sorry these are so short i just

i am uncomfortable publishing work that i haven't been able to look over at least seven-thousand times

granted this is one of those parts

but

it's short

so maybe okay

also you'll notice that i don't use cuss words or take the Lord's name in vain like in the last chapter bones said "good goodness" so just

i guess ignore that

it's just a personal thing so you will probably see where those are and you can mentally change them or whatever just know that i'm not going to cos i'm not comfortable with it

so anywho

here

thank

*bows*

"You can go in," he said. "Doesn't really matter anymore." the doctor sighed and stood by the door while the other crewmen crowded around Spock's bed.

I entered the room but stayed near the door with Doctor McCoy.

"Spock, buddy, how are you?" Kirk asked and it was followed by a hundred other remarks from the crew. I would probably wait until they had all had their say to speak with him as it was logical that I do so.

"I am fine captain. Where is Peleia?" I heard Spock say and saw him sit up. Perhaps it was not as logical as I had assumed.

"Spock, honey, we thought you were gonna die!" the woman said.

"I assure you Lieutenant Uhura, I am fine. Please tell me where Peleia is; I wish to speak with her."

"C'mon Spock, we're your friends! Give us a minute with ya," Scotty said.

"There is nothing more to be said. I have assured you that I am in good health and it is obvious to me that you all are as well. I have more important matters to discuss with Peleia than with any of you," he said and the crew all seemed slightly offended. I wasn't sure I would ever understand human logic. "Please tell me where she is or otherwise bring her here-"

Just then, Spock spotted me across the room and stood up off the bed. He shouldered gently through his mates to approach me. I stood at attention.

"Lieutenant," I addressed him.

Spock returned my salute. "As you were, Peleia," he said. He looked strangely endearing toward me; an emotion I was familiar with but that I had not expressed myself since the last time I had seen him. He became much more quiet and humble in my presence. "I must apologize for my previous actions and any effect they may have had on you," he said. His crew was watching our exchange and the Romulan part of me wished they would go away. Vulcan traditions and ceremonies did not mean anything to them and the fact that Spock had chosen me as his mate meant even less, although I must admit, that tidbit of information was just beginning to register in my own mind. I wanted Spock to ask them to leave.

I took his hand before he could say another word and expressed my feelings. Spock nodded and spoke without taking his gaze from me.

"Captain, would you be so kind as to escort your crew from the area? I need to speak to Peleia in private," he said and Kirk looked at him confusedly. For whatever reason, Kirk apparently did not understand the idea of privacy.

Spock turned around to look at them when they did not respond. "Captain?" he said.

"Anything you need to say to her you can say to us," Kirk said.

"On the contrary, Captain, these are matters of Vulcan tradition to be discussed in private. In any other situation, I would agree with you, but this is a matter of extreme confidential importance," he said.

"Spock, what has gotten into you?" he asked.

"I'm afraid I do not understand the question. There is nothing more in me now than there was ten minutes ago," he said.

The crew looked at each other and then to the captain.

"It's fine," he said, clearly hiding his frustration toward Spock for the good of the crew. "We'll be outside," he said and swept from the room, his crew following him in time.

McCoy didn't need to be asked twice and was already waiting outside in the hallway. Kirk held the door for his crew and gave Spock one last look before disappearing himself and closing the door with a click.

Spock looked back at me after a moment and I felt more casual than when we were being watched. Spock may have been my higher up, but he was my friend more than anything else... at least, as close to a friend as I could get.

"Peleia," he said, taking both of my hands. I could tell that he was still feeling a great deal of emotion as a side effect. "Please forgive my… ineffability... I am still... feeling," he said with difficulty.

"Spock," I said, "you are well aware that I understand emotion better than many others," I said and he nodded, smiling a bit. "It is good to see you again," I said softly.

"I admit that I do feel much more at ease in your company. It is more agreeable to me to be in the company of somebody who understands," he said.

"It is human nature," I said.

"Or Romulan," he added. I was glad to see that Spock felt comfortable enough to joke. It would potentially help this conversation to stay light-hearted rather than grave, as it may seem normally.

"Precisely," I said, imitating one of Spock's favorite words. Spock smiled a bit, looking at the ground.

"Peleia," he said, looking back up at me, "in all seriousness, there is much to be discussed." He held my hand and pulled me to a couple of chairs beside the window. It would seem that Spock had adapted several of the human's way on his journeys.

I wasn't sure if it was my still raw and borrowed emotions or perhaps my own emotions that made me think just for that moment that I was glad to be holding Spock's hand.

Spock looked at me with one eyebrow raised and the remnants of a smile brushed across his face.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I still know your thoughts," he said gently.

This time I really did blush and I was sure I was as green as an apple. Spock's countenance softened and he waited for me to sit down before doing so himself.

"I am sorry," I said, retracting my emotions again. Spock seemed suddenly disappointed.

"Peleia," Spock said, "if there is one thing that you learn from this place, it is that emotion is not a bad thing," he said. "It may be an illogical and strange concept to accept, but it is natural for, if you'll excuse the term, half-bloods as us to feel of our own account occasionally and perhaps even act on those emotions. On the other hand, it is obvious why emotions hinder logic and why we must be cautious of them. But never feel as though you must apologize for your feelings; only your behavior, and I see no behavior to be ashamed of as of late," he finished, digressing slightly from the topic at hand. "That being said, I must explain to you my feelings and account for my behavior," he said.

I nodded but was still trying to come to grips with this casual attitude toward emotion. On Vulcan, emotion was not only discouraged, but actually considered a shameful thing. To hear that it would be acceptable from somebody that I trusted and had grown up with made me more comfortable, but it would still be an adjustment.

"You know me better than probably anybody in this entire installation but as I thought how obvious it was for me to choose you, I realized of your ignorance in the matter," he said although he seemed to be ignorant of my knowledge. "To be candid, our parents wish us very much to be married," he said.

"I had assumed as much," I replied.

"And I knew you would but… Peleia," he said, seeming to become more desperate in his attitude, "it is my firm belief that I still would have chosen you had I had a choice in the matter. I can envision no rational other for my future," he said. "I realize that we have been apart for many years, but knowing your thoughts now and further knowing your heart has given me the courage to confess my sentiment," he said.

Spock had gathered both of my hands into his and was holding fast to them. I could feel emotions ebbing from him but could not differentiate between those left over from his pon farr and those that were his own conscious ones.

"I recognize that some of these emotions could be simply miscellany from previously," he said, becoming more desperate, "but… I want this… I want you," he said with difficulty, "and I do not mean to say that in an animalistic sense," he said becoming increasingly aware and cautious of his words, "although I do not deny my attraction to you in that way," his feelings of inadequacy were mounting, "but not in the human definition exactly," his words were rushing together, "please Peleia, do not mistake my unintelligent speech for feeblemindedness," he said, "I assure you; I am more than capable and worthy of husbandry," he shook his head, continuing to ramble and only getting faster, "I mean that I qualify to common standards; I do not mean to say that I am better than all others," a chord of fear struck him, "but I do believe that I am the best for you… not that you are incapable of finding a more suitable mate-"

"Spock," I said, stopping his snowballing speech before it could hurt his pride any more. I was far from offended by anything Spock said if only because I knew he meant well and I understood the feelings of inadequacy that came with confessions of this sort. I was actually smiling, his emotions telling me what I needed to know about his intentions. "Your words are not necessary," I said, "I understand your meaning." There was no question in my mind as to what my decision would be.

Spock relaxed a bit and looked back up at me as his gaze had wandered the farther down his slippery slope he had gone. I didn't know how this was all going to work out or if it was even allowed for a higher officer to marry a cadet, especially if I was going to be advanced in my studies as Spock was thinking at the moment.

We spent a couple of moments in silence, simply mingling in each other's thoughts with no walls put up; no secrets to hide. I felt Spock prodding around in the life that I had led for the previous five years to see what I had done. I found myself doing the same to him. I was momentarily distracted by the faces peeking in the small window on the door and decided that our time was probably up for that day.

"Arrangements will be made in time," he said. "We will meet again soon."

I smiled and we stood. I followed him to the door but I didn't want him to go just yet. I wanted to calm his qualms of having embarrassed himself too badly or having forced me through fear into submission to his marriage proposal. He was the only person that I actually knew around here; to be honest, he was my only friend. I was glad I had not yet messed up with him.

He reached for the door handle but I grabbed his hand.

"Wait a moment, Spock," I said and he focused his attention entirely on me again. I looked endearingly at him and touched his cheek. He leaned his face into my hand a bit and I took a quick chance that I wouldn't normally have. I stood up on my toes and kissed him gently. He didn't seem to have the slightest of problems with it and I could feel his knot of anxiety loosen and untie. He squeezed my hand tenderly and broke away after a lingering moment. "Promise me you will be back soon," I said, having seen that he would be leaving as soon as possible to report back to the Enterprise.

"You know I cannot do that," he said, stepping a little closer and pulling me into his arms. I sighed and laid my head against his chest. He rested his chin on my head and spoke softly. "But I promise that you will see me again soon," he said. "I will speak with Admiral Pike right away," he assured me.

I tightened my grip on him, sliding my hands across his back to show my appreciation for his future efforts and also his general presence at that moment. I was also, quite frankly, enthralled by these new emotions I was now allowed to express and was eager to take advantage of them for as long as I had.

Although I was confused at what my emotions were even doing. I was wondering if I was simply taking advantage of whatever emotions I could find or if I had an honest love for Spock when just minutes ago I had been repulsed by the idea of our marriage. I suppose it didn't matter anymore…

It began to register with me what exactly I had just done but I didn't have time right now to think about that.

Spock returned my gesture, pulling me into a pocket of safety that I thought I never wanted to leave. Here I didn't have to worry about which group of goons was going to intimidate me next or what my parents would have me do or how in the world I was going to help John Harrison…

I realized my mistake in thoughts immediately although I was well aware that Spock was not listening in and distracted him by lifting my face from his chest so that he could lean down and kiss me again. He was a bit more fervent in this second (technically third) kiss but stayed gentle and demonstrated his self control. His hands spread out across my back and he pressed more against me. Goose bumps popped up on my arms and he squeezed me tightly one last time before withdrawing.

"Fascinating," he said. "I believe I understand why humans find the act of kissing so enjoyable, when it is done with the right person."

"I quite agree," I said and smiled at him. There was some shuffling outside the door. "I think your crew is a little eager to see you again," I said.

Spock nodded and let me go after another moment. "You will be hearing from me soon," he said. He opened the door and let me out first.

The crew didn't even seem to notice me and I started immediately down the hallway. I was halfway down the hall before I heard a call.

"Peleia," Spock called and I turned around immediately. He stood surrounded by his crew who were still all swooning over his presence but took a slight moment to stand more at attention and raise his hand in a Vulcan salute. "Live long and prosper," he said and I squared myself, raising my own hand as the Scottish man mimicked us as well.

"Peace and long life," I returned and lowered my salute.

I turned around and continued down the hallway as Spock's friends and fellow colleagues embraced him. I smiled to myself. It pleased me greatly to think that I did have at least one friend in this world and that maybe eventually, I would never have to leave his presence; I would never have to go back to the way it was then; I could be as reserved as I liked because there was one person in the world that loved me and that was all that mattered.

I walked obliviously into the elevator with my head pointed down so I could focus on my thoughts rather than my surroundings, probably not the greatest of idea, but what I was doing nonetheless…

… But there was another thought that entered my mind and kept me from exercising more caution; a thought I had been avoiding.

John Harrison.

What a complicated case that was turning out to be. In light of the most recent events in my life I was not entirely positive whether it was still wise for him to trust me. I took a somewhat third person view on what I was dealing with. I was a naturally honest person but I was more than capable of lying; it was another of those problem areas I had. If it so came to it, I could lie to Spock about my involvement in this escape effort with John Harrison but it would be too much of a risk. Spock would know immediately if I lied to him. Perhaps if it didn't come up, there would be no lying involved whatsoever. But Harrison would surely want to use my higher connection to get to Marcus. I could see no scenario in which he would be willing to find a different path than that. To have Spock on your side was practically like knowing anything and everything you needed to; facing access to every resource and every schedule that would be needed.

I was momentarily distracted as I got caught in the wave of people exiting and entering the elevator on the ground level.

There arose in my mind the fact that Marcus seemed to like Spock, but his attitude toward me was much less than a liking. Perhaps this bitterness would come in handy for getting help from Spock, who I knew would gain a certain defensiveness over me.

But I didn't want help from him. I wanted him as far from this sticky situation as possible. In fact, I wanted the same for myself. There was no telling how Harrison might react though; he was like an unstable atom that could end up solving some universal problem or destroying the universe entirely.

There was nobody I could go to for help either. This case was confidentially sensitive. This would have to be solved in the confines of my own mind without any help from others.

I nearly ran into a wall I hadn't realized wasn't a door and sidestepped it quickly, almost then running into Admiral Pike.

"Admiral, excuse me," I said apologetically.

"No problem, cadet," he said and I began to sidestep him but he took my shoulder. "You aren't Peleia, are you?" he asked, noticing my pointed ears and eyebrows.

I looked up at him and nodded shyly.

"Well you're the reason I'm here, aren't you?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Lieutenant Spock paged me about you," he said. "Said he wanted to recommend you for something," he finished.

I opened my mouth to speak but I wasn't sure what to say. It took me a moment of thought before replying, "Do you require my presence for this recommendation?"

Pike thought for a moment. "I suppose not yet, but stick around campus. I trust Spock; he's probably right whatever he has to say," he said.

"Yes, sir," I said and saluted.

He returned it. "See you soon enough, cadet," he said and went past me to the elevator.