Over the next few weeks, Rey did everything she could to forget. She worked twice as hard, flying missions with her squad and logging more training hours than anyone else. Her nights were spent on a different sort of training, alone now, since Kylo was gone and she was too proud to ask Luke. Not that she minded being alone, it was easier that way. Being around people meant dealing with the sad looks, the pity. It also meant hearing the whispers, the voices when her back was turned. They weren't all kind.

"She had to have known. Little traitor didn't say anything. She's just as bad as he is."

"Kylo Ren's whore isn't looking too good this morning. Must be missing her back stabbing boyfriend."

"That slut ought to be locked up. She's got to be a spy."

Rey did her best to ignore them. All she wanted to do was move on, to go about her daily life. She wasn't sad anymore, she wasn't angry. She wasn't happy either. All Rey could feel was numb. Finn was worried. He kept begging her to open up, to talk about it. Rey began to avoid him. She didn't want to think about Kylo, she certainly didn't want to talk about him. What was the point? He was gone, that's all there was to it. She told Finn as much after he found her training under the tree one night.

"You've got to talk about this," he insisted. "It's eating you up inside, I can tell. It'll destroy you, Rey. You walk around all day like you're in a fog. You don't smile, you don't talk to anyone. You're really starting to scare me."

"Talking about it isn't going to change anything Finn," she said, continuing to practice her forms. "You know what will? Winning this war."

"What happens if we win the war? What then?"

Rey stopped. "What do you mean?"

Finn sighed. "Kylo is either going to die during the war or be executed afterward as a war criminal. Are you going to be partially responsible for his death?"

Rey went back to her practice. "Kylo made his choice."

"So you could kill him, if it came down to it?" Finn reached out and grabbed Rey's shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "Could you kill the man you loved?"

"It won't come to that," Rey insisted, not meeting his eyes.

"Suppose it did."

"Then yeah, I'd do what had to be done." Rey swallowed back tears. "He's not the man I loved anymore."

Finn shook his head. "At least talk to General Organa if you won't talk to me. She's going through hell, same as you."

"She seems to be handling it well enough to me."

"She works all day, she hardly eats, and she looks like she hasn't slept in weeks."

Rey turned away from Finn and returned to her training. "This is wartime, Finn. Now leave me alone. I need to train."

"Ok, Rey." Finn sounded hurt. "Just remember, I'm here for you if you decide you want to talk."

"For the thousandth time, yes I know. Now please, just go."

Finn began to walk back towards base, then turned back. "I know you think everyone's abandoned you, but I haven't. You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Leave me alone!" Rey cried, feeling the tears beginning to flow. "Just go!"

Finn walked away, leaving Rey feeling more alone than ever. She dropped to her knees, sobbing so hard she could barely breathe. She was so tired. She was tired of feeling numb, she was tired of the whispers. She was so tired of the pity. Most of all, she was tired of missing Kylo Ren. "Why did you have to do that?" she whispered. "Why did you have to leave me?"
The only answer was the sound of the wind blowing through the trees. Rey ran her fingers through the grass, pulling up clumps of dirt. She hurt so badly and for what? A man who'd abandoned her, a man who didn't even have the decency to say goodbye? "I'm done with this," she said. "I'm done feeling this way. He's not worth it." She stood up and brushed the tears off her cheeks. "Kylo Ren, you're nothing to me." If she saw him again, she'd show no mercy. If she saw him again, she'd kill him.