I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone…
My Immortal- Evanescence
Past: 15 Years Post War
"I don't know how they got ahead of us," Ash said as they stood in the Normandy's conference room. Shepard and Li had taken off their hard-suits but they were still flushed and dirty, clothes sticking to them with sweat. "We saw no one go in after you, and we shadowed down twenty minutes later. Singleton picked up their communications suddenly, just before that first quake. When the whole tunnels started coming down we had to beat feet. No choice after that but to come back to the ship and have the rachni start digging."
Shepard shook her head. "Wasn't your fault. We knew going in the area was seismically unstable. It's a fucking miracle we didn't lose everyone. The only upside is, I'm pretty sure we don't have to worry about Orthrus anymore."
"Some agents may remain," Liara said. "The organization itself may survive, but without the Red Queen's control, I do not think we need to fear them any more than Eclipse or the Blue Suns. Without her, they are just more hired thugs."
"You saw this 'Red Queen?'" Tali asked. "What was it?"
"An alien of a species that likely went extinct in the very first Cycles, billions of years ago," Liara replied. "She was both organic and cybernetic, and was being held in some sort of mimetic polymer generated by a bank of technology contemporary with the relays and the Anadius cinch device. What we learned was disjointed, and it is impossible to confirm what may be truth and what may be madness, but it seems that she and her…crew, I suppose- were in pursuit of members of another species they called the Iovino."
"Iovino?" Tali blinked in surprise.
Del looked up. "Yeah. Apparently the Red Queen was able to both take images out of people's minds and insert her own. Some…telepathy, or some technology far beyond anything we have. She stole memories, broken images, from the minds of the Cerberus men who first hid in that crack, then from Wilcher and his people when they followed. That's how she found out about Liara being the Shadow Broker, about Hock, and where she picked up on the name Iovino. Not to mention that crazy Alice in Wonderland bullshit."
"In her insanity and with no real point of reference she was likely unable to understand a lot of what she intuited," Liara said. "She believed the Iovino she was picking up from their memories was in fact a member of this faction or species that had imprisoned her to begin with. She directed them to bring this Iovino to her- unharmed, so they could open the trap and release her- and they of course went after the only Iovino they knew. "
"Shepard," Ashley said with a nod. "So, the original Iovino were a species? Like humans or salarians?"
"It seems likely, though it is impossible to know for sure. We had no time for study or extensive questioning. There was a badly degraded ship in the final chamber but we do not know if it was the Red Queen and her group that had originally piloted it, if it belonged to the Iovino, or if it was there purely by happenstance."
"So we didn't get anything out of this, other than more questions?" Tali asked.
"Not really," Del said with a sigh. "That volcano basically erased what was probably not only the last of an entire species, but possibly any answers to who actually created the Reapers and to what purpose."
Tali folded her arms, brooding a moment before she shrugged. "Maybe they are just insane," she said. "Maybe they were performing the Cycles for so long even they forgot why they were doing it. They did spend a great deal of time in dark space...over the millennia, maybe they went loopy."
Liara tapped her lip thoughtfully. "From our understanding, the Reapers remained dormant in dark space until they were signaled to renew the Cycle process. They would be relatively unaware of the passage of time. Still, with so many Cycles perpetuated…"
"We can theorize until the cows come home," Shepard said. "Truth of the matter is we don't know, and the hard reality is we most likely never will know. For now, the Reapers are dead, the Red Queen and her jabberwocks are gone, and we put one more threat down for good. Not too shabby in my book."
Liara looked at her. "We are not entirely empty handed. I did scan the idol and some of the cavern walls. Of course, the data will take centuries to analyze and we still may not be able to make sense of it. We still do not understand precisely how the relays work, or the Citadel, and they have been under study for longer than anyone in this room has been alive."
Del gave her a faint, lopsided grin. "If anyone has a chance of getting anything from those scans- well, I'd bet on you every time. Right now we need to get Tali back home to her family, and then I'd like to get back to mine."
"As soon as we get Riot and her remaining drones back over to her ship, we'll put in a course for Rannoch," Ashley said. "You two look in desperate need of a shower. You're more than welcome to the one in the Nest if you'd like, and I'll make sure there's some hot grub waiting when you're done."
"Thanks Ash," Shepard said, then looked at the quarian. "Tali, we'll meet you back down in the mess. We can eat, and catch up, dong ma?"
"Absolutely, Jie Jie. I wouldn't miss it for anything."
In the short decade and a half since the end of the war, Rannoch had undergone an incredible amount of change. Though the quarians and geth who now shared the planet's surface were not faced with a world devastated by Reaper attack, in many ways their challenges were just as great as those facing the turians, humans, and asari. Rannoch had not been invaded by the Reapers, however the quarians had to rebuild their nomadic, shipboard society into one that once again dwelt on dirt and rock. More, they had to do it in cooperation with a species that- for far too long- had been their deadly enemy.
Those quarians who had lived together aboard a given ship tended to cluster a bit at first, a dozen small settlements cropping up that were made of respective crews. Soon, they began to spread out, getting used to the room and the realization that they were not simply crew of this ship or that any more.
Not that they didn't still have and maintain their ships and engineering expertise, but the forgotten possibilities they had once had were now open before them again. There was an entire generation of quarian children now who had never known what it was like living solely amongst the stars. Some had never even set foot on a ship. The environmental suits once so crucial to survival now only had to be donned when travelling to other worlds, and with advancing medicine and help from the geth, soon even that would not be necessary.
The future children of this new generation might very well never step into a suit. At times it boggled Del's mind…and she could only imagine the effect it was having on Tali.
The moment the Normandy shuttle landed and its doors opened, Tali was hauling her helmet off, rushing out into the warm sunshine. Two figures were waiting anxiously, the smaller quickly breaking off from the taller and darting over the grass.
"Mama!"
"Deefa!"
Tali scooped her small daughter up in her arms, hugging her tightly and kissing her cheeks. Though she had been repeatedly reassured no harm had come to her family, for a mother there was never real relief until they could hold their children and see the truth for themselves.
Del and Liara had disembarked the shuttle at a somewhat slower pace, watching the reunion and staying back a bit to give the small family their privacy.
Micah, Tali's husband, hugged his wife tightly after Tali lifted her daughter and rose to her feet, the three quarians clinging to each other in silence for a long while. It was Deefa who noticed Liara and Del over Tali's shoulder, the three year old breaking into a wide grin and reaching out one hand.
"Auntie Li!"
Loosening her hold on Micah, Tali let Deefa down, the little quarian rushing over to Liara with a fit of giggles, happily being swooped into the air as Liara caught her up.
"One of these days, she's going to grow up and steal you away from me," Del said to her wife with a teasing grin, before she held her hand out to the approaching pair. "Baron, good to see you again."
Micah took her hand, hauling her in without warning and hugging her tightly. "Thank you," he said. "I cannot thank you enough for bringing her back safely."
"Tali's family," Shepard replied simply, giving him a gentle slap on the back before loosening her hold. "And so are you and Deefa."
"I wanna see Mel and Irie," Deefa said, clinging to Liara and looking toward the shuttle.
"Oh, sweetie, they were not able to come visit this time," Liara said gently.
"We'll have to come back and visit, next time Mel gets a break from school," Del said. "I know they'd love to see you guys."
Micah grinned. "Indeed, the adventures of Baron von Starblaster and his loyal corsairs must continue."
Melara and Irie had dubbed Micah 'Baron von Starblaster' years ago, when Mel was barely out of diapers. It had been more than amusing, watching the two young asari follow him about, fighting invisible mercs and saving invisible hostages from the evil forces of Heart Eater the Reaper King. From that moment on, Micah had been crowned with the name 'Uncle Baron' and the title of 'Coolest Uncle Ever' (though Mel now secretly considered Micah and Grunt in challenge of that title). The name had instantly stuck, and even Del and Liara referred to him as Baron more often than not.
Though, much as she liked Micah, there had been a time when Shepard had fully expected Garrus to be the one to end up with Tali. During the war a closeness had developed between the two, swiftly blossoming into a romance. In the end, it was life after the war that cooled the embers. Garrus was devoted to helping his people on Palaven to recover, and Tali had the same devotion and responsibility to Rannoch and her people. They had tried the long-distance thing for a while but it quickly became apparent they were fooling themselves. They had parted on amicable terms and remained very good friends.
At times, Del suspected there were wistful 'what might have been's from both sides, but each had found love elsewhere, and there seemed no lingering regret.
She and Liara stayed for an hour but both remained eager to get home themselves and back to their daughters. Tali walked them back to the shuttle, and Del gave her a final hug. As she watched them lift off into the sky, the quarian sighed.
Being on the Normandy again, she had almost started to miss the war. Well, no, not the war, but being with them, the crew….playing poker, hearing the pulse of the engine as they go into FTL, never knowing what the next day would bring…
"You two stay safe," she said softly as the shuttle was swallowed by the brilliant azure. "Come back and visit soon."
Present: 217 Years Post War
The house looked small and alone, dwindled somehow on the hillside and as forlorn as if it had been abandoned for years.
To Liara, it almost felt as if she had been gone years, and not just a few days. The preparations, the ceremonies, the speeches- Earth, the Citadel, the Normandy- all of it blended together in her mind until it was a smear of random events with no real cohesion.
Through it all, she had longed to go home, to escape the crowds and faces and well-wishers, but now that she was back, she found she had no desire to go inside.
Instead she walked over to the tree on the hillside, leaning against its well-worn bark as her unfocused eyes took in the golden light on the shifting sea. Irie, concerned, started her way before Melara lightly caught her arm and shook her head.
The real funeral, Shepard's Sending, would be the following day. Only those that Del had considered family would be in attendance. The krogan had followed them to Virmire, as had Samara, parting ways with the rest of the Justicars.
There would be twelve quarians…Tali's grand and great-grandchildren. Two of Ashley's grandsons would be there. Nora Koromovalu, Liara's other niece from her father's side, would be arriving that evening. Once upon a time, Del had saved little Nora's life from a plague the Collector's had sown on Omega.
Compared to the other services, this one would be small, quiet, and simple. It would be a true Sending in the asari tradition, and tradition would take its toll on Liara that night. A few minutes alone right now were not too much to ask.
Most of the guests would be staying in Beaty, a few hours away. Only Irie and her family, Mel, and Dae would be staying here in the house. Liara waited until she heard the last of them go inside, though she did not hear the door close. While Melara was willing to give her space, she was not willing to have her mother completely out of her sight, either.
Liara only stood and watched the sea, leaning on the old tree with one hand gripping tight to the dog tags around her neck, the other looped around the trunk as if it were an old friend helping her home from a long night of drinking.
She stood until it started to grow dark. Melara was about to go out to her when she finally straightened and walked across the grass, back to the house.
Irie and Dae had made preparations in the bedroom. Del's body had been stored in a cryo-casket in a secure vault in Beaty since her passing. It had been returned here just this morning. Dae had arrived early to take possession of it before Liara and the others had returned.
With Irie's help, they had opened the casket and lifted Shepard from it with their biotics. A red sheet had been lain over the bed and they gently lowered her to rest on it. Though she had been cleaned and dressed prior, Irie set about brushing her hair, checking her nails, and attending to a thousand tiny details to make sure she looked perfect.
Looking down at her father when she'd finished, Irie could almost fool herself into believing Del was just asleep…if not for the paleness of her face, and the faint blue to her eyelids and lips. No cosmetics would be used, though it was common with human funerals. Del had abhorred them in life and they would not paint her up in them in death.
As her bondmate, Liara would sit with her the night, keeping vigil. Irie thought of the hours and days and weeks that her mother had sat with her after the war, praying and hoping and wishing for Del to wake from her coma, and felt her eyes heat.
No one should have to keep the same vigil twice, she thought, then turned as Mel came in with Liara at her side.
Irie hugged her mother tightly but wordlessly, brushing a hand over her cheek before she reluctantly stepped out. No one would enter or leave the room for the entirety of the night. This vigil was sat only by the bondmate, and Liara would not emerge until dawn.
Dae, who had prepared some food as well as the traditional tea, set the tray on a small table nearby and also hugged Liara tightly, kissing her cheek before withdrawing. Mel followed suit, searching her mother's eyes with concern before kissing her forehead and stepping away.
The door was closed, and Liara was left alone.
Ignoring the tray, she went to the chair that had been set out beside the bed, and lowered herself into it. Her sky blue eyes remained fixed on Del's still face, but for the moment they were dry. Reaching out, she lightly traced her fingers over Shepard's forehead, cheek, the curve of her jaw. They outlined the scars, brushed over cold lips, then retreated. Liara tucked her hands into her lap, lowering her head a bit as if she expected to be admonished, like a child that had touched something fragile that had been forbidden.
Out in the house, she could hear the muffled voices of the others, young Lily's happy laughter. Her eyes almost filled with shame.
"Listen," she said softly. "Do you hear, Shepard? Melara, Irie, little Lily…h-how…how selfish am I?"
She had been so extremely fortunate. For so long, all of this had seemed such an impossible dream. A long life of peace with the one she loved, a house filled with the sounds of their children. How often she had hoped, begged, pleaded to be given this, to have a life with Del, away from war and uncertainty? How often had she begged in her heart for Shepard to pass peacefully with a family that loved her, instead of being torn apart in battle, shot or snuffed out with the endless violence that seemed to haunt her like a shadow?
"I have been given it. Everything I prayed for, I have been given it. How selfish and ungrateful am I that all I can think now is it was not enough…it was not enough, Shepard. It went too fast…and now I am alone, without you and…"
She broke off, closing her eyes and covering her face. Do you even hear me? she thought, and her mind returned to that last night, the last time that she had held her.
She could have sworn a hand had brushed her cheek, that Del had whispered in her ear. When she'd woken a bit more and found Shepard still wound in her arms, she had dismissed it as a dream. Now every part of her desperately clung to it.
The pragmatic, realistic, scientific part of her insisted that was all it had been- a dream. Once the electrical and chemical reactions in the brain ceased, that was it. The end of life, snuffing out as swiftly and with as much finality as a candle flame being doused.
Yet, ever since she was a child, sitting in the Temple of Athame, Liara had felt deep inside that there was something more. Something beyond the limited veil of the physical. Souls touched during a Joining, didn't they? Shepard herself had confided in her that she had heard Liara's voice in the black of space over Alchera, when she'd been cast out of the first Normandy when it was destroyed. Was that mere wishful thinking, the frantic response of a brain failing from oxygen depravation?
No, there had to be something more, something else. The idea of Del simply vanishing into nothingness made her feel physical ill. The drive, the compassion, the gentle will and fierce determination-her lopsided smile, her laugh, the frantic love hidden deep beneath those dark brown eyes-that couldn't all just disappear!
She had to have hope. She had to hold tight to that belief- that Del was still out there, that she went on. Liara had to cling to that, to the idea that someday- even if that day was six or seven hundred years away-…someday they would be together again. Someday she would feel those arms wind around her and hold her close, she would hear that voice whisper in her ear, call her Tianlán one more time.
Hope was the only thing that had gotten her through Shepard's first death. She'd had hope that Miranda would bring her back…and she had. She'd had hope that Shepard would take on the Collectors and return to her…and she had.
Hope had gotten her through the war. Hope had kept her looking for those first three weeks, when they had not known if Del was alive or dead or where she might be. Hope had been what she'd clung to day after day after she'd been found, until Del had finally woken from her coma and smiled at her.
Now, she just had to hope again.
Wiping her eyes she reached out again, softly stroking Del's hair. "You rest now, Shepard," she whispered. "It is ok to rest now. Sleep well, and I will see you with the dawn."