Title: Fear
Characters: Roy, Riza and Winery
Genre: Angst
Type: Possible Cannon
Words: 3,591 (without AN or Intro)
Fear:
(noun) a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid
(noun) concern or anxiety; solicitude
"Roy". Her voice was gentle; the caressing whisper of the sun after the heavy brewing of a thundering storm.
"Roy." She finally captured his gaze, her thoughts praying that came hand in hand with his attention. "What was your mother like?"
He let his bones melt into the plush cushions of the chaise, the rustling of the bird's feathers singing softly from the open window. Her question was the loud blare of a siren cutting through the peacefulness of nature, the warning of a crashing reality and imminent death as it loomed overhead like a blackened cloud of a storm.
"I don't see how that is relevant." Crinkles formed in her skirt as she crossed her ankles, her red heels tempting his peripheral vision, naughty fantasies playing games with his mind.
"Why are you avoiding the subject?" Onyx eyes raised to alluring blue orbs, the shade of the dawning sky just as the sun arose from its dreaming hills, perpetual depths that if he had not cautioned himself they would see through his transparent soul.
"I just believe that my mother is not relevant to my ability to perform my duties." His stare fell to the black and white photograph nailed into the wall. Two sets of eyes gazed at him, happiness echoing in their uncolored orbs, the quiet smiles on their faces genuine.
"Your superiors are worried. They're always commenting how exhausted you appear." Their eyes made contact, a brief connection before he once more averted his vision to a new point of interest; the bookcase.
"I don't see where they would have a problem. My work is being accomplished efficiently and punctually." Her gaze was unwaveringly focused; frustration created creasing folds in her forehead. Deep in the depths of those blue oceans was a fire, a burning white flame in those piercing orbs; one that was all too excited to enflame him.
"Yes that is true but that is not the point of today's session—" He briskly stood, catching the therapist off guard.
"The purpose of today's session was to reaffirm my mental health in validation to see if I can properly carry out my duties. You have said so yourself I am in full capacity to work, so therefore I have no excuse to linger here."
Civilized, he opened the door, escaping into the confines of the restricting white walled cell that woman called an office into the welcoming embrace of the hallway. Familiarity always brought comfort as relief danced windingly around his tensed spine, loosening the coiled muscles. After a calmed breath, he had closed the door; effectively shutting away the danger of any of the therapist's probing questions.
From inside, seated in her fluffed chair, Doctor Rockwell bit her lip nervously. She had seen and treated many patients in her career and many of them had angry bitter souls. However he was the epitome of calm, reasonable and logical, as if he had taken his emotions and thrown them in the trash. And those were always the patients who frightened her the most.
X-x-X
"That was quick." Amber hued irises rose from the newspaper, concern vibrantly honest.
"If that therapist had it her way I would have been in there till the morning." His normal humorous façade had appeared; mischief glowed dully in his irises.
"Her name is Dr. Rockwell." Roy scoffed at his coworker's suggestion, his onyx eyes already consumed by the piling paperwork on his desk.
"I don't care if she is Mother Theresa herself; she was putting her nose where it didn't belong." Riza let out a quiet sigh, a dramatic display for such a quiet woman, as she folded her newspaper. She placed it in the right hand drawer, closed the drawer promptly and rose from her chair.
"It's her job." She explained as she grabbed her coat and slipped it onto her figure, the bulky material hiding her office uniform. "And you wouldn't have disliked her so much if you would stop sleeping with those dimwitted sluts who do nothing but fan your already inflated ego."
Her comment earned her a boisterous chuckle. "My, my Riza, are we showing your dark side."
A cold stone façade remained on Riza's face though inside it struck a hollow cord.
"I only speak the truth." His laughter had not died down, a thick booming sound that emitted from under his sternum, rattling his ribs and vibrating his vocal cords.
He did not take the chance of refilling his lungs with oxygen until minutes later. As he was gulping in the air, his chest violently rising and falling, he refocused on the task at hand.
"Have you seen Elric? I need that stupid metal head for this case I am working on."
Riza searched her memory for a brief moment. "He said he had an appointment with Dr. Rockwell at 6:30." His reaction was not expected. She had predicted a shouted lecture, the storming of muscular figure as he flew to find the missing Major.
Quietly, he leaned into his chair, instead scanning a paper that looked similar to the listing of appointments with Dr. Rockwell that earlier had been posted on the bulletin board.
Roy had confirmed his suspicion. He had tweaked the list so he had occupied the last meeting which began at 5:30. However, it did not matter; for he would punish the boy by giving him more work come tomorrow evening.
He felt her questioning gaze but he dismissed it as he plunged into the work that had accumulated onto his desk.
"Goodnight Riza." His voice was distant with a quiet hopeless tone, a tone in which every time it was uttered from his lips it was if weights had be tied to her heart, pulling the organ in a painful iron grip.
Following his indirect order, she collected the rest of her things and walked to the door. Hesitation had taken control of her mind the direct moment she placed her hand on the door knob. Smoothly, she shifted her body toward the hunched man.
"Goodnight Roy." He failed to acknowledge her, scribbling something on the sheet.
It was her queue to leave, her signal in which informed her she was being an unnecessary pain. With rejection clawing her heart into pieces, she exited the office, into the world of surreal reality.
X-x-X
"Ah you came." She was seated in the same thick cushioned love seat as before, this time wearing a pair of sensual blue high heels. "I didn't think you would."
And she had thought right. "The Führer threatened my job if I didn't."
A sweet smile twisted the features of her face. "Well I wasn't under an illusion that you had come on your own free will." With sweeping eyes, she noticed he tensely hovered at the door. "Please come, sit down." She beckoned, her hand drawing his attention to the plush cushions of the chaise.
His strides were swift, confident against the hard wood floor as he traveled across the room. It was at the edge of the chaise he hesitated once more, his onyx orbs unsteadily storming as he settled himself in the elongated chair.
She let a momentary silence descend around them, her precaution before she engaged in anymore conversations with her emotionally deprived patient.
"Why is it important?" The inquiry had startled her, awakened her from divulging deeper into her cautious thoughts and worries. Those orbs in which glistened darker than the midnight sky were unwavering, probing her sky blue irises as if she was the holy grail that held all of the sacred answers to the worlds unanswered questions.
"I don't know what you are referring to." She spoke only after she had found her voice; even then her tone had lost its professional suave quality in which she prided herself in perfecting over the years.
His eyes bore into hers, trapping her in their dark shifting depths before he released her, his gaze averted to the black and white photo.
"The past." His voice was laced with regret, as if that word was the sole cause of all his deepest sorrows.
"The past can tell a lot of things about a person. It can tell you why a person thinks the way they do, why they behave a certain way and is often a predictor for future choices." He swallowed the words, comprehending, accepting. It was his vice, he understood and accepted but he could never find it in his heart to embrace it.
"My mother was a prostitute. She was the type of woman who saw her body as a tool to get what she wanted when she wanted it and didn't care who she gave it to."
"And your father?" She pressed on, her soothing voice encouraging his mind to continue digging, to see what he had buried inside so long ago.
"A coward. He left us for his wife once she had discovered about my mother." An apologetic smile grazed her features.
"Does your father's wife know about you?"
His eyes brewed, a mixture of emotions bubbling behind his steeled expression. "If she does, she hasn't made any effort to involve herself in my life."
She quickly wrote down a note before continuing. "What was your mother's reaction to your father's leaving?"
He laughed. It was the identical chuckle that haunted her ears with an insanity that had always persisted in trying to destroy her mind, to convince her that her accomplishments were all for naught.
"She was livid. It was the first time someone had openly rejected her and she couldn't take it. At first, she had tried to seduce him but when he didn't change his mind, no matter what she offered, she began to drink. Wine, beer, anything she could get down her throat she drank it. Ended up getting herself in the bed of the wrong person and to escape the consequences she ran away."
"What did you feel when you first heard she had abandoned you?" Fingers quivered shakily on his thigh. She was like a thorn, an unwanted guest who kept digging into matters that was none of her concern or worry. Yet no matter how much effort he put into removing the thorn, it stayed persistent, loosening his tongue so secrets easily rolled off his tongue without any conscious to the repercussions.
"Alone." A perfectly small arched eyebrow rose in question.
"You weren't angry?" Onyx orbs shifted his gaze away, attempting to reel in the traitorous words and silence them.
"I always knew she wouldn't stay, I just never knew when she would leave." What did she want from him? What did she need with such useless information?
"When did you choose to enter the military?"
"I am not going to answer any more of your damn questions."
She kept a cool calm as her heart proceeded to slam against her rib cage. Had she done it? Had she finally began to crack that emotionless mask in which he utilized to shy away from the world?
"Have I offended you in any way?" She questioned her eyes watchful as she studied his coiling form.
"Do you say everything in the form of a question?"
His words matched the smooth fluidity of his struts, perfectly timed so as he caged her with his toned arms and locking her knees together with his thighs, his breath fanned her cheeks.
No wonder why women fell to goo at his feet. He was certainly handsome with his proportional features and riveting eyes but it seemed he was also an expert in finding ways to speed up the heart. But despite the seduction of flesh she found the evidence of a pain in which was twisting and tearing his heart to pieces as they spoke now. It was in the shadows of cheeks, where the skin was pulled taunt over the skeletal bones, the crease of his forehead, the strained tension in the corner of his lips.
"Stop it." The command came as a surprise to him, shifting the plains of his features into the structure of distorted frown.
"What the hell are you talking about woman?" Ignorance definitely was bliss, she had decided then. His harsh name calling was censured from her ears.
"Stop using physical contact as a form of distraction. It doesn't help."
His face was a show. From impatient curiosity, once more his face compensated for his emotions, this time understanding. His lips slightly unhinged, the corner of his eyes loosened creating less of a narrowed appearance around his eyes. His breath was cool against the skin of her neck and in those depths a clarity in which she had only seen a handful of times in her patients throughout her career.
"Physical touch will never give you the connection you want. What you're searching for takes time and equal commitment. Those fleeting one night stands were just after physical completion, a means to satisfy the animalistic hunger we all have and that is it."
"How do you know?"
"Because I have seen a relationship built on trust and commitment. To tell you the truth I don't ever think my parents were ever physically attracted to each other." A giggle escaped her lips. "They were both doctors. They knew the human body better than anyone in the whole hospital but I guess that explains why they never searched for sex to define them. Instead they had long talks every day, always so intuitive to each other's expressions and words. They told each other I love you every day and asked themselves in the morning what can I do to make their life better?"
"Were they happy?" Her touch was so agonizingly soft against his cheeks.
"If you are referring to the fantastical happy everyone envisions where there are no fights and everything is perfect every moment than no. But if you are referring to a happy where they compromised easily and whole heartedly enjoyed each other's presence then yes."
It was a magical moment. For a whole minute, he let those defenses he had so well designed fall, his face raw with the crying anguish of his soul. For an entire moment, he had let her fingertips soothingly remove all the wrinkles. For a beautiful second, she had helped bring stability to his soul.
He slowly pulled away, as if her touch had become his life support and with the turn of heel, heading toward the door. She couldn't end it like this. It was like a story one sentence away from completion, as if perfection was seemingly around the corner but no one had the courage to go and grasp it.
"Wait." She shouted as she ran toward him, the rail thin heels vibrating the air around them.
She stopped by him, hovering before him like a nervous bee, before she leaned in and lightly brushed his cheek with her lips.
"Thank you for coming. I really appreciate it." As she sauntered back to her chair, he entered the hallway, closing the door behind him. The corridor that had once brought him comfort had now felt like a prison, its windows the door he never had the courage to grasp. With no regret, he shuffled down the carpeted hallway.
X-x-X
"Another late night?" Riza inquired, though unlike that damn therapist, there wasn't any underline ulterior motive.
"You know those damn higher ups; send all the damn unwanted paper to the lower ranks while they rest on some cozy beach and we freeze our asses off." His response was grumbled through his lips, rough and guttural with unusual charming flare.
It earned him a laugh, a music note that was heavenly against the drowsing silence of the office and rustling of the papers that chained him to his chair. It was a rarity, a rarity in which he enjoyed every time he had the liberty to hear it.
"Don't overwork yourself." His reply was silence for he did not want to throw himself into the debate that would pursue if he did reply. Not at least with her. With others, he could calmly joke about how he wanted this paperwork to form a hand and put him out of his misery. If he told her that though, he would only cause her to be concerned for what she probably already feared.
"Get out of here. I don't want you forming wrinkles on that pretty face of yours. God knows I couldn't survive this damn office without staring at your ass at least once."
Her glare was blunt, not very threatening for over the years he had developed immunity to it.
"Goodnight Roy." It was her routinely greeting. Yet this time it had the strain of worry and the slight flare of agitation.
"Goodnight Riza." Confidence. That was what masked his inner turmoil.
Why was she the one always walking away? How come it was her who had to exit the room and not him?
"Are you going to the Christmas party?" She called out from her position in the door, entertaining her impulsive thoughts.
Roy shook his head no. "No. I promised Gracia I would spend the day with her." A small smile graced her face as she thought of Mae's widow. Gracia would visit them in the office on a rare occasion; bringing Elisia and a basket of her irresistible homemade cookies however the majority of her visits were spent with Roy.
"Too bad. I heard the Führer was hiring a striper to dance for all the unmarried men." She grinned at the genuine shock that crossed his face before she left to the world of snowing silence.
X-x-X
"Welcome." Her greeting was stiff; her seductively haunting tone in which had managed to unhinge his wired jaw was missing from her syllables.
The door closed quietly behind him as he traveled to his previous seat, settling his aching bones into the conforming cushions.
"What brought you hear this time?" He noticed that the change was not only in her voice but in her fashion. For instead of those sexy colored pumps that defined the small delicate arch of her foot she wore silver flats.
"Your damn fiancé." Giggles rose in the air like the flight of colorful birds, dancing and weaving through the clouds before escaping into the waves of white.
"I wondered who gave him those bruises." She took a natural pause as she collected her breath. "I am surprised that you didn't recognize him earlier. From what I heard nothing ever escapes your observant eyes."
Her tone was playful, soft and innocent with a touch of mischief. It was obvious to him how Elric could fall for her. She was a girl who was sturdy, internally stable that would not be overwhelmed by his travels, a woman who would always remain faithful together or alone.
"He was smiling." The frayed edges of confusion blurred her magnificent irises; deep sweeping crinkles marred her unblemished face as one delicate arched eyebrow rose.
"What do you mean by that?" The conversation hung in the air for a few more seconds before falling to the ground. A silence swept in, draping over them with the heaviness of a velvet curtain.
Unasked, Roy seated himself in his familiar place, the elongated cushioned chaise that was located across from the beautiful- but nosy- therapist
"I only have one question to ask you to this time" There was a tone of finality, a sense of foreboding. Somewhere in the recess of his mind, he knew this would be the last time he would find her in this place, the end of her probing questions and soul piercing gazes.
A chuckle fell merrily from his lips, a sound unguarded and genuine. "Only one?" She tried to prevent the corners of her mouth from tugging her lips into a smile but she ultimately failed.
It was when her look had turned solemn that he truly regretted returning to see her this one last time.
"What are you afraid of?" From the foundation to the outer edge, his iron wall quivered from the velocity of the question, straining under the pressure of his rebelling thoughts as they fought their chaining restraints.
"What makes you say that?" He wished he could have manipulated the shadows projected off the wall to blanket him from her scrutiny, her eyes a fire that licked and scorched the wall protecting his heart.
"Because you stopped living." Sooth and calm. That was how she replied him but beneath that façade boiled an anger in which threatened to burn him to his core. "I have seen patients like you before. They immerse themselves in work, distance from any sort of human connection and distract themselves in any way possible. They refuse to confront the consequences to their actions, deny any help presented to them and lie about even the smallest matter."
"Ah so I'm just another one of your patients now?" Her displeasure was brutally expressed in the tension of her cupid bow's lips but now he had completely blocked any consciousness for her emotions, raging from his own boiling blood.
As she was going to comment with another biting comment, he interrupted her mid-breath. "Thank you for your time and concern." It was at the door did he start to feel the inkling of regret but with great control he pushed it away.
Author's Notes: I am so sorry for the long wait. I had this done before I went on my trip but my beta (a wonderful beta she is) was busy and didn't edit it until recently. So this is part one, the second part will come under the title of life. So I am in much need of criticism so please don't be afraid to leave a review telling me your thoughts and opinions.