A/N: All character thoughts are in italics. Janet E. owns all recognizable characters, but the plot line and mistakes are mine alone. Thanks again to Susan for proofing this for me. For everyone that continues to wait patiently for me to churn out the next installment and send me encouraging messages I thank you so much! This chapter is a little bit shorter than some of the others, but I needed to end where I did so that the next chapter flows better. I think this story is close to wrapping up, and I will be taking a bit of a break but I foresee other stories evolving from this one in the future – I am having way too much fun with this.

Chapter 19

Ranger was drifting in bleak darkness. Sighing inwardly, he felt adrift in uncharted territory. Each aspect of his carefully crafted life that he meticulously built created a solo lifestyle that for so long suited his needs and him. He never before had to worry about being left behind because he was the one that left first, or never stuck around to begin with. No abandonment issues. No broken hearts. No emotions to deal with.

Or so he thought.

He realized that for the first time in his life he wanted more than this lonely existence he spent all of his time and energy living. He just wasn't sure he knew how to do it.

He wanted so desperately to believe he was capable of what Stephanie said he was, but nothing in his life ever was that simple or easy. Normally, he sought solace by going back to his life that revolved around his business interests but that rigid machine-like living didn't feel very comforting to him anymore. He heard her words from earlier and had to agree with her. He was a bastard of a coward especially when it came to matters of his heart. He never backed down from a challenge in any aspect of his life, and that made him frown.

Get it together, man. Quit treating this like one of your missions.

Frustration tried to take hold as it felt like he walked that fine line between being awake and being asleep. He schooled his breathing, practicing the square window technique he picked up on one of his covert missions that had him crossing paths with a Hindu priest.

Breathe in, 2, 3, 4, hold, 2 ,3 ,4 breathe out 2, 3, 4, hold 2, 3, 4….

The frustrations gradually left him and he felt lighter. He focused again on big blue eyes and soft brown curls. He could feel himself pulled toward Stephanie, although a hint of skepticism made him wonder if it was just his wishful thinking. The pure joy and light that came from within her became his beacon. It chased away the gray and black ugliness that weighed him down and stained his soul. He pictured himself reaching out to her, floating across the room and hovering just inside her bedroom.

Tensing in surprise, he felt those now familiar flutters tentatively extending themselves toward him, meeting and melding with his. He could feel her. He just managed to keep his jaw from dropping in wonder. As it was, he swore his heart skipped a few beats in excitement when Stephanie mentally interlaced herself with him as if she laced their fingers together when holding hands.

Frustration. Anger. Sadness.

He became buffeted with these emotions, but a small niggling voice in the back of his head wondered if he really felt them because that's what he just witnessed her feeling or because that was what she was currently still feeling. Her words gently caressed his mind, silencing his own inner voice.

Just relax, Ranger. Just…. feel.

Trust was something that Ranger had difficulty with ever since he was small, even with those he considered part of his inner circle. Steph was definitely in his inner circle and if he was truthful with himself, most likely his epicenter. He knew he repeatedly asked for her blind trust, but to be placed in the position of giving it was not a role he had much success with. However, for her he would try. Taking a big dry swallow, he forced his mind to do just what she asked and relaxed his guard as much as he was capable of. Going beyond those surface emotions, she guided him deeper.

He became enveloped in light. The strongest, purest waves of love gently washed over him, infusing him with a sensation he had never experienced. He mentally harrumphed at that because he never expected to be worthy of experiencing this. He was bowled over, completely humbled at how it buoyed his soul and made the blackness start to disappear. His next knee-jerk reaction was to try to pull back, since he was not deserving of this, of her. He would not taint her and dim this light.

He felt just how much inner strength she possessed at that moment. That was a new revelation - he had completely underestimated her in that regard. She refused to let him pull back, instead pulling him deeper yet into her own mind.

A mental slide show began flashing snatches and glimpses of what she thought and felt. His stomach clenched, preparing for the truth about her feelings for Morelli to surface. She might have just confirmed she loved Ranger but even he knew there were all kinds of love. An unfamiliar sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach began to build as it dawned on him that he really didn't want to feel how much more intense her feelings were for that Italian loser. However badly he wanted to shut it all out he couldn't. His attention was snared.

He saw himself through her eyes the first time they met at the diner. He felt her curiosity and interest for him then. The picture changed to her perspective of him as he came in to uncuff her from her shower. He had to smile at that. Apparently it wasn't just the cold that caused her nipples to stand at attention that night when she saw him come into her bathroom.

He saw himself as she saw him. Strong. Capable. Gruff. Control freak. Devoted. Honor bound. Secretive. The words white night with tarnished and damaged armor flitted across his mind. He was having a hard time at this point accepting that she saw inside the façade he presented to everyone and accepted the real him, faults and all. Many more glimpses of time spent on stake outs revealed her growing interest in him as not only a good friend but as a man she looked up to and would do anything for in spite of seeing inside of him.

Unwavering respect, no matter what.

She showed him the moment that things changed for her regarding who had her heart. This was absolutely not what he expected. He caught the emotional ups and downs with Morelli in there. Ranger felt her confusion with her emotions as she tried to decide which man to give her heart to. Felt her ambivalence and then regret when she realized her heart didn't agree with her head's decision. Felt how in shock she was the morning after the most amazing night of Ranger's life and apparently hers too, when she realized the depths to which she loved him. He got a first row seat with 3D glasses to witness how it almost broke her when he pushed her away and downplayed that night's significance to him. Ranger uncharacteristically gulped and shifted himself in an attempt to ease the discomfort from the shame he felt for putting her through that.

When things flashed forward to let him feel her sad resolve to accept Morelli's attentions because she figured she would never have him, Ranger felt his stomach clinch. The subtle and not so subtle degradations she endured that Morelli and her mother threw at her made him realize this woman was forged of a steel stronger than many soldiers he had served with. And through it all, he was amazed that he still felt the love and acceptance she held in her heart.

It was for him. Just him.

Not Morelli.

He was pulled into her recent thoughts and emotions. He was forced to see and feel from her perspective not just the horrible one sided monologue Morelli delivered in Steph's room as she lay in a coma, but now he felt her sadness at losing a friend. A friend, not her love. What he failed to pick up before was the resounding anger and relief that rolled through her as Morelli left her room. The sadness he picked up on before wasn't because Steph felt rejected, it was because she couldn't get up and knee him in his balls.

He let that sudden insight envelope him. Smiling, he realized now just what a gift he—no, they had been given. Ranger could still feel their connection. He suspected that now he freely accepted and acknowledged this bond of theirs, whatever it was, he would never be able to or want to sever it. There was one more thing he had yet to try. He took a deep breath in.

Babe? Steph?

He felt Stephanie become more attentive, but didn't hear her voice as he had earlier.

Stephanie, I'm sorry. I agree with you – I think it's time we really talk.

He felt those soft flutters skitter across his cheeks, down to the area in his chest where his heart was, then back up to gently caress his head. He sighed in relief when he heard her soft dulcet voice invade his thoughts.

The door's always been unlocked where you're concerned Ranger. Are you ready to open it and come to me?

Making sure to keep the mental connection intact, Ranger smiled his classic 1000-watt smile and opened his eyes.

Ready or not Babe, here I come.

He slowly stood and glanced at Stephanie's bedroom door, then made his way toward it with determination in every step he took.

xxxxxxx

-tbc-

AN: I think there will be one more chapter after this one and that will end this story. Thanks again to everyone in advance for reading, reviewing, and offering encouragement. You all will never know how much that means to me.