Sadly Beautiful
I get so tired of writing this, but it's a routine and I don't want to break it, so here you are. Enjoy my pointless rambling and 'whatnot' before you read (and love) the chapter.
I'ma reply to a few reviews first, it only really seems to make sense, doesn't it? Asking questions that no one is going to answer, smooth.
Dejee - You'd never mentioned it but I'd just always assumed that you loved wolves? Probably your profile picture, or maybe I'm just incredibly intelligent, who knows? Yeah I was kind of sad writing it, to be honest. Bella might live with the Cullen's, you might just find out this chapter. Yeah, I wasn't sure how to explain that bit, I kind of put it off to the wolves being very emotional and vampires already being present... Thanks for your continued support (Insert name here, sucks that you've reviewed every chapter, pretty much, and I don't know your name haha) and I hope you like this one.
Guest - Jacob did seem to get off easy in the last chapter but it will all be explained, just be patient. I don't like calling people 'guest' I prefer a name, but ah well. Yeah I'm not going to kill Jacob off, or I haven't decided to yet, but he will be punished, don't worry about it.
Redlikeroses- You didn't really review, but you still told me my chapter was really good, which is always nice to hear, hopefully you like this one.
On to a slightly more negative note, I got 2000 reviews or so for last chapter but only two reviews, I don't want to be one of those 'writers' who begs for reviews or whatever but that does seem quite low, maybe it's just me, but I like to know what you guys think. I could have 2000 views but only the two people who reviewed may like it, insecure I know. If you'd just consider reviewing, I'd appreciate it, but I won't beg.
This chapter was really hard to write, I'm not great at writing from a depressed character's pov. I either write it badly or end up making myself sad because I try and get into that characters head, pathetic I know ^^ Also, in this chapter I wrote Rosalies vampire turning story, I didn't read it from the book and I can't remember it too well, so it's probably really inaccurate, forgive me? I did change it slightly as well, to make it fit with Bella. :3
Anyway, had a biology exam today, fun times. I have a chemistry on tuesday as well, so I won't update until probably the weekend after I finish this one. I do have 5 hours next week in a lesson without my teacher with one of my favourite peoples, so it'll be fun.
Last thing, I promise. I was reading a Harry Potter fan fiction recently and the author used this, '~xxx~' to show when a length of time had occured. I think that I'm going to do that, so my story flows better. I just explained that really badly but you'll see.
:3
Chapter sixteen - Otherside
Alice POV (Only for a little while, hard to write otherwise)
I held Bella firmly in my arms, shaking from what I'd just seen. Had my girlfriend, sweet, kind, gentle Bella, just punched a crater into Jacob's face. He was a fucking werewolf for God's sake, her hand should be destroyed and be completely beyond recognition, not his face. It just didn't happen that way. Maybe she had a gift, or maybe she was just really really angry.
There were more questions for Carlisle, and not my tired subconscious. I wonder where Carlisle was, I hadn't seen him since Bella's 'incident,' maybe he was moving the body, or simply so fascinated by what he'd seen that he had to do some research now. I silenced that thought instantly, whilst Edward glared, of course Carlisle wouldn't do that. He was probably helping someone somewhere, trying to make it easier for Bella.
Bella.
I could feel her pain, radiating off her, striking me directly in my chest. Each muffled sob caused a spasm of pain, the only thing that kept me from dropping her in agony was the prospect of her being hurt when I did. She was my mate, I need to protect her. Edward rolled his eyes at this, but he quickly stopped when I snarled viciously at him.
I turned to put Bella in her car, but was stopped by an incredibly warm hand tightening on my shoulder. I snarled and growled angrily, unable to do anything with Bella in my arms. The grip tightened, if I wasn't a vampire then the grip would have broken the bones. Being a vampire, it was just unpleasent.
"Edward, take Bella... Now!" I mentally commanded him.
He walked over, and took her gently from my arms, cradiling her to his chest. "Put her in the car and make sure she's safe," I commanded. He walked slowly away with Bella, my heart convulsed painfully when I saw them walking away. I sighed knowing it was for the best, I still couldn't accept seeing Bella comforted by someone else though.
I twisted around, grabbed the wrist of the man holding me, and threw him to the ground. I was still holding onto his wrist, which I twisted painfully. Before he had a chance to react, I pressed my foot down hard onto his neck, restricting all movement. Now that he was subdued, I recognised him as the Alpha of the wolf pack.
"If you ever touch me again, I'll snap your wrist off and jam it down your throat. Do you understand?" I told him emotionessly.
"Y-Yes," he managed to splutter out.
I noticed the other wolves moving closer to us, except for Jacob and the two who seemed to have taken it upon themselves to be his bodyguards. I wasn't worried, I didn't know if that was because I was in control or if it was because I wasnted to make them pay for what they'd done to Bella. I paused, deciding it didn't matter.
"What did you want?" I growled, staring at the man beneath my foot.
"I-I..."
I released my foot slightly, allowing him to form more coherent sentences.
"I wanted to tell you that we will punish Jacob and how deeply sorry we all are for what happened." He said calmly, rubbing his throat with his free hand.
I saw red for a second, I wanted nothing more than to reach forward and wrip the filthy bastards head from his body. I stopped myself, I'd never had thoughts like these before. I'd never felt so angry and so willing to end a life, I knew that I had to speak to Carlisle about what I was feeling.
I struggeled to keep my voice steady, " Do you think that you can just say sorry and this will be okay?"
"No of cours-"
I interrupted him by pressing my foot firmly down again, not wanting to listen to his bullshit and excuses. Without a word, I turned and walked away, moving purposely back to the Bella's car. Before I reached it, I was turned around again by a warm hand, rougher this time.
I was face to face with Jacob, who still hadn't fully recovered. He was shaking angrily and his eyes were boring into mine.
"You just assume that I don't care about what I did? That I don't regret it?" He spat angrily.
I didn't reply, I had no reason to. Instead I decided to show him how little I cared about him and anything he had to say. I shrugged out of his grasp and grabbed both his shoulders, before spinning and kicking him in the face, like a gymnist.
He recoiled, shocked.
Before he could do anything to me, he was grabbed forcefully from behind by his two 'bodyguards' and dragged away. I smirked, for the first time in what felt like ages, and used my vampire speed to get to Bella's car. I frowned, seeing her curled up sobbing in the passanger seat, with Edward just standing beside it, looking pained.
"Why aren't you comforting her" I growled at him.
"Blood... The blood." He croaked out.
"Leave. Now." I told him furiously.
He didn't argue and just ran as fast as he could away, not wanting to be around the precious blood he desired.
I climbed into the car and pulled Bella onto my lap. I drove like this for the entire journey, even if it was awkward and hard to do. She didn't say anything, I didn't know if she was asleep or simply just not caring enough to speak.
I was pained for her, I felt everything she did. All her pain was my pain, part of the mating bond. I would do anything to make her feel better, anything... If she asked, I'd go back and rip Jacob's head off, and use it to kill the rest of the wolves.
I didn't know what to do, I could feel how pained she was. I'm not sure if she knew the extent of how much of her emotions I could feel, but surely she could feel the waves of agony rolling off of her. I suddenly felt very sympathetic for Jasper, this must be how he feels a lot of the time.
~xxx~
Bella hadn't done anything for a week, she'd just sat there on the bed in my room. I didn't know what to do, Carlisle was suggesting moving her to a hospital for therapy or some other method to help her cope with what happened. I didn't want that to happen but I wasn't sure how else she could get better, so we posed the question to her.
For the first time in what felt like ages, I saw emotions flicker on her face when we asked. I saw confusion, followed by fear and then anger. She flat out refused, and turned her back to us, refusing to listen to our reasoning.
Edward walked in, and told us both that we should leave. He said it too quietly and quickly for Bella to be able to understand what was being said. Once we were in the hall, he adressed us both.
"I can't even explain the pain she's in, her thoughts are erratic and extreme. We need to do something soon, she's 'fading' away, metaphorically of course. I'm afraid that if she isn't snapped out of this soon, she'll just die inside of herself...
Carlisle and I shared a look, knowing how serious this was. I was thinking frantically trying to think of anything that I could do to try and save her, I was drawing blanks at every angle I took though. Suddenly, a thought struck me.
"Rosalie..." I exclaimed quietly.
The two men in the hall eyed me oddly, I was too frantic to explain. I knew that Rosalie could at least try and give some perspective to Bella, or at the very least bitch at her for so long that she would have no choice but to snap out of her depression.
Bella POV
Some people say that time flies when you're having fun, I don't doubt that this is true, but time also passes quickly when you just don't care anymore.
It'd been about two weeks since c-ch... Since he died. I'd been struggiling but recently things had gotten a lot worse. I had no appetite, no desire to do anything. The only thing that kept me going was Alice... I'd been so bad to her.
I didn't know what to do, nothing seemed to make sense anymore. I felt constantly numb, the pull I had to motivate me to do things, seemed to have been snapped and there didn't seem to be a way to make it reappear. So, I was forced to sit here, alone with my thoughts. I'd barely spoken to anyone, not after what I'd said to Alice, I figured she'd just had enough of me.
I remember what happened after I'd gotten home, although I wish that I could burn the memory, forget about that day entirely.
Alice set me down in the living room, on the sofa. She knelt down beside me and took my hands, looking me deeply in the eyes.
"Bella... I'm so sorry, nothing I say will make this alright. I just wish that none of this had happened." She said sincerly, with nothing but love and regret in her voice.
"You're right... There is nothing you can say." I paused, staring into her eyes, my anger at the whole situation rising.
"If I'd never met you, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have a fucking vampire mating bond, my dad would still be alive! I WOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING WEREWOLVES KILLING MY FATHER!" I shouted angrily, all the emotions I'd been feeling came out in that one setence.
Alice's face had twisted painfully, the full force of my words hitting her. She muffeled a sob and tried to reach my hands, I slapped them away. I didn't want to be consoled by the person who caused all of this.
"I hate you." I whispered, before running out of the room.
She forgave me instantly of course, part of the mating bond I guess. I regreted it all instantly, I apologised quickly, not wanting to spend another moment apart. Alice held me while I cried, then when I was finished, she still held me. It became sort of a routine for the few days after the 'incident' which is what we had decided without discussion to call what had happened.
I didn't cry now, I didn't really do anything. I felt numb and empty, like I had no reason to do anything. Alice kept telling me that wasn't true but I couldn't find it in myself to believe her. I hadn't been back to school since what had happened, I couldn't face the sympathetic looks, the whispering, just everything.
I couldn't face anything.
I bet Edward was having a field day with these thoughts, he was usually moping anyway so I'm sure he's used to it. I sighed, even making fun of Edward when I'm sure he's listening had lost all appeal to me. What am I doing with myself?
Before I could continue my train of soul destroyingly demeening and depressing thoughts, there was a knock on the door. I turned slightly, not getting up from my place on the matress, not seeing the point. I didn't say anything, so whoever was at the door just waited for a while, they seemed to finally give up waiting for a reply, and opened the door.
Rosalie, huh? She was the one person in the family who I hadn't expected to see, the person who I'd barely seen since the incident. She didn't say anything for a few minutes, she just stood at the door staring at me. After a few more minutes, she spoke.
"You look worse than I'd imagined, Alice had explained it but I hadn't expected you to look quite so... What's the word... Empty?"
I didn't say anything, I was just waiting for her point. I assumed she'd come in here to try and make me feel bad and somehow that would wake me up from the stupor that everyone seemed to think I was in. No one understood exactly what was happening to me, the one constant thing in my life was gone, I had no clue what to do.
Rosalie stepped into the room tentatively, and made her way to where I was sitting. She sat beside me and pulled me into her lap, much like Alice would have done. This felt a lot more sisterly though, so I knew that Alice wouldn't get jealous or anything.
"You're the only one in the family who hasn't heard the story of my re-birth, so to speak, and I thinks that it might help you." She told me. I finally knew why she was here, I wasn't sure if what she was going to tell me would help but it was worth a shot. I had to ask her something beforehand though.
"I thought you didn't like me?" I asked shyly, afraid of the blonde's response.
"I'm very protective of my family, I didn't trust you when you first got with Alice, especially when she told you that she was a vampire. I was afraid that you would hurt us in some way, which is the worst thing imagineable to me, that anyone one of them, including you, were to get hurt. But seeing how Alice is now, when you're like this, I know how deep your bond is and I feel oblidged to try and help my sisters."
It was the longest speech I'd heard from her, I was flattered that she considered me as one of her sisters. I realised that I thought of her the same way, she'd always been the big sister to me, even when we weren't on great terms.
"I think of you as my big sister, I always have... I'm sorry for what I'm doing to everyone, I'm trying my harde..."
She interrupted me, pressing her finger to my lips to stop me. "Don't apologise, there's no need. Just listen." She paused for a moment, before beginning the story of her origins.
"I came from a fairly wealthy family but my parents always wanted more. I guess that's where I got some of my traits, anyway, they were lovely people but their pursuit for money and power often conflicted with my desires. My father worked at the local bank, owned by the King family.
My fathers boss had a son, around my age, who was looking for a wife. My parents were determined to set us up, even though I was adamant about not getting together with him. They wouldn't have any of this, so they continued to try and set us up.
One day they sent me to the bank, they told me to dress in the most expensive, best looking dress I have. They used the pretense that my father had forgotten his lunch, I fell for it of course, not realising that was just an excuse.
I arrived at the bank, got his attention, his affection. He started sending me roses, giving me gifts, in an effort to claim my heart. My parents forced me to marry the man, I tried to refuse but had no choice.
The marriage was happening as soon as possible, probably so I didn't have enough time to try and find a way out of it. The night before the ceremony, I went to my best friends house, to visit her and her husband. I stayed there for a while, it was late by the time I had to go home, but they didn't want me to go alone, so they offered to come with me.
We were walking to my home, when I saw my fiancé and his friends. They were all staggering, obviously drunk, I could smell the stink of alcohol from across the street. I remember one of them calling from across the street, something about me being his wife. He agreed and they all commented how attractive I was.
If I'd known what was going to happen, I would have turned and ran. The next comment chilled me to the bone, 'I can't tell if she's attractive when she's wearing so many clothes...' That comment still haunts me.
They all moved towards me, knocking my friends over. They grabbed me, pulled my clothes off and... and... I won't make you listen to that part. The worst bit of this story, was that they killed my friends and left me to die, and I can't even remember their fucking names... It's been so long, too long."
She hadn't looked at me for the entirety of her story, but now she turned to me. Tears were trailing down her cheeks, I moved my hand to wipe them away but she stopped me. "I'm fine, I just don't like re-living those memories, I had to though."
As sorry as I felt for her, her story had helped. It made me realise that everyone in this family had their problems, everyone does, and mine are not more important than theirs and if they were strong enough to get over them, then so could I.
In that second I realised, I'd been hurting everyone around me. I'd hurt Alice, everything I felt so did she, and she couldn't even remember her human life. I'd been hurting Edward because he was forced to listen to my depressing thoughts. Everyone else, I'd hurt everyone.
I stood up and offered Rosalie my hand, "Lets go downstairs."
~xxx~
School, for the first time in a month. I'd recovered well enough that I could go back, not that I was excited to, but it was for the best. I needed normality. I wasn't over the fact that my dad had died, I could think about it now, but it wasn't as though I had nothing to live for anymore.
Alice had been off for as long as I had, she stayed outside my room for the entirety of my meltdown, until I finally became normal again and let her in. Even then she didn't go back to school, prefering to stay home and help me recover.
I'm sure the mating bond that we had wouldn't have let her go when I was in pain and needed help, I like to think she wouldn't have even if it didn't have that affect though.
Alice had helped amazingly, she'd been there for me completely. I hadn't expected anything else from her but it was still very appreciated. Alice snaked her arm around my waist, pulling me along to the car with me. She'd promised me that she'd be there with me for the entire day, she'd even transfered to all my classes, so she could make sure I was okay and keep me from going crazy.
This was the one thought that kept me walking forward, I didn't want to disappoint her, I wanted her to be proud of me, so I kept my head high and kept walking forward. My insecurites, grie fand doubts were still there but for the moment, I was happy to ignore them.
Alice picked me up, bridal style, and carried me the remaining distance to my car. We'd both decided it would be better for us to ride on our own today, prefering to be alone. I'd been accepted into the Cullen family as though I was one of Carlisle and Esme's own children, they'd been happy to offer me a place to stay after Charlie died. They were finalising the adoption process now, I was going to be in their family, for real.
I was beyond happy that I'd finally be able to live with Alice, to share something with her, even if it's just a last name. I didn't like the circumstances that my adoption happened in, but I tried not to think about that and just focus on the good things about it. I remember Alice's squeal of excitement when Carlisle proposed that I stay with them, permenatly. She reacted before I'd even said yes, she claimed that she knew what I was going to say because of how close we were.
I caught sight of myself in the driver side mirror of the car when Alice was strapping me in. I lost a lot of weight when the 'incident' first happened, now I was looking a lot healthier than I had. My cheek bones were more prominent then they had been and I was thinner all over, but I guess that was to be expected, I still looked better than I had before.
Alice was in the seat beside me almost instantly, I knew first hand how fast people could move. I silenced my thoughts instantly, don't think about what happened. Even the prospect of the fact that I probably, oh who was I kidding, the prospect of the fact that I had a gift was something that didn't excite me.
I thought that if I ever became a vampire, I'd want to have a gift, but finding out I have a gift now was a bit surreal. I shook my head, trying to clear my head. Alice was watching me with a cautious expression, I realised that I'd just been staring at the steering wheel.
"I'm fine," I told her. She eyed me wearily, "Seriously, I'm a lot better than I was, I won't have a meltdown again." She seemed satisfied with my answer, she took my hand and kissed it lovingly. She held it like this for a few more seconds, before I coughed.
"I think I need my hand to drive, don't you?" I asked, causing her to duck her head in embarrassment.
She released my hand and I quickly pulled out, losing myself in the feeling of the car. I drove quickly, but not so fast that we got to school in a short time, I wanted time to prepare myself mentally before hand.
Even though I was driving conservetantly, we arrived much faster than I would have liked to. We sat in the car for a second, Alice was eyeing me intently, making sure this was what I wanted. She took my hand again, squeezing it encouragingly.
I looked at her for a second, before leaning in and pressing my lips to hers. This was the first kiss we'd had since the 'incident' and I realised how much I'd missed it. I pulled away quickly, "Lets go." I said confidently.
We both stepped out of the car, to a symphony of muttering, whispers and gasps. Same shit different day, I thought. Alice was with me all the way, holding onto my hand in support and glaring angrily at anyone who turned our way.
She was the only thing that kept me here, my brain was screaming at me to turn and run. I knew I couldn't do that to Alice though, so I just kept walking forward.
"Well, this is nice." I whispered sarcastically into her ear. I felt more like my old self, probably a familiar environment that wasn't the Cullen house. She laughed, the sound causing my heart to flutter, something I'm sure hadn't gone unnoticed.
The bell went just as we arrived at our first lesson, I was thankful for our timing. The stares were beginning to get to me, even with Alice's help. I couldn't help feeling that this was eerily familiar to when Alice and I had come out with our relationship. I chuckled to myself at the memory of that, remembering how scared I was about the reactions I was going to get.
Alice and I walked, hand in hand, to the teachers desk and explained about Alice transfering to the class and my absence. Being a small town, everyone knew about what had happened. The teacher didn't stop us as we explained though, but she did shoot me a sympathetic look.
She directed us to two seats, side by side at the back. We thanked her and sat down, the rest of the lesson passing in a blur. The second lesson was much the same, although Edward was in this one and he seemed to have taken upon himself to try and be distracting as possible.
As entertaining as it was to watch Alice mentally insulting Edward and his mock hurt reactions, I did want to actually learn about protein synthesis... Who am I kidding, this is way more fun. Time passed by quickly and soon it was lunch, we left the room laughing and joking with each other.
I felt... Good. For the first time in almost a month I felt like I was complete again, this is where I belonged, on the arm of my girlfriend laughing with my family. We walked into the lunch room and looked over to our normal table, Rosalie had already got me a tray of food, so we went straight to the table.
I knew something was off when we sat down, Emmet was sitting stiffly and Rosalie looked positively terrifiying.
"What happened?," I asked them seriously.
No one spoke for a few seconds, but I felt Jasper shooting out waves of calm. When he deemed that I was calm enough, he nodded subtly to the others, the gesture wasn't lost on me though.
"Jessica and Lauren have been saying stuff about you, insulting you and your father..." Rosalie told me, Alice had tightened on my arm and was shaking furiously.
"What did they say?" I asked, my voice surprisingly calm.
"I heard a few things but I'm not going to repeat them... The nicest thing she said was that your 'lesbianness' was so disgusting that it killed Charlie." I heard Alice gasp next to me, and a Emmet whispering angrily.
I saw red, I didn't care about any of the consequences. I stood up and walked over to Jessica's table, ignoring the protests from my family. I stopped when I was face to face with Lauren and Jessica.
"I heard what you said..." I said to them both. They turned to look at each other, clearly enjoying what was happening. I leant forward, as though I was going to whisper into Jessica's ear, before launching my fist at her face.
With a satisfying crunch, she fell backwards, blood pouring out of her nose. Lauren stood up to help the other girl, and was rewarded with a punch to the jaw, flooring her as well.
I laughed, and walked back to the table. I took Alice's hand and pulled her to her feet.
"Come on Alice, let's go somewhere else."
Well... That was the worst chapter I've ever written. I'd delete it but it's 5000 words and I don't want to have to re-do this. Ah well, I hope you guys enjoyed this anyway. If you'd tell me what you think, it'd be nice.
I'm not going to spell check or proof read this, if you see a spelling mistake, just correct me in your head and keep reading:3
I'll try and update as soon as I can...
Until next time, have fun.