Hello all! I apologize for my poor updating skills as of late; I was cast as Anna in "The King and I" at my school and got kind of crazy busy for a while, but I'm back now! I hope you enjoy this little installment :)

thank *bows*

I was in complete shock though, more than anything else. I had nobody to go to. I had nothing here that could help me. I set my mind upon going back to my duty to maybe get some structure back and stumbled out of my quarters, using the walls for support.

I followed the passage with my hand on the wall constantly, afraid I might topple over if I didn't have it there. I made my way to the lift and asked it quietly to take me to medical bay. It did so quickly and I walked out before it could start moving again.

I did my best to stand up straight and get myself together before walking back in. After a few deep breaths, I appeared entirely normal, but I was much less than that in my mind.

I walked in briskly and paused a moment to survey the room.

"Ah, so you chose to come back I see," McCoy taunted and I looked at him.

"I apologize for my tardiness," I said, providing no more explanation as I did not know how to explain my lapse in memory.

McCoy raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you okay, Ensign? You look a little... green."

"Well Doctor, seeing as I am a Vulcan and my blood is green, I can understand why my skin would appear as varying shades of green and blue," I said.

"But that didn't answer my question," he said and approached me. "Peleia, what's up? Did something happen?" he asked.

My barriers threatened to break so I didn't say anything although my bottom lip trembled slightly.

"Come here," he said and led me back to the same room we had been talking in before I found myself lying on my bed. He closed the door and my defenses broke silently. Tears rolled down my cheeks as the doctor looked on confused.

"Dangit Peleia, tell me what happened," he demanded, seeming scared by the idea of a distraught female.

"I don't know," I squeaked. "The last thing I remember was standing in here talking to you about telling Spock," I said.

"What do you mean that's the last thing you remember?"

"Exactly that," I said, a bit frustrated. "I woke up ten minutes ago on my bed in my quarters with no memory of anything that had happened and then... then..." I couldn't seem to find words. All explanatory words that I knew seemed to have retreated from my brain and I had no idea how to say that Spock had seen something in my mind that made him very angry and that I would never see him on good terms again; that everything we had built had been shattered and that there was nobody left here that was on my side.

"Then what?" McCoy asked, getting slightly more impatient.

I found myself slipping backwards and stumbled into a chair. I took shaky breaths until I could get my lungs to work properly. I realized I was crying again when McCoy handed me a handkerchief.

"What happened?" he asked, his tone softer now than it had been. He sat down across from me and bent down in anticipation.

"Spock… he… he hates me," I whispered, whimpering a little.

"What are you talking about? Spock hates you just about as much as a fish hates water," he said.

I glared at him a bit but I was not angry with him, nor was I angry with Spock. I was angry with myself. "You might want to double check that," I said.

"What could you have possibly done?"

"I-" I started but got choked up on emotion and was crying more heavily when I restarted, "I don't know," I said. "I don't remember what happened. He said something about John Harrison but I don't know what he meant-"

"Wait, Harrison the guy that keeps wanting to talk to you? Who is that guy anyway?"

"Just a friend," I said, "but Spock said something about seeing him on more casual terms- he said I was dishonorable and- and-"

"Whoa, hold your horses there," McCoy said, holding out a hand. "Start at the beginning; what happened?"

And so I told him all that had happened in the last few minutes and all that I knew, leaving out a few details here and there concerning Admiral Marcus and John Harrison. I simplified everything as much as I could and McCoy seemed to understand the majority of it. I told him about the locked door that I couldn't seem to get into and tried to explain how Spock could when I couldn't.

"It's sort of like... repressed memories except that I'm not the one who has repressed them," I said.

"Why don't you just ask him what was there?"

"You assume I didn't," I said and started crying again as I had stopped for a moment.

McCoy looked at me with his usual thinking scowl.

"I'm sure he's just feeling overloaded, he'll come out of it-"

"Bones!" I said, trying to get him to understand. This didn't just seem like a little thing! Spock was legitimately angry with me and for a reason that I didn't know or understand at the moment.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" he asked, almost as frustrated as I.

"No!" I said. "I just… I don't know what to do," I cried and more tears spilled down my face.

McCoy looked uncomfortable and didn't seem to know what to do. He stood up and came around to my side, awkwardly putting his arm around me as if to comfort me. "Look, I don't know what to do either but you've got to calm down. I don't even know humans that cry as much as you," he said and I glared up at him.

"That's really helpful," I said but I needed him there anyway. I wiped my face with his handkerchief and sat in silence for a bit. I tried to think of anything that happened but I didn't have any idea whatsoever. I didn't know if there was anybody else on this ship that would be able to uncover what those memories were either.

"Bones- whoa," the captain barged into the room as he so often did. "Sorry, uh, does Spock know about this?" he joked but it only made me cry harder.

"Jim, maybe you can help us," he said just as the captain went to leave. McCoy stepped away from me and to the captain.

The captain looked thoughtfully at the pair of us for a moment before stepping back in the room. He pulled a chair in front of me and sat down in it as McCoy closed the door behind him. "What seems to be the matter?" he asked, completely seriously, but it seemed the captain could never quite get the playful look off his face.

I looked up at McCoy. "Are you serious?" I asked.

"Hey, whoa, I'm sitting right here," Kirk said.

"I don't mean to be rude, Captain, but I don't think your 'expertise' will be needed in this situation," I said. "I would much rather somebody with relationship experience answer my questions."

"Wow, that was a little rough. Have a fight with Spock, did you?" he asked.

I looked at him. How he was able to discern that Spock had been angry with me was beyond me but he had caught my attention, if only because I was looking to correct him. "It was not a fight," I corrected, "Spock is angry with me but I do not seem to remember the details he has referred to," I said, being as simple as I could.

"Yeah, so, a fight," Kirk said, leaning back in his chair. "Just apologize to him," he said.

"Apologize?" I asked incredulously. "For what? He's the one that called me, and I quote, 'a disappointment and a liar'," I said.

"Ouch, he said that? I've gotta say, that's low, even for him."

I looked from the captain to McCoy disbelievingly. "How is this supposed to be helping me?" I asked. "You're treating this like it's some sort of joke when in reality I have been banned from his presence until I can 'mature past the age of five'," I said, becoming crazed in my rage and using more hand motions than I usually would have. I was already in a fit of emotion without this mocking conversation.

"Oh man," the captain laughed, "are you serious?"

"Yes! I am completely serious! If you have nothing constructive to say on the matter then I wish you would leave!" I said, becoming increasingly angry towards the two of them who had both chuckled at my last quote.

"Listen Peleia," the captain said, leaning forward again, "Spock says some pretty harsh things sometimes and I think this stress has just gotten to his head," he said as if it were nothing. "He knows that you're not going to start hating him anytime soon so he's letting off all his steam on you; it's nothing to worry about. Just talk to him later today and I'm sure he'll be better," he said.

"I'm sorry, but I believe the complexity of Vulcan emotions are beyond your comprehension. This is not something that is going to be solved by time or conversation alone, or even together."

"Peleia," the captain said, addressing me more seriously even than the first time he had come in, "I know Spock better than anybody on this ship," I glared at him, "than almost anybody on this ship and if I'm correct, he's just had a lot of emotion stored up that he needed to let loose and something that you did, whether you remember it or not, sparked him and he's gonna be angry for a little bit. Trust me, it'll blow over by this afternoon," he said.

What did they mean it was just a fight? How could they think it would just blow over? He had called me dishonorable! He had shamed my name for the entire Vulcan race! Was that normal behavior or something?

"Listen, I know you're thinking this is a big deal, and it is; I mean, the first fight is always a big deal," the captain said and I found it curious how such a closed-minded human could be so open to what I was feeling and thinking, "but it's just what happens. People get in fights all the time, especially when they love each other," he said.

"You can say that again," Bones said, scoffing and I wondered what kind of relationships he had been through in the past.

The captain stood up as if his work was done. "People say the worst things to the people they love most," he said and began to walk out. He stopped suddenly as he was exiting the room and looked at me with a mischievous grin on his face. "If I may ask, what did you call him?" he asked.

"What do you mean? I was hardly in a state worthy of retaliation, nor is it logical to retaliate at all. It confuses me that Spock would even attack in the first place-"

"Wait," the captain said, putting up his hand and closing his eyes as he smiled confusedly more, "you're saying you didn't fight back?"

I looked at him for a moment, not even trying to hide my confused look. "Of course not."

"Oh c'mon! Not even one little insult? Did you slap him?"

"What? No," I said.

Kirk shook his head. "Next time you see him, I want you to give him what he deserves," he said.

"What…?"

"Slap him, hit him, call him illogical or something," he clarified.

"I do not know how that will calm the situation-"

"That's an order, Ensign," he said.

"I- what? Captain, I object on moral grounds-"

"I don't really care," he said and smiled cockily before disappearing from sight again.

I looked confusedly and expectantly up at Bones. What kind of answer was that? Violence was most definitely not on the nonexistent solution list I had in mind.

He shrugged. "If you don't want to slap him, I would be more than happy to for you," he said.

"I don't want to slap him-"

"Lucky me!"

"I don't want anybody to slap him!"

McCoy raised his eyebrow at me and I thought perhaps I had a bit of a want to slap him, but it was hardly enough to actually go through with it.

"We'll see when you talk to him next," he said and exited the room.

The door closed and I sat in a slightly stunned silence. Whether they had helped or not, I was in significantly better spirits and my crying had ceased. I took a moment to compose myself and realize that both the doctor and the captain now had dirt on me if they so required it at some future point. I resolved to work more on my act and keep it as pristine as possible so that their knowledge may not be needed… although I hardly supposed I would last.

This ship and the entire goings on aboard were incredibly taxing on my emotions and I could see how Spock had become more relaxed about emotion while being aboard this ship. It was practically impossible for me to go more than an hour without feeling some sort of emotion. But perhaps that wasn't the ship's fault at all; maybe I just wasn't meant to be around people, period.

I was thinking it was probably the latter.