i have no idea how to preface this

uh

sorry it's been so long? and for my bad writing?

uh

uh

thank

*bows*

I wasn't sure if we had all ended up dying or if perhaps… perhaps by some twist of fate it had all worked? Either way, it didn't really matter to me if this was real or not; I had done what I needed; I had accomplished my duty.

"Spock," I choked and he grabbed me from McCoy, holding my mostly limp form to his chest. I couldn't open my eyes anymore; I felt so weak. But he was here; he was alive!

"You're okay," I said, my words coming out in a rush of breath rather than as a definitive statement. The words acted as a sigh of relief that seemed shared by most of the onlookers.

"Yes, I am fine," he said. "You did it. Now rest," he whispered low enough that I knew we were the only ones to hear the words. "I love you," he added.

"Never do that to me again," I slurred but I could get no more words out. I ceased my struggle for consciousness, now positive of my eventual return to a more aware state. My consciousness slipped away almost instantly, relieved slumber filling the void instantly.

I opened my eyes approximately ten hours later, feeling the effects of my mind meld significantly reduced. I knew I would be somewhat weak for the next few days and mentally I would be a bit spotty, but I would make a full recovery within the week.

The room I was in was dark. I couldn't tell if I was in med bay or someplace more private. My eyes took longer to adjust than normal. I tried to sit up but found it painful and quickly decided against any movement.

I looked with blurry eyes at the clock to see that it was only around ten in the evening and I was sure I was not the only one awake. I was not, however, sure that I was still aboard the Enterprise. My senses were slow to pick up any sort of vibration so I had no idea. I felt like a feeble old woman fumbling around in the dark with earplugs in and a bad sense of direction.

I felt to the edge of the bed on my right side but realized it extended on the other side. I rolled over and reached my hand over blindly and felt another body. This alarmed me, but in my stupor and ignorance, it did not alarm me nearly as much as it should have.

The person jerked a bit in their sleep. "Peleia?" the first word off his lips and I knew who he was.

I sighed in relief and Spock wrapped me up in his arms, pulling me into him. I allowed him to not only because I loved him, but because I really had no other choice. I could not move as quickly or as powerfully as I usually did at that time.

"Where are we?" I rasped.

"The Enterprise; my quarters," he said, answering my exact question from earlier. The mental connection we shared had multiplied tenfold although I was not completely positive how that worked.

I wondered why we were here; why he was allowed to be in his own quarters despite what he had done earlier that day. It didn't really matter to military regulation whether or not he had been experiencing pon farr, he had attacked the captain.

"You know the captain though," he said. "He rarely follows regulation, although I am sure Admiral Pike will have some words for us when we return." Spock readjusted himself so that he was looking down at me as I rested my head on his arm. "What you did was…" he had to pause for a moment, "what you did was nobler than anything I have seen on this ship before. Perhaps I am biased since it was my own life in the balance, but you saved more lives than you know," he said. He looked down at me but I couldn't distinguish each of his features from each other through my still blurry eyesight. "Lights; dim," he said and the lights came on dim so as not to blind me but to give me enough light to see his face. "I am astonished that you would still hope to wed me after what you have now seen of me," he said.

I blinked slowly and smiled drowsily. "Perhaps you are more mentally unstable than I assumed to think that this simple setback would deter me at all," I croaked.

"It's possible…" he joked. "I just… Peleia, you very well could have died; you did almost die," Spock said. My response was sort of just whatever came out of my mouth; I was becoming increasingly distracted by his closeness. I took his free hand into mine, finding a bit of strength in the strange buzz I was getting. I traced my fingers up the veins that went up his arm, getting a sort of high off his presence.

"So did you," I returned finally after comprehending the words he had said. "I would not want to live if there was a chance that I could bring you back and I didn't take it. It appears that everything worked out perfectly fine, so I am not worried about it," I said, most totally distracted.

"Someday I wish to be as selfless as you are," he said and I shook my head.

I wasn't selfless; if anything I was selfish. The fact of the matter was that I didn't want to live without Spock. It barely even occurred to me that others may care about him as well. All I had been thinking at the time was that if none of it worked, at least I would be dead.

"Either way," Spock said and I wondered why I didn't just say everything out loud anymore, "there is much more about you that I admire than myself," he said. I was finding it increasingly difficult to hold a conversation. My emotional barriers all seemed to have been weakened as well as my physical and mental strength and I was longing for his touch.

"Can we continue this conversation later?" I asked, my hand wandering up his arm and to his cheek.

"Absolutely," he whispered and immediately leaned down into me, kissing me desperately.

A whole flurry of new emotions and sensations throbbed through me. I had never experienced a desire so strong, nor had I ever had one fulfilled. Spock pressed down on me and I slid my hands over his bare chest and onto his back. One of his hands found its way to the exposed skin at my waist. His lips broke off from my mouth and he slid down to kiss my neck. He lingered there for several moments and I tangled my fingers in his hair.

I heard what seemed like a distant door opening.

"I think I'm gonna hit the hay if you wanna take over at the bridge, Spock-"

Spock and I whipped our heads in the intruder's direction as soon as we realized that there was an intruder.

"Jim-" Spock started and sat up on his knees.

The captain cried out some incomprehensible syllables in confusion and shock. "Spock-?!"

"Jim, get out-"

"Spock-!"

"Jim, leave-"

"Spock-?"

"Just get out-!"

"Spock-?!"

"Go away!"

The captain stumbled out of the room backwards and the door closed again.

We looked at each other after a moment and I couldn't help myself but sit back onto the pillow laughing. What a mess we were; just one big flying mess that probably should not have been at the command of a starship, especially after all that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. I wondered if this happened frequently or if it was just because of the circumstances.

"No, it's constant," Spock said, interrupting my thoughts. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. "I am sorry," he said.

"Don't be," I said. I sat up and caught his bottom lip between mine, kissing him gently and slower this time. I could feel the embarrassment he felt dissolve instantly and it was replaced with a quiet desire to stay here, despite the captain's request. I took the last second of the kiss to enjoy it before breaking off and addressing his issue.

"I'll come with you," I said.

"You're on bed rest until tomorrow morning at the earliest," he said. "Doctor's orders."

"Then I suppose it wasn't a very wise decision to put us in the same bed," I teased.

"That was my fault," he said and I saw a quick glimpse of a memory; Spock convincing McCoy that it would be better if I was near him.

"Good," I said and kissed him just below his jaw line. I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled his neck for a moment before nudging him off the bed so he could get dressed in his uniform, which he was now considering procrastinating for an indefinite amount of time. He stood up and rolled his shoulders, giving me a moment to appreciate the view and then feel bad about myself for doing so.

He glanced over at me with a playful smirk on his face and then went to the closet. He pulled out a pair of pants and pulled them on over his black boxer shorts, looking slyly at me over his shoulder as he zipped them up. He filled out those pants so well... Now don't get me wrong, I loved him no matter what he looked like but there was just something about a good man putting on a good pair of slacks that got to me.

Wow, you need to stop, I told myself. It was highly unprofessional (not to mention slightly vulgar) the way I was thinking about him.

But it didn't stop me from watching.

He took out a black t-shirt and put it on, stretching it over his perfectly fit physique. It was almost worse (meaning better in this context) than without a shirt at all.

"I appreciate your commentary," Spock said and flashed me another look.

I blushed a shade of green and moved back to sit with my back against the wall. I curled my knees up to my chin, stretching my muscles in a manner that felt most pleasing.

Spock pulled on his blue shirt indicating that he was a science officer and grabbed some things off of the bedside table, putting them in his pockets.

"You might want to fix your hair," I said, noticing its considerably mussed appearance.

"As might you," he returned smiling and went to check his hair in the bathroom.

I didn't even bother with my own hair, knowing that I would be meditating alone for the next eight hours until it became necessary for me to be sufficiently examined by Doctor McCoy and set back on duty.

Spock came back out of the bathroom to stand at my side. "Call me if you have any problems," he said and he took my chin to kiss me softly. "I love you," he said.

"I love you, too," I returned and he straightened up before turning about-face and walking out of the room. It gave my heart a pang of longing just as soon as he turned his back.

Just wait one more moment... I thought and he slowed to a stop, glancing back at me. I took the opportunity and hopped off the bed as quickly as my fragile legs could stand, stepping behind him and encircling him about the waist with my arms. He put his hands over mine, lacing our fingers together and turned around to face me. He looked down for one moment before letting my hands go and putting his hands on my waist to pull me into him. I kept my arms around him and rested my head on his chest. His hands slid across my back and he pulled me in tight. I took a moment to breathe him in. He put his hand to my cheek for a moment before slipping his index and middle fingers onto my lips. I smiled as Spock leaned down and kissed me one more time, but softer; more like angel food cake whereas the last might be attributed to peach cobbler or something of the like.

Spock stood up and laughed.

"What-? Oh," I said.

"I think you are much too tired to be having physical relations yet," he said and I giggled.

Giggling? What are you doing with your life? I got after myself. I had never giggled in all of my existence; I didn't want to start now.

This only made Spock laugh harder before he landed a kiss on my forehead. "Please never change," he instructed.

The door slid open again and this time I could tell that Kirk was looking to spy. I suppose he had probably never seen Spock in a relationship of this magnitude before and he was grossly intrigued.

"Oh, sorry," he said and Spock rolled his eyes, letting go of me and turning around.

"Not at all Captain; I was just on my way out," Spock greeted him, straightening his shirt and smoothing his hair in the back. Kirk nodded and peeked around Spock to give me a little wave. He had a sort of perverted grin on his face and I knew Spock would be nothing but pestered by him for probably a long while.

"Hey, Peleia," he said.

"Good evening Captain," I replied and he gave me an uncomfortable once over. He had a habit of doing that to the ladies aboard and I hoped it would be annulled soon. "I wish you both a comfortable night," I said.

They each nodded.

"And you Ensign," Spock said. He was on duty now; I knew the reason for the formality. The door closed and I listened for a moment.

"How'd you sleep?" the captain prodded.

"Remarkably well," he replied.

"Hey, what ever happened to Vulcans can't lie?"

"I believe a more accurate phrase would be that most Vulcans cannot lie," Spock returned.

"So… you did lie?"

I could see where this conversation was going already and chuckled quietly as I went to climb back into bed. I glimpsed myself in the mirror and realized immediately what had the small stir with the captain going. My current visible attire consisted only of a form fitting black camisole and considerably short, black shorts.

I sighed and hopped onto the bed. People around here…

I chose not to complete the thought as I wanted to keep my pleasant mood.

"Lights," I said and they turned off. I sat in the middle of the bed and closed my eyes to meditate, but found that my mind was too busy to pay attention to itself for the moment. There was a light, floating feeling drifting through me that I knew was as a result of Spock.

I flopped over sideways, feeling the effects of adrenaline wearing off and I knew it was hopeless to meditate. The bed smelled like him (probably because it was his) and I hugged Spock's pillow close to my face. I fell asleep before I could think another thought.