Crazy Envy! I don't write him crazy often enough. This is an AU of the ending of the first anime – one where Envy didn't go through the gate. Which of course renders Conqueror impossible, but whatevs.

Rikke: Oh dear, did I really make you cry? I'm so sorry (except I'm not) XD Thankee muchly for the compliment and even if you don't ship them, I've realized just how many of these really aren't all that slashy…so keep reading? :D

20. Gravestone

"Here I am, chibi. Right here, in this lovely graveyard on this lovely hill in this lovely town on this luv-er-ly day. Not that you can see any of it."

Envy sprawled himself on the ground in front of the tombstone, leaning his head backwards stroking the letters on the stone lovingly. "I knew I'd get you under one a' these one day. It's a nice stone and all, too. It's about your height...maybe taller." Envy paused, as if to let the alchemist get a word in, then laughed. "Oh, I forgot," he said in a voice dripping with sarcasm, "you can't rant now, can ya? And you ain't growing anymore. I did it, I did it, hahahahaha, I did it!"

He laughed until he thought his skinny frame would fall apart from the shakes. "I did it…and now I ain't got nothing else to do with my fuckin' time. Immortality. What a fuckin' bust. I shoulda waited until you had kids, then I could have tracked them down too."

A scream penetrated the haze of Envy's half-trance, and he looked up. A pretty blonde wearing very little was backing away from him, shaking with her hands to her mouth.

"Wh-who are you? What are you DOING?"

Envy sat up and scratched the back of his ear. He'd developed a terrible itch there for some reason. "Hanging out."

"ON HIS GRAVE?"

"Well, yeah." He indicated the gravestone. "Man, it's like a monument to my success. Why wouldn't I hang out here?"

She let out an unearthly scream, and ran. Envy noticed that she was leaking quite disgracefully. "Humans. You're all the same. I mean," he turned and gave the gravestone a good kick, "what are ya now, a bundle of rotting flesh? I thought human transmutation would be enough to teach you lot not ta attach so much significance to a corpse."

He sat on top of the thumb-shaped marker, bracing his feet against the granite and flexing them against the inscription. "Then again, I bet she's one of the many people who decided they were in love with ya or some shit like that. Let me tell you, that cracks me up no end. Why, you're the most stubborn, ungrateful, distempered, single-minded, self-centred brat I've ever met. For some reason people call that 'confidence' and then since you're so fuckin' attractive, they're all over you." Envy perked up suddenly. "Actually, ya might have some bastards running around after all." Then, he looked down, disheartened. "Except I'm not sure if ya even knew what a girl was."

"Who are you?" asked a new voice, and for the second time that day, Envy looked up. With the setting sun behind the new figure, Envy could almost believe that it was Edward himself, back to haunt him. Then the figure stepped forward, and Envy snorted in disappointment. He had brown hair instead of gold, although it was almost as long as Ed's had been, and his eyes were a darker, less vibrant shade.

"You're Alphonse, ain't-cha? I heard rumours that you'd gotten your body back."

Al nodded. "That's me. Who are you, though?"

"I woulda thought you'd remember me."

The young boy seemed to wince at that, and Envy frowned. He seemed…too young. Closer to ten than the sixteen he should have been by now.

"I…don't remember anything from those years."

"Haha! Really? So you don't remember me?" Envy kicked his feet against the stone, gleeful at the idea of a new victim. "You don't remember the oh-so-beautiful, oh-so-deadly Envy?"

"No. Afraid not."

"Well, here's something you should know." Envy hopped up, perching precariously on top of Edward's grave. "I'm the one who killed him. It made a nice squelching sound, too. And you wouldn't believe how the girl screamed." He heightened his voice to a squeaking imitation of Rose, waving his hands around. "Ed! Ed! Oh no, Ed! God, it was sickening."

He leant forward, glaring at Al. "Why," he asked, "are you grinning like a madman?"

"Because," replied Al, "my brother's not dead."

Something broke. Something shattered inside Envy, and he thought it might have been the stone that acted as his heart.

"What are you talking about?" he said, a note of panic creeping into his voice. "I killed him myself, I watched him bleed out, I watched it all!"

"That grave's empty."

"Doesn't mean a fuckin' thing!"

Al folded his hands in front of him, guileless eyes bright with hope. Envy was seized with a desire to gouge them out. "I know he's alive. We're…We've always been like that. I know he's alive, and I'm going to find him."

"Not if I find him first," growled Envy, his sense of purpose flooding back and filling him with rage. Rage. That was an emotion he could understand. It was better than this aimless wondering what to do next. "In fact –" he said in a low, rumbling voice, "I think I'll start with you!"

He drove his bladed arm at Al, face twisting into a wild grin as the Elric boy flinched and ducked –then stopped, wicked point hovering half an inch from the boy's freckled nose. "Ah, what's the use." He stood straight, letting his arm fall to his side as it transformed back to normal. "You're your mother's son."

He turned back to the gravestone, and a lump rose in his throat. He'd spent how long at this stone, chattering amiably – fuck it, to an empty grave? He wasn't done yet.

"I'll see you in hell, Edward Elric. I'll find you, just watch me, I'll find you no matter how long it takes! It'll be me. I'll be the one to dig your grave."