Chapter Five
When morning came, Avelina awoke with a start. She had not meant to sleep in his arms for as long as she did. Anyone could have come in to see them in a tangled embrace. She looked at her lover, to see if her sudden jolt had forced him from slumber, but he was fast asleep. He had a small smile on his face, and it tugged at Avelina's heart. She hoped he was dreaming of her, and that for once in his previously troubled days, he was content.
She slid gently from the bed, and retrieved her dress from the floor of the bathing chamber. She quickly tried to make her appearance a little less unkempt before showing herself to the other slaves. She wondered if Frieda had informed anyone of her relationship with their Dominus.
Engrossed in this thought, she failed to pay attention to her direction, and ended up crashing right into her Domina. Seppia cried out in surprise, and then looked down at her slave, who had fallen to the floor.
"Apologies, Domina!" Avelina cried, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. She was expecting to be reprimanded for her clumsiness, but Seppia just laughed.
"Where are your thoughts this morning Avelina, to produce such an ungainly demeanour?"
Avelina stared at the floor; afraid Seppia might read her thoughts and discover her brother's favourite pastime.
"Forgive such awkwardness, Domina. I feel out of sorts today."
Seppia considered this for a moment, before dismissing it as a meagre concern. "Is my brother in his chambers?"
Avelina nodded. "Yes, Domina, but he is asleep. I think it best if we leave him in peace for now."
Seppia looked puzzled. "How do you know this? Were you in his quarters?"
Avelina froze. "Yes, Domina. I entered to see if I could straighten his bed, only to find him still asleep."
"I see. It is of no matter. I will hold discussion with him later." Seppia turned to leave, but then paused. "Avelina, I require your help with something."
"Of course Domina," she replied, relieved that she was no longer being questioned about Seppius. She followed his sister to her own chambers, to see the bed and corresponding chairs and tables covered in dresses.
"We are to entertain Varinius at our home this evening," Seppia explained. "He is handsome and of great importance in Rome, and I desire something flattering to wear. Seppius has told me I am not allowed to spend any more coin on garments, and so I am forced to choose something ancient." Seppia said this as though there was no greater misery she could encounter.
"I am sure we can find something suitable, Domina," Avelina assured her, moving to sift through the silky, whimsical garments that Seppia favoured.
"Cressida is useless with these types of tasks," Seppia said, rolling her eyes. "So I sent her away, and I think you are more apt for this particular job, given you and I are about the same age."
"Domina, I will do my best to please you."
"Similar to you doing your best to please my brother?" Seppia asked, and Avelina's heart leapt into her throat. Surely she could not be implying that she knew of their relationship?
"I commit myself to the most excellent service to both you and Dominus," she replied, fighting to keep her voice steady.
Seppia let out a lively giggle. "The services enjoyed by my brother are not the same that I require of you, Avelina."
"I am unsure of what services you are referring to, Domina?"
Seppia continued to laugh, gaping in disbelief. "I can only assume they include any activity that necessitates that you be unclothed?"
Avelina struggled to find words to deny the accusation, but realized she could not summon them, as Seppia knew the truth. Seppia giggled again, satisfied, and continued to rummage through her dresses.
"It does not trouble me, Avelina," she said, holding a dress up to her body. "Seppius is a man, and men have needs I do not attempt to grasp. Eventually he will tire of you, and move on to another slave, or marry, and your life will become typical again." Seppia said it as though it was reassurance to Avelina, when in reality, it made her feel dizzy with panic. Her new understanding of 'typical' was Seppius having her every day, at least once. Usually more than that, and she had been spending almost every night sleeping next to him. Once that disappeared, she had a strong inclination that her heart would shrivel and decay. She shuddered internally.
"Words of comfort, Domina," she choked out. "Gratitude."
Seppia nodded and grabbed another dress. "Do you prefer the green or the blue?"
"Neither." A voice answered from the doorway, and the girls turned to see Seppius, bathed and dressed, glaring at them both. From his expression, Avelina could tell he had heard every word of the conversation.
"I will give you coin. You can travel with Cressida to the market square today to find a suitable option."
Seppia grinned widely. She leapt into her brother's arms and kissed him on the cheek. "I had hoped you would see reason." She scurried off to find her slave, excited at the prospect of perusing through the latest fashions. This left Avelina alone with Seppius, trapped by his body in the doorway.
"I assume you overheard our exchange?" Avelina questioned, nervously gathering the dresses Seppia had cast aside.
Seppius nodded, looking displeased, but did not speak.
"I suppose it distresses you that your sister knows of our arrangement?"
Seppius shook his head and moved into the room, coming to stand next to her. "That is not what vexes me."
"Then what plagues your thoughts?" she asked softly, tidying the dresses and moving close to him, stroking his cheek with her hand. Seppius captured it with his own hand, using it to pull her against him.
"What plagues me is your relief towards the notion that I would discard you as though you are a toy with which I have lost interest."
Avelina looked deeply into his eyes. "I only thanked your sister in order to placate her." Seppius nodded, seemingly satisfied with her response. He moved to kiss her, but she turned away from him. The realization formed that the sickening feeling she received from imagining the abandonment of Seppius' lust for her would only continue to grow stronger if she did not sever her physical ties with him.
"As much as it pains me to agree, Seppius, I cannot deny it." He looked at her, baffled by such a statement.
"I am a slave," Avelina explained. "You are a man of position. You have the entire world at your feet. Eventually the flame that you hold for me will extinguish, and I will be forgotten. You made such an observation yourself that morning in the atrium –"
"I made clear that I said those words absent thought!" Seppius interrupted her, but Avelina shook her head.
"It does not matter. I know you did not have intent to wound me, and that your thoughts were clouded by grief," she reassured him, "but in your mind you know them to be true. You will need a wife someday in order to produce a worthy heir. This is not a duty I can be assigned." At this statement, something unreadable flickered in her eyes, but it was gone before Seppius could place it.
Seppius' frown deepened. "Do you imply that you wish to break our bond?"
Tears spilt down Avelina's cheeks as she nodded. "It is not from lack of desire," she reassured him. "But I cannot continue to sleep beside you, or else it will become very painful for me. Just know that this request is accompanied by the deepest unhappiness."
Seppius swallowed and wiped her tears away. "Very well. If that will bring your mind some peace, I will not resist."
The tears flowed faster from her eyes once he gave his acquiescence. "Gratitude, Seppius." She savoured his name on her tongue one final time. "I will remember every kiss and touch with fondness."
"Hold this one in highest regard," he murmured, as he swooped down to seize her lips. He kissed her knowing it would be their last, cherishing every second, trying to etch into his memory the softness and sweetness of her mouth. She did the same, remembering the feeling of his stubble as it scraped gently against her cheek; and the strength of his hands as he clutched her to him, his favoured serpent bracelet cool on her flesh. She pulled away, and kissed his cheek, before leaving him alone in his sister's bedroom. As he stood there, he bitterly wondered if the feeling of loss he experienced with Sextus' death, and his parents' before him would be permanent now that the warm comfort brought by Avelina's touch had vanished. It was such a feeling of emptiness, that it prompted him to explore why he even felt this way in the first place. No, he told himself firmly. You do not love her. You cannot love her.