I sincerely apologize for the long wait, but I had school-work and writters block. Well here is chapter 13 and I should warn you. There will most likely be A LOT of grammatical errors. Hope you'll enjoy anyway :i
Chapter 13 Kyle POV
Like always, Ben had been pestering me and even after he had left, I couldn't stay in the apartment. I had to get some air. The urge to let go and run almost consumed me. I needed to let go of my build up frustration before my anger and annoyance made me break something.
My pace towards the forest was hurried and quick. I just wanted to shift. To let the animal take over. To become one with my inner self and gain more control over my chaotic thoughts so that I could get them sorted. More other form had always been my refugee, when the human life became too much, as it tended to do around any members of my family. Nothing except shifting and working with machines had ever managed to calm me completely down, and seeing as it was late night it was better going to the forest than the garage.
Ben could just be so infuriation! Why did he find so much joy in making my life a living hell? Why did he always have to come here, when he had nothing better to do? I thought he had found a pack in South Carolina, but either he got sick of them or it was the other way around.
When I arrived to the edge of the forest, I stopped dead on my track. Someone was standing with their back to me, facing the threes. At first, I didn't recognize the person standing there and was just about to turn around and find another place to enter the forest, but as soon as the scent of mango shampoo hit me, my heart skipped a beat and my breath caught in my trout. What amazed me more than my physical reaction was the fact that my own frustration and anger towards my brother seemed to fade. My "problem" didn't seem like such a big deal and it was as if I had already shifted or worked on an engine. My thoughts were more sorted and my concentration pointed towards something… more. And the fact that Cailyn seemed to have that kind of effect on me, scared the wits out of me, but at the same time I knew I couldn't act on that fear.
"Cailyn?" I couldn't believe it. What was she doing out here? As she turned around, I felt something pull at my heart. She had been crying. Why? I discreetly searched her body for any visible sign of harm, but except for her one cheek that was a bit reddish compared to the other, there were no injuries.
"What… what are you doing here?" she tried to hide behind a mask, but I couldn't let her. I didn't want to be a person she had to hide from. I wanted her to be able to talk to me, but I wouldn't force her. I of all people should know, how important it was to keep secrets and not tell them to just anybody. Plus I didn't find it fair, to ask for her to tell me something she didn't want to share, when I wasn't ready to tell her about my secret. I hoped one day I could find someone to share it with, and I knew Cailyn could be that person, but not quite jet. Telling an outsider about it would mean not only changing that person's entire point of view on life, but it would be like spilling my entire being. I would be vulnerable and fragile under someone else's scrutinizing gaze and a single word would be enough to break me. I wasn't ready to put myself out there like that. I was still too afraid.
I realized that no matter the reason, I was happy she was there. It was good to see her even though her state worried me. My heart ached at the sight of her puffy, red eyes and lost gaze.
"Just taking a late night walk. What about you? It's quite the detour if you're going home from work, unless of course you live in the forest" I tried being casual, but I was worried about her, and I was afraid someone had hurt her. If that were the case, they would seriously regret it. Just the thought of someone hurting her, made my insides turn and my fists clench.
"I needed some air" she said, gracefully avoiding to answer why she was out crying with only the night and threes as her company – and now me of course. I couldn't help but smile as she said that. It was the same reason I had when I left my apartment. I didn't want to pressure her into telling me what's wrong. If she wanted me to know, she would tell me herself. We all had secrets, right? Besides, more than wanting to know the source of her misery, I rather wanted to cheer her up.
I lied about being on my way home, in the hope that she would come over. I didn't like her being out here on her own and I especially didn't want to leave her before getting her in a better mood. I wanted her to know that I was supportive and cared for her.
It seemed to help because as we talked her smile grew wider. It was such a beautiful smile. That is, until she looked down shamefully. It seemed she was in more trouble than I thought, because she didn't seem to want to go home. Concern crept under my skin jet again like a slimy snail as I nodded my approval. I tried loosening the mood again.
We talked the whole way to my apartment. It was amazing how blind she was when it came to herself. She couldn't see how special she was and it kind of frustrated me. What amazed me even more was the look she gave as I talked about work. There was a light and admiration in her eyes that I didn't get. What did she find so great about me that made her give me such a look?
We talked for what seemed like hours before she looked at the clock above my fridge. She seemed flustered which made a smile creep unto my face.
"Look at the time. Oh God, tomorrow is going to be hell"
I couldn't believe she even thought about school after whatever made her leave her home in the manner she did. If I was frustrated or sad, the last thing on my mind would be school.
"We could skip school if you want" I tried to be casual about it. I wanted to cheer her up and at the same time I wished to be with her. I knew it was selfish, but I wanted to be the one to make her sadness disappear and get her to smile again. That plus I sincerely believed that a day of, would do her some good.
"Skip school?" she looked at me as if I just suggested that we went to school naked.
"Yes, miss studious, skip school. Ever heard of it?" I couldn't help teasing her.
"I don't know…" she seemed at little lost in thoughts before her hand unconsciously went to her cheek. It had begun to swell slightly and my heart clenched.
"Cailyn, are you alright?"
"No" she was struggling to keep her posture. I kept my mouth shut, waiting for her to go on. She told me about her mother and the argument. She was fighting not to cry, but I didn't want her to. I wanted her to be happy. I needed her to be happy. I laid a hand on her clenched fists in the hopes, that she understood that I was there and to get her to relax her muscles.
I had heard about her mother. Of course I had. This town was tiny and sometimes that wasn't such a great thing. Secrets was hard to keep.
"Cailyn, please look at me" I took her face in my hands as gentle as I could, in the fear that she might break, if I put too much strength into my touch. I brushed some of the tears she had finally shed away with my thump. For once the urge to just kiss her was not as overwhelming as the urge to calm and comfort her.
"You are not at fault here, Cailyn. You know that, don't you? You should not feel ashamed to say what you mean or feel. No one should" I needed her to understand and accept this fact. She couldn't just blame herself. A child doesn't choose its parent. Hell, I knew that better than anyone, even though it took me a long time to understand. She tried to be brave by smiling slightly, but I didn't want her to. She shouldn't feel like she had to hide or act in front of me. I didn't want that, and I knew it wasn't good for her. Hiding ones hurt only make it that much worse later on.
"Don't" I muttered.
"God, Cailyn" I couldn't bear watching her like this. It was breaking my heart and seeing her like this, made me want to protect her from all bad. Without thinking, I took her in my arms and held her close. As she cried her heart out, I gently rubbed circles on her back and I didn't stop even as her full blown crying turned into sobs. I just held her until her breathing calmed and her heartbeat slowed down. I snaked my arm under her knees and the other around her back, and carried her to my room. Her eyes were closed, but the tearstain decorated her face like some sort of war paint. To me, it seemed wrong that a single tear of sadness or frustration should even graze her cheeks or curl her beautiful features. She was so strong and seemed to be able to handle anything that came at her, but she forgot to be selfish. She needed to know, that it was ok to dump her problems on other people. That there was nothing wrong with asking for help when needed.
I gently laid her down on my bed and pulled the covers over her. I had a blanket on the couch and luckily, I had two pillows, so I took the one her head didn't rest upon and went to the living room slash kitchen slash dining room.
I wasn't even tired, but I still brushed my teeth, took of my pants and laid on the couch. I wished it were under different circumstances that she now slept in my bed, but I was still happy to see her. Now that I wasn't in her presence anymore, my brain started to function properly again. I was worried and slightly terrified of the feelings she brought up in me. It was dangerous and wrong in so many ways. Even if I had been just the average teenager, I would still not be good enough for her… or would I? If I wasn't a Shifter, my parents might not have been so infuriating difficult to please, and my brother might not have such a big pain in my ass, but would we still be a family? Would I have made the same choices I had if it wasn't for the wolf in me? If I were given a different destiny and path in life, would I have been a better or worse person? Cailyn had told me just earlier this evening that I thought too low of myself, but… I don't know. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was just like her and couldn't see myself clearly, but even so… there was nothing I wished for more than to be a man worthy of the strong willed and kind young woman in my bedroom. She deserved someone that could protect her and was steady. I didn't know how much a Shifter could be that for her, but hell I was willing to try, even if it scared me and even if it she could only accept me as a friend.
I groggily woke to the smell of toasted bread, bacon and eggs. That and the sound of someone working quietly in the kitchen gently pulled me up in a sitting position on the couch. The image of Cailyn making breakfast with such an easygoing and happy expression on her beautiful face, made my heart beat faster.
"Good morning. I hope you don't mind me using your kitchen" she smiled shyly at me as she realized I was awake. I calmly pulled on my pants and went over to her. The food looked delicious, but…
"Where did you get that? I thought my fridge was half-empty" I muttered and yawned. She just simply smiled at me. Oh, that smile!
"I saw that, which is whyyyyyy I went to this thing called a convenience store" she draw out the 'why' and winked, but now I was fully awake, I could see she was a little tense. I recalled our conversation from last night and the fact that she cried herself to sleep. I felt a painful pull at my heart and wished she would never experience anything like that again. She deserved so much more than she got.
"How are you?" I asked softly, a little afraid that she might take it the wrong way. I wasn't sure if she was one of those, who didn't like to be reminded of herself crying.
She blushed slightly and turned to me with a serious look in her beautiful eyes. There was so much life in those heavenly orbs. Oh God, listen to yourself, Kyle. Don't sound like such a girl! Not even in your own head. Jesus...
"I'm very grateful for you. It seems as if you're always there when I'm in trouble, so…" the seriousness softened and she smiled playfully.
"… now I'm making you breakfast as a thank you and hoped the offer on skipping school still stands?"
I smiled whole-heartedly. That smile of hers seemed to affect me in such a funny way. I didn't know what to make of that warm and fuzzy feeling. It was all so gooey and I feared those feelings. Wasn't it just last night, I had made up with myself, that I would be her friend? A friend doesn't get sweaty palms or significantly faster heartbeat when another friend smiled at you. This could only end badly if I didn't get my feelings under control.
"Of course, anything for you, mi'lady" I teased. Ignoring my crazy inner monolog for now. We ate breakfast while talking about nothing heavy or mind-blowing. It was actually quite nice and as always when Cailyn was near, the fear of getting too close to any "outsider" was pushed aside and even seemed ridiculous. I might fear my growing feelings for her, but I didn't feel on edge around her and I had a feeling it was safe to be myself with her.
"I have work from three to seven, but we can do something until then… if you want" I told her sounding hopeful. Very smooth, I know. Especially since I was the one suggesting we'd skip school.
"Sounds great" was it just me or was there anticipation and excitement in her eyes? Maybe it was just because she had never skipped school before. Or it could also just be me reading too much into it.
"So… any plans for us on this fine day?" she asked amused, before taking a bite of her third piece of bacon.
I smiled sheepishly as I really hadn't thought it through, but only thought that I wanted to cheer her up and get her mind of off things.
"No" I reluctantly answered, but smiled happily.
"Buuut I'm open for any suggestions" I continued teasingly and enjoyed the sound of her giggles. She seemed to be deep in thought before answering with a hopeful smile. Oh that smile.
"What about a walk in the woods?"
I was caught off guard, as I hadn't seen that one coming.
"Why the woods?" I asked a bit uneasy. She didn't… she couldn't know, could she? No, there was no way. It was just a… coincidence? She probably just enjoyed outdoor walks. I was just overthinking it, because I had something to hide, right?
"Well, when I first officially met you, you were out walking in the woods, and I thought it might be something you enjoyed… but if you don't want to, we can just do something else" she shrugged, but the questioning look hadn't left her eyes. A strange feeling filled my chest. It was fluttering and uncomfortable, but at the same time, I wanted that strange feeling to last. What the hell?! Again? I pushed aside my confusion and tried to forget the feeling, as I smiled to the girl across from me.
"I do enjoy a nice stroll in the forest at this fine season" I said in a mocking-snobbish voice, which made her roll her eyes with an amused smile.
We finished breakfast, cleared the table and after a quick shower on my part, we were out the door. I felt sort of nervous taking her to the woods. Not because I feared we might run into one of the others from the pack or because I was paranoid enough to think she would find something that could make her suspicious of my real identity, but because I felt like I was about to share something really private with her.
The woods was where I went when I wanted to be myself or clear my head. It was where I shifted and where I'd run freely. Never had I taken a human to the woods before, especially not such an important person. I hoped and wished for her to like the woods just an ounce of how I loved it. The wilderness was where my heart was. Where the wolf in me belonged.
We walked in comfortable silence as the threes closed in around us. We didn't follow a path, but made our own. I felt my heart flutter and a sucking feeling in the pit of my stomach at the calming sounds of the woods. Everything was so quiet and still there were so many sounds. Insects humming. Birds singing. Leaves rustling. Rodents eating or running on the dry leaves on the forest floor.
I felt the familiar urge to shift, but to my surprise, the urge to stay near Cailyn was even greater. That scared me more than anything. If I was so drawn and protective of her that my urge to shift faded this much, it could only mean that I wasn't just crushing on her. It wasn't that I feared commitment or the thought of being devoted to someone. It wasn't as if my parents crappy relationship had ruined the concept of "love" for me or made me think – like Ben – that there was no such thing as "love" or finding your mate. I've seen Sara and Josh and the happiness they shared. What scared me was the fact that I might be falling for someone whom I didn't deserve. I didn't know what Cailyn thought of me, but I doubted she saw me as more than friends. How could she? She was so strong, kind and so perfect, whereas I was so… flawed and damaged. Not even to mention the whole Shifter-thing. How could I ever give her more to struggle with be telling her my secret, when she had enough to deal with as it was? Telling a human about Shifters would turn their whole world upside down, and they could never tell another soul about it. They would be forced to lie and hide things from their human friends and family. Not exactly ideal.
"Do you know what you're going to do about your living-situation?" I asked in order to snap out of my crazed inner monolog. The smile that had lit up her face until now faded and I regretted asking.
"I'm not sure. My grandmother's place is a no-no because I can't get there without a car and I don't won't to worry her. I could ask Lloyd and Abigail. I know they would welcome me with open arms and no questions asked, because they know how my mother can be and would just assume I needed some space" she seemed to just be thinking out loud, with a slightly worried look on her face and her brows furrowed together.
"But?" I asked, feeling it in the air.
"They have already done so much for me when I was younger," she said with a sad smile.
"You can always stay with me until you figure out what to do," I offered slightly afraid she would take it the wrong way.
Her eyes widened with surprise and she stopped walking. I turned and looked at her with one eyebrow lifted in confusion. Why was she so surprised? She already slept at my place two times. It was not as if it was weird or anything, right? Sure, I liked her – a lot -, but she only saw me as a friend… all right, it sounded weird when I put it like that, but she needed a place to stay, and I wanted to help.
"You… are you sure? I mean, isn't a bother having me there?" she eyed me warily and I couldn't help but grin. Geez, was she able to do anything without looking so damn cute? God, Kyle, snap out of it!
"If it makes you feel better, I'll let you cook breakfast" I teased and she smiled brightly, stepping closer.
"Deal" she said and kissed my cheek. It was like not like time stopped or fireworks started, but I felt heat rush to my cheeks, especially where her lips had touched. She smiled shyly and started walking again. I followed and felt a flutter in my chest. God, this really couldn't end well. What had I gotten myself into?
I was replacing the old carburetor in Cailyn's car with a new one that had just arrived today. I hadn't told her about this, because I wanted to surprise her. It wasn't a complete new carburetor, as I had paid for it with my own salary – not something I usually did, but since it was Cailyn… well, I wanted to do something for her after the whole thing with her mum and it needed a knew one anyway. I knew the company I bought it from, and it was a sweet deal. Timmy, Josh and Winston – Logan didn't comment - couldn't see the purpose in doing something nice for a girl, if I didn't want to tell her about it, but Sarah thought it was sweet, not that their opinions would have made me act any different. I was in the middle of connecting the carburetor to the rest of the engine, when a car stopped in front of the garage and the sound of a car door slamming loudly made all of us turn our heads. Cailyn's friend Charlie or something walked into the garage with clenched jaws and thunder in his eyes. I exchanged a look with the guys, but they seemed just as confused as me.
"What up, dude?" Josh greeted airy which made me smirk slightly, but Charlie simply ignored him.
"You" he said angrily as he walked up to me. What was his deal? I didn't even know the dude, and he was acting as if I'd done something to him.
"And good day to you" I couldn't help but smile innocently and mockingly. Hey, it was his fault for being so worked up and storming in here like that!
"You stay away from Cailyn" his voice was threatening and his eyes flaring with anger. My smile fell. I could sense the guys stand straighter and tense up a bit around us, but either Charlie didn't care or he didn't notice.
"I don't' think that it's for you to decide who Cailyn can or cannot see" who did he think he was?
"I've let you be close to her, because you all seemed genuine about being her friend, but if you think I will let my best friend who is like a little sister to me, stay with a mutt, you are damn wrong!" he almost hissed the last part and as he spoke my eyes grew wider. It was as if every sound had stopped and everyone was holding their breaths.
"Wh… what are your talking about?" my voice was hoarse from the shock. He couldn't know, could he?
He laughed humorlessly which gave me goose bumps. Who was that guy? He couldn't possibly be the same, naïve guy who hang around Cailyn, could he?
"Let skip the part where you pretend to not be a Shifter and I pretend to not be a Hunter, shall we?" he smirked and discreetly pulled out a curved dagger with all too familiar symbols decorating the sheath. It was the symbols of the Hunters. I instinctively took a few steps back and regretted showing signs of weakness in front of a Hunter. I heard Sarah gasp and Winston swear under his breath. I knew they were all ready to attack if Charlie made any sudden movements, but he didn't. He simply smirked and put away the dagger.
"I'm not here to kill you. I'm not a fan of the whole kill-all-of-them-with-no-remorse-thing, but if you don't stay away from Cailyn… I might reconsider," he threatened, but his words didn't really seem to sink in, because even though he was a Hunter, his threats didn't scare me. I just looked challenging back at him and straightened my back. Maybe I had lost my mind somewhere down the broken road that was my life.
"And what would you tell Cailyn, if you killed me?" he had to be bluffing. I knew a Hunter was capable of killing my kind, but would he really risk losing his best friend just to protect her from a non-existing threat? It was not as if I would ever hurt her and I sure as hell would protect her from anything that would, but… I was too selfish to leave her now. I tried to fight it before, but I couldn't anymore. She was my everything. And that scared me more than any Hunter ever could.
"I'll just tell her you left town along with the rest you" he looked around in the garage as he indicated that this wasn't just my life on the line.
I growled and instinctively grabbed him by his throat. I wouldn't let him threaten my friends! I felt a sharp object press against my stomach the second I touched him. Around me, I heard threatening growls coming from my pack members.
"Don't think you're all high and mighty just because you're a Hunter" I loosened my grip slightly, but he didn't remove his dagger so much as an inch. Strangely enough, I was more worried about not getting through to him, than him stabbing me in the gut, which was the exact reason as to why I officially declared myself insane beyond saving. All right, that might be a bit of an overreaction, but still… I was far less scared of the Hunter than I should be.
"I won't hurt her… ever. More than anything I want to make her safe and happy, except I'm not trying to kill anyone in order to do so" I said coldly and let my hand fall. Charlie pulled the dagger away and everyone seemed to relax a bit around us, but not completely.
"You really think she would be happy and safe with a Shifter? Don't you think she got it tough enough as it is already? She deserves more than you could ever offer her" Charlie seemed to have calmed down a bit too, but he seemed bitter.
"I know, but that is also why I'm not going anywhere" some part of me wished that my words weren't true. That it wasn't too late to cut her out of my life, but it was. I didn't know what would happen in the future. I haven't told her my secret or even knew what I truly felt or if I was ever going to do so, but I knew I would be a fool to let her slip through my fingers. It was just one of those things.
Charlie glared condescending at me with a penetrating look, probably trying to figure out if I was being honest. I simply stared right back. Then he seemed to sigh resignedly, but his eyes held the same hostility as before.
"Don't make me regret allowing this and don't for a second think I'm approving" he hissed and I couldn't help but smirk slightly, just to piss him off even further.
"And don't you think that your approval means anything to me"
"Hurt her, and I'm going to skin you… slowly" he warned before walking to her car and driving off.
Everything seemed silent for a second, before Sarah rushed to me. She looked me over with a worried and angry expression, while murmuring something that sounded quite along the lines of: "stuck up" and "if I ever get my hands on him". I smiled reassuringly and pushed her hands away.
"I'm not hurt. Stop fussing already"
"He nearly gutted you! How can you be so goddamn calm, you stupid prick?! I was worried he was going to kill you!" she screamed in a shrill voice. Josh already grabbing onto his panicked girlfriend and trying to calm her down.
"I don't get it. Why would he go through all the trouble of threatening Kyle, when Logan obviously has been friends with Cailyn far longer than Kyle?" Winston wondered aloud. I clenched my jaw.
"Beats me" I muttered.
"Cailyn and I have been a bit more discreet than Kyle have, which is fine except from the fact that Kyle obviously doesn't just want to be friends with her and I think Charlie caught that. That, and the fact that she is now staying at Kyle's on unknown time," Logan lazily answered on my behalf and I blushed slightly. How the hell did he know Cailyn was staying with me?! I hadn't told anyone – mainly because my friends would tease me to no end – but more importantly…. Was I that obvious? I mean, sure I practically just confessed when Charlie was pointing a knife at me, but Logan sounded like it was old news.
"What?! Why is Cailyn staying with you?!" Sarah wanted to know. I ignored the nudge Josh gave Winston as they grinned behind Sarah's back – she would not approve of their childish reaction. God, why me?
"She… had some problems and… well, it's complicated and not any of your business" I answered a bit weary at first. I didn't want to tell anyone what had driven Cailyn out of her home. It was not my secret to share.
"Yeah, I'm sure it's complicated, right Winston?" Josh whispered a little too loud to Winston who chuckled. The look in Sarah's eyes could have pulverized far bigger beings than the two male Shifters, which were currently squirming under her glare.
The she-shifter was just about to let her pent up frustrations, anger and worry from before out on Josh and Winston.