Rey hadn't told anyone about her tyst with Kylo. How could she? No one would understand. She barely understood it herself. She'd gone there to fight him, to kill him. Then she'd seen his face and…melted. What was this power he had over her? Even now she couldn't get him out of her head, couldn't stop thinking about him. She'd spent the night tossing and turning, dragging herself out of bed at sunrise. Her attempts at training that morning failed miserably, meditation was hopeless with Kylo on her mind. She hadn't said a word at breakfast, hadn't been able to eat a bite. Finn, always observant, had taken notice.
"Are you alright Rey?" he asked, obviously worried. Rey was famous for her massive appetite. It wasn't like her to refuse food.
Rey looked up from the plate of eggs she'd been picking at. "Yeah, I'm just not feeling very well this morning."
"Maybe you should go get checked out," he suggested. "Can't be too careful."
"It's nothing, I'll be fine." Rey returned to her uneaten breakfast.
"It's not just today Rey. Poe and I, we're both really worried about you. Ever since Kylo left you've seemed…off. And it's only getting worse." Finn put his hand on her shoulder. "You know I'm here for you if you ever want to talk."
"I said I'm fine," Rey hissed, pushing Finn's hand away. "Leave me alone."
"We used to be so close Rey," he said sadly. "We told each other everything. What happened?"
Finn looked so hurt that, for a moment, Rey considered coming clean. Besides, it might feel good to confide in someone. Finn was right, he'd always been there for her in the past. She'd been closer to him than anyone. But no, she couldn't tell him about her night with Kylo. Finn was understanding but this was different. He'd never be able to look at her the same way again.
"I'm fine Finn," she insisted, feeling a bit guilty. "Now come on, we have a raid to get ready for."
"Rey, are you sure that's a good idea?" Finn asked quietly.
"What do you mean?" Rey asked. "I'm one of the pilots assigned to the mission."
"You aren't yourself, you're distracted." Finn looked down at his plate. "I'm afraid you'll get hurt."
"Can't you just let it go Finn?" Rey snapped, standing up. "I said I'm fine." She stomped out of the mess, Finn at her heels.
"Because I know you're not!" Finn finally lost his cool. "I'm tired of sitting around, waiting for you to talk to me. I'm tired of watching you walk around this base, miserable over someone who doesn't give a damn about you!"
Rey could feel angry tears gathering in her eyes. "You don't know that!" she screeched, causing a group of soldiers to turn and stare. "You have no idea what's going on in his head! You don't know what he went through!"
"I don't? Are you forgetting that I left the First Order too? And I didn't go crawling back the minute things got tough." Finn looked as though he might start crying too.
"People were willing to give you a chance, Finn. They called you brave for leaving." Rey wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Kylo tried, he tried so hard. But no one was willing to give him a chance!"
"You were! Leia was! Hell, even I was! But he still left Rey and he's not coming back."
"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about! He could!" The words were out before Rey could stop them. "He was here last night!"
"What?" Finn cried. "He was here? And you didn't tell anyone?"
"What is going on?" a voice asked. General Organa had appeared. "My son was here?"
"She said he was!" Finn answered before Rey could.
"I dreamed about him," Rey lied. "That's what I meant."
"We don't have time for this right now," Leia said sternly. "We have a raid to prepare for. But after this is over Rey, I want the truth."
"I'll get to the air field," Rey said, eager to escape the general's gaze.
"Change of plans Rey. You won't be going with the pilots."
Rey was confused. "What do you mean?"
"It's clear to me that you aren't fit to fly," Leia said, leaving no room for argument. "You'll stay here, as part of the rear guard."