's anger and he sensed there was more to that story than just stealing a bean.

"He was long gone, using the bean to escape before I found out he had tricked me." Rumple continued.

Neal was rather impressed with this pirate – tricking the Dark One was no easy feat.

Then a thought occurred to him, a brief flicker in his mind of something he heard or saw all those years ago. "A pirate? Didn't my mother leave us for a pirate?" The darkness that over took his father's face was enough to confirm the thought. "It was him, wasn't it?"

Rumplestiltskin shifted his jaw and gripped tightly to his cane, turning his head to avoid his son's gaze. "Yes."

"Did you see her?" Neal asked quietly. He barely remembered anything about his mother but from what he could remember, even after she had left his father seemed still to be in love with her.

"Indeed." He muttered in a quick reply and Neal narrowed his eyes at the coldness in his voice and the way he still avoided his gaze.

"What aren't you telling me?"

Rumple sighed and turned back to his son. "Nothing, Bae."

Neal frowned. "Would you cut the crap…I'm here to talk to you, to listen and I think you owe it to me to be honest with me. What happened?"

"It doesn't matter." Rumple nearly hissed. "She is long dead."

Neal swallowed thickly, seeing the flicker of malice in his eyes, it was the same glint he had whenever he murdered somebody, the face that haunted his dreams for years and years. "Oh god…" He whispered in horror. "Tell me you didn't."

"She had it coming." Was his father's only answer and Neal felt a rage flash white hot inside of him as he stood up quickly, glaring down at this father.

"You killed her?"

"She left us, Bae! She left you!"

"She was still my mother!"

"She abandoned you!" Rumple growled back.

"So did you!" Neal hissed, matching the older man's glare head on.

Rumplestiltskin rose to his feet to meet at eye level with his adult son and for a brief, flickering moment Neal felt fourteen years old again, watching his father slaughter the guards coming to take him away, and his eyes widened as he took a subconscious step back. Then it was gone and little Bae was pushed back and the hardened Neal stood in his place, standing his ground with the Dark One.

"And I literally tore apart our world to get back to you!" Rumple cried. "I stopped at nothing, Bae, just to see you again. She left without a second thought. She chose that life, a pirate, over you without looking back."

A hole he didn't know he even had had suddenly been ripped open with his father's words and Neal felt hot tears prickling at his eyes. There was always that lingering hurt that his mother abandoned him but nothing hurt worse than the abandonment from his father. That is what he focused on, that is what he had nightmares about.

It was only now at thirty four years old, standing in the living room of his father's estate, learning about the murder of his mother at the hands of his father, did he realize how deep the abandonment from his mother hurt.

He wanted to yell. God knows he wanted to yell at his father until his voice gave out but when he spoke all that came out was a strained whimper. "You didn't have to kill her."

At the raw emotion in his son's voice and the glossiness and hurt in his eyes, Rumple's face softened and he backed off, sighing to himself. "I was so angry, Bae. I lost her to that pirate, I lost you, and now she and that pirate were the only thing keeping me from getting to you. I let the darkness, anger and jealousy cloud my judgment and…I killed her."

He braved a glance up to his son and his heart broke at the expression on his face. He remembered that look, that look of terror and disappointment and utter helplessness and somehow it was that much more upsetting on his adult son's face than when he was fourteen.

"I'm sorry, Bae." He whispered, reaching out to him and Neal stepped hastily out of his way, glaring at him, snapping his jaw closed before his father could notice it quivering.

"You're not though, are you?"

Rumple's silence was confirmation enough and Neal's face scrunched up as he looked down, daring to fight the tears threatening to fall.

"The Dark One's magic was still so new to me. When I became enraged…my emotions were the end of me, Bae. I could not control myself. Milah had many strikes against her and when she told me she had never even loved me…" He sighed quietly and shook his head. "Perhaps I would react differently now but back then…I did what had to be done."

Neal slowly lifted his head, a single tear rolling down his cheek. "What if I left?" Neal bit out and Rumple pressed his brow together and Neal took a deep breathe before continuing, gaining the power back to his voice. "What if I left on my own accord? What if I chose, just like she did, to leave you? Would you have killed me too?"

Rumple's eyes widened in horror. "No! Baelfire, I couldn't-"

"Why not?" Neal countered.

"You're my son. I could never hurt you like that…I couldn't dream of…"

"And she was your wife! You claim to love her. Me, her, we were all a family once…how could you kill her so easily?"

Rumple hung his head. "It was only later that I discovered that as she did not truly love me, nor did I truly love her. I would not be able to kill those I truly love."

Neal wiped a hand over his face out of frustration, simultaneously wiping away any tears from his cheeks. "Are you aware of how ridiculous you sound right now?"

Rumple glanced to him. "You do not believe in true love, Bae? I would have thought with Miss Swan…"

At the mention of Emma, Neal's eyes flashed angrily and he stepped toward him. "Leave Emma out of this." He demanded. "She has nothing to do with this. What I do or do not feel for Emma has nothing to do with you murdering my mother."

Rumple sighed heavily. "I realize there is nothing I can say to make up for that…but listen to me, Bae." He took a few steps toward him and Neal cast a warning glare at him but still Rumple reached out for him, touching his arm gently. "That was centuries ago…that man that I was is not the same man I am now. I had nothing besides my power and it drove me insane. Now…now I have Belle and she is my guiding light. Now you are back and you make me want to be different…better. I want to be the man you knew as your Papa. I have made some grave decisions in my lifetime and I realize how much they must hurt you but they are in the past."

Neal rolled his eyes. "This isn't the Lion King – you can't just say Hakuna Matata and put something like that in the past."

Rumple's brow furrowed at the reference that flew over his head but shook it off, quickly assessing his son's point. "That is fair. You have such a kind heart, Bae, I didn't expect you to be…alright with this."

"I'm not insane – that's why I'm not alright with this." Neal bit back and then sighed after a moment of tense silence.

"I should go…" He started, avoiding his father's gaze as he took a step away. The longer he stood there thinking about it the more sick he felt.

"Baelfire, wait." His father's grip tightened on his arm and Neal ripped out of his hold but didn't move. He wanted to run, to get out of there and never look back. Every time he tried to reach out to his father it only confirmed over and over again that that darkness was still in him. It had only been twenty years since he last saw his father but the Dark One had been active for hundreds of years committing hundreds of heinous acts and he did not feel like hearing about them anymore. Yet something was holding him there, that tiny little ounce of hope that despite all the rational evidence, his father was still in there.

"I know you're angry and you have every right to be. In your eyes my actions are unforgiveable and asking for your forgiveness may not be appropriate."

Neal scoffed quietly but made no other protest. He still had not forgiven him for abandoning him – murdering his mother was another thing all together, something he couldn't even fathom forgiving.

"And you are right," he continued, "my actions cannot be forgotten but you need to understand that I am not that man anymore. I have murdered in the past, I will admit that, but now…"

Neal turned back to him, attempting to keep his expression neutral but he knew there was pain in his eyes. "Answer me honestly."

Rumple froze for a moment but then nodded.

"When was the last time you killed someone?" Neal was surprised by how even his voice was and there was a flash of panic in the older man's eyes and Neal swallowed thickly.

"Have you killed here? In Storybrooke?"

"No." Rumplestiltskin answered immediately and then let out a little sigh as he continued more softly. "Almost, but no."

"Almost?" Neal questioned, eyeing him skeptically.

Rumple nodded looking back to his son. "Before the curse was broken I thought Belle was dead. Regina had told me she had died back in our land long before the curse…and she convinced me it was her father's fault. Once I regained my memories here I sought out her father and…" He glanced down, feeling shame under the eyes of his son. "I was angry and I attacked him. Miss Swan was able to stop me before I went too far."

"So you had every intention of killing that man…and you would have had Emma not stopped you?" Neal scoffed and shook his head. "And this is supposed to convince me that you've changed?"

Rumple looked up sadly. "I let my anger get the better of me, yes but…"

"There are no 'buts'!' Neal cut him off angrily. "You were going to murder an innocent man, there is no excuse for that! You said it was because of your anger that you murdered my mother and it was because of anger you were going to do the same to that man. How is that different?"

"You don't understand…"

"No, you're right, I don't understand. I don't understand what the hell goes through your head. I'm angry, I've been angry and hurt since I was fourteen years old. I had to live on my own, steal just to survive all the while living with these constant nightmares of you and that portal. I was this close to finding happiness with Emma until that was taken from me because of this curse so I had to live ten years without her. I had to spend ten years knowing I am the reason she was in jail. I had to spend ten years knowing that she was out there hurting because she had no idea what happened to me and now…now I have to live with the guilt of not only abandoning her but abandoning my son." His voice cracked finally. "My son was born inside a jail and was sent here to this stupid town. I could have raised him, I could have stayed with Emma and we could have had a family. So you know what, I have a hell of a lot to be angry about but that still doesn't make me want to murder anyone!"

Rumple felt his heart breaking with every word out of his son's mouth. The life he had to endure and the pain he was put through…

"Bae…"

"Yeah, I know…I don't have your 'magic'. Everything comes back to the Dark One, doesn't it?" Neal clenched his jaw and shook his head quietly, letting out a shuddering breath after a moment. "Maybe you are still in there." He looked up into the other man's eyes, looking past the surface into the soul of Rumplestiltskin the spinner. "But you're never going to come out, not while the Dark One also lives in there with you. It's been too long…and you are too far gone."

"If there was a way…"

Neal laughed bitterly. "Yeah, where have I heard that before?" He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "You may want to change but that's not good enough. You had the chance to rid of the Dark One that night in the woods and you didn't take it…and now it's too late. This was the one place we could go where magic didn't exist…and then you brought it here and as long as there's magic, you will always be the Dark One no matter how hard you try to escape it. I want my father back more than anything but…" He shook his head slowly. "I think he's gone."

A thick, tense silence fell over the pair. Rumplestiltskin stared at his son in sad desperation, pleading with him, hoping to get him to see what words could not prove.

Neal kept his gaze cold and steady, just a twinge of sadness in his brown eyes.

"Belle sees something in you...she sees the good." Neal continued weakly. "So I guess it has to be in there somewhere but right now...I just don't see it."

Rumplestiltskin took a solid step forward, a look of determination flickering to life in his eyes. "Then I will show you." Before he had a chance to pull away, Rumple reached out and grabbed a hold of his hands. "You are all I have ever wanted - more than power, more than magic, even more than Belle. Now that you're here I won't let you go again."

Neal swallowed thickly and kept his gaze, his hands feeling heavy in his father's tight grasp and then slowly he pulled away. "I'm not a kid anymore - you don't have the power to keep me or let me go. The only reason I came to Storybrooke in the first place is because of Henry, because I wanted to know my son, and because God knows what you would have done to Emma if she had come back empty handed."

Rumple opened his mouth to protest but the words died in his throat. They both knew the truth of what he would have done and it only made the situation that more heartbreaking.

"Henry is the only reason I'm staying." Neal continued. "Maybe you can give me another reason but I won't be holding my breath."

"I won't let you down, Bae." Rumple vowed but could practically hear the empty promise.

Neal pressed his lips together. "We'll see." He let out a sigh and turned his body towards the exit. "I should go." He said quietly and this time Rumple made no move to stop him.

Without another look back Neal left his father standing alone.