Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Fire Emblem.

Chapter eighteen: The Heart of a Prince

Xander left Corrin's house almost immediately. He couldn't stay in that room any longer — the air was poisonous to him! He felt mad with anger, resentment, spite. He had only taken five steps out the door when all that pain washed away in a flood of regret.

What is wrong with me? he asked himself. His words and behavior came echoing back with tortuous clarity, making him sick. He had acted without grace, without pride, and without sympathy for anyone but his own hurt feelings. Am I really so selfish? he wondered.

He struggled to put his thoughts away, focusing instead on the promise of his warm bed and whatever sleep he could wrench from this half-finished night. He had only taken a few more steps, though, when a voice cried out for him to stop.

"Xander!" Corrin called. "Wait!"

Xander did stop, but he didn't turn around. "Go back inside, Corrin," he murmured, "you're in much better company in there."

"Don't say that."

"Why not? Isn't it true?" Xander asked bitterly.

"No," Corrin insisted. When she realized that Xander would not face her, Corrin walked around until she stood directly in front of him. "Xander, that man in there — that wasn't you."

Xander shook his head. "Yes it was. I meant every word I said. And I will make sure Niles sees the king."

Corrin looked disappointed. Xander scoffed. "You're obviously surprised," he said. "Maybe this is just a part of myself that has laid hidden all the years, unnecessary because everyone always jumped to do whatever the crown prince said."

"But that's…" Corrin struggled for a moment to find the words. "That's not noble. And you are noble, Xander!"

"Yes, yes!" Xander exclaimed, putting a hand to his head. "I'm a noble lord, destined to hold the weight of not only my family, but the weight of our entire kingdom on my shoulders! But I'm human, Corrin. And people make mistakes."

"What mistakes? Are you talking about your behavior or what's really bothering you?"

Xander was startled. "What are you talking about?"

Corrin lowered her head. "I don't know exactly," she admitted. "But Azura told me — when she saw me leaving — that I shouldn't accept everything you say at face value. I didn't understand at first, but I think I do, now. You're lying." She stared into Xander's eyes and repeated, "You're lying to everyone, including yourself."

Xander grimaced. "Lying about what?"

"About your reasons for hating… Niles." She hesitated to say his name. "I was just remembering when he asked why you couldn't decided why you objected to him. That clicked together with Azura's advice, and I realized you must not be telling us the truth. … Is that right?"

Xander stared past Corrin, wishing there was something besides blackness and his sister's imploring face to look at. He sighed heavily. "Azura also accused me of acting like a spoiled child with a wounded pride," he answered. "Isn't that a satisfying diagnosis?"

"Yes," said Corrin, "but I don't think that's it anymore! When I asked you for the truth, you actually jumped. You're hiding something, maybe even from yourself."

Xander didn't answer. Liar… he thought, recoiling from the word. But the alternative was that he admitted to being a spoiled, selfish prince who threw a temper tantrum when he didn't get his way. That was the reality he himself believed in, the story everyone else accepted — but not Corrin. Maybe she did only come to another conclusion with Azura's help, but at least his little princess still had faith in him.

Corrin slowly reached out and took his hand. "Please, brother," she whispered, "don't isolate yourself."

Xander stared down at her. He gripped her hand firmly, holding on with renewed strength. "Corrin," he said with a burdened sigh, "before I say anything, realize that I am still a selfish, immature man. Don't argue with me, please. I'm not going to hide from that anymore."

Corrin hesitated, then nodded. "You can beat it, though," she insisted.

Xander laughed — the first honest one he had made since their drama began. "It's not as easy as you may think," he said softly. "From birth, I was raised to become king; from the very beginning, everything and everyone had been mine to govern. My younger siblings have always been at the top of that list."

"Then, you're angry I didn't listen to you and leave Niles?" Corrin asked.

Xander wanted to agree and be done. But he forced himself to shake his head. "Corrin, I may be your overseer in a way, but I love you and all our siblings. With my responsibility to command you came the duty to protect you. In all our years together, I have been the one to guide you and watch out for you. But now… You want Niles to be the man in your life."

Corrin's reaction startled Xander: She smiled. "You're telling the truth!" she exclaimed. "I can see it in your face!" Then she stammered, "Oh, sorry — that was rather anti-climatic of me. I sounded like Elise."

Xander smiled as well. "It's painful to tell the truth," he said, "when you're used to shielding people from your own emotions. But in this case, my usual methods betrayed me — I protected myself from pain at the expense of unleashing it on you."

Xander didn't feel as calm or comfortable now as he pretended for Corrin. He was still disgusted with himself. All my fighting against him, all my scenarios and worries — were they really just lies I fed myself to try and conceal the truth? Am I really, simply jealous?

"Xander," Corrin called him out of his reflections, "is there more? You still look pained."

Xander began to answer, but Corrin exclaimed, "Remember, you were never really alone! All those years when you tried to shield us from Father's anger or your pain after another argument, I saw you. I read your feelings in your blade, just as I'm struggling now to read them in your face."

Xander almost sobbed. He shook his head. "When did you become so wise, little princess?" he asked.

Corrin did cry slightly. "It feels as thought you haven't called me that in a long time." She threw her arms around Xander and hugged him. He held her close. Somehow, Corrin's love made him feel less disgusted with himself. He wished that could be enough, but he wouldn't let her own struggles to reach him go on.

"The whole truth, princess," he began softly, "is that when you told us you were engaged, I was jealous. It seems as though we have just saved you from Hoshido — now you want to leave us again."

"But I wouldn't —"

"I know what you will say," Xander said, stopping Corrin's protest. "But that's how it seemed through the eyes of an elder brother — and probably your other brother and sisters. I couldn't lead them out of their jealousy by example, because I suffered from the same affliction. And then, at the first opportunity I could find to object, I rushed off to try and break you up."

"You failed," remembered Corrin, "and you promised to give Niles a chance. What changed?"

Xander grimaced. "The situation grew. I found out that you were… uh, uneducated in certain regards. Then I had an argument with Niles. Then I fought with you." He shook his head. "Making you cry was the lowest point in this entire, terrible story for me. It struck harder than all my other attempts to gain control of the situation; on top of that, I managed to find time to fight with another loved one, Azura. I was so angry and frustrated, I was blind. And that's the state I was in when I entered your house, originally to apologize."

Corrin nodded. "I understand that. And I'm sure seeing Niles and everyone there didn't help."

"He had turned you against me, Corrin," Xander responded bitterly. "I was terrified at that moment that he had turned everyone else against me as well."

Corrin looked at Xander. "But Niles didn't turn me against you… You did. Your accusation was unpardonable." Corrin wrapped her arms around herself, grimacing. "You made me doubt Niles' love — you made me think it was pretend! Your word carries so much weight, Xander; it was hard not to listen to you."

Xander couldn't respond. He didn't know what to say, except "I'm sorry". But he still wasn't completely remorseful of his words against Niles.

Instead, he said, "Corrin, do you want me to go inside and tell everyone to forget the argument and to forget my challenge — we won't go to Father?"

Corrin's eyes widened. "You would do that?"

"… I don't know," he murmured. "Why is that? I have never doubted myself in battle! Why, then, can I not decide whether I trust Niles or not? No, I know I don't trust him," Xander stared at Corrin, "but I trust you and your opinion of him."

Corrin responded with a weak nod. "I know he's a good man."

"But it's not enough," Xander said, sighing. "I have to be sure, and I'm not. If I'm to play king in his court, then I must be absolute in my decision. But I can't be, because my judgement is clouded by brotherly love and jealousy!"

Xander stormed a few steps away from the house, but he didn't go far. He wanted to stay with Corrin.

She followed him quickly. "Xander," she whispered, "you don't have to be a god to be king. As you said, you're human — your judgement is biased now, and it will inevitably be again. I want a husband, but I won't lose a brother." Corrin took a deep breath. "Let the game continue. Niles and I will see Father."

Xander stared at Corrin. "You're sure?" he asked.

Corrin nodded, her face grave. "Leo's already briefing Niles on how to behave. But, answer one last question: Why can't you believe that Niles loves me?"

Xander hesitated. He wanted to be sure in his answer — no more avoidance, no more lies. "Maybe… Maybe I am being too hard on him," he admitted, grimacing. "But I can't find a middle ground. If I give up now out of regret for my behavior, will I regret still more later on if something does happen?"

Corrin looked scared. Xander suddenly wondered at her strength to take all his doubts and still stand firm with Niles. She answered, "I'll accept that. And if taking the situation out of your hands and giving it to Father will make it easier for you to find that middle ground, then I'm prepared to face anyone."

You've grown up, little princess. Xander thought, putting a hand on Corrin's head to ruffle her hair. She laughed, but he knew it was forced. If only I could be as selfless as you.

"You're too good for a brother like me, Corrin," he murmured. "I pray Niles will have better luck trying to deserve you."

"I think you deserve me," Corrin replied, "especially after all that yelling you did inside."

Xander laughed, now. "I'll have to apologize to our family. And… I'll promise you civility for Niles. True civility, this time."

"So you'll make sure Camilla doesn't assassinate him on the way home?" Corrin sounded serious.

Xander nodded. "It's the least I can do." He hesitated, but this time, he reached out and hugged Corrin.

Softly, perhaps too low for her to even hear, he whispered, "I'm sorry, little princess."

Author's note: Here is another chapter two days too early. I was shocked by the response to last chapter's content: I didn't, and still don't, believe that Xander was in anyway out of character. He can be, as he finally admits to Corrin in this chapter, a spiteful immature man. (And yet he is my favorite character!) What I wrote in chapters sixteen and seventeen were my impressions of Xander as gleaned from Birthright; Birthright has been my compass throughout this story, because the situation (while different in depth) is similar - will Corrin choose to stay with her siblings or to forge new bonds with her own family? So I will stand by my characterization of him. But I hope this chapter reassures you, dear readers, that this story has not escalated out of my hands. I put the same effort and love into these chapters as I put into the previous chapters; I am not trying to prolong the story with unnecessary drama. In fact, I am now eager to end the story... But I will press on with my original storyline and hope that you remain to see how it plays out. Thank you.