He left early the next morning to track down Rey. Kylo had no idea what he was going to say when he found her. His mother was right; he was in no position to begin a relationship, especially with a girl like Rey. He knew she deserved so much more than what he could give her. He also knew there was a good chance she'd wind up getting hurt. But most importantly, he knew there was absolutely no way he could stay away from her. He didn't know what to do. Maybe he'd know when he saw her.
Kylo checked Rey's bunk and the training grounds before finding her in the mess. Hoping to speak to her alone, he was dismayed to find her sitting with Poe and a few other pilots. Rey spotted him, making a sad attempt to hide behind one of her friends. He forced himself to approach their table, running his fingers through his hair nervously before speaking.
"Rey, could I speak to you for a moment?"
"Go ahead and talk," Rey replied. She clearly wasn't going to make this easy.
Kylo wouldn't give up that easily. "I was hoping we could talk alone."
"I really don't have time right now. I have to finish breakfast, then I'm going to the air field with Poe." Rey gave him a pointed look. "I'm going to be a pilot now, since I can't train as a jedi anymore."
"Hey, I didn't tell you to quit training!" Rey couldn't blame him for what she'd done. "As I recall, I asked you about your training and you said fuck it!"
"I wasn't thinking straight, I was angry and confused. You should have…you should have told me no! You should have told me to go back to Luke!" Rey had jumped to her feet, spilling her breakfast all over the floor.
"You're acting like a child!" Kylo shouted. It felt good to yell, he'd been trying so hard to keep his temper in check since his return. "I'm not responsible for what you do!"
"I was clearly shaken up! Couldn't you see it?" Rey's voice was cracking, she seemed to be on the verge of tears. Still, she didn't back down. Even now, Kylo admired her for that. "You let me give up everything I'd ever worked for!"
"You're a grown woman, Rey! I didn't force you to do anything."
"What the hell are you two talking about?" Poe asked. He looked completely baffled. In fact, so did everyone in the room. Kylo had forgotten about their audience. So, it seemed, had Rey. Taking in the curious faces around her, she turned and fled the building. Kylo took off after her.
"Leave me alone!" she said when he caught up to her outside her bunkhouse.
"Not until you talk to me. What happened, Rey? You shut me out." Kylo couldn't hide the hurt in his voice. "Why?"
Rey didn't look at him. "It was just everything was happening so fast and I realized what I'd given up and…I freaked out." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "I've never really been in a relationship before. It scares me."
"I'm scared too, Rey. I've never allowed myself to be vulnerable with anyone, I never wanted to. Coming back here has been so hard, I'm constantly fighting the dark. Snoke is in my head, whispering all the time. But when I'm with you, none of that matters. You give me clarity."
"I don't know if I can trust you. You might hurt me." Rey looked up at Kylo. "You might leave me."
Kylo gently took Rey's hand. "I'd rather die than hurt you, Rey. And I'm never going back to Snoke."
"You don't worry about what people might think?" Rey asked quietly. "General Organa's son and the scavenger nobody?"
"You don't worry about what people might think? The resistance pilot and the First Order scum?" Kylo grinned in spite of himself.
Rey smiled. "Fair point. I'm starting to think we belong together."
"My mother won't be happy, she told me to stay away from you." Kylo stepped closer to Rey, leaning down so their foreheads touched. "She said you were fragile."
"Master Luke will be pissed, he said you weren't worth my time." Rey giggled. "I bet he thinks I'll show up this morning, begging him to take me back."
"A forbidden romance," Kylo murmured. "There's something kind of hot about that."
Rey wrapped her arms around Kylo's waist. "I don't have to be at the air field for another 45 minutes." She stood on her toes and kissed him deeply. Kylo scooped Rey up in his arms and carried her into the bunkhouse.