The remaining time at the facility went by quickly. I was glad to be getting out of this jail. Cartman was getting out on time as well which let us know he fooled the doctors somehow. His crazy ass belongs here.

The doctor told my parents about me being normal. I am sure he told them to keep me away from drugs and alcohol. He at least decided to spare me the family visit. I couldn't get back home to my room soon enough. I sat my bags down and began unpacking. I could feel my mom in the door way.

"We missed you while you were gone sweetheart"

"Yeah I know" I said tossing some of my cloths in a hamper.

"Although I do not think you belong there I am glad you went. Dr. Harrington was able to help you. He might have saved your life."

"Yeah sure, whatever" I said grabbing my cell phone from my nightstand. I text Kyle to let me know when he got home.

"Stanley, I don't want you hanging around Cartman. I know you are going to do what you want but I do not want to see you end up in jail."

"Don't worry mom I won't be hanging out with Cartman like that" I said sitting down at my computer.

"Okay then" she replied with a smile. "I will let you get to it." She closed my room door. I got up and went to go lock it. A month without jacking off is a long ass time. I sat back in front of my computer and got back to the one thing I really wanted to do. I didn't last long at all. It was very quick and powerful. I spent it thinking about Kyle and for some strange reason I don't even feel bad about it.

I run my hands through my hair as I think about our last month. I was bored out of my mind but I enjoyed every minute with Kyle. I am in love with him. I don't want to act on it and mess things up. I am surfing the internet when I see a text from Kyle.

Kyle: My mom isn't letting me go anywhere. She is so worried about me.

Stan: Are you fucking serious. Dude I need to see you. We waited too long for this freedom.

Kyle: I know I know. You know how my mom is this though.

Stan: Where are you?

Kyle: We are out eating at the moment. Why?

Stan: Will your mom allow you to have company?

Kyle: I just asked her and she said no. They are treating me like a criminal. I don't like this one bit. Do they not have any faith in me?

Stan: Did you leave your window open?

Kyle: Yeah, I wanted to air it out. Are you planning to sneak in!?

Stan: Of course I am. I am heading over there now. I'll hide in your closet until I know the cost is clear.

Kyle: Are you crazy?

Stan: No, I just need my best friend

Kyle: Alright dude, do it. I have to stop texting. Mom is giving me that look.

I put my phone into my front pocket and grab my backpack on the side of my desk. I throw some night clothes in there and clothes to change into tomorrow. I go to the bathroom and grab my toothpaste and toothbrush along with my body spray. I am smiling on the inside as I think about seeing Kyle. I don't need my charger I can use his.

I don't feel like being questioned by my parents. I wait until I hear them go in their room before I head out. The walk to Kyle's house is short, all of 5 minutes. I went to the side of the house and started to climb the tree. This tree has always been my saver in times like this. Lucky for me I am not overweight or I would have broken a branch. I lean over and tap the window open. I climb in falling on the floor.

Kyle room looks as clean and neat as it always does. I can see that he hasn't unpacked his bags yet. I go ahead and put my backpack in the closet. I slowly walk around his room thinking about all the good times we had in here. Times like this I miss being a kid. Everything was an adventure to us. Nothing we did landed us in the crazy house or jail.

I sat down at Kyle's computer. I felt like drawing a little. I went into his draw to grab paper and pencil and saw a notebook. Perfect, I grab the notebook and open it to find a blank page. I noticed that most of the notebook is written in. I pretty much ignored it until I saw my name on it. What's this now?

It is opened on some random page. I notice the date was sometime last year.

Getting ready for Stan's party. I got him the perfect gift this year. He has been wanting the new modern warfare game. It's not out yet so I preordered it for him the limited-edition pack. He is going to be so happy.

I am nervous about the party a bit. This year he invited all of our classmates just about instead of it just being close friends. He can do what he wants it's his birthday. I wish it could be the three of us. Stan, Kenny and I, I can do without Cartman.

I stop reading. This is a journal. I wonder what else he has in here. I flip through wanting to read about the night of the car accident, joy ride, whatever you want to call it. I find it many pages later.

Tonight was going so well and that asshole just had to ruin it. I have never been so scared in my fucking life. Cartman stole a car and didn't tell us. We thought we were going for a ride in his mom new car. She has always buyst him whatever he wanted so didn't think anything of it. This retard gets into a chase with cops. Cops! Then he crashes the car in the process. We are lucky to be alive.

I am going have a bruise where the seatbelt held me. I was holding Stan's hand up until the point we crashed. The impact separated our hands. I never felt so close to him before. It's hard to explain. My heart was beating out of my chest, I felt happy, scared. Well being scared makes sense considering the circumstances. The car accident, me being gay. I need to-

Did I just read this right? Kyle is gay. What the fuck.

I know I just need to tell him but I want to do it in my own time. So many people tell their friends, family and things change. I don't want things to change. I want them to stay the same. I don't want to be treated any different. I am still the same person but you know how stupid people are.

I will never forgive Cartman for this. We had to have our parents pick us up at the police station. I was so embarrassed. My dad is going to be taking on our cases to ensure we don't go to jail for this. Cartman never apologized or nothing. I can't stand him.

I skim over the next few pages. I become sad as I read about his nightmares. They started a few days after the accident. He wrote about how staying with me was the only time he got a night's sleep. He made me sound great in these pages, I think I am just average.

Things went better than expected in court. I am glad my dad was able to get us something that would leave our file before getting into college. I am annoyed with the fact that we will have to go to this place at the end of summer. I am disappointed since we were going to go camping on the beach and do some really cool shit. Now we can't.

These nightmares are also starting to get to me. I look for to my weekend sleepovers with Stan. I don't know if I could get through this without him. I feel embarrassed still from the one weekend Stan heard me screaming and shaking in my sleep. He noticed right away because I mean he was sleeping beside me. I can't stop thinking about how he wrapped his arms around me and held me. Just that and breathing in Stan's scent makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.

Besides that, I am ready for our last year of school to start. I have so many schools I want to send in applications to. I wonder does Stan even have any colleges picked out yet? What if I am not better by time we have to head away to college? What the fuck am I going to do without him? I will do my best to try and go to the same school as him. I would rather not know the answer to that last question.

I go over the next couple of pages smiling. He talks about me a lot, more than he talks about even his own family. It doesn't scare me in anyway but makes me happy. I stop on an entry that sounds interesting.

Last night I had this awesome dream about Stan. I actually confessed that I was gay and he said he was gay too. I know this is just a dream but it felt damn good to know that I am not alone. I tell him that I love him, don't know why I do that. It's not like I don't love him I do a lot more than I would like to admit. Anyway, he says he feels the same way and starts blowing me. It felt so-

I was on a good page when I heard his family enter the house. I put the notebook back where I got it. I ran and hide in the closet. I sat on the floor not knowing how long I would have to be in here. My mind was racing.

I am in love with Kyle and he is gay. Am I gay? I still find girls attractive so this doesn't make any damn sense. Does Kyle really love me or was this just babble on his part? I hear Kyle come into his room. It sounds like his mother is with him. I quite my breathing so I can hear what is being said.