this is about where i started going crazy and i was hormonal and stuff so like

sorry guys

but

still

i dunno

i hate updating when i haven't read and edited it at least seven thousand times as i said before

but

i dunno

i just don't wanna leave y'all hangin

this chapter is very subject to change and if it has any inconsistencies with the rest of the story it's cos i haven't edited it enough

and holy cow it's nine thousand words

oops

anyway

so

yep

thank

*bows*

I watched him for a moment before turning and exiting the building atrium to stand in the sunlight. I loved the sunlight on this planet better than I had on Vulcan, but my skin was light enough and I had been called 'spotlight' enough that I knew to stay in the shade. I made for the benches under the trees just to my right and sat down, crossing my legs casually as I waited for whatever recommendation Spock felt fit to give me.

A shuttle took off above me and I knew it was Harrison's. I gave myself perhaps half an hour before he found the time to contact me and by then he would be aware of my situation; that is that I was engaged to the lieutenant and that I had been promoted. Spock had made it very clear in his thoughts that he would find a way for us to be closer.

I took out my tablet to see seventeen new transfers had been made that had nothing to do with me. There was a message about the Enterprise's slight delay. Numbers and names flipped around along the side of the screen, very similarly to airport signs of the early twenty-first century and I saw Harrison's shuttle flight disappear after having said departed. Other than these few things, there seemed to be no new and pressing matters on the Starfleet Network. I swept the page away to reveal the current news for the place my parents were living in on New Vulcan. It was unfamiliar to me almost entirely, besides familiar names. The feed was rather inactive; not much happens on a planet where nobody emotes.

It appeared that there had been a new delegation of power which had gone over smoothly and as far as I could see, my parents had managed to stay out of the news. I lingered on the page for a moment. A new birth popped up just as I switched back to my humming Starfleet feed but I thought nothing of it.

There was still nothing of use on my Starfleet message board and I set my tablet to sleep before putting it back into my inside uniform pocket. I took to observing the people around me and wondered what all of their duties could possibly be. It was obvious to me that it took much more than just a few admirals to keep this academy going; it was an actual living and breathing organism that required the help of every participant. There was not a person without a task around, including myself although I may have looked deceiving. Many people looked at me as such; as if my outward appearance reflected my inward attitude. I suppose I could have chosen a less conspicuous spot to sit and wait but it was illogical to do so then. I had already spent a considerable amount of time on this bench; it would be silly to relocate for a small period of time before I was called upon again.

Instead of dwelling on such petty matters, I closed my eyes and secluded my conscious being from the world around me. I needed to meditate; I needed to sort out which of my current troubles should be handled first and how. I tried at first forcing each individual problem to the forefront of my mind but it was not going very well. After a bit of effort, I sat back and waited. Each thought would, in time, drift to its appropriate slot in my mind allowing me to more adequately focus on one problem at a time. I didn't dwell on the thoughts as I knew that wouldn't help me but instead found myself drifting peacefully among them. I knew my mind would naturally sort things out if I left it alone for a bit.

Perhaps this is where the human phrase "sleep on it" comes from, I thought fuzzily. The mind has a special way of making sure those things which are most important are done first if you only give it the time to decide.

I could no longer hear anything from outside my body and was entirely focused inward. My thoughts were like tiny organisms; they each had within them an entire complicated slew of events and facts. Some of them intertwined with small gleaming tentacles (being a very visual person, I sensed thoughts and emotions as actual living images rather than the void that would otherwise be there for most other people) while others had practically joined into one. I floated lazily among them until I hit a wall which I assumed to be my thoughts' destination. I looked at the one beside me on the wall, the only other thing there, and delved into it.

This particular thought was a new one entirely that I had yet to contemplate; if I was promoted and began work on the starship Enterprise, I would be that much more available for Harrison to get to. I would be that much closer to him; it would be that much easier to discover his true motives; the ones that had been behind locked doors and brick walls when I had joined minds with him.

This led me to another approaching thought. I needed this promotion. I needed it to get to Harrison and Admiral Marcus alike and I needed it because-

Another thought came to me and I could see a flurry more following it. I needed it because I needed Spock. I needed Spock like I needed air which scared me more than anything else at the time. I could already feel a new and stronger bond growing between us. It frightened me to think that my natural Vulcan instinct would soon have me dependent on another being. I knew what would happen; we had all been taught. I was afraid to be so dependent on Spock but wanted to slap myself for thinking so at the same time.

I could tell that this transition wasn't going to be the best for me. I so badly just wanted to be with Spock but at the same time, I didn't want to feel like that! It would be so much easier if I could love him on my terms rather than my Vulcan half's terms.

A voice broke into my solitude but didn't tear me away entirely.

"We best not disturb her," it said. "I sense she can hear us now at any rate; it shall only be a moment more."

"Whatever you say, Spock," another said.

I took a moment to unhinge myself from the depths of my own mind before opening my eyes and looking up at Spock and Admiral Pike.

"My apologies," I said, standing and saluting. They each acknowledged me.

"At ease cadet," the admiral said. "I suppose we'd better get this over with quickly," he said, "I hear you're supposed to be back on your ship already," he directed at Spock.

"Yes, sir, but considering the circumstances…"

"Yes, yes…" the admiral paused, taking Spock a bit aside, "are you sure you've really thought about this Spock? She just got here," he said.

Spock looked over at me for a moment and smiled a bit before turning back to Pike. "I am positive Admiral. She is better prepared than probably four fifths of the rest of the crew aboard the Enterprise. Peleia has demonstrated great skill and intelligence as her statistics show," he said.

Pike looked as if he were going to say something but he held off, nodding slowly and then turning back to me.

"You know," he said, holding out his hand to shake mine, "I've only ever done this once before and it was with that kid over there," he said, referring to Spock. I shook the admiral's hand and he took a breath before speaking again. "You will report to the starship Enterprise immediately with Lieutenant Spock. Welcome to Starfleet…" he had to take another breath that obviously said he didn't know why he did risky things like this, "Ensign Peleia." He smiled and gave my hand one last shake.

My eyes widened. "I- but- Admiral, this is going against four Starfleet regulations that I can think of at the moment-"

"She's just like you Spock," the admiral joked, looking at Spock. "Just don't go yelling it out to the world."

"But Admiral, this is hardly-" I looked at Spock but he seemed to have sided with the admiral. "I… but…" I took a squared myself and accepted the information as quickly as I could. "Thank you Admiral," I said.

"Just don't screw it up," he said, giving me the eyebrow before backing up to look at Spock who was suppressing a grin as well. "Mr. Spock," he saluted and Spock returned it, "take good care of her, won't you?" he said and I knew he was referring to the ship but Spock glanced very subtly at me before answering,

"Yes, sir."

Pike walked away after one last look of having lost all control of his mind. He wandered back towards the offices with a sort of skeptical smile on his face. I watched him walk away before turning back to Spock who was smiling more widely at me now. I couldn't help but share it; I could be allowed this one moment right?

I took a step closer to him, narrowing the gap between us, and he took my hands into his.

"How did you do it?" I asked.

Spock looked slightly bashful at the thought and glanced at the ground before answering me. "Some Vulcan persuasion never hurt anybody," he said and I laughed, actually laughed. That was something I hadn't had the privilege of doing for a long time but I let myself go for just a moment. I was so indescribably happy; I had everything I needed right in front of me and I wouldn't have to part from him ever again... or at least for a while.

I reached up to kiss him quickly but he held me there for an extra second or two before releasing me again. "Let's get going; the crew will be waiting," he said.

I couldn't help but smile. My emotions were getting the best of me and if I wasn't careful, I was going to turn into a variety of animal before this day was done.

Spock squeezed my hand for a moment before leading me off into the crowds of people. I walked beside him and slightly behind as he knew better than I did where we were headed, but several times he glanced back and beckoned me to walk beside him or even fell back to walk beside me. That made it even harder to get that goofy smile of my face.

"There will be a change of uniform on the ship," Spock said, realizing that I had little to no idea how this was all going to work out. "You will be assigned to the bridge with me most of the time but you are an ensign now. That means you will fulfill every duty that any higher officer places on you, but..." he looked at me, "you already knew that," he said. "Forgive me; I am not used to working with those whose intelligence is matched with my own."

"A trespass easily forgiven," I said.

"If you have any questions, I would be obliged to answer them as is required, but otherwise, I trust you will not find life on a starship difficult at all," he finished and led me into a hangar type area. He started immediately for a shuttle across the large center aisle and I followed him. We were two shuttle lengths away when he stopped and turned to me. "I am sorry," he said suddenly. "Today has gone rather quickly and unexpectedly for you I am sure and I apologize for any emotional distress I may have caused you. Of all people, I have a certain understanding of how it is to only be half Vulcan..." he trailed off, "please pardon my erratic thoughts," he said, "but I am sorry. You hide your emotions well."

"I am not sure I would describe my hiding of emotion in such a high manner as well," I said rather sarcastically.

"At the least, it is better than my own performance today," he said looking at the ground. "I will not allow that to happen again," he said and I realized he was referring to earlier when his reaction to my presence had become rather beastly.

"Spock- er, lieutenant," I said and he waved it off, smiling a bit, "of all the things you could be worrying about, that should not be one of them. It's already forgotten," I said and he looked a bit more at ease. "Well, not forgotten, but you understand my meaning," I said.

"I just wish this could have begun differently," he said.

"You expect too much of yourself," I said. "At least do not dwell on it too much longer; it is not necessary." I felt the urge to touch him; to take his hand or touch his cheek, some sort of physical contact. It scared me how strong the desire was and how quickly it had developed but I held it within me. I needed to remember that he was still my superior officer and he would be until we were in private quarters.

But it was becoming increasingly difficult. My Romulan instincts wanted so badly to take over but they would undoubtedly get me into much more trouble than I wanted so I buried them deep, hoping it was enough to keep them from surfacing any time soon.

"You seem... distressed," he said.

I considered writing it off as nothing but ultimately decided that he was one I could tell.

"I am finding it considerably... difficult to retain my Romulan... desires," I said with difficulty.

"Then you are doing remarkably well, considering," he said. "I do admire your strength."

"Thank you," I said and that very phrase led me to believe that Spock was having his own trouble. He had expressed more emotion in the last few sentences than I ever remembered him having. His general attitude made it hard to distinguish what was human from what was Vulcan. "We should go," I said, catching myself before my Romulan passion could creep up on me again.

"Indeed," he said and we walked to the shuttle. The landing pad beside it was empty and I took it to mean the rest of the crew had already left.

"Lieutenant Spock, good to see you feeling better," the guarding yeoman said as we approached.

"Thank you, Yeoman. This is Ensign Peleia; she has just been promoted and assigned to the Enterprise by Admiral Pike," he said before the small man could get out an argument against me. "If the transfer has not yet been verified on your roster by the admiral, I will take full responsibility for my actions and those of Ensign Peleia's should it be necessary until it is verified," he said, getting straight down to business.

"Yes, sir," the man said and moved aside a bit so we could board the shuttle.

Spock stepped aboard but I paused.

This was what I had been waiting for; this was the reason I had enrolled; so that I could live and work on a starship, ensuring the safety of those endangered and the discovery of those places yet to be discovered. I was there. I was finally at the place I had waited all those years on Vulcan to be at. I was going into space and it was actually slightly terrifying. This was unknown territory for me, even with as much knowledge about space as I had; it was frightening to think I would soon be living there.

"Are you alright?" Spock asked and I was pulled from my thoughts.

"Yes," I said and he handed me in gently. I took one last look at the hangar around me before the door closed and sealed.

The shuttle ride was less than eventful but I took the time to calm myself and get rid of my emotions; completely discarding of them in the way I had been taught to as a child. I banished them from the forefront of my mind until they were no longer visible. If I wasn't thinking too hard about them, they ceased to exist and I was able to clear my mind for intelligent thoughts that were required when working aboard a starship. I refused to look out the window until I was safely aboard the Enterprise. By the time we landed again, successfully in the landing deck of the Enterprise, my emotions were all but naught, besides the occasional surge towards Spock which I allowed myself and which he didn't seem to mind.

We approached the door of the shuttle and this time I didn't pause before getting off although I did feel a wave of honor and respect run over me as I stepped onto the ship.

"The captain will want to see you immediately," Spock said.

"Yes, sir," I replied and I noticed that he had regained his stone-faced attitude on the flight as well.

Spock led me through several corridors where crewmen with red shirts were working to prepare the Enterprise for flight. We came to an elevator and stepped in once the door had opened and its occupants exited.

"Bridge," Spock ordered and we immediately whizzed up to the top floor. The door opened and I had to push very hard against my emotions to keep them under control. The bridge was everything I had imagined and more; this was more than just the Kobayashi Maru; this was the real deal. I was momentarily stunned by the magnificence but got over it before I looked like a complete imbecile.

Spock handed me his tablet which had the verified orders for my promotion and assignment displayed and went to his station, greeting the captain before sitting down. I approached the captain cautiously as our last encounter had been a bit embarrassing... for him.

"Captain," I addressed him and he turned in his chair to see me, "Ensign Peleia. These are my promotion and assignment verifications from Admiral Pike," I said, handing him the tablet. He didn't even look at it but seemed more concerned with my face.

"But-" he struggled to find words, "I thought- aren't you a fourth degree? How did you get promoted? Who recommended you?" he asked in a flurry, more than confused at my appearance on his ship.

"I was recommended to Admiral Pike by Lieutenant Commander Spock and thus promoted and assigned to your starship, Captain," I said. "If this presents a problem, I will request reassignment-"

"Mr. Spock?" he asked, cutting me off.

"Yes, captain?" Spock said, and stood up, approaching us.

"You recommended her?" he asked.

"Yes, sir," he replied.

"But- I mean... Why?" he asked, slightly incredulous about the matter.

"Peleia has shown great expertise in her studies and skill beyond her years. I assumed it would be agreeable to you to have such a remarkable crewman aboard this vessel, Captain. I apologize for acting without your approval; if I had known this assignment was going to cause you distress, I would not have made it," he said.

"Distress-?" he shook his head, "Spock, what has gotten into..." he looked around and saw that most everyone on the bridge was watching. He stood up. "You two, come here," he said and started walking to the lift. "Chekov you have the con," he said.

"Aye, keptin," the ensign I had met earlier replied.

The three of us stepped into the lift. The doors closed and Kirk pressed the stop button.

"Spock," he said, "what are you doing?" he turned to me. "No offense ma'am, but," he faced Spock again; "I don't need her. Heck, all I need is you and Chekov and we could pilot this ship by ourselves. I don't understand why she is suddenly so important to you that you would go entirely out of your way-"

"Captain, if I may interject," Spock interrupted.

"By all means! Enlighten me," he said rather sarcastically.

"Ensign Peleia is, in plainest vernacular, my significant other. I am aware that this is not enough alone to qualify her but if you will examine her file, you will find that her intelligence and prompt reaction times far surpass those of even Ensign Chekov-"

The captain held his hand up to make Spock stop talking. "W-what? Are you being serious Spock? Is this that whole pon farr thing? Has Bones checked you out in the last few minutes? Is this a joke?"

"Captain," Spock said sternly, "as your first officer, I must advise you to calm down. And as you know, Vulcans cannot lie. This is a matter of utmost seriousness and I assure you, my mental and emotional capacities have not been compromised by my recent experience with pon farr. It is, however, necessary for Ensign Peleia and I to stay in close proximity as Vulcan nature dictates one's mental health when separated from their spouse. Reassigning Ensign Peleia would either surmount in severe lapses in our capabilities or I too would transfer with her, even if it meant being demoted," he said rather finally.

Kirk looked at Spock hard and Spock looked right back at him. I wasn't sure I was actually needed in this conversation and I wasn't sure where to look anymore. My gaze switched between the captain and his first officer until Spock spoke again.

"May I ask why it troubles you to have gained another fine crew member who may be a vital aid should certain circumstances arise?"

Kirk thought for a moment, his mouth opening and closing as he decided which words to use. "I just don't want her to interfere with any work being done on the bridge," he said.

"Captain, I am not sure I understand how she might interfere with work on the bridge if she herself is working on the bridge," Spock retorted.

"Well look at her Spock!"

Both heads turned to look at me and I immediately felt uncomfortable but pushed the feeling away.

"Don't pretend like she's not- I mean you've got to have noticed- Spock she's- look at her!"

"If you are referring to her physical beauty then I would be much obliged to explain to the crew our relationship. It is not meant to be secret," he said. "Perhaps you should all learn to better police your emotions in matters such as these and retain such passionate outpourings which you are so fond of captain," he finished.

Kirk's face turned a shade of pink and I found my own cheeks burning from the references to my physical attractiveness.

"Well excuse me counselor Spock, but I don't remember asking your opinion on my personal life," Kirk spat.

"Is fraternizing with every new female member of the crew that comes aboard the bridge considered personal? I number at least four instances in which it has become my own business very quickly," Spock returned.

"It wouldn't become your business if you weren't such a protective mother over me like you always are!"

"Perhaps my 'mothering' would not have to be as such if you would follow regulation every once in a while," Spock seemed to have grown in height and was towering over Kirk, both with new color in their cheeks.

"You call promoting a fourth degree to ensign for your own personal needs following regulation?"

Spock was struck more by this and backed off a bit from Kirk. He seemed offended and I saw him gritting his teeth. He was having much more trouble with his emotions than he had let on to Kirk. His fists clenched and unclenched several times before he spoke again, but I could still see fresh anger in his eyes. "Perhaps it is wisest if Ensign Peleia and I are transferred. I know of at least three available positions on the USS Excelsior," he said.

"Wait, gentlemen," I said, a tingle of fear striking me at the name, "if I may say so, this is a federation vessel and not the place or time to be arguing over such a small matter as me. If you so wish, Captain, I will stay off the bridge unless you request my presence-"

"No, Peleia. If he has a problem with you being on the bridge, it is not something you need to worry about."

"Lieutenant, I-"

"What is wrong with you? I'm calling Doctor McCoy," Kirk said and leaned over to the elevator comm.

As suddenly as he had leaned over, Spock grabbed his hand and hit it away from the comm., pushing Kirk suddenly against the wall of the elevator with his forearm beneath Kirk's neck. He grunted and choked.

"Agh-!"

"I don't need any help," Spock hissed and pushed harder. Kirk slapped and beat at his arm but Spock didn't let up.

"Spock!" I shouted and grabbed his shoulder, pulling to get him off of the captain.

He whipped his head to glare at me. I glared right back rather than being intimidated as I knew he thought I would be. It caught him a bit by surprise and he seemed to come out of his random attack phase for a moment. "Let go of the captain," I said and he looked at me confusedly and still angrily for a moment. He looked at the captain who was turning progressively redder in the face as he choked.

Spock released him immediately, looking shocked as to what he had done.

"Jim," he said, "I didn't mean to- I…"

I separated the two before Kirk could decide that he needed to get in a hit of his own. I went to Kirk first and helped him stand up straight again. He was coughing and hacking. "Are you okay?" I asked quickly.

Kirk looked up at me still baffled and surprised at what had just happened. He still had the sense to nod, however and I turned around to see Spock cowered against the wall. He had the side of his face pressed against the metal and was using the wall as a support as he slid down it.

"Spock," I breathed and grabbed his arms, helping him to the floor as he panted. Beads of sweat had gathered on his forehead and upper lip and I put my hand to his cheek. He was burning up; his internal temperature had to be well above normal. "Get Doctor McCoy," I said to the captain, still looking at Spock and failing to remember my formal manners. "Spock," I said, "open your eyes if you can still hear me." He opened his eyes languidly to look at me. His pupils were the size of pinheads and I knew immediately.

Spock's pon farr had not been cured; far from.

"Captain to Doctor McCoy," Kirk panted into the comm.

"Dangit Jim, we've been here for ten minutes; what did you do?"

"Bones, it's Spock… there's something… wrong with him," he said.

"Thanks a bunch, that's so helpful; want to tell me anything else?"

I stood up for a moment and went to the comm. while Kirk looked shakily at Spock's limp form. "Doctor McCoy, this is Ensign Peleia."

"You've got to be kidding me; we don't need more than one green blooded-"

"Doctor, your cure for Spock's pon farr seems to have only been temporary," I interrupted him. "I believe he is suffering from plak tow and needs medical assistance immediately," I glanced at Kirk who seemed to actually be going into shock. "Please bring a nurse for the captain as well. We'll be on deck two. Peleia out," I finished.

I put the elevator back into motion before turning back to Spock as Kirk stood confused and still panting. I crouched down beside Spock as the doors opened to deck two and pulled his half conscious form up to stand. I took the majority of his weight and dragged him into the hallway beside the elevator. I let him down carefully so he was curled up against the wall.

"Captain," I said and took his arm gently to lead him out of the elevator and into the hallway. I sat him down against the opposite wall and instructed him not to move.

Spock groaned loudly and I turned to see him trying to stand. "Spock," I said and took his arms, forcing him back down, "stay where you are and try not to move. Doctor McCoy is on his way to help you," I said. Spock squinted at me as if he wasn't aware of what was happening anymore or who anybody was.

"Peleia?" he asked and I nodded.

"Yes, I'm here. What do you need?" I asked, not sure how this problem was going to be solved.

"Peleia," he breathed a sigh of relief. He seemed to become aware of what was happening again and I feared that soon he would be entirely lost to the sickness. "Peleia," he addressed me more resolutely, "Lock me in my quarters," he said.

"What?"

"You can't- agh!" I reached for his hands as he groaned again. "You can't trust me anymore," he said. "I can feel-" he groaned, "-myself fading. If you do not restrain me promptly I am going to become a hazard to everyone on this ship," he gasped.

I couldn't restrain him; the only ways to actually cure pon farr were by mating or extreme violence and if he wasn't allowed to do either of those he would…

"I'm not about to let you die," I spat.

"And what are you going to do about it?" he asked, looking me in the eyes.

I looked at him fearfully for a moment, not knowing how to answer him. There was no way to adequately help him unless we were to get the aid of the elders of Vulcan but they were all located on New Vulcan and it would take, at maximum warp from here, approximately fourteen hours which was far too long. The sickness could consume him in less than thirty minutes.

"I do not know," I said, "but I intend to fix it."

The elevator doors swished open.

"Good goodness, woman," Doctor McCoy said, "I knew it would be bad luck to have two of you. Nurse Chapel, help the captain," he said and joined me beside Spock.

"Doctor McCoy, I must insist that you restrain me immediately as I do not think-" he let out a short cry, leaning over and bracing himself above the ground with his head hanging as if he was about to vomit, "-I can hold this form much longer," he said quieter and McCoy got out a small bag of medical emergency equipment. "Your medicine is of no use to me Doctor; I need to be properly restrained before- agh! -before I lose control again," he said. "It is the best you can do for me."

McCoy looked at him with a puzzled look on his face, "Alright, alright, but at least let me try something for the pain."

"Doctor, this is a time sensitive matter; I do not have time for your human stupidity," Spock growled.

"Spock, look at me," I insisted and he looked back at me. His expression softened. "Doctor McCoy is trying to help you in the way he knows how," I said, attempting to keep my facial expression as pleasant and normal as possible. Perhaps Spock just needed some positive encouragement to stay on this side longer. "And perhaps he is not all wrong," I said, speaking as I thought, "perhaps his human medicine can help you since you are half human after all. It will appeal to your weaker senses and repair or stop the damage of your human functions," I said. "Will you allow him to proceed?"

Spock had to think a moment before consenting. "I will as soon as I am confined," he replied.

"Security!" McCoy called and two red shirts came running.

"Sir?" one of them asked, confused already at the scene. McCoy was suddenly busy taking Spock's temperature.

"Gentleman, please locate Lieutenant Spock a containment cell," I said.

"Sorry, ma'am, but for what purpose?" one of them asked upon seeing my cadet garb.

"To lock him in it," McCoy said impatiently and the guards looked confused but weren't about to question their orders again. "Go with him; I'll stay with the captain and be with you as soon as I know he's okay," the Doctor ordered.

"Yes, sir."

I took Spock's arms and helped him up, afraid to let go of him as I was trying to keep my emotions as calm as possible in hopes that it might keep him at bay for a bit. I held his hand as the guards came and grabbed his arms. I positioned myself awkwardly in front of him so he could still see me and walked backwards.

"Ma'am, please step away; we can take him from here," one of them said.

"That would be unwise," Spock said. "Right now she is the only thing keeping me from killing you both," he hissed, his eyes darkening more.

I put my hand on his cheek for a better connection and his expression softened again. He looked at me through clearer eyes with the realization that this was only getting worse and it was becoming harder for him to control himself and find the line that separated him from his rage.

Not enough time, he thought and I knew suddenly that we weren't going to make it to the cell without a fight. Run, he thought.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered aloud and his eyes darkened again. This time I knew he wasn't coming back.

I stepped away a bit and the guards stopped in their tracks, sensing the danger.

"Get out of here," I ordered them.

"Ma'am, our orders," one said although I could tell they both wanted very much to leave.

"I will take personal responsibility for your disobedience; now get out of here and seal off this deck-"

Something collided with my chest, knocking the air out of me and suddenly Spock's arms were wrapped around my neck as he stood behind me, pulling me away from the guards who had taken their phasers out.

"Don't shoot," I choked. "He will kill you if you do," I said.

"What's to say that's what's stopping me from killing them?" he hissed in my ear.

"Spock, listen to me," I said but his hold on my neck tightened and I gagged.

"Sir, let go of the woman," a guard said and they had both tensed into firing ready stances.

"Sure," he hissed and slammed me against the wall before I could get another word out. He launched himself at the larger of the two guards and punched his throat. The other shot his phaser at him but Spock was not deterred. He delivered a gut blow to the guard he was working on who doubled over not being able to breathe. The other continued to fire but it did nothing.

I acted as quickly as I could. I slapped the phaser out of the firing man's hand and grabbed Spock's arm before he could punch the bigger guard again. He looked at me with eyes full of fury but he hesitated upon seeing my face just long enough for me to grab his shoulder and pinch as hard as I could. He groaned and lowered to his knees but I knew there was a possibility that he could get out of it given his heightened sense of power. I took his other shoulder and pinched them both and he fell to the floor with a thud.

I checked first on the large but frail human but he seemed to be fine, just a bit shaken up.

"What happened?" Doctor McCoy asked as he came running down the hall.

"We lost control of the situation," I said while the two guards stood confused and shocked at what their higher up had just done, "but it was taken care of," I said. "He will not be out for long. I could hardly sway him with one hand; I was forced to use two," I finished and was glad that the doctor knew what I was talking about.

"Well come here," he said and he helped me lift Spock, draping each of his arms over each of our shoulders. We carried him, with his feet dragging the whole way, to the containment cells on this deck. We went to the most secluded and dumped Spock haphazardly on the bed as I could feel him gaining consciousness. Doctor McCoy pulled me out just in time to seal the entrance before Spock was up again. He hit and punched at the glass but he knew it was hopeless.

I stood on the other side looking at him with all the worry and broken-heartedness I was attempting not to feel and he looked back with more rage I'm sure than any human could ever conjure.

"Well, now what?" the doctor prodded.

I didn't know. I honestly had no idea what we could do other than journey for New Vulcan as soon as possible and hope we made it before...

"I don't know," I admitted.

Somebody entered the brig. "Ensign Peleia?"

I turned around to see a crewman with a headset on standing in the doorway.

"Yes, ma'am?" I said and hesitantly stepped away from Spock's cell.

"Lieutenant Harrison of the USS Excelsior wishes to speak with you privately," she said. "Acting Captain Chekov ordered me to escort you to your quarters immediately."

John can help, I thought, forgetting entirely that he would probably be contacting me about my orders and about the new developments in my life.

"You're going to leave me with him?" the doctor asked incredulously.

"There is nothing more I can do for him here," I said, my mind reeling with the hope that Harrison brought.

"But…" the doctor sighed. I looked at him and he nodded slowly. We had become a sort of unspoken team in the last few minutes and he seemed to agree with me more easily than he normally would have.

"I'll stay here and let you know if anything happens," he said.

"Thank you Doctor," I said.

"Please," he scoffed, "if you call me anything let it be McCoy. Leonard if you like, but nobody calls me doctor, not that I am one or anything," he said, muttering the last part, "heck you could call me bartender and it would be a more accurate term," he mumbled even quieter.

"Thank you, McCoy," I rephrased and shook his hand.

"You're welcome," he said and I followed the crewman into the hallway.

"I was informed that you are sharing quarters with Mr. Spock but he also arranged for a separate compartment may you sometime need it. To which would you like me to take you?"

"I..." there were far too many things going on in my mind to even comprehend what I had been told, "whichever one is closer," I said.

The crew member led me silently to my personal quarters on deck four. She gave me a quick rundown of the room and told me where my change of uniform was as well as a great many other things but I was so mentally, emotionally, and even physically distraught that I didn't hear half of what she had said.

"Your comm. is on the wall there; Lieutenant Harrison is on channel seven," she finished.

"Thank you," I said and she left silently. The door sealed behind her and I went to the comm., dialing it to channel seven and initiating the call.

"Lieutenant Harrison, this is Ensign Peleia," I said.

"Peleia, what are you doing? What on earth has happened?" he asked incredulously. I couldn't help it at his words. I began to cry, unable to hold back the gasping sobs that were now my breaths.

"I-I don't know," I stuttered. "John, I need help," I pleaded.

"Peleia, tell me what's happened," he said softer.

"Spock, he... he's going to die if I do not help him but... I do not know how," I said.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Plak tow," I said but my words sounded like a question. "He's lost control; he attacked the captain and a couple of guards. We have him in a containment unit right now."

"Are you still docked?"

"Yes," I said.

"I'm beaming over with a hypospray. Meet me in the transporter room. Harrison out."

The comm. clicked off but there was a beeping from somewhere else in my room. I spun around to find it and saw a portable communicator lying on top of my uniform change.

"Peleia this is McCoy, acknowledge," it said. I grabbed it and flipped it open.

"Acknowledged. What's happening?"

"It's gotten worse; he's not moving anymore and he's managed to bang himself up enough that he's bleeding a puddle on the ground. Is it safe for me to go in?"

I paused a moment having to shut myself down again in order to speak properly. "I will be up in three minutes; do not go in without me. Peleia out," I said and flipped it closed.

I didn't bother with my uniform but grabbed my new ID before running out of the room. I sprinted down the hallway to the elevator. The door opened to reveal the captain.

"Whoa there, where's Spock?" he asked, taking my arm and realizing I was extremely emotionally distraught.

"He's on deck two in a confinement cell with McCoy... I mean McCoy is waiting with him outside of the cell- I mean, McCoy is outside the cell and Spock is-"

"Hey, I get it. Are you okay? Are you going to see him?"

"I'm going to the transporter room," I said and the captain grabbed my shoulders.

"Ensign, you need to take a few breaths," he said. "Why would you go to the transporter room?"

I did indeed take a deep breath before speaking again, partially because I was in need of some mental calm and partially because I needed a cover while I thought. It was probably best not to inform the captain, or anybody, of my relationship with John Harrison until it became relevant.

"To... be transported," I said slowly. "But seeing as," I gained back my senses, "I am not in need of that service at this time, I suppose it is foolish to go there."

"Exactly," the captain said. "Now take me to Spock," he ordered.

"Aye, sir," I said and got in the elevator with him.

We stood in awkward silence and I tried hastily to wipe away my tears.

"Here," the captain said and handed me a handkerchief with the Starfleet symbol embroidered in it. "I never use it anyway; you can keep it," he said but he seemed too cheery for me to be overly appreciative. Did he not realize what was happening? Spock was dying for Pete's sake! The doors slid open. "Consider it a welcome gift," he said as we stepped off.

I followed him down the hall for a bit before I stopped. I still needed to get that hypospray from Harrison and I was positive I knew what was in it and I was fairly positive it would save Spock's life. Either that or the opposite, but it was his only chance.

"Are you coming, Ensign?"

"I... I know what can help Spock," I said and Kirk looked expectantly at me. "I'll be right back. Go ahead without me but do not go in there until I get back," I ordered and sprinted back to the lift. This wasn't lying per say, I was simply excluding certain facts from my explanations. I flew through the still open elevator doors.

"Engineering deck," I ordered and the elevator whizzed down to the lower decks. The lift stopped and the doors opened to reveal a hallway. I ran down it to the end and skidded to a stop in the doorway of the transporter room. Harrison was just being beamed in and I waited for the all clear from the current operator to run up to him. He handed me the hypospray full of what I could see was his blood without a word.

"Thank you," I said, "thank you, thank you."

"It's the least I could do," he said. "Go; he doesn't have much time."

"Thank you," I said again and turned on the spot. I ran from the room.

"Energize," I heard from and knew Harrison was already gone.

I flew to the elevator faster than I had before and held the door close button so as to skip any calling decks and go straight to deck two. I jumped out and sprinted with all my strength down the hallway until I reached the very end where the cells were. The captain and McCoy were standing outside as Kirk seemed to come to grips with the situation.

"Open it," I panted and McCoy didn't question me, opening it immediately while Kirk stood flabbergasted.

Spock was lying on the floor unmoving and I couldn't tell if he was breathing. I could feel his consciousness slipping though; if he was breathing now, he wouldn't be for long. I uncapped the hypospray with my mouth and spit the cap out. A solution occurred to me as I knelt down.

"Leonard, I need an adrenaline shot," I said. It was a bit old-fashioned but if Spock's heart wasn't beating fast enough, it would take too long for Harrison's blood to heal him. It had taken four days to entirely heal me, after all. I wasn't even sure if this would work on Spock. We may have both been half Vulcan, but our other halves were not the same.

The doctor ducked in and handed me a second hypospray. I thanked him and took another second to think.

"Perhaps..." I said, "perhaps you should leave us alone here... in case it doesn't work." I looked up at the doctor and he nodded after a moment.

"Whatever you need," he said and went out again, sealing and locking the door.

I didn't hesitate another moment. I took the first shot full of Harrison's blood and injected it in Spock's neck. His body twitched reflexively and I shot him with the adrenaline right above his heart. This second maneuver was a risky one but it would get his heart pumping the quickest.

I knelt beside him listening silently as his heart rate began to increase. I held his wrist to feel the pulse. It was rapidly speeding up to a point that I wasn't sure was healthy, but it was impossible to tell if he was responding to the transfusion.

I took a moment to study his brain activity by placing my hand on his face and performing a Vulcan mind meld. His brain function seemed to be switching from violent and despotic to what it normally was: intelligent and quick. I could feel him regaining consciousness.

I high-tailed it out of his mind and knelt beside him still, taking one of his hands in my own. The only trick now was to get him to regain and keep consciousness.

"Come on," I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes again. I clenched at his chest, wadding up the fabric there and holding tight to it.

He didn't move. In fact he didn't move for the next five minutes.

"Come on," I had said, louder each time, but he showed no signs of life. His breathing and heart rate had begun to slow again with not even a glimmer of hope that he was going to come to.

I'm not sure how long we sat there in silence but it must have been a considerable amount of time because when I finally looked up, there were about ten people there that hadn't been before. McCoy and Kirk were closest to the glass, both with hands on it as if they could somehow touch Spock from the outside. I felt suddenly incredibly selfish being on the inside with him. Human's were much more naïve with their emotions than I was (of course not presently) and I felt that it would mean more to them.

"Peleia," McCoy said and I focused my gaze on him. He had trouble saying the next words. "I don't think... I don't think he's coming back," he said and he too had tears in his eyes.

I decided to ignore him and went back to looking at Spock. I grit my teeth and gripped his hand harder. "Please," I pleaded, even though I was relatively positive he couldn't hear me. "I can't do this without you," I whispered through gasps.

I closed my eyes and leaned back on my knees after a moment. There was one more thing I could do that may very well have killed me in the process, but it came down purely to the fact that Spock was a more essential member to the crew than I was. People would miss him. Nobody would miss me.

I put my hand back on his face and closed my eyes again, hanging my head down. I looked through his mind until I found his will to live deposit. It had run almost dry as I had expected. Before I could think to hard, I started transferring to him my own will; a necessity of life almost more important than any form of nourishment. I wasn't sure what I was doing but I focused every ounce of my being on making Spock live again and hoped for the best.

I began to feel drained almost immediately, willing Spock to live. Countless degrading thoughts went through my mind until I realized I was actually physically whimpering.

"Peleia, what are you doing?" a sort of muffled voice asked from far away. "Peleia, you're going to kill yourself!"

It didn't matter anymore. I didn't want to live; not if Spock was gone. What was I without him? Some sort of half-blood widow who singlehandedly allowed the death of her spouse? If I could at least bring him back, none of that would matter.

"Peleia!" somebody pounded on the window. "I'm going in." McCoy's voice.

It was far too late for that though. I was almost out. I had only a little to spare when McCoy pulled me off of Spock and severed the connection. I opened my eyes to see Spock still lying there unmoving. The doctor had pulled me a bit away but had collapsed on the floor with me upon realizing it hadn't worked. None of our efforts had meant anything. He was gone.

McCoy had me cradled in his arms and was crying slow and silent tears into my hair as we both watched Spock's unmoving form. I closed my eyes again. This time largely because I didn't care anymore. I had put almost all of my will into that one man and nothing had come of it. If he had lived I would have been in great shape but... it didn't matter anymore.

I slumped down farther into McCoy's grasp and he looked down at me. He shook me, as if trying to wake me from slumber. "Peleia," he said, "Peleia don't you dare do this; we need you," he said, "now more than ever. There are countless lives on this ship that need your help or at least are going to," he tried to encourage me, having at least a small sense of what was happening to me, but I couldn't take this anymore. My one firm ally throughout my entire life was gone. He was gone.

And it was my fault.

I thought briefly of the audience we had but wanted to slap myself for doing so. So what if I was shaming my race by crying; one of my races's most accomplished and highly esteemed members had just been ripped from life without a second thought and nothing I had done had fixed it.

The doctor gasped and I knew he thought we were both dead. A great ruckus came about but my thoughts were practically void. I myself was fading. I dreaded to think that it was still possible for me to live after this though. I didn't want to.

"Did it work?"

"Is she okay?"

"What's he doing?"

"What did she do?"

"Spock!" (this voice was the only one I recognized: the captain).

"Peleia?" somebody whispered and I knew there would be more. I would listen to them all say my name over and over as I laid lifeless until I actually did die from either lack of will or lack of nourishment or both.

"Peleia?" the voice was soft. There was an excited buzz around me. "Peleia, I know you can hear me," it said. "I know you are still conscious and if you are smart, you will open your eyes."

I wanted to answer the voice but I found myself physically unable. I was physically exhausted and unable to move, even to make a simple noise of acknowledgment. I could feel the person who belonged to the voice closing in but sounds were distorted. I couldn't pick out one voice from another and they all sounded as if they were swirling in a circle above me.

"Peleia, open your eyes dangit," this was most definitely McCoy speaking now. I started slowly to build up the energy to squint my eyes open. It took me all of the energy I had left to open them only halfway and then comprehend the image placed before me.