Okay okay, I know my muse has been a little shit lately. No inspiration at all.

So, that's what all this crappy nonsense is - crap.

And yes, before you ask; there will be flashbacks to Kbecks' conversation with Espo and her *realization* of her "memory loss".

But shhh... spoilers!

Do I need to remind about flashbacks? ITALICS WITH BOLD WRITING PEOPLE. xx

2 weeks later

Everything around her was slow and sluggish, like she wasn't even really there. She felt her mouth moving of its own accord but the words she were saying had no meaning to her - she felt like a voyeur in her own body.

"If I care about you? Castle, you cut a deal for my life like I was some kind of a child. My life, mine...You don't get to decide."

Castle stood rooted to the spot, his face flickering from hurt, concerned, to pleading. His eyes watery with tears, trying to keep himself together.

"You keep going with this, they're gonna decide. They're gonna come for you, Kate."

Kate woke with a start, her heart pounding. Looking around her apartment she let out a sigh, before sobs wracked her body. These dreams... or memories were toying with her continuously throughout the last week and they were just getting darker and darker. What had happened to her life? When did she lose control over everything she ever knew or had?

During the day she had a nurse come around to check on her, to make sure that her 'recovery' was on track. She was having small successes at recovering her memories, she remembered her apartment and where her favourite coffee shop was. But the bigger, more difficult things were still too much of a strain on her brain.

Looking at the clock on her bedside table, it read: 4.30 am. She knew no matter what she would try from this point forward, she would not be able to go back to sleep. Not that she really wanted to, what with her mind riddled with nightmares whenever she closed her eyes.

After having a steaming long shower, Kate made herself a coffee and sat down on the couch flicking on the television. She would give anything to be doing anything other than this – but she had been forced to restrict any of her 'extra-curricular strenuous activities'. That included running, boxing, kick-boxing, swimming… so anything fun really. After no longer than ten minutes of infomercials, against her own will, she fell into a light slumber. "… and I love you, Kate."

This time, when she awoke Kate knew it wasn't a dream, she could feel it in her bones. They ached with such heartbreaking passion. A warm tear slid down her soft, cold skin and along her jaw. She leaned over her knees, her elbows immediately finding their place on her thighs and her fingers in her hair. She knew that voice. But it didn't make any sense, she tried to think back to the dream ( or memory ) but her brain was not co-operating. She knew there was only one way to find out the truth, and it was crazy, she knew that but feeling the things she was right now and not know why or how was even more crazy.

Just breathe Kate, breathe. You will get through this – you have to.

Knocking on the door, Kate paced back and forth in front of it. Hoping, and pleading that he somehow wasn't able to sleep either. Raising her hand against the door again, fighting the battle on whether to knock again. Just as she was about to walk away- the door swung open and Richard Castle stood before her, a pink robe covering his body and his hair sticking up in all different places.

"Oh- I…I should have uh, called I guess… I'm…sorry-" She babbled, backing away from him and shaking his head.

Castle watched her slowly start to walk away and he couldn't believe his eyes, after the way she had reacted that first time and then being told by her father, and even Lanie that he should stay away 'this is family business', he didn't expect to see her for a long time.

"Rick, please. You need to keep your distance." Jim Beckett said firmly, holding a hand out to block the distance between them.

"With all due respect, Jim. You don't know her as well as I do. I know everything that has happened to her – what it's all done to her – everything! I've been here for her since day one. I am not going anywhere."

"Yes. I know you have. But this is different, she doesn't know who you really are or even what she has become. You will just confuse her and she needs to recover-"

"No but.." Rick interrupted.

"Rick. She needs to get better and you getting involved will stop that. Do this for her, please? Do it for my Katie." Jim's eyes were staring into his, tears pricking at the edges.

"Okay."

Quickly taking a few steps towards her and grabbing her hips without thinking, before she could walk more than two steps away. Jumping, Kate turned around ready to deck him but Rick grabbed her wrist and held it tightly.

" I'm sorry, I shouldn't of…I…" He couldn't think of the right words to say without confusing her, or hurting her.

Kate took a deep breath in, rubbing her wrists when he let go of her hands. She felt a small fluttering in her stomach when she looked up at his rugged attire, messy hair and tired eyes.

"We need to talk."