Merlin stood at the window of Cottia's room, gazing fixedly out at the forest. It was red in the light of the setting sun. The sounds of battle still rang in his mind. It was so stupid. Stupid. Seven knights had died defending the castle from the insane plot of two adolescent brats.

It would have been a joke if it had not caused so much damage. Amelia and Nicholas had ridden in as if they owned the place and demanded Arthur's surrender. They had allies, of course, some strange little rebel faction from the Other Side. Amelia had been wearing a very unbecoming black velvet dress and had smugly proclaimed that she was a sorceress, so Arthur had better watch out. When he had refused to listen to them, she had thrown a clumsily constructed fireball at him. Merlin had had ample time to drag Arthur out of the way before it hit the steps and fizzled out, not even scorching the stone.

Then Leon and Percival had arrived, and had shot down the soldiers before they even had a chance to use their fancy weapons. In the confusion, a stray bolt had hit Amelia, and she had died instantly. Her brother had run away, the only surviving member of the little invasion. But he had come back about an hour later with a few hundred mercenaries from the Other Side and attempted to storm the castle anyway. By that time, everyone had woken up. Amelia's death had ended the enchantment. The little army was easily driven off. Camelot was safe.

But Cottia was dead. Merlin turned as Percival came quietly into the room.

"Arthur told me," he said forlornly. "He said Amelia killed her."

Merlin nodded.

"Will you take her to the lake? She deserves that."

"I don't know."

Percival nodded, and left.

She looked so peaceful. Merlin was reminded of the way Arthur had looked when he had put him into the boat and sent him to Avalon. It was time to do something with her. Percival was right; she deserved a burial in the lake with other knights and great ladies.

Or did she? She was neither a knight or a lady, but she had had magic. And he had made a promise.

0000

Merlin finished arranging her and stepped back, looking at her still body in the sparkling light of the torch. The crystals outside the door reflected the light into a thousand shades of color, and the air shone with a rainbow mist. He'd only been this deep into the Crystal Cave once before. There were tunnels and hewn rooms down here, and a stream that jumped from rock to rock and filled the air with crisp vapor. Many ancient sorcerers were buried down here - it was a mark of great respect and skill. The water and rock had covered their bodies in a shining layer of crystal, turning them into statues. In time, Cottia would join them.

He'd dressed her in the armor that had once been Morgana's, and placed her dagger by her side. The bracelet from her mother was on her arm. There was nothing else he could do. She had not had many possessions.

It was bitterly cold down in the depths of these caves, and the crystals shone with a remote light. As Merlin stood looking down at her, something glittered in the darkness by his feet. It was a tiny piece of crystal, worn through and broken off by the water and somehow carried up into this dry side cave. He picked it up. It was about the length of his finger.

"One last thing," he said to the echoing silence, and opened his hand again. He'd wanted to shape the crystal into a strawberry flower, in memory of his promise. What lay on his palm was a rose, its petals just ready to burst from the bud. There was even a tiny, embryonic, leaf and a thorn on the short stem. He smiled, and tucked the crystal flower into her folded hands.

"It's not a strawberry, but it will have to do." He hesitated. "I really am sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have trusted you. Would you ever have forgiven me, if you had the chance?"

He waited, but there was no answer. "Goodbye, Cottia," he said softly, and left the cave of light.

0000

"Are you all right?" Arthur was waiting for him at the entrance to the cave. Merlin was dimly surprised. He'd been alone when he came here. "Merlin?"

"I'm fine," he said, waving him away.

"Why did you bring her here?"

Merlin stared at the ground. The wild strawberries were carpeting it with green and white. "I promised her that I would."

Arthur gave him a compassionate glance. "You were fond of her." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"I never worked it out. Was she used by that girl, or was she just framed?"

"I spoke to the gate guards. They say she went out to the forest yesterday and no one saw her come back in. I think Amelia lured her out there, cast the spell, and smuggled her back into the castle. Cottia didn't know what had happened. She just saw that people were falling asleep around her."

"But the spell didn't stop when she died."

"Amelia was here by then. Her presence kept it going. It only ceased with her death."

Arthur nodded. "Such a waste."

"Have you caught the boy?"

"He escaped. If we find him, he will be tried for treason and murder."

"Who did he kill?"

"He was an accomplice in Cottia's death. He may not have been the brains of the conspiracy, but he was part of it."

"But he never touched her. It was me. Why aren't you blaming me?"

"Did you want to kill her?"

"No! I never wanted to hurt her. I wish it had been me. Why does this always happen?"

Arthur took Merlin's arm and guided him as he stumbled. He could feel him trembling. "What always happens?"

"Everyone I trust, everyone I care for - they always die. You, Lancelot, Gwaine, Cottia, Morgana, Mordred, Gaius . . . Why is there so much death?"

"You trusted Mordred? You told me to shoot him when we first met him."

"I thought he'd changed, that he understood the big picture now that he'd grown up. We had a truce. We could have been friends."

Arthur caught Merlin as he nearly fell. It was dark now, so dark they could barely see where they were putting their feet. "I do wonder sometimes what this is all for," he admitted. "I mean, Albion has never come about, and now there's less chance of it than ever. All the little kingdoms around us are fighting like cats and dogs, and there is nothing beyond them except the Other Side."

"I did fail," Merlin said dismally. "I should have known it was Mordred I had to stop. I did know, and I still got distracted."

"Merlin, you can't keep blaming yourself for what happened in a battle hundreds of years ago. It's over now."

"Yes, it's all over. I had my chance and I failed. Just like Nimueh," he added as an afterthought. "She had her chance to lead her people out of obscurity and fear, and she failed. And now I've done the same. I understand the Fisher King now."

Merlin seemed to be talking nonsense to Arthur. "The Fisher King died hundreds of years before either of us were born."

"He was still alive when you went to find his trident. I spoke to him. He gave me a gift, and then he died because he knew his last obligation was fulfilled. But he said that he had longed for death for many years because there was nothing left for him in this world."

When they reached the castle, Arthur had to carry Merlin up the stairs to his chambers. Gwen was waiting for them.

"He's really upset," she whispered, looking down at Merlin. Arthur had laid him on his bed.

"I know. I think he was more than half in love with her."

Gwen swallowed hard. "She was a sweet girl. There wasn't any malice in her, no matter what we thought might happen."

Arthur gave her a skeptical glance. "She was as prickly as a hedgehog."

"Once you got past the prickles, then. And really, we can't blame her for being cautious. She had an awful life."

"I hope she was happy here, even if it was only for a few months."

"I think she was." Gwen helped Arthur unbuckle his armor. "You should stay with him," she said.

"I know. I'm going to."

She set his sword down on the table and caught his gaze. "Do you remember what we were talking about the other day?"

"Yes."

"I think it is a very good idea. He's always been there for you. He's made you the king you are. No one would risk more for you than Merlin. He deserves something in return."

"I know, Guinevere. But would he accept it?"

"It depends on how you ask him. I think it would make him happy."

Arthur took Gwen's hands. "Now that Cottia is dead, I have no living relatives."

"We'll have a child someday, Arthur. We just have to be patient."

"I will be much happier knowing that if anything happens to us, my son and my kingdom will be in Merlin's hands." He turned to look at his sleeping friend. "You proved that a Queen does not have to come from a noble family. He will prove that the ties of friendship can be closer than blood."