Internal Debates

Ten

-Mitchell

Weeks had passed since our falling out, and Jake has been strangely distant to everyone, having vanished for about a week after, and when he returned, locking himself in his lab and taking no visitors, even from his sister. I hadn't told Emma about what happened between Jake and I in his lab that day... I didn't feel it necessary to burden her with such knowledge. I had simply told her he wanted to ask me a few questions, which I answered.

-Ballenfield

It's been about... oh... twenty four days since Zoey and I had our shouting match about rhetoric and reasons. After leaving her to cry alone in the concrete psuedo-lab, I had left the Quarantine Zone, and drove cross-country back to Quarantine Zone Alpha, where I had my initial lab. There were a few projects I had left there that I wanted to recover and pick back up. I thought the eight day drive would do me good to clear my head, and also get out the remaining slivers of hate I had side-swiping and t-boning stranded cars on the highway with the powerful ACP. After returning, I spoke to no one, thinking about what had happened that day...

-Mitchell

I can honestly say that I regret what I told him that afternoon. He's no monster, just a misguided kid, cursed with an IQ too high to think straight. Do I regret turning down his offer...? No... that I can't say with any clarity which way, but I do regret the words said. If I could re-do our encounter that day I would... hell, I don't know what I'd do... I spend my days trying to get into his lab, try to see him again... just to let him now that I forgive him... and that I hope he forgives me... even though I know my actions that day were beyond forgiveness.

-Ballenfield

I can't believe I almost killed her. Twice. The sensation of her life passing through her neck, through my very claw... a life I could end with a simple motion of my hand... the thought of what might have transpired in those precious seconds send shivers down my spine even today. I had almost killed her... I had almost killed Emma a second time... And more importantly, I had almost killed myself. Do I regret me actions? Of course. I had said things... horrible things... nasty, grim-dark things I never met to say, and for that I'm very sorry... perhaps the first time in my life I've been truly... truly sorry. With an APC full of half-finished projects, most of which scientific variations of several aspects of the games I used to play in my youth, youth being a relative notation when you're twenty, I began the four day journey back across the shattered continent.

-Mitchell

When Jake would finally rouse himself from his lab, I would be there to hope to offer an apology. Instead of stopping to talk to me like I was used to, he gave me the silent 'don't' look, and walked passed me, almost like he just wanted to forget the whole thing. He strode silently to the mess hall, took a can of soda from a cooler, and then walked back to his lab, only to lock the door again, the lights flickering in the room.

-Ballenfield

I knew Zoey was camped outside my lab. I could hear her scratching knocks and quiet pleads to be let in for... god knows why. I ignore them, pretend I don't hear them and continue to work. I said nothing to Zoey as I went to get a much-needed drink, just looked at her with a wanton expression, trying to decide if I was beyond redemption in her eyes. I probably was. She probably hated my guts now, and told everyone she knew what a horrible person I was. My thoughts on this would only be futher reinforced by Emma's increasing distance from me...

-Windsor

Zoey tried her hardest to lie to me about what happened that day. Said something about 'questions' and 'clarifications', but the bruise on her neck suggested otherwise. I didn't know Jake as long as other people, but I would hope he wouldn't have raised his hand against her... for no reason, right? That's not him, right? He's chivalrous and kind, always thinking of others before himself. I kept my distance from him when he returned to the Quarantine Zone... unsure if he could do the same damage to me that he did to her. It's healed now, no more then a bad memory, but I still see that black hand print on her neck whenever I look at her. I can't tell if it's my imagination, or if it's really there.

-Ballenfield

Jake's been awfully distant as of late. He's locked himself in his lab and won't even let me in to give him dinner. 'Just put it on the floor' he keeps saying, but when I return in the morning, the flies have eaten more of it then he has. I ask around some of the people in the Quarantine Zone, hopeful he would open up to someone. Zoey diverts her eyes and changes the subject, while Emma throws the entire line of questioning out the window with one of her 'forget about it' lines. Hell, not even Christian's seen him, and Francis seems too busy with other things to be concerned about this...

-Calder

I hate mysteries.

-Ballenfield

Rina's been working the Revenants and anyone else who wants to fight into a hell of a fighting force to be reckoned with as of late, and I can feel the drums of war starting to roll, the war with the EFH will soon boil over to something we can't hope to win. I guess the time for waiting is over, and the time for action is here.

-Assembly In Quarantine Zone Omega-

I had called an assembly outside Cinderella's Castle to announce the attack on the EFH's Base. It had been one of those things I had done tentatively, only having recently come out of my lab, several of the projects I've been working on coming with me. From my podium, I noticed a few familiar faces, Zoey and Emma among them.

"Alright, listen up." I spoke clearly as the Revenants settled down, listening to my ever word. "Rina tells me you have made incredible improvements in your training, so I think it's high-time we brought the fight to the EFH themselves. Saline's told me where Commander Hall is holed up, so we'll be launching a direct assault against the base." There came little response from this, save for a small rumblings of support. "I know some of you have developed opinions on some of your peers..." As I started to say this, my eyes drifted to Zoey. "Regardless of how weak or pathetic you may find your allies, or how monstrous and as much of an asshole as you may find them... I ask that you put that all behind you and fight for the one goal we're all gathered here to support, a free, tolerant America." I turned to Rina to my right and nodded her up to the podium.

"Alright... we'll be breaking into squads of five for this mission, each leader has already been told of their missions, and you're too break into whatever squad you want. I'll be leading squad eight, Jake will be leading squad four, and Emma will lead squad two. Everyone else knows their assignments, so break up and group." I watched Zoey group up with Emma, Christian, Francis, Sarah and Marie in tow. I pulled Rina aside and muttered to her.

"I don't want Emma and Zoey in the same squad. You take Zoey for me, would you?" She nodded.

"Uh, Zoey?" She called to her, Zoey looking up as I started to arm myself with some of my little projects. "You're group's already pretty heavy on the skill, so I'd like you and Francis to move to my squad, if you would."

"Uhm... okay, if that's what you want." I heard her answer. I kept my head down so I didn't have to look at her. I sheathed the sword on the table, a small fission battery attached to the side, at my back and collected a few of the others. I was dressed a bit differently today, wearing a blue uniform from one of my games I loved, fitting much better then the lab coat I usually wore. Trinsha tapped my shoulder quickly, looking over she gave me that 'seriously' look.

"What?" I asked quickly, trying to read her expression.

"An A.S.S.P. Uniform, Jake, really?"

"What? I like it. Don't look like you don't approve, you made the silly thing."

"And I regret every second of it now." She stared at me, studying me through those eyes of hers. "Jake, talk to me." She spoke plainly.

"What's to say?"

"You vanish for a week, then when you return you lock yourself in your lab for almost a month, you don't talk, you don't eat, you don't take visitors. What's wrong?"

"I said some things I regret."

"You always say things you regret, what makes this any different?"

"I said some things I really regret... I won't go into details but... I would really honestly not have Zoey on this mission... I'm afraid she might shoot me."

"Zoey's not going to shoot you you dork." I shook my head, Trinsha reading the look on my face. "What did you do?"

"It's in the past." I tried to turn around, Trinny grabbing my shoulder, turning me to face her.

"THAT'S what you said when I ask about Melissa! That's how you treat the women in your life, Jake? When you hurt them, it's 'just in the past'?"

"That's not it, Trinny, and you know it!" I barked back. "I hurt her, okay. Badly." She looked at her, to which I responded. "Not physically... psychologically. We had a... falling out just before I left. I said things... horrible, terrible things I shouldn't have. I'm pretty sure Zoey hates me right now, and Emma's not far behind." I looked up, thoughts milling around in my head that I had no idea I could have. "It's times like this where I think it's better if I just didn't make it back from this battle." A firm slap across my face knocked me out of my thought, and onto my rump, the back of the uniform stained with the green smears of grass.

"Jake Allistair Ballenfield. You stop this self-induced emotional torrent right now, or so help me I will slap you so hard, you'll fall unconscious and wake up six years in the past. We've all done things we regret, hurt a lot of people we shouldn't have, but that's what we're fighting for, right? The chance to be human! To MAKE these mistakes, and learn from them. I won't ask the circumstances of what happened between you and Zoey, and frankly I don't care. I want you to march right over there and apologize to her, and make amends." She gave that motherly point of her finger as she stood over me, seething. I rubbed where her hand hit me and gave a little smile. Standing and nodding, I gave her a hug.

"It's times like these, sis, you look the most like mother."

"Enough of that. Apology, now." She practically pushed me towards Zoey, who was loading a few weapons into a truck. As I got near, she took one look at me, climbed into the truck's cabin, then shut and locked the door. Leaning her head back on the seat, she pretended like she was asleep.

"Jake, we're ready to move." Rina muttered to my left as I stared at Zoey ignoring me. With an airy nod, I went to my truck to move out.

"We'll talk about this later, Jake." Trinsha muttered, climbing into the back of one truck.

-After a Long Drive-

After driving to and from Quarantine Zone Alpha once, I didn't feel like spending another four days in a car, but what has to be done, right? The EFH base was built out of an old Nuclear power plant that was shut down long before the Infection. We had assembled outside of the base and, apparently, Hall knew we were coming. Assembled outside the walls was his own army of much better equipped, probably much better trained soldiers. My cell phone rung, and answering it came the voice of John Hall.

"Doctor. So glad my intelligence was right. So this is the little army you managed to work up, is it? Looks rather... paltry."

"Safe your breath, Hall. You'll need it for begging." Hanging up, I turned to the assembled soldiers. "Alright ladies and gents. No prisoners." The assembled soldiers unleashed a battlecry, followed by a Revenant rendition of the Sounds of Iwo-Jima. Much to my sister's dismay, I joined in with the others, weapon at the ready.

-A Long, Haggard Battle Later-

Combat Fatigue. Best way I could describe it. The last hour or so of combat merged into one muddled mess of incoherent babble. I found myself crouched behind a truck with Zoey and Francis, trying to survive. "Oh, and this is not where I wanted to be right now..." I muttered, clutching the rifle tight.

"Don't worry about it, Jake... I'm not going to kill you..." Zoey reassured me, despite how not reassuring it was. She peeked around the truck to see who had us pinned down. "Alright, listen... I think I can hit him from here, but I need you watch my back." I gave a nod.

"Sure, tell me when."

"On three." She answered, getting to a crouch, ready to move. "One... two..." A single gunshot rang out, ideally indistinguishable from the other gunshots echoing across the battlefield. What made this particular shot was two things, the first was that it was different about this one was that it was a higher-caliber round, probably a fifty cal fired out of some kind of long rifle, like a sniper rifle or something like that. The second thing that made this shot unique was it's target. With a dull thud, I watched Zoey collapse to the ground, blood pooling under her body. I was too shocked to speak at first, but words found form once more.

"Zoey!?" Dropping the weapon, I checked her pulse. Dead. Just like that... no pain... no suffering... no 'tell Emma I love her'... just death. "This... isn't how it's supposed to end." I felt a mix of feelings pooling inside of me. There was only one thing left to do in my mind, and no one would like it. My phone rang again. Practically tearing it from my pocket, I answered in an eerily calm voice. "Hall."

"Ready to surrender, Ballenfield?"

"Why don't you give me a written invitation up there, and we can talk about it." I answered, again, still trying to think things through.

"Of course. Throw your weapons down, and walk right up to the power plant, and we'll talk." I dropped the rifle from my hands, and stood. The soldiers received the message, and didn't fire as I walked up, Trinsha and Emma in tow.

"Talks?" Trinsha asked. I nodded.

"Where's Zoey?" Emma asked, looking about.

"Behind that car, face down in a pool of her own blood.

"WHAT?!" She bellowed, turning back and sprinting to the car.

I was 'escorted' to where Hall was barricaded by a few of the EFH soldiers. He looked rather smug, sitting there in his plush chair. It had been the first time I've seen the EFH Commander. He looked a lot like me. A man of power, who could coerce waves of men and women to do his bidding with but a word. He glared at me through arrogant eyes shielded behind half-rimmed glasses. "Doctor Ballenfield." He smiled, standing. "We meet at last, face to face." Walking over towards me, he stared at me. "What? No witty retorts?"

"I don't have to have a witty retort. The loosers often talk the most."

"Well, I'll break that chain. Did you honestly think your little 'freedom for all' routine would work this time? The British fell for it during the Revolution, but I won't. You Infected are all the same. Everything you touch turns to dust."

"Beg to differ." The two EFH soldiers had confiscated my sword and other weapons. "I have a proposition for you, Johnathon."

"Oh?" he chuckled. "I think you're hardly in the position for negotiation."

"Again, beg to differ. You want a quick end to this battle, John, as do I. So I offer a quick out."

"Alright, I'll humor you. What do you propose? And don't try to quiz your way out of this, Ballenfield. You're smarter then me, I know that. I'm smarter then to think I can wit or intelligence my way to victory."

"I didn't think you would. Here's what I have. They say the backbone of an army is it's commander. Are you as strong as your army, Hall?"

"You propose a one on one fight, Ballenfield?" He laughed again. "You're either very brave, or very foolish. I take it that uniform is for show... from some... fantasy, no doubt. I'm a soldier myself, 'Doctor'. You can't hope to win."

"One on one, Hall. You and me. Swords. What do you say?" He smiled, and held a hand to one of the guards, who handed him a sword. "Give the man his sword back." The other returned my sword. "Alright, Ballenfield, let's see how much of a swordsman you are." He took a fighting stance, while I took a more relaxed stance. I gave a weak hit with the blade, Hall deflecting it with ease. I toyed with him quietly as I tested his strength.

"What's the matter, Ballenfield? Can't afford to give a little hit to your better?"

"It's as I said Hall." I muttered again, flicking a switch at the side of the sword hilt, a crackle emanating from the blade. "The loosers always talk the most." I raised the sword above my head, taking an aggressive stance. "After all. This sword is just modeled off one of my 'fantasies'. How dangerous can it be?!" As the charge in the blade grew to it's maximum, I shouted at full volume. "THUNDER SLASH!" Bringing the blade down, he tried to block, but the force and the electicity coursing through the blade shattered his sword, causing him to fall over from the shock, similar to a tazer.

My grip tightened on the blade as I unleashed my anger. "You KILL my friends! You oppress what I've become, what we've all become, and yet you have the BALLS to call me here to negotiate a SURRENDER?!" I leveled the point to his neck, growling. "What's your end, Hall?! Why all the bloodshed!?"

"Your immunity..." He muttered through the strain of the electricity in his body. "Your immunity warranted your destruction..."

"Immunity? Immunity from what? The F.E.V.? That's gone."

"Not the F.E.V... Su-Suppression Field... The Over-Watch..."

"You're making no sense, Hall! Start making it!" I turned to the two guards, their helmets coming off. It was Trinsha and Sarah.

"When Zen... was destroyed by the Orange One... the Combine had a clear shot to earth... but the F.E.V... your Immunity... with you still alive, it would be impossible to... colonize." I smirked.

"I knew it. You're an advanced party. Tell me about this... 'Over-Watch'." The electricity in his body subsided, giving his muscles control.

"The Combine Over-Watch is a interstellar organization bent on the eradication of every other species. Total colonization of every planet they lay eyes on..."

"So while we've been shredding each other apart..."

"They've been massing for an invasion." I growled, more at my own stupidity. "DAMMIT! We've been dumb asses, Hall, both of us."

"Why? If I were to defeat your army..."

"You'd be easy pickings for them. Think about it, you moron. First rule of colonization. Eliminate the indigenous population. Once we're out of the way, you'll be next, you're a moron, Hall."

"I am not a moron." He muttered.

"Yes you are! You're the moron the Combine hired to kill us all!" I picked him up by the collar. "How long until the invasion begins?" A loud clap of thunder outside stopped me. Hall shook his head.

"It already has..." Dropping him, I ran to the window, a large, swirling blue cloud appearing in the sky. I had seen this in multiple simulations in both Aperture and Black Mesa. A over-stimulation of earth's atmosphere with both positive and negative singularity charges, similar to ones seen in black holes, but much different. These were expanded when I worked in Aperture to explain how Wormhole technology works. More specifically... portals.

"Ssssssshit..." I grumbled. "Portal Storm." I turned to Trinny and Sarah. "Run! Get out of here!"

"I've already lost, Jake... I set the reactor to explode... it might destabilize the Portal Storm... but it won't stop it. You've got to get your and my men out of here..." I nodded.

Sprinting out of the powerplant, we came to watch the storm grow, EFH and Revenant soldier alike looking up. Emma was still crouched over Zoey's body, the dried trails of tears still in her eyes.

"What happened in there?" She asked, wiping her eyes.

"Long or short version?"

"I don't have time for your fucking games, Jake!"

"Short of it is, we're screwed..." I looked towards the power plant and nodded. From my pocket, I pulled a syringe out, and jammed it into Zoey's shoulder, injecting her with what was inside. "Trinsha, listen to me. There's something I need to do. The reactor will explode, I don't know how long it'll take, but this place isn't safe anymore. Trinsha, listen to me, take Emma, Francis and the others and go to Ravenholme. Doctor Kliener's got a lab near there... he'll help you..."

"Kliener? From Black Mesa? Have you been talking to him?"

"On and off. If I'm not back in five minutes, go." She nodded, but it felt more obligatory.

"What about Zoey? We can't just..." Emma pleaded.

"Take her. At least give her a proper burial." She swallowed hard and gave a grim nod. "Oh, and Emma..." She turned back to me. "Kas-naladak." Blinking twice, she nodded. "And now..." Turning to the smoldering power plant, I hunkered down and bellowed: "LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOY!"

"Oh my god!" Francis called. "He ran in..."

"JAKE!" Saline shouted after him as his form disappeared into the power plant, his last phrase melding into a heartfelt 'Jenkins!' as he vanished.

"Shit... what the-!" I muttered as the mess of everything that happened recently started coming back in waves. Zoey dead... Jake dead... who knows who else dead. And me with no more tears to cry. I looked down to Zoey's body, and with ginger hands, I picked her up, her form simply slumping in my arms. Despite the dryness of my tearducts, I managed to cry more. "Trinny... come on." I told Trinsha, walking to the truck.

"Jake's still in there! We can't just-"

"Trinsha, with all due respect, get your ass in the truck, or I'll force you in there!" I growled, shooting her a cruel look. With a final, uneasy look to the power plant, she shook her head.

"Jake... this was your plan all along... You never wanted to live in this world you helped to create... did you?"

"Sometimes, Trinny..." Francis droned in a tone very foreign to him. "We can't live in the world we create. Your brother knew that. He wanted YOU to live in this world... knowing..."

"Don't Francis! Don't say that! Jake was a good man! A decent man! He just... he was just misguided..."

"Now, please!" I growled again, putting Zoey in the back as flat as I could. Everyone piled in the car as the others fled in different directions, away from the pending explosion.

With the roughness of the country road, something resembling a DVD dropped out of the sunvisor, falling onto my lap. Trinsha took it, looking it over.

"It says 'From Jake'..." Trinsha shook her head. "Dammit Jake... why are you always so... prepared...?"