Past: Six Months Post War

Alliance Base Charleston, South Carolina

As Old Fort Lewis, the base in North Charleston had been retired nearly thirty years before. With no imminent military threat from that location, the Reapers had ignored it, focusing on active bases and the high population cities. In the wake of their losses of those active bases, a lot of the older ones were being reused while repairs to the cities and infrastructure continued.

Charleston was now a busy hub, one of their more secure locations groundside. Night had fallen, and Del stood in the window of an apartment in officer housing, watching the landing lights of shuttles, fighters, and various other craft as they took off and landed in the distance.

Padding up behind her, Liara slid her arms around Del's waist and lay her head against her shoulder. "Can't sleep?" she asked softly.

"Just been thinking," Del told her. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"I would rather you woke me, then to wake on my own and realize you are not there."

Del turned to look at her, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, Li."

"I just came so close to losing you…"

Del hugged her tightly, the pair just holding on to each other for a long, silent moment before Li drew back and brushed a hand over Shepard's scarred cheek. "You need sleep. The meeting tomorrow is early…"

"Yeah…"

"What is it, Del? I can tell something is preying upon your mind, something more than just your recovery, and Anderson's loss."

Shepard's expression immediately saddened as she looked down. "You know what the last thing he said to me was?"

When Liara shook her head, Del met her eyes. "He said he wished he could have been my father."

"Oh, Shepard…"

"He was you know. Closest damn thing I ever had to one. Now he's gone. Him, and Kasumi, and Traynor, Mordin…"

"They all fought and died for what they believed in," Liara told her. "They gave their lives so that you could stop the Reapers…and you did. You honored their sacrifices the moment you refused to give up, the moment you fired the Crucible."

"Yeah, I'm a goddamn hero," Shepard said wearily. Drawing back, she went over and sat down on the sofa, raking her hands back through her short hair as she sighed.

"There is something more. Something you are not telling me," Liara told her. It wasn't an accusation per se, but a realization. Exhaustion and grief were one thing, but something deeper was troubling her bondmate. Walking over she knelt down in front of her love and took her hands. "What is it?"

"It's…I don't know, it's just stupid, Li. I'm just tired and trying to adjust to the war actually being over. Fighting nonstop for three years, jumping from this mission to that…I don't know how to let go. I just…something inside keeps telling me that it isn't over yet, you know? People keep cheering me as if I'm a hero and every time they do, my gut just sinks. I keep thinking there's still something I haven't done, or…or that I did something unbelievably horrible, but for the life of me, I can't remember what it was. I feel like a fraud."

"Horrible?" Liara shifted until she sat next to her, still gripping her hands as her brows knit. "What could you have done that was horrible? You stopped the Reapers, saved trillions of lives-"

"Then why do I feel like I murdered trillions instead? Why do I feel like I set in motion something so incredibly awful, so…" She made a frustrated gesture, blowing out a breath. "I don't know."

"Then show it to me," Liara told her. "Show me what happened on the Citadel, Shepard. We can figure it out together."

"No, I…putting you through that-"

"I have seen far worse, you know that."

"What about the little nub…?"

"I can protect our daughter from experiencing it as well, Del. She will be fine. Please…if there is still something that needs to be done, some lingering threat, we need to find out what it is before it is upon us. If not, this will at least help to put your mind at ease."

Del reluctantly conceded. Shifting forward a little, Liara gently cupped her hands on her bondmate's face, leaning forward until their foreheads rested against each other's. She opened the link just a little at first, simply allowing the love they had for each other to envelop them both for a moment, to envelop the child growing within her. Then, she very carefully secured that darting light away from their consciousness, shielding her and keeping her safe.

It was a strange loss, to feel the darting little joyful light fade from their joint consciousness. The child was still there, of course, still alive, but the parting was oddly wrenching. Del let out another shuddering breath, and Liara nodded.

"Open your mind, my love. Let your spirit merge with mine. We are one."

The small living room of the officer's apartment faded away, replaced by the Council chamber. The smell of smoke and blood was sharply real, as if they truly stood there. To one side, the crumpled and ruined remains of the Illusive Man lay, and near to where they stood was Del, horribly burned and battered at the dying Anderson's side.

Shepard's hand tightened in Liara's. Not only was it an odd experience to be watching herself from another vantage, this was hardly a pleasant memory to be observing.

Before them, the dying Anderson spoke, half lidded eyes focused on his Shepard.

"What do you wish, Shepard?"

"I wish I could have seen Liara again," she replied weakly. Silently, the observing Liara gripped her Shepard's hand more tightly, shaking slightly. "I wish I could…see her smile. Just one more time. She's so…pretty when she smiles."

His response was a hum, weary, fading. Gripping his hand tighter, she asked, "What do you wish?"

"I wish…"

His voice was nearly non-existent, little more than a breath. After a beat, he tried again.

"I wish…I could have been your father, Del."

Her eyes shifted slightly, gloss and exhausted. "You were, sir," she whispered back. "You were."

He gave no response, and after a moment she looked at him. "Anderson?"

His eyes were closed. No breath lifted his chest. Shepard's gaze wavered again a moment, before she carefully rested his hand over his chest.

Liara closed her eyes a moment. "Del, I am…I am so sorry."

They watched as the memory continued. Badly wounded, dying on her feet, the other Shepard got up and struggled up the stairs, the ghostly pair following.

"It was thinking about you that got me to the top again," Del said softly. "I couldn't have done any of it without you."

The dying Shepard reached the console, and they watched the conversation unfold as she tried to reach Sword, as she heard the reports of the Crucible docking…and then failing to fire. As the two white ovals appeared on the console, Del released Liara's hand and stepped up next to her doppelgänger.

"I remember this," she said. "But…most everything after is lost until I woke up on the Orizaba."

Weak, shaking badly, the dying Shepard reached out, white licks of plasma dancing over her hand a moment. She jerked it back, staring at the ovals, before placing both her hands firmly down.

Everything went white.

It was like an explosion in her mind, sharp, fast, and hot. Liara felt empty air behind her and her hands flailed out in an attempt to catch herself as she tumbled off the edge of the sofa and fell back onto the floor. For a moment, air refused to return to her lungs, her eyesight blurred and dazed.

Then a thin gasp. The pressure in her chest eased, and she coughed, blinking away tears. Almost that same moment, Del's horrified face appeared over her.

"Liara! Liara, are you ok?"

Grasping the asari, she moved her into a sit as Liara coughed again, then slid her arm under her legs, lifting her. "We'll get you to a medic-"

"No…no, no need. I am all right. I think I just got the wind knocked out of me."

Del, already halfway to the door, slowed and looked at her. "I don't think-"

"I am fine, I promise," Liara said, and coughed again. Reluctantly, Del set her on her feet, searching her face before guiding her back over to the sofa and sitting her down.

Rushing into the kitchenette, she poured a glass of water and got a rag, hurrying back. Liara sipped at the water, taking a swallow or two before nodding.

"What happened, Tianlán? What was that?"

"I am not entirely sure," Liara said. "Somehow, I was forcefully thrown out of the Joining."

At Shepard's look, Liara shook her head, sitting forward and taking her shoulders. "It was not you, Del, not really. You did not hurt me-"

"Not really? So it was me-"

"I am not entirely sure what it was," Liara said, "or how it happened. If there were memories you did not want me to experience- consciously or otherwise-then you would have presented barricades, as you did before. Locked doors, walls, tidal waves- I would simply be unable to access those portions of your mind. This was…far more forceful."

Del's jaw tightened. "You are not doing that again," she said.

"Shepard, whatever it is that happened-"

"You're not doing it again, Liara! Goddamnit, I'm not risking you again like that!"

"P-perhaps a stronger asari then, an older one. Like before, when we used the Consort to help you with the beacon visions. Aethyta perhaps-"

"I don't know, Liara. I…I'll think about it."

Liara searched her face worriedly. It seemed that –much like things exploded constantly around the woman- things were also eternally trying to damage her mentally. The beacons, Wyatt's indoctrinations, Javik's rude gathering of her memories, the AI from the Overlord project- all this on top of the normal emotional wear-and-tear that was Del's day to day.

And now this. Something blocking off a portion of her memories, so desperate to leave them unrevealed that it managed to violently break an asari Joining, something that was not easy to accomplish.

As Liara's expression crumpled, Del looked troubled, scooting closer and gathering her in her arms. "Shh, hey. It's all right, Li…"

"When is this going to be over?" Liara asked. "Why must we continue to be confounded with these horrible things? Can we not just live our lives, be together in peace, be a family? We stopped the Reapers, you nearly died to do it. We have given everything, Shepard…when will it be enough? When can we just be?"

Shepard said nothing, just held her weeping bondmate close and closed her eyes.

The next morning, fresh in uniform, Shepard stepped into a hearing room on Charleston's Alliance Base. It was much like the room in Vancouver where she had been facing the defense council the moment the Reapers first attacked, descending like dark shadows to tear the planet apart.

Behind the huge desk in front of her sat several familiar faces, some of them surprising. Fleet Master Jack Barrett, looking jubilant, sat in the middle. Admiral Hackett and Admiral Henson of the Third Fleet sat to his left. On his right were Councilor Tevos from the Citadel, and Primarch Victus of Palaven. The last Shepard had known, both had been on their respective home worlds, helping with recovery efforts.

"Captain Shepard!" Barrett's voice was loud, even on the best of days. Now it fairly boomed as he held his hands out with an unabashedly joyful grin. "By God, woman- it's good to see you on your feet again!"

"It's good to be back on them again, sir," she said.

"I know Admiral Hackett has already done a full debrief, and we have a copy of his report in front of us. Unfortunately, as you know Shepard- none of those who made it up to the Citadel with you via the beam survived. We are all incredibly grieved at the loss of those brave men and women, and at the loss of Admiral Anderson. He was a damned good man and a spectacular officer in this Alliance, as well as a personal friend."

Shepard cleared her throat, and nodded. "Yes he was, sir. Thank you."

"Part of the purpose of this meeting, Del, is to bring you up to speed on what's been happening while you were recuperating. Firstly, I would like to say that the Crucible is being disengaged from the Citadel and will be brought to New York. It will be kept intact in case it is ever needed again, however the Citadel arms cannot be closed while it is locked in position, which leaves the station vulnerable."

"I heard the station was staying in Earth orbit. Is that correct?" Del asked.

"It is," Tevos replied. "It will retain its function as the seat of the Council and as an intergalactic hub, however, as it is at Earth that our species all came together in cooperation, we thought it fitting that it remain there…a reminder of the war and a symbol about how we all joined together to triumph."

Barrett nodded. "That's right. We are in the process of electing a reformed Council as well. You heard of the loss of Udina and Valern?"

"I did."

"The heads of every species home world have been in talks almost since the moment the Reapers were destroyed," he said. "It has been almost unanimously agreed that, in light of our new galactic cooperation, that the new Council contain a representative from each species. No voice will be left out of the governing."

"Councilor Tevos will be retaining her chair," Victus said. "Councilor Sparatus has indicated his desire for retirement, and I have been elected to take the turian chair. We have confirmed Baron Trimark of Dekuuna, and Captain Fin'Desai of the quarian fleet to chair for their respective worlds, however the rest are still under consideration or election."

"That is part of the reason we wanted to speak to you, Del," Hackett said. "Councilor Tevos has very strongly requested that you take the chair as the human Councilor."

Del lifted her brows in surprise, glancing at the asari. After Tevos had refused to send a delegate for the summit talks, and then refused to lend the asari fleets (until after Thessia was attacked, that is) to the effort, Shepard would have figured her to be the last that would ever make such a suggestion.

"I…am honored. I am afraid, however, that I am going to have to decline."

"Earth could use you, Shepard," Barrett said.

"I'm not a politician sir."

"You may not consider yourself a politician, Del," he said. "But you have a lot of friends in high places, scattered throughout the galaxy. You got nearly every single species to join forces, including those that had cause to hate each other for centuries. Having you on the Council would help to assure those allegiances, strengthen those bonds."

"With all respect sir, I would rather gouge my other eye out with a rusty spoon."

Barrett let out a snorted laugh, then cleared his throat, regaining his composure. "I see. Well, it is your decision, Shepard."

"On that note then, the Normandy is still in the midst of dry-dock repairs," Hackett said. "I am assured it will be back to spec in a couple of days. Since you are nearly back up to par yourself, you can resume command, with a promotion of course-"

"May I say something, sir?" Shepard asked. Hackett lifted his eyebrows.

"Go ahead."

"I appreciate your thoughts, sir, and the honor of being considered as a Councilor or being granted a promotion. I truly am grateful, but I have no desire to be promoted, nor honestly…to resume command of the Normandy."

"What?" Barrett blinked, shocked.

"Sir, I am Alliance through and through. The service took a delinquent, troubled kid and gave her a purpose, and a family. What I have done, what I have given to the Alliance since that morning that I signed my recruitment sheet, has been given with every fiber of my being. So you will understand that it is with an extremely heavy heart, that I must ask that, in place of granting me a prestigious position or promotion, you would instead grant me retirement."

"Retire?" Barrett gaped. Even Hackett looked stunned.

"Yes sir. I'm a married woman now, sir. I have a daughter on the way. I am a soldier sir, and I am not under any delusion that I could ever leave the Alliance for good but…I need to be with them now."

"Shepard, the Reapers may be defeated, but this galaxy is still in turmoil, still recovering," Victus said. "It needs you-"

"What this galaxy needs, Primarch, is to remember the lessons I fought hard to teach them. You are good men and women. Good leaders. As I said, I am under no delusion that I'll be away from the Alliance forever. It's a part of who I am. For now, however, I need to step back. I've thought of nothing but the whole of this galaxy and her people for the last three years of my life. Now it's time I think of a smaller part of it, the part that made all of it worth something. I'm sorry, but my mind is made up. I ask nothing of anyone more than this."

Barrett leaned thoughtfully back into his chair a moment, then nodded. "Shepard, it's because of you anyone is even sitting here, and that we have a galaxy that needs rebuilding. Hell, if you asked for the moon, I'd wrap it in a goddamn bow for you. You have given more than anyone could have imagined, and if you ask me you damn well deserve a little happiness and peace now."

He rubbed a hand over his mouth, clearing his throat and nodding again. "Your provisional retirement is granted, Captain. Wherever you and your lovely wife decide to go, the Alliance will make sure you get there and have anything and everything you need. We'll consider your move classified…you are still free to tell whomever you'd like where you're going, but it will keep gawkers and reporters off your back. As for the Normandy-"

"If you don't mind sir," Del smiled. "There is one more tiny favor I'd like to ask regarding the ship's new command…"

The Normandy had been taken to dry dock just outside of Glasgow. Damage repair had been slow at first, until more resources became available, but now she looked as good as new. As Del stepped off the lift with Admiral Hackett and Liara, her eyes fell on the familiar gleaming lines of the frigate, and her heart seemed to move into her throat.

They crossed the amphitheater to the docking ramp, a private greeting them outside the airlock, saluting before he opened the door.

Hackett was the first inside, but as Del stepped in behind him, a surge of applause lifted her head, startling her.

Gathered in the CIC was her crew…her entire crew. From Joker to Adams, from Garrus to Miranda, from Tali to Wrex and Grunt…every soul who still breathed and had once called the Normandy home was there.

Overcome for a moment, Del could only stare. Liara, apparently as in the dark about this as Shepard had been, abruptly covered her mouth, tears swimming into her eyes. Hackett just smiled.

Then Ashley walked to the fore, turning to face the others. "Captain on deck!"

The crew all stiffened and saluted. Del felt her lower lip tremble a little and steeled her jaw, giving Liara's hand a faint squeeze before she stepped forward beside her friend.

"At ease," she said. Hands snapped downward. Clearing her throat roughly a time or two, she got her emotions under control, clasping her hands behind her back as she stood straight. "You have…you have no idea how good it is to see all of you again. Even Joker."

Clapping and hooting broke out again, and Shepard smiled, then nodded faintly. "Each and every one of you went through hell these last few years. You were tried by fire, and blood, and unbelievable sacrifice. I can say with no trace of hesitation that this is the finest…"

Her vision blurred, her voice thick after only a momentary pause. "…the finest crew of people that have ever set foot aboard a ship. Your courage and dedication are an outstanding example to…to everyone that has the honor of meeting you. And I am not in the least bit ashamed to say that I…fuck. I just fucking love you guys, ok?"

More hoots and applause. Liara wiped her cheeks, and it did not escape Shepard that Miranda had done the same. Joker had gone red-faced, looking down as if studying the pattern of the deck plates.

"That said, I regret to inform you that as of this evening, I am no longer in command of the Normandy."

Gasps filled the room, not the least of which was from Liara, who stared at her in shock. "Del…?"

Shepard held up her hands. "This is my decision, one I felt needed to be made. Today is my last day with the Alliance. As of 1700 tonight, I will be officially retired."

"What?" Joker. "You're leaving the Alliance?"

"I am. I will be keeping in contacted with each and every one of you but…circumstances being what they are, I believe it is best at this time if I step aside."

"For a while, right? It's not forever…I can't imagine you leaving forever, Lola," Vega asked.

"I have been told by the Fleet Master and the Fleet Admirals that, if and when I would like to return, I will be immediately reinstated and given any post or command that I wish. I may only be gone a year. Maybe five. I don't know, but you're right, James. I doubt as much as you do that I could retire forever. They tend to frown on firing really big guns if you're a civilian, after all."

"Who's going to be in command of the Normandy then?" Wrex demanded, eyes turning toward him. "I may not be serving aboard her any more, but I can't stomach the idea of some random Alliance pyjak just nosing in like they own the place."

"I would never leave this ship and my family in the hands of some 'random Alliance pyjak,' Wrex," Shepard said.

"This ship is a specialty frigate," Hackett said. "The original Normandy was designated to Captain Shepard as a Spectre vessel, and we see no reason to break that agreement. She will remain a Spectre vessel. At 1700 when Del officially steps down, Ashley Williams will take command of the Normandy."

Williams stiffened and looked at Del. "Me?"

"I can think of no one better for her than you, Ash," Del said, holding out her hand. "You take good care of her."

Slowly, Ashley reached out and accepted the hand-shake, swallowing hard as she nodded. "I will, Skipper. You goddamn bet I will."