It is raining when your mother leaves.
She used to go away on business trips, for weeks at a time. She would hug you, and you would burrow into her neck. She always wore the same perfume. The same perfume as her mother. A perfume that ceased being made after Alderaan was destroyed.
When she would come back, she would kiss you before she kissed your father. She would ask to see your drawings, and when you were a little bit older, your homework.
It is raining when your mother leaves.
You used to ask to come with her, and she would stroke his hair, and say it wasn't safe. Sometimes, after she came back, she would cry and hug you. Stroke your hair. Rub your back. Whisper how much she loved you. How important it was to stay safe.
It is raining when your mother leaves.
Sometimes, after she came back, she would snap at you. Your father would give her a look, but as soon as he saw her eyes tearing up, he would ask you to leave. You would eavesdrop on them later.
"It's never going to be over, Han" She would say, "The war never really ended."
As you got older, your father stopped contradicting her.
It is raining when your mother leaves.
Business, as usual. She's going to tour a few moons to help re-establish their public health organizations. Small scale for a General.
There are so many wrinkles on her face.
She tells you where and when she's going as if you are a soldier being briefed on a mission.
You nod.
She awkwardly wraps her arms around you, and by instinct, your nose searches for her perfume.
It isn't there.
You mention this to her, and her wrinkles deepen.
"It was a gift from-" She clears her throat, " It seems wrong to wear it now."
You want to ask when she'll come back. If she'll come back.
The rain begins to fall. Your mother walks towards the door, you turn away, and then-
"I wasted so much time." She blurts out.
You look at her.
"With your father." She leans against the doorframe, "And you. It took us ages to admit our feelings. And when we were married, and when we had you- I was so focused on preserving you. Keeping you both away from it all. I missed so much."
"You were doing your best." You wonder if you should comfort her. You wonder how you comfort someone whose happiness you destroyed.
"Just-" She sighs, "Don't push away Rey."
"Rey?"
She raises her eyebrows, and for a beautiful moment you are her son and she is your mother who knows you better than you do.
Rey cries when your mother steps onto the Millennium Falcon. You put your arm around her shoulder, and you see your mother smile.