Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy, or its characters and storylines. Those all belong to Shonda Rhimes and ABC.
Little Moments: Season 9
Bitter Pie (Episode 4)
Callie sat on the couch beside her wife, legs and arms crossed not in defense- but in complete and utter apprehension. The brunette was nervous. Nervous around her own wife. How ridiculous, she thought to herself as she pretended to watchsome stupid baking show that she had been pretending to love for months.
Mark and Arizona loved this crap, so she pretended she did too. Oh…what she would give to have Mark back, forcing his gourmet dishes and expensive bottles of the perfect wine down her throat, and interrupting her sex life with Arizona. What she would give to have her sex life back. Or better yet, just her life…and the one person she truly wanted to share it with.
Arizona kept her eyes focused on the television. More than anything, she wanted to glance over at her wife…to see that flawless face…to look into those rich, chocolate orbs that melted her heart. But she couldn't. The guilt was all-consuming, and both her pride and her fear kept her from crossing that barrier. So she just stared straight ahead and pretended to watch the baking show as if it still mattered.
None of it mattered now. Mark was dead. There would be no more racing home to cook gourmet dinners, or seeing who could find the best wine, or holding bake-offs in the kitchen. Although it took a lot of time and many battles to get there, Arizona had grown to love Mark in a way that she had really only loved one other person- Timothy. Somehow, after all the ups and downs, Mark Sloan had become the brother her heart had been aching for ever since Tim died. They goofed around- teased one another. They were competitive- challenged one another. They had grown to respect and love one another. They both loved Callie. And more than their own lives, they both loved their little girl.
Arizona felt a swell of emotion course through her system as she thought of Mark- how he would be missed, and all he would be missing. Tears threatened to surface, but she pushed them back…swallowed hard…pretended to clear her throat. For the second time in her life, she had lost her brother. Callie had lost her best friend. Sofia had lost her father.
Sofia…the beautiful little girl sleeping in the bedroom behind them. Arizona's head snapped in the direction of the nursery, although not so much as a peep could be heard over the baby monitor.
"What's wrong?" Callie asked, craning her neck to peer into their daughter's room. "I didn't hear anything. Did…did you hear her?"
Arizona shook her head, baby blues reflected in deep brown for no more than a split second. Still too afraid to really look into those eyes. All the walls may come crashing down then. "I, I-I thought I heard…" the blonde began to lie, her eyes now cast down at the floor. "Never mind. She's…she's okay."
But Sofia wasn't really okay. She was no longer the happy, carefree toddler she used to be- when her father was alive and her mama was actually present. There it was again…the guilt. Arizona swallowed hard, thinking of how scared and confused their tiny human must be. And she was the cause of it. She was the one responsible. Anger flared up in her chest again suddenly, like a raging fire burning her soul. Arizona didn't want that kind of responsibility. She could barely be responsible for her own well-being these days. But she had a child. She had a child that she loved more than she ever thought possible…because of Callie.
The brunette could feel the hostility coming towards her, without so much as a word or even a look. Arizona's eyes were narrowed at the television screen, but the resentment behind them was directed at her. It always was. Callie clenched her fists in nervous anticipation, her skin clammy and her muscles tense. What was Arizona going to say now? What was she going to be blamed for tonight?
Callie kept waiting, her lungs aching with every breath. But Arizona never spoke…never yelled, or demanded, or accused. She just sat there, immersing herself in the intricacies of forming the perfect pie crust. Like that mattered. Like there would ever be another fun-filled day of baking, and cookies, and laughter in their home again. Those days were over.
A commercial came on the screen for the first time in the ten minutes since the show began, and both women straightened up tentatively. This was it. This was the moment that would make or break their night.
Callie turned ever so slightly towards her wife, glancing in Arizona's direction but not really looking at her. That would be too awkward right now. The brunette chuckled at the irony of her own thoughts, inadvertently drawing attention to herself.
"What's so funny?" Arizona asked, her tone sharp but not quite as bitter as it had been.
"Nothing," Callie said immediately, another uncomfortable lump keeping her from swallowing. Arizona just raised her eyebrows and turned back towards the television. "So, how…h-how did it go?" the brunette stammered after a long pause, trying to gain the courage to ask her wife about her day.
"How did what go?" Arizona replied, as if she had no idea what Callie was referring to. The blonde knew she could easily answer the question…tell her wife about the trials and tribulations she had faced with her first visit to the prosthetist. But that would mean opening up to Callie. Was she ready to do that? She wasn't quite sure.
"Never mind," Callie answered with defeat, not wanting to push. If Arizona didn't want to talk to her, there was nothing she could do about it. The brunette lowered her eyes to the ground, keeping them fixed on the hard wood despite the fact that American Bakeoff had returned to the screen.
The tension in the air could be cut with much less than a scalpel or a knife. You could feel it. Hell- you could almost see it, floating between two women who used to live and breathe in sync with one another. Is this the way it would always be?
"Well…I'm tired," Callie announced, even though the leading contestant was about to cut their first slice of pie for the judges. "Enjoy your show," she mumbled as she tossed the plaid blanket haphazardly behind her and took the empty wine glass from the table. "You want a refill before I leave?"
"Just put the glass and the bottle on the table," Arizona practically ordered as her head darted around Callie's body to see the television.
Callie did as told, pouring red wine right up the rim of her wife's glass. "There. That should last you til the end of the show at least," Callie said with an air of sarcasm, huffing when Arizona barely gave a nod.
The brunette shook her head in anger and frustration, then crossed the room to check on Sofia one last time before leaving. "She should be fine, but I'll take the monitor with me just in case…"
"Don't bother," Arizona mumbled, turning her head to glare at Callie. "She's not crying for you when she wakes up anyway."
"Yeah…like I don't know that," Callie yelled, spinning back around. "Too bad the person she is crying for won't get off their ass and…"
"And what?" Arizona hollered back, shifting so she could really shoot daggers at those warm, chocolate orbs. "What the hell am I supposed to do? Go in there and pick her up? Oh wait…can't lift her out of the crib and balance on one leg. Nope. Maybe…maybe I should wheel myself in there instead. Yeah, that's what I should do. I should wheel myself in and calmly explain to our one year old daughter that I can't pick her up anymore. Can't walk around the room with her like I used to. Can't carry her. Can't rock her. Is that what I should do, Calliope?"
Callie just stood there for a moment, staring into eyes filled with loathing and hatred…the eyes of a woman she no longer knew. "I don't know, okay?" the brunette whispered, tears surfacing despite her best efforts to keep them at bay. "I don't know what you should do. I don't know what I should do anymore."
"Don't do a-anything," Arizona muttered, her voice cracking with emotion. "Just…just go."
"I tried to do that forty minutes ago," Callie reminded her wife as the final two bakers happily cheered with victory in the background. "Why didn't you let me leave, like I do every other night? Why did you do this? I…I-I thought that…"
"So did I," Arizona moaned breathlessly, sadness filling her bright blue eyes. "So did I."
For the first time since she was released from the hospital, Callie saw some semblance of regret in her wife's eyes. The blonde stared at her almost apologetically, although Callie knew the much needed words wouldn't be coming out of Arizona's mouth anytime soon.
It didn't matter how many times she had apologized…for breaking that promise, for not being able to help Arizona more when she needed her, for not being able to take all the pain away. It didn't matter. Callie was the bad guy right now, and she would continue to play the part as long as her wife needed her to. Because she loved Arizona that much. Because all of this terrible, horrible suffering was worth it if she got the love of her life back. Because there were some promises she vowed never to break. Callie was determined to prove that to her wife, at all costs- even if that meant losing her sanity…her joy…her life. Arizona was worth a thousand battles…a thousand slaps to the face…a thousand lonely nights.
"I'll see you in the morning," Callie whispered, a myriad of unspoken words passing between two lost souls. As deep brown reflected back from bright blue, a glimmer of hope could be seen. No one knew what tomorrow would bring, but what Callie did know was that she'd be there…waiting for her wife to come home.
A/N: Not much to say on this chapter really. Having a very bad week, so not feeling up to sharing or anything really. Between the hurricane and some crappy stuff in my personal life, it's been crazy. Life can be a real bitch sometimes…and I guess that's why this "little moment" is a bit darker and more bitter than some of the others. I do feel as if the show could have continued in this way. Let me know what you think, and as always…thanks for reading!