Little Moments: Season 9
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy, or its characters and storylines. Those all belong to Shonda Rhimes and ABC.
Wedding Woes (Episode 9):
* A/N: So I know that I have been MIA for a while, but there has been a lot of stuff (some good, some not so good) going on in my life. I am quite behind on my little moments, but I hope you all continue to read when I can post them. This one takes place after Bailey doesn't show for her wedding, but before Callie and Arizona try to rekindle their flame. It might seem a little out of place since it doesn't follow the SL exactly, but I started this chapter right after ep. 9 aired. Hope you like it anyway & hope you are all doing well. On to the chapter…
After a moment of silence and a very awkward conversation with Ben, the bridal suite had turned from a room full of happy anticipation to a painstakingly quiet Hell. One by one, Miranda Bailey's family members picked up their cell phones and began the task of calling her once more. People were pacing the room, tears filling some eyes while others couldn't even try to mask their rage. Eventually, the Bailey clan ushered out of the suite, leaving just the three bridesmaids to discuss what had happened.
"Do you really think she ran?" Meredith asked, nervously fidgeting with her bracelets. "It just doesn't seem like something Bailey would do. Leaving Ben at the alter? I think she has a lot more respect than that. Why wouldn't she have called it off before all these people got here?"
"I don't know," Arizona chimed in, using the arm of the couch to help herself stand. "Maybe Bailey wouldn't have called it off at all if someone hadn't convinced her that marriage sucked."
"Arizona…" Callie moaned, stretching to try and grip her wife's hand. But the blonde was adept enough with her prosthetic now to get away before even one caramel finger brushed her skin.
"Don't," Arizona warned, shooting daggers with her cold baby blues. "Don't you Arizona me. You're the one who told Bailey that marriage was…what did you call it? A dance of death?"
"Yes, but I was kidding," Callie replied, a beautifully sad frown taking over her face.
In all honesty, the sadness was mixed with a bit of guilt. Some of the things she had told Miranda weren't exactly a lie. Cleaning up Arizona's pee off the floor…the war zone in their bed. Those were the not-so-fun parts of marriage. But that didn't mean Callie didn't still want to be married to her wife. She couldn't imagine life without Arizona as her partner anymore, and she would never have left her- marriage or not.
"Arizona, please," Callie begged as she took a tentative step in the blonde's direction.
"No. No, Callie," Arizona said, closing her eyes to avoid those puppy-dog eyes. "I am not getting into this here, with Bailey's family out there trying to find her and Meredith…"
But when blue eyes opened again, there was no Meredith to be seen. The younger doctor had enough sense to get the hell out of that bridal suite before things got heated.
"Great. Looks like you've scared off another one," Arizona mumbled, turning her back to Callie once more.
The blonde walked slowly to the window and just stared out into the crisp, sunny winter's day. Today was supposed to be a good one. She had resolved that it would be. She had worn the damned flat shoes, and put on the gown, and even spent time doing her makeup.
Arizona, too, had been feeling guilty. Guilty that her leg had seemingly taken over everyone's life. Guilty that she had been putting her wife through the ringer all these months. Guilty that Callie- her gorgeous goddess- had been left to pleasure herself for five solid months. But that guilt was founded when she thought her wife actually stayed with her out of love…not out of responsibility. Now Arizona wasn't so sure. And that hurt like hell.
Callie heard the sad sigh escape her wife's lips, and her heart felt like it was about to break. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry," she whispered, quietly approaching Arizona. "I never, ever meant that I didn't want to be with you. I love you, Arizona. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It's just…things have been so hard. Sometimes, I don't even feel like we're married anymore."
"What?" Arizona breathed out, turning her head ever so slightly to catch Callie's gaze. "How can you say that? I've…I've been trying so hard to be normal. I stopped sleeping in the hospital bed so I could be closer to you. I, I-I kiss you goodnight and goodbye in the morning. I know it's not sex, but I'm just not…"
"You're just not ready," Callie supplied, knowing what her wife was about to say. "Yeah, I get it. You have a whole new image to deal with, and I'm sure that's tough. I'm sure it just blows, no matter how you look at it. But for me…I'm just, I'm just so grateful that you're still here. That's all that's ever mattered to me. You're still here- still alive for me to love. But you, y-you won't let me love you. And I'm not talking about sex, Arizona. You won't let me hold you…or, o-or touch you…or allow my lips on yours for more than a split second."
"You don't get it," Arizona mumbled, staring back out the window. "You're still gorgeous, and perfect, and…a-and whole. I'm not whole anymore. I lost a part of myself, Callie. And I don't just mean my leg. You have no idea what it was like out there…"
"Because you won't tell me," Callie interrupted, raising her voice in frustration. "You don't talk to me about anything anymore. When you first came back, you were so hurt- physically and emotionally. And I figured it would take time. I knew you would push all the trauma of what happened in the woods aside and focus on your leg. But it's been months now, and you haven't once told me about that week you were gone. Everything I know is from the others…or, or from the lawsuit. You talk to lawyers about what you went through, but not your own wife. It's…it's like I'm the last person on earth you want to talk to about it."
"You are," Arizona screamed, causing a few passers by to glare into the room. The blonde took a deep breath, then grabbed her cane and slowly crossed the room to close the door.
Callie was standing there with her head down, tear-filled eyes cast towards the floor. "I'm sorry," Arizona whispered, tentatively reaching a hand out towards her wife. "I'm not keeping things from you to hurt you, Cal. I'm keeping them from you to protect you."
"Protect me?" Callie questioned, eyes suddenly raised from the floor and brows furrowed. "You're the one who was in a plane crash. You're the one who's been scarred emotionally…and injured…and lost so much. I'm the one who should be protecting you. That's all I've been trying to do- protect you, and comfort you, and just love you."
"I know that," Arizona conceded, baby blues also filling with tears. "And believe me, there are times that I want to tell you every detail about what happened out there. But I don't want to re-live it, and I certainly don't want to put those same horrible images that are always in my head into yours."
"I can handle it, Arizona," Callie told her, taking a step closer to her wife. "Believe me, nothing- not even the truth- can be worse than what I pictured in my own mind that week you were missing. Do you have idea what those days were like for me? Not knowing if you were suffering somewhere. Or worse- if you were dead. Every imaginable scenario played out in my head from the moment Owen knocked on my door until I got the phone call that they had found you alive. It may not come anywhere close to what you experienced, but believe me, I was suffering that week too."
"I know you were," the blonde admitted, a lone tear managing to escape when she looked into those intensely sad, brown eyes. "And it might not seem like to it you, but I am grateful that I made it back here to you and Sofia. Any time I was afraid, or in pain, or so hungry I thought I would die, I pictured our baby's beautiful little face. I heard her contagious laughter. I heard your voice. And smelled your shampoo. And pictured your legs wrapped around my body. I felt you inside of me. That's the only reason I survived that plane crash."
"Oh, baby…" Callie whined, her own tears starting to fall.
"So see- you were protecting me," Arizona continued. "You were comforting me and loving me. And you're still doing all of those things, even if it doesn't always feel that way."
Callie thought about her wife's words for a moment, silence filling the air. Just when she was about to close the gap between herself and Arizona…just when she was about to go for broke and pull the woman she loved into her arms, there was a loud knock on the door.
Arizona, who was a bit startled by the sound, whipped around and threw the door open. "Oh…hey, Meredith," she said, inviting the younger doctor back into the room.
"Looks like Ben has an announcement to make," Grey said, flashing each of them a small smile before turning on her heels. "Figured I would let you know."
"Thanks," the blonde called after her, releasing a heavy sigh as she wiped her tear-stained cheeks. "Guess we'd better go see what happened with Bailey."
"Yeah, guess so," Callie replied, part of her disappointed that she and Arizona wouldn't get to finish their conversation, and part of her relieved to get out of there.
The brunette held her hand out for her wife as she held the door open, hoping that against all odds, Arizona would take it. And she did…
A/N: Glad to be back, even if just part time. My teaching schedule has increased, so I haven't too much time to write anymore. But I will whenever I can. And for all of you who have followed my own personal journey, I am finally pregnant! Yay, about 4 months along now…due in summer. We are very happy, but I have been having a rough time of it…so again, just one more thing that has prevented me from doing things. Anyway, I really hope this new year has found you all well & happy. Greys has been wonderful, IMO, and I have loved seeing Callie & Arizona's journey this season!