This…this is probably the closest to an IC Envy I've ever gotten. Ever. That's kind of sad. :P

This is an AU version of Episode 25 of Brotherhood – one where Ling *doesn't* get sucked in to Gluttony's stomach.

Cometflare: Don't worry, I will! And thank you, I quite like it too, even if it is cliche. (Honestly though...not all of them are going to be cute :P)

14. Trapped

"We're trapped."

Envy's words were the death-blow to the optimism that had kept Ed walking through the crimson ocean. Slowly, he sank to the patch of dry ground that emerged from the flood, clutching the gauntlet that had been brought over with him to the Not-Gate like a talisman against the darkness.

"J-just us? What about Ling?" he asked weakly. He eyed Envy warily, his expression a clear warning for the other man (if he could be called that) to keep his distance.

The homunculus shrugged, adjusting himself on the post where he was seated. "I guess he dodged."

Ed chuckled weakly. "Freakin' ninja." There was sweat dripping from his forehead. "So. Eternity here, with a crossdressing homunculus." He brought a hand to his head and dragged it slowly and wearily over his face. "What did I do to deserve this?"

Envy snorted. "Oh, you're complaining? A week, two weeks tops, and ya get the relief of dying. I don't." What he didn't say was that he'd feared this since Gluttony's birth.

Ed didn't respond, and the enemies suddenly left without a reason to fight sat in silence for some time, the emptiness of the endless cavern yawning out suddenly without words to fill it.

"So…completely trapped?"

"Yeah, I've already said that." Envy rolled his eyes, folding his legs over each other and managing to keep his precarious balance. He really didn't want to have his feet stewing in that blood – he liked it when it came out of people, but blood itself didn't have all that much appeal for him. Besides, how long had it been here? Gross.

"No way out. At all."

Envy rolled his eyes, then leant purposefully forward. "Yes." He nearly fell, but caught himself just in time.

Edward sighed, then looked up with a wry smile. "You can come sit here if you want, before you fall into that gunk."

Envy made a 'pff' sound. "I'm not gonna fall –" Just as he said it, he felt himself slipping – just before he hit the surface of the blood ocean, instinct kicked in, and he winged over to the patch of dry land before transforming back from the raven form.

He glared at the guffawing alchemist. "Stop laughing at me."

Ed ignored him, clutching his belly as he cackled.

"I said, stop laughing at me!" Envy felt his face twist into something ugly. He couldn't stand being mocked. He couldn't fucking stand it.

He strode over, reached down and grabbed Ed's collar, hoisting the teen into the air and giving him a shake that made his teeth rattle. "Nobody fucking laughs at me, you fucking got it, pipsqueak?"

Ed's response was to grasp Envy's shoulder and bring their lips together in a slightly misaimed, tense and awkward kiss.

Envy dropped him.

"What."

Ed jumped to his feet with what seemed to be steam issuing from his ears. "D-Don't call me short!"

"Hardly one of yer more inspired ones, but that's not the point. What. The. Hell?" Belatedly, Envy realized he should really wipe his mouth, and did so with the back of his hand.

"You said so yourself," Ed muttered dejectedly. "We're trapped. There's no way out, none at all. I've already failed Al, and Winry, and everyone else who was waiting for me to come back." His tightly clenched fists loosened by his sides as he bent his head in shame. "So…there's no reason for me to…lie to myself…anymore…"

Again came the interminable silence, but then Envy burst out incredulously, "With me?"

A laugh ripped itself involuntarily from Ed's throat, and he immediately stifled it, the tears springing to his eyes coming from a different source now.

Envy crossed his thin arms over his chest. "Oy. Beansprout. I already told ya about the laughing."

"Sorry, sorry…I just wasn't expecting that." Ed composed himself, then looked up with Envy. "I thought you'd call me a faggot or something."

He rolled her eyes. "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one, Fullmetal. I wear a fucking miniskirt, the hell do you think?" He sat down on the ground, crossing his legs. "Except you'd kinda figured that out, hadn't you?"

Ed remained standing, scratching his flesh arm absentmindedly. "What do you mean?"

"Would you have kissed Ponyboy Colonel if he'd been the one in here with you?"

He pulled a face. "Not fucking likely."

"What about whatisname from Xing that nearly did get stuck in here?"

Ed's face suddenly turned an excellent tone of pink. "Uh – ah – er – that's – um – m-maybe?"

Envy thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Okay, yes, I'll give you that one, he's pretty."

"You're pretty."

Envy stared incredulously at Ed, whose hands flew to cover his mouth. "That," Envy enunciatedly carefully, "was pathetic. You, in fact, are pathetic – which I suppose is a given for any human. But –"

He reached out and gave both of Ed's ankles a swift jerk, sending the alchemist toppling to the ground. In a graceful motion as lithe as his sinewy body, he was on top of the smaller boy, green hair hanging down and curling on the ground around Ed's face.

"- since you're curious, I'm bored and I can't think of anything better to do…" He brought his face close enough to Ed's that he could feel the blond's hot and nervous breath on his cheek, and his thumping heartbeat. "…I guess we can have some fun." Envy said the last word in the deepest, most seductive tone he had in his arsenal, rewarded with the most adorable expression he'd ever seen on the face below him.

"If you're psyching me, Envy, I swear I will whoop your ass into next Sunday."

Envy laughed. "You wish." He grabbed a fistful of Ed's downy golden hair and closed the gap between them.