As humans, we're eternally baffled by questions that have changing answers according to the juncture of our lives.
Where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going?
We may come to an answer at some point but the answer will only suffice for that phase. It is not enough for all stages.
Unlike our way of life, which will change accordingly, the way we love is pretty much set. At some point in life, we have to choose what kind of a romantic person we are and there are two aspects to love that delineate our course of action.
love lost or love found.
Whichever one we call "Beautiful" is the one that determines the outcome of all our relationships. Knowingly or unknowingly, we'll be searching for it with an insatiable thirst in our souls.
Uzumaki Naruto, as a young man, noticed this certain gift of his after his first heartbreak. Gift. Curse. Good. Bad. They're both different aspects to a given fact and none of them mattered. bias was not a luxury for him to afford just yet as he had not earned it.
How was he to know that Danzo had actually planned all of it?
And how was Danzo to know what he would awaken in him?
He was ten years old back then. Even while he was trying to be a humble star student, Danzo knew that youth and pride came hand in hand. He had had just the plan to take care of the weakness that was "pride" in Naruto.
Naruto was assigned to an assassination mission with a peer of his own age. Danzo's hope in the saying "boys will be boys" was rewarded by the shine he noticed in Naruto's eyes when he saw his teammate. Danzo knew that gleam. He wanted to impress her. To protect her.
"For the sake of this mission and its secrecy, you will be Brother and you'll be sister." He ordered as he handed them both the scrolls. Little did they know why he had chosen those specific titles.
"Alright bro. the guards are out."
"It's Brother. Also, I'm heading in."
He had to admire her Genjutsu ability. To deal with the guards from such a range. Not to mention that she was outside the building. He looked at the charm she had given him. She said anyone in the charm's range was in her Genjutsu range. The possibilities were infinite to him.
"Oh and bro."
"Brother." He clicked his tongue as he spoke to the charm.
"Give him the end he deserves."
He did not reply. He simply approached the snoring man. The reports claimed that he was a human trafficker. Incidentally, Sister was a victim of human trafficking. He could easily understand why she said that but something gnawed at the edge of his conscience.
'feelings…mission…'
"You got it…sis."
"Did you really think I'd be so easy to kill?"
It was the target. He was still alive. Apparently, he had killed a doppelganger. They were now surrounded by a small army outside of the castle gates. What an unexpected end to such a seemingly successful mission…to one person at least. for her, it was far from over as she drew her Kodachi. Naruto was frozen still. This was not part of his plan. His perfect perfect plan had gone to hell. He watched sister's mouth move but heard nothing. He felt nothing either as the soldiers beat him to a pulp. He was still wondering one thing.
'How?'
Danzo opened the chest. It was filled with golden ingots. He smiled faintly as he closed it.
'if either one of them makes it out, a sea of this would not compare to the achievement.'
Things had gone downhill after the capture. He had been imprisoned separately. Every day, the guards that walked by his cell spoke of only one topic.
"you know, she's just not the same as the first day."
"I agree. The first day, she was tight. Energetic. And most of all…what's that word…"
"Alive?"
"Bingo."
"Haha. You sick bastard."
His head twitched to the left as the guards passed by his cell bars. His hands were shackled and his eyes had changed. Not color or shape. They had changed from being the eyes of a mere ten-year-old.
Every day, he was beaten senseless and by the next morning, he would be utterly fine. He would question that but he wasn't exactly in the "analyzing" mood. All he wanted was his death…or theirs. They wouldn't stop talking.
On his second week of imprisonment, he started seeing her. At first, he ignored it as hallucination or even as a hostile illusion…but soon, she started moving his body. She wouldn't speak but she would run her hand through his hair and pull it painfully or she would pull his arms the wrong way. Strange enough, she broke his fingers to help him slip out of his handcuffs on the third week.
"Trust me bro." She whispered as her hands slid down his arms. Compared to the beatings he received, it was nothing but still, her hands seemed to hurt him more than the guards' ragged ones.
He found the guards and beat the info he wanted out of them. He smirked at the irony of torturing his torturers for two bits of info.
He finally found the room.
"Stress relief" was written above it. It seemed more like a saloon door than a room door. He opened the door to a sick sight of less than ten women lying on dirty futon.
"Where is she? Where's-" he couldn't finish as his eyes fell to the floor. He didn't even know her name.
'Fuck...'
"Where's my sister? She was as old as me."
The braver one of the bunch stood up with a thin blanket wrapped around her and approached him. She had that look in her eyes. The look a person has before they give unpleasant news. Discomfort and pity.
"A girl committed suicide last week. she bit her own tongue and..."
Again, something at the edge of his mind strove to break through something. Last week…what started last week…
He looked behind and saw her smiling. He turned back to the woman and he could see it clearly. They couldn't see sister.
Long story short, he didn't have to hold back anymore because he didn't have anyone to protect. He had nothing to lose.
In a matter of hours, he laid waste to the entire town, watching her laugh alongside him all the time. he used his strange healing ability to go berserk without any fear of his health.
Saving the best for the last, he slowly made his way towards the target who was hiding in his so called panic-room.
He didn't even hear him anymore. He was just letting her hand guide his katana into the man's chest.
She stopped existing when he stopped breathing.
He didn't go back immediately of course. He found her body and gave her a proper funeral. He grieved for two days, contemplating all that had happened.
Why did he start seeing her? Was it malnourishment? A genjutsu? Was he going insane?
There was no answer…of course.
Danzo was pleased by what he saw. The boy had become a man. There's a fine line between a man and a tool. Choice. Danzo had constructed his perfect tool.
Most people relate manliness to vigor and strength but no, to Danzo, being a man is doing what's needed. That has always been a man's role. To provide and perform, do what's needed, never asking for anything. Because how can they? A good deed must be praised not flaunted. That would defeat the purpose and turn goodness into exhibition. It has been a man's role to do just that without staining the act.
Naruto seemed to have learned that lesson. The mission was what needed to be done and his personal feelings were what defeated the purpose of his involvement.
That was the beginning of his golden streak.
The second time it happened was when he had found Sasuke. It was that feeling. That all too familiar feeling of control.
He was wrong though. What he felt was the illusion of control. If his mind was his own, he wouldn't have created that grim cycle of revenge and hatred.
He allowed Sakura to guide his hand into Sasuke's face. The face that was molded by god himself to be one day the ruler of the Uchiha.
Alas.
He had realized it too late.
He had realized what it all meant when he walked up to the surface of the snake den.
The grand scheme he was caught in.
He was haunted by his own mistakes. His weakness had been personified and he had allowed it to control him. Sister hadn't really killed the target. Naruto did. Sakura would have never wanted him to kill his teammate. Naruto did.
Had he been strong when they were surrounded, he would have been able to save her.
Had he been strong when he tried to kill him, she wouldn't have burned for him.
Had he been strong, he would have held his hand back and he wouldn't have awakened the weakness in another.
We are our own greatest enemies. He had paid quite the price to learn that. His life.
He wasn't strong. he was weak and he had been hurting others because of it. Sister. Sakura. And now, he was expecting the knife that will cut deep. The knife his mistake had sharpened. Karin.
He had seen Sasuke behind her. No matter how much he had provided for her over the days, the sight of Sasuke's memento had muddled her mind in a moment.
The big question was how to get rid of her problem? How to prevent her from making the same mistake as him…how to eradicate her weakness.
So far, he had experienced one solution. The easy way. Giving it what it wants.
Sure, the consequences are dire and not worth it but…aren't they worth it if it means you grow stronger and that that weakness doesn't haunt you anymore?
Such were the problems that boggled his mind at three in the morning as he listened to the cassette player.
'Is there really no other way?'
'Do I really have to die?'
'can't I just kill her?'
'isn't my life more precious than hers?'
'no. that would be covering a mistake with a bigger mistake.'
'I should've killed her in that goddamn pit.'
'but is it really a mistake?'
'isn't it a mistake to let her kill me?'
'that's egoistic and self-centered.'
'Is Everything A Goddamn Mistake To You?!'
*Thwack*
He punched the pillow in frustration. Things were looking bleak to say the least. His conscience wouldn't allow him to kill her and his pride was eating away at him. Then again, he couldn't really call it pride. It was just much simpler than that. It was his self. His desire to live.
'live for what? I made a mistake and now I need to pay the price.' He thought to himself as he made his way to the shower. He passed by the Sasuke that was lying on his couch, staring at him emotionlessly.
"I'd rather die than to see your face everyday…"
"reporting back on the assignment."
"and how does a recon assignment end up in a report of a drug lord ring suddenly disappearing?"
"I got caught"
"Really?"
"Yes. they saw me and they tried to catch me. I had to escape."
'he changed it from caught to try to catch...is he stupid or does he just not care?'
"and they were obstructing my fastest nin's escape route?"
All he did was smile. Danzo knew what he had done and he wasn't lying. He had shown himself and the thugs, being the thugs they were, tried to beat his star student. Of course he had to defend himself. Through those means, he found the excuse to execute everyone. Truly…
"Oh well. Did you at least retrieve the list as your bonus task?"
He put a box on the desk.
"too lazy. I just brought all of them."
Truly…baffling.
"are you sure?" she asked dubiously.
"I've seen that look before" Danzo groaned as he signed the necessary papers without taking his eyes off of Naruto's smile. He was wearing the same smile as every other so called "recon" mission he had.
'maybe he's come to his senses and wants to kill her and be done with this.' He hoped. The smile lit a little ember of hope in him that his star nin hadn't gone awry.
As he walked to his destination, trying his best not to answer her superfluous questions, he used the chance to take a walk down his memory lane.
'wow…my love-life sucks.' He admitted to himself as he chuckled.
"What's so funny?!" she asked furiously. Clearly, ignorance was not on her tolerance list.
He's been losing all the girls he had taken a fancy to.
He didn't even know her first crush's name. they didn't get that far.
Her relationship with sakura was going good. Normal and teenage-ish…how he had hoped things to be. That went down unexpectedly. He could never have imagined things would go from problematic to catastrophic in his own team.
'and now this.' He thought as he stared at the furious red eyes that wanted to kill him out of frustration rather than rage or hate. he had grown a habit of looking at them constantly in the few days they had spent together.
"What is it?" he asked with the same smile that frustrated her to no end.
"I'm telling you! We passed the recon point a mile ago!"
"oh. Really?" he said as he scratched his head.
"oh well." He said as he shrugged his shoulders.
*Thwack*
"How could a moron like you beat the strongest nin…" she whispered as she leaned on a tree with her arms crossed.
"Truth be told, the Sannin got that name for losing." He said with a confident smirk as he pulled out a small scroll.
"Shut it. And what's that supposed to-"
His demeanor went from friendly to a macabre monotony as he swung Sasuke's sword nonchalantly.
"Hmm?"
He opened the box. it was sent by Naruto. the room was filled with such tension that his Guards immediately crashed through the doors.
"Hokage-Sama!" they exclaimed "is everything okay?"
And they realized too late. the letter he was reading had "Last will" written behind it in Naruto's familiar crappy handwriting.
'shitshitshit! Is he going to kill me? But-'
"I'm not going to kill you so stop backing into the tree, it's inanimate and immovable…by you anyway." He said as he threw the blade. It landed by her feet.
"I took the liberty of stealing it from your room. Hope you don't mind." He said with the inscrutable demeanor his village's nin were all too familiar with and afraid of.
"What…is this, Naruto?"
"Take it. I want you to take that blade."
His gaze switched from her eyes to her left. He was staring intensely at something. What? She turned and saw him.
"S-Sasuke?" she whispered.
He chose to stay silent and allowed the spectre to guide her.
'so that's what it's like…' he smiled faintly as her eyes took a blank demeanor. She was under Sasuke's spell. his mistake's spell to be correct.
'well…this is going differently.' His smile grew as she inched closer.
"Hey. Karin." He whispered but he knew she couldn't hear him. He'd been there.
"Stop moving uselessly." he growled under his breath as he tried his best at this.
"Stop moving uselessly." she imitated him with a deeper sarcastic voice as she sent a kick to his head.
*Thwack*
"I don't sound like that." he growled as he rubbed his temples.
'you do though.' Lee thought to himself as he watched Naruto try to work on her Taijutsu.
"I can't believe it but…I think I had a crush on you the moment I saw you."
The blade's tip rested under his left breast.
"I mean…why else would I have let you-"
He gasped for air as the blade pierced his lungs. Soon, the gasp was followed by bloody cough, a result of his damaged heart.
He was watching her with a satisfied smile as she finished her third bowl. he rested his head on his palm as he raised three fingers for the chef.
"Three specials, coming up."
"Hey! Are you saying-"
"Don't." he stopped her with a stern tone.
Ayame, the waitress, couldn't help but giggle.
"You two make a cute couple."
"Haha…why else would I have let you live?" he asked with a smile as Sasuke disappeared.
This moment had a nostalgic beauty for him. He didn't know why but it reminded him of the moment he opened the doors to "stress relief" and the smell of burning flesh.
'I must have known that you would be my savior…'
"I felt it…in…my…sou…"