This one is by request for Mira SeverusSirius Black-Snape

Darcy groaned as she opened her eyes, blinking groggily at her surroundings. Trees rose up around her on all sides, shielding her from the sun shining above. Groaning, she sat up and began to scan the area. She was laying in the middle of a forest, on a moss covered rock. Great.

A groan from near by drew her attention. Turning, she watched as Clint sat up behind her, rubbing his forehead and squinting around him. "What the fuck happened last night?"

"We went out drinking, you got sloshed, we went back to the apartment Jane and I share because it was closer than the base, you crashed out on the couch, and I fell asleep on the love seat," recited Darcy as she pushed her way to her feet.

"So what's with the Call of the Wild morning?" groaned Clint as he started to stumble to his feet.

"Loki," replied Darcy with a groan. "He's been playing these pranks for the last few months based off books someone keeps giving him."

Clint grumbled something that sounded like 'fucking Sitwell' and managed to stumble down the rocks without falling on his ass. "So how do we get back?"

Darcy scowled slightly as she pulled a twig from her hair. "We find Loki and possibly taze his ass. Usually he doesn't actually remove anyone from the apartment, so we just have to get him to break the damn illusion."

"Usually?" repeated Clint. "That doesn't sound promising."

"It's Loki," reminded Darcy with a shrug. "He isn't exactly known for consistency."

"True," grumbled Clint, spinning slowly in a circle in an attempt to get his bearings.

Darcy ignored him and started walking in a random direction. She knew Loki's pranks well enough to know that no matter what direction they walked in, they'd find whatever he wanted them too. He did play pranks based off books after all. A set of heavy footsteps echoed quickly from behind Darcy a few seconds later. She didn't have to look back to know it was Clint catching up with her. His cowboy boots were loud enough to wake the dead no matter what he walked on, which was funny given he's supposed to be a secret agent. Then again, he's also hung over, so she can forgive the slip.

"You sure we're walking the right way?" asked Clint uncertainly, his head still darting around wearily.

"It's based off a book, dude. Loki isn't gonna let us get lost," explained Darcy, eyes still focused ahead.

The archer nodded absentmindely as he continued to look around. "And this would be...?"

A groan escaped Darcy as she pushed a tree branch aside and took in the sight before her.

There, in the middle of a clearing, was a house. Made of candy. She was going to murder whoever the hell kept giving Loki books. Especially children's books. If that man got his hands on 'Dealing with Dragons', they'd really be in trouble.

"I'm guessing Hansel and Gretel," sighed Darcy, eyes staring unhappily at the house. "Dammit, I thought I already hide the Brothers Grimm from him."

"Those aren't the longest stories in the world," pointed out Clint with a shrug. "He probably read more than one if he had an entire book of stories."

One of Darcy's eyebrows rose as she glanced back at Clint in surprise. "Seriously dude?"

"What?" shot back Clint with a touch of a pout. "I can read."

"Coulda fooled me," muttered Darcy, already pressing towards the house.

Well, she started to until Clint grabbed her arm. "Whoa, shouldn't we, I don't know, be careful? I mean, this guy isn't exactly stable."

Darcy rolled her eyes, turning back to Clint with a sigh. "No, he isn't, but he won't actually hurt us. Hell, he helped Thor save us from a psychopath who wanted to torture us with dental tools a month ago. The man might be deranged, but he's not malicious towards any of us. Relax."

"Easier said than done," sighed Clint, but he released her arm anyway.

Free to move forward again, Darcy spun around and started back towards the candy house. Ideally, she wondered if Loki would help them build gingerbread houses when it got to be closer to Christmas, then realized giving Loki a bunch of candy probably wasn't the best idea. He might be a refined Norse god, but she had no interest in seeing the man on a sugar high. It would be like trying to stop a six year old who was with a go-kart and chainsaw. Not something anyone really wanted to try.

Reaching the door, she touched it uneasily for a moment and half hoped it would disappear (not that it was ever that easy, but hey, it's worth a shot). Finding the gingerbread firm beneath her finger tips, she reached for the peppermint handle and opened the door.

The room inside was not completely what she expected. There was more candy (she was definitely going to Loki the next time she had a chocolate craving) and a giant oven, but the floors were wood planks and there was a giant wooden table set in the center of the entire space. There was another room off the side, which is where she figured Loki was hiding, and a sky-light of sorts bathing the entire space in dim light.

"Loki?" shouted Darcy, knowing the god would probably try something like he had with the whole 'wolf in grandma's house'. A thump came from the other room, causing Darcy to roll her eyes and step all the way into the room. "Dude, this is so not cool. I told you last time you pulled a prank when I wasn't at my best that I'd taze your ass into oblivion next time and that's exactly what I'm going to do if you don't come out righ-"

A sudden witch's cackle broke from behind Darcy, causing her to jump almost halfway out of her skin and spin around in one move. Which landed her squarely on her ass. A resounding twing and thump, along with a shout of pain echoed before she was able to completely get her bearings (or glasses) straight, but the resounding groan was cause for concern.

Adjusting the frames on her face, Darcy took in the sight before her. Only one thought really came to mind though. "Clint, where the hell did you get a crossbow?"

"I have no clue," replied the archer with a shrug, one hand sliding along the bottom of the wooden medieval weapon, "but I like it." The grin on Clint's face was a little disturbing, but then again she wasn't surprised. The man had a serious medieval weapon fetish.

Looking towards the ground, Darcy watched as the wrinkled, gray-skinned old woman who had been apparently standing behind the door shifted into Loki. Who was currently clutching his shoulder, which was inhabited by a rather bloody crossbow bolt. Another hiss of pain left him as he began wiggling the bolt in an attempt to get it loose.

Watching the illusion around them fade into the kitchen/dining area of the apartment, Darcy just shook her head and stood up. "Dude, go into the bathroom if you're going to do that. I'm not cleaning up your blood."

Yes, that is a Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters reference near the end. I couldn't resist after seeing the movie.