Despite The Darkness
By Hexenadler
"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself;
and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
Ephesians 5:33
You already know one version of the narrative. A good woman made evil. True love corrupted into impure hate. An act of betrayal shattering lives forever. But the images that flicker on our screens aren't always the final word. Some stories are lies. Some outcomes are fabricated. There are other universes beyond our own where some bonds were never broken. Where Juliette Silverton's heart darkened, but did not turn pitch black.
It begins inside a police station.
ONE
Nick had fought many monsters since the day he first discovered his Grimm heritage. He had been scared before. Sometimes he had been downright terrified. But none of his previous encounters with violent Wesen compared to the icy chill that ran along his spine when he saw Juliette stride into the hallway. Her eyes saw him standing beside Adalind.
"So it's true," She said. There was a new tone to her voice. It was hard and cold. "You're really going to have a baby. Well, congratulations." Her high heels clacked on the precinct's linoleum floor as she stalked towards them both. "I should've finished you off when I had the chance."
Nick felt Adalind grip his arm. Nick wanted to shove her away, wanted to spurn the woman who had helped to turn Juliette, the most wonderful, kind-hearted girl he'd ever known in his life, into an evil bitch like herself. But he couldn't, because he was all too aware of his own part in this mess.
"Keep her away from me, Nick," she pleaded.
Juliette came face-to-face with Nick and Adalind. "Well," she said, a crooked smile twisting her lips. "Don't you two make a cute couple."
Jesus Christ, he thought. This is a nightmare.
"You know how this happened," He answered, his voice low and taut.
"I sure do." Juliette's eyes blazed at Adalind. "She told me it was a real whopper."
Hank and Wu entered the hall. Wu gripped the gun strapped to his waist.
"Juliette, listen," Adalind started, "I know a way to help you – "
"I've had enough of your help." Again, that horrible, venomous tone. Hank and Wu were already in the corridor. Their hands slowly moved to their holsters; they both knew the shit was about to hit the fan.
Nick was doing all he could from screaming. Keep your head, he told himself. If you can't do anything else, at least keep your head. Then, all of a sudden, something occurred to him. Something he should have asked about right away.
"Who told you about the baby?"
She smirked at him. "You mean your baby, Nick?"
"Juliette, please – "
She threw the words back at Nick with a mocking snarl. "'Juliette, please'. No, Nick. I'm done being the sweet, dull little veterinarian you could count on 24/7. You had one chance to get with the program, and you blew it. Now step aside."
Renard was now in the hallway. He glanced towards Hank and Wu, giving them a slight nod. They began to approach Juliette from behind.
Nick had a horrible, gnawing feeling inside his gut. A sense of impending catastrophe. Juliette was becoming just like Adalind. No – she was becoming worse than Adalind. He could tell, just from the new cruelty in her face, the hardened glint in her eyes. She was ready to destroy his life, if he gave her the excuse. Her humanity was crumbling right before his eyes, and the sight made him want to vomit.
Juliette leaned in so close, Nick could practically see the leering Hexenbiest face concealed beneath it. "I'm in hell, Nick. It's time she went there with me."
Now he was certain. A tragedy was going to be set in motion any second…
"Nick, please!" Adalind almost screamed. "Don't let her touch me!"
…and if he didn't do something stupid and crazy right now, everything would fall apart…
"Nick!"
"Get out of my way!"
Out of nowhere, a strange calm fell over him. "Juliette, are you really ready to do this? Are you ready to kill a pregnant woman in the middle of a police station?"
She blinked at Nick. Something in his voice actually made her pause. Then the sneer returned. "I've never been more ready."
Nick nodded. "All right, then."
And he stepped out of Juliette's way, leaving only air between herself and Adalind.
If there had been some kind of script written by fate decreeing what was supposed to happen at that precise moment, Nick had tossed it aside, and like a chain reaction, everything began to unravel. There were shouts, cries, yells.
"Nick," Hank roared. "What the hell?!"
Adalind stared at Juliette in dumb shock, eyes wide and dry like a fish's.
Renard leapt forward, as if he felt he had to replace the role Nick had suddenly vacated. "Wu, hit the alarm! Juliette, get out! Nobody's going to die here, not while I'm - "
Nick yanked the sidearm from his waist and pointed it at Renard. "Back off."
Renard stared disbelievingly at the glock aimed in his direction. "What?"
"I said back off."
Hank made a move towards the empty space between Juliette and Adalind. "Have you lost your damn mind?!"
Nick swung the pistol from Renard to Hank. A part of him screamed that he was pointing a gun at his own partner. He couldn't care anymore. He had chosen his path. Now he had to stay the course. "No," he said, quietly but firmly. "I've just made it up, that's all."
The look on Juliette's face wasn't too different from Adalind's. Then the smug Hexenbiest confidence came back. "Well, well. Looks like you've decided to be a good little doggie – "
"Shut up." Nick looked right at her. "I'm doing this because I love you, and I don't give a fuck anymore how much you'll laugh at me for saying that. This is your last chance to take down Adalind. I promise it'll never come again." He looked back at the officers who had gathered around to gawk at the scene playing out in the hallway. "First person who gets in her way, I shoot to kill." He backed against the wall so he could get a good bead on everyone. "Go ahead, Juliette. She's all yours."
A deathly silence descended like a veil. The two Hexenbiests stared at each other. Juliette's face was a cold mask.
"Please," Adalind whispered. "Don't – "
Juliette twitched her head. A vicious gash erupted along Adalind's cheek, as if she had been struck by an invisible whip. She cried out and collapsed to the floor.
Juliette glared down at what was left of Adalind; a helpless, sobbing wreck. She turned to look at Nick. Her eyes were glassy and hard, betraying no sign of gratitude.
"Be right back," Juliette murmured. Then she walked out.
TWO
Captain Renard's office was quiet. The half-Zauberbiest was seated at his desk, with Nick settled directly opposite from him. The silence was so deafening, the room could easily have been empty. Renard's expression was like iron. Nick's was simply indifferent.
"Why the hell did you let her do that?" Renard finally asked.
Nick stared past Renard through the window at the nondescript brick wall just outside. "Because I owed her."
Renard scoffed. "Oh, I see. You owed her. What, because she helped you get your powers back? Jesus Christ, Nick, she could have murdered Adalind."
"She didn't," was all Nick said.
Renard glared at Nick. Then he fell back into his chair with a weary sigh. "I'm not going to lie. There's a shitstorm coming your way, and I can't protect you from any of it."
Nick shrugged. "I'm not asking you to."
"Let me finish. You're suspended until further notice. In the meantime, Adalind is in Wu and Hank's custody." Renard shook his head. "You should have heard some of the things Hank was saying about you."
Nick closed his eyes.
"I don't think you can count on him to have your back again," Renard added.
"I don't blame him."
Renard slowly swiveled in his chair away from Nick. "For what it's worth…Juliette actually seemed surprised. It's hard to surprise a Hexenbiest."
Nick suddenly felt very tired. Grimms, Hexenbiests, Zauberbiests, Blutbads…all just words. He was sick of hearing them.
"If anything changes, I'll let you know." Renard swiveled back around. "Now go home."
THREE
Kenneth poured Cabinet Sauvignon into a finely shaped wine glass, then placed it on the coffee table. Despite his outward professionalism, he couldn't help feeling a supreme sense of satisfaction. Everything was going like clockwork. The Grimm would defend Adalind from his former girlfriend out of his own deluded integrity, the Hexenbiest would be overtaken by her vengeful impulses and willingly throw in with the Royals, and Diana would finally be among her own again. If the plan went swimmingly, perhaps he could even eliminate Nicholas Burkhardt and his mother in the bargain.
Somebody was knocking at the door. Kenneth smiled as he stood upright and calmly walked down the hall. Like he said to Adalind, all it takes for anyone to turn traitor are the right kind of circumstances.
He opened the door. Juliette Silverton was standing outside, as he expected. What he hadn't expected was the look on her face. It was completely blank. He couldn't see rage, hatred, contempt, or any of the emotions he normally associated with a Hexenbiest. She reminded him of a mannequin.
"I see you've come to your senses," Kenneth said, trying to sound confident to disguise his unease. "Now that the Grimm has shown his true colors, I'm sure you and I can talk about your bright future with the Royals."
Juliette's voice was harder than stone. "Oh, we're going to do a lot more than talk."
FOUR
Nick was alone in the house. There was a gun in his hand. It was raining outside.
He sat in his favorite chair, staring at a framed photo of Juliette and himself. Embracing. Smiling. Together. He wanted to disappear into the photo, to escape from this world where all of his friends had become monsters.
Juliette was gone. He realized that now. In her place was a hateful, immoral creature who would sooner snap his neck as look at him. And it was all his fault. So what if she hadn't killed Adalind back at the station? It was probably just a ploy on her part to alienate him from Wu, from Hank…from everyone. His mind ran over those final ominous words of hers over and over again: "Be right back." Every time he dwelled on them, he felt sick to his stomach. He reflected on what Renard had told him about Hank. No matter what he did, he made enemies. Always more enemies.
Nick contemplated the gun. He pressed the muzzle to his temple. The cold metal felt good against his skin. Soothing. Almost tender.
If I were to squeeze this trigger, he thought, all of the pain would go away. All the bile, all the regret, all the despair. It would just evaporate forever. Peace and blackness, like a mother's womb.
His finger twitched.
Someone was ringing the doorbell.
Nick lowered the gun and put aside the photo. He waited.
The doorbell kept ringing.
He took a glance at his wristwatch. 12:02 AM.
Nick stood up and walked across the living room. Every move he made felt labored and sluggish. He was even more tired than he first thought.
His hand clasped around the knob, twisting it. He slowly opened the door…and saw Juliette on the porch.
She was standing out in the rain, her green dress soaked straight through, damp clumps of hair sticking to her forehead. But her gaze was fixed on the doorstep.
"Juliette…?" He said softly.
And then, Nick saw the smear of blood on her coat. Red on green. Perversely, it reminded him of Christmas decorations. "Is that your blood?"
Juliette answered a question with a question. "Is Adalind here?"
"No. She's with Hank and Wu." He studied Juliette's face. "Do you still want to kill her?"
Her eyes shifted to Nick's shoes. "Maybe later."
"Juliette. The blood. Is it yours?"
Raindrops filled the silence between them. Nick thought of the time when he'd been walking home from school in fifth grade, and the skies above him suddenly opened up, soaking him to the skin. The rain had come down so heavily, it penetrated his backpack, destroying all of his class notes. He remembered feeling alone and abandoned.
"I had a moment of…temptation," Juliette muttered. "But I've dealt with it."
Nick chose not to say anything.
"I'm going to come inside now," she said, letting each word slide from her mouth carefully. "But before I do, I have three rules you'd better follow."
He waited.
"One: Don't expect the old Juliette to ever come back. She's gone. Two: What I say, goes. Always. Three…" She looked at him. "Don't ask me about what I did tonight. Ever."
He took her three rules and rolled them about within his mind. There was a comforting finality in what he said next. "All right."
Juliette hesitated on the house's threshold. Then she stepped over. Nick closed the door behind her.
He followed Juliette from a safe distance, making sure to give her room. He watched as she walked across the space of the entrance hall, then slowly make her way up the stairs, one foot climbing over the other.
He waited until he heard Juliette go into the bedroom. Then, he followed her.
FIVE
Nick rested on the mattress, eyes fixed on the ceiling. All of the lights in the room had been switched off. His clothes rested in a neat pile on a chair nearby. He could hear Juliette taking a shower in the bathroom. It drowned out the soft patter of the rain outside.
His mind was almost completely vacant of thought. He wondered if he was experiencing something similar to meditation. All the anxiety and despair of the past twenty-four hours had finally melted away, leaving him in a strange, blank state of existence. He felt exhausted, but peaceful.
The sounds of the shower stopped. A minute passed as Juliette towed herself dry, then she opened the door. She stood there for a moment, her naked figure outlined by the light behind her, staring at Nick with an eerily placid expression. Then she woged.
She was hideous and beautiful at the same time. She looked like a living cadaver, and yet she carried herself with a defiant kind of vanity, as if she were somehow taunting Nick. It was just like the moment when she dared Nick to kiss her while woged, except now she was taking it all the way.
"Well?" She said through her exposed teeth.
Nick slowly pulled aside the blankets, leaving a space on the bed open for Juliette.
She turned off the light in the bathroom and walked over to the mattress. She slid under the covers with Nick, and they made love.
SIX
Juliette's ghoulish hand fumbled in the dark and pressed the clock on the small table beside the bed. It glowed and revealed the time: 3:45 AM.
She quietly woged back into her human disguise. Nick was beside her.
"That was…good," she said casually. "It wasn't the best I've ever had, but you kept up with me."
"I'm here to please," Nick replied.
"Screwing me while I'm woged," Juliette snickered. "That must have been kinky for you."
"It was."
For a while, they were both silent. The rain continued to stubbornly hammer the roof above them.
"It's a good thing you chose me over her," Juliette said suddenly. "I could have made your life really ugly, really fast."
"I don't want to talk about it anymore."
She shrugged. "Fair enough."
Juliette shuffled onto her side. Nick did the same. They looked into each other's eyes.
"Just for the record," she said. "This doesn't mean you can trust me all the time. If I want to sleep with other men, you can't stop me. But..." She looked away. "I guess it's nice to know I can trust you."
"I'll do whatever it takes, Juliette."
She scoffed. "If I was still human, I might have thought that was cute."
Nick reached out and brushed his fingers over Juliette's cheek. "Every word that comes out of you is so sharp now," Nick whispered. "They're like razors cutting through skin. Just once…I wish I could hear something soft from you again. Something sincere, without any sarcasm or venom."
Juliette gripped Nick's hand. She slowly pulled it away.
"You're breaking the first rule already, Nick." Her voice was barren. "Stop hoping the old me will come back. You killed her so you could be a Grimm again. If we're going to make this work, you'd better come to terms with that."
Nick knew he couldn't argue with her. He slid out of bed and quietly made his way to the bathroom.
"Nick."
He stopped at the door.
"How did you know I wasn't going to kill Adalind?"
Nick turned around. "I didn't."
Juliette twisted away from Nick, hiding her face in darkness. "Don't expect a thank you. Not from me, not anymore."
Nick nodded and closed the door.
SEVEN
Three Months Later.
Wu took another gulp of coffee.
"Five stores vandalized in one night," he said. "It's getting scary out there."
Rosalee didn't answer, not immediately. She took a moment to look around the back room of the Exotic Spice & Tea Shop. "God, Wu…if they were to break in here, we'd be ruined. I know that I couldn't cope. Monroe would have to hold my hand every step of the way."
Wu shrugged. "I think you're okay, for now anyway. All the same, you might want to look into installing an alarm for the store."
"Black Claw's been getting scarier every day," Rosalee said, looking down into her coffee. "Under any other circumstances, I might have agreed with them…but not like this. Not when they're killing people."
Wu finished off his coffee. "Terrorists are terrorists. Doesn't matter if they're Al-Qaeda or Isis or Black Claw or Captain Planet and the Planeteers. If the cause is rotten, I don't care how committed you are to it."
Rosalee fidgeted for a moment. "Have you heard anything about Adalind?"
Wu shook his head. "Nada. It's like she took a trip to Mars. She's completely vanished."
"Nick said something about her being kidnapped." Rosalee frowned, putting aside her mug. "He wasn't sure if it was Black Claw, or…someone else."
"What do you mean? Like a rival organization or something?"
"I wish I knew."
Monroe appeared in the doorway, not looking happy. "Nick's here."
Wu stood up with a smile. "Speak of the devil."
"What's wrong?" Rosalee asked, noticing the expression on Monroe's face.
Monroe cleared his throat. "Juliette's with him."
Wu's smile instantly disappeared. "Aw, nuts."
Rosalee took a deep breath as she walked towards Monroe. "We all know the drill. Juliette's harmless, as long as we don't do anything to piss her off."
"Unfortunately pretty much everything pisses her off," Wu muttered through the corner of his mouth. Rosalee shot him a look, but said nothing. She was the first to go into the front of the store, followed by Monroe.
Nick was standing at the counter, his eyes roaming over the various jars and containers on the shelves. Juliette stood beside him, turning over a small urn she had picked up from the desk with an indifferent smirk on her face. She no longer wore any of the warm, earthy colors Rosalee used to love. Nowadays, she was always dressed in black. Black coats, black pants, black heels. Her presence always seemed to poison the store's cozy atmosphere. It depressed Rosalee if she thought about it too long.
"Hi, Nick," Rosalee said, trying to sound friendly. "Juliette."
"Rosalee." Juliette acknowledged her without looking up.
Monroe coughed. "You looking for something to buy, Nick, or…?"
"Something to buy," Juliette snickered. "That's a good one."
Nick spoke softly, as if he were compensating for Juliette's abrasiveness. "I was going to tell you over the phone, but we were already in the neighborhood." His voice dropped lower, almost to a whisper. "It's about Adalind."
"Adalind?" Monroe was taken aback. "Is she okay?"
"No." Nick took a cautious glance at the door behind him. "There's another faction at work in Portland. They're calling themselves Hadrian's Wall. They're the ones who kidnapped Adalind, not Black Claw."
"How did you find this out?" Rosalee said, but she already suspected the answer.
"Nick caught one of them and left him in a room with me," Juliette replied. She giggled like a schoolgirl. "I haven't had so much fun since our last Christmas party."
"They've been doing something to Adalind," Nick said. "They're keeping her locked inside a cell, beating her…brainwashing her, I think."
"They're doing that to a pregnant woman?" Monroe cursed under his breath. "Are you kidding me?"
"It sounds as if they're trying to make their own superweapons out of Hexenbiests. If that's true…" Nick put his hands on the counter and clenched them into fists. "They're no better than Black Claw."
Rosalee suddenly felt exhausted. She sat down and sighed. "Great. Another evil vs. evil situation. As if we didn't have enough of those."
"Oh, stop being so damn dramatic," Juliette said with a roll of her eyes. She put down the urn, making sure not to break any of her fingernails in the process. "Adalind's had this coming for years. I know who I'm rooting for, at any rate."
"I hope it's not Black Claw," Monroe said.
"Of course it's Black Claw," She snapped back. "You all need to grow up about this, guys. Sure, they might be a little overenthusiastic, but they know exactly what they're doing. They're taking the world back from the humans, and it's about time."
Rosalee stared at her, appalled. "You used to be human, Juliette."
"Yeah, well, now I'm not," she sneered.
Throughout the whole conversation, Nick had been staring down at the counter, letting everyone else bicker. Just as Rosalee seemed on the verge of unleashing a verbal barrage at Juliette, he interceded. "We can choose sides later. Right now, we have to rescue Adalind…if we can."
Juliette tittered. "Goody Two-Shoes Nick, always trying to be Superman. I swear to God, if you hadn't backed me up at the police station, I'd – "
"What would you do?" Nick finished her sentence.
Juliette glared at Nick. He looked back at her without any anger, but keeping his gaze steady and firm all the same.
"I'll make it up to you," Nick said, his voice softening. "Let's go out for dinner. You choose the restaurant."
Juliette's temper also softened, but barely. "We'll eat at El Gaucho. I feel like steak tonight."
"You got it."
"I want their best table, their best dishes, and their best wine," Juliette added. "Don't you dare get cheap on me."
"Never."
Juliette chuckled. "Why are you always so good to me?" She walked briskly towards the door. "I'll be in the car. Don't keep me waiting." The doorbell tinkled as she exited, but it didn't sound even remotely charming.
"Is she gone?" A voice timidly called out from the back. Everyone turned to see Wu's head peeking out from the corner.
Nick couldn't help but smile. "She's gone, Wu."
Wu walked out with a sheepish look on his face. "Sorry, Nick. She just freaks me out a little. Okay, that's a lie. She freaks me out a lot. I mean, El Gaucho? Talk about steep. It's a good thing Renard let you back on the force. Juliette would have cleared out your savings in a week."
"She's using you, Nick," Monroe said, his characteristic Blutbad rage emerging. "You know she's using you. How can you let her do that?"
"It's a game we play," Nick said, quietly. "I let her use me when it isn't anything important."
Rosalee was doing her best to hold back her tears. "How can you be sure she still loves you? Some of the things she says…they're so cruel, Nick."
"It's hard sometimes," he admitted. "She's vicious when she's with other people. But when we're alone…when there's no one else around to make her put on a show…" He trailed off. "It's not something I can put into words."
Monroe forced a grin. "Well, she's tough to like, but we're all rooting for you anyway."
"Thanks. Have you heard anything from Hank?"
Wu seemed a little reluctant to reply. "Uh…yeah, I got an email from him yesterday. He's doing good in L.A. Less Wesen to worry about, but the kind of assholes he deals with over there don't have to turn into monsters to be monsters." He bit his lip. "He still doesn't want to talk to you."
Nick nodded with a sad resignation. "That's fine."
"Nick, look…if things ever get too nasty between you and Juliette, you can come over and vent any time you want," Monroe said.
"I know." Nick turned and walked towards the door. "I'll keep you in the loop about Adalind. Lock the store up tight every night. Good luck." Then he was gone.
Rosalee sat down, looking ten years older. "Poor Nick. All the crap Juliette must be putting him through…"
"She's on our side, Rosalee," Monroe said as gently as he could manage.
"She's on Nick's side," Rosalee corrected him. "The rest of us are just dirt as far as she's concerned. This isn't like you and me, Monroe. A Fuchsbau and a Blutbad getting along is one thing, but a Grimm and a Hexenbiest? It's unprecedented. I'm praying for them every day."
"I've gotta admit it feels like a miracle sometimes," Wu muttered. "I can't wait to see what Thanksgiving at the Burkhardt household is going to be like."
Monroe glanced at his wristwatch. "Time for us to close up the shop, Wu. You need anything else, or…?"
"Nah, I'm good." Wu headed for the door. "You guys follow Nick's advice, all right? I've got a feeling this Black Claw business is going to get a lot worse before it gets better."
"Yay," Rosalee said dryly.
14