Shepard was inspecting the armoury, checking out their weapons and putting Taylor through his paces amicably.
When they were done Taylor cleared his throat a little uncomfortably, "So all that stuff you said about Cerberus back on Freedom's Progress... is it true?" he asked cautiously.
"Yes." Shepard answered honestly and calmly.
There was a pause, "You were going to kill me back at the Lazarus base when I told you about being Cerberus weren't you." it was a statement, not a question. He'd seen it in her eyes, that moment of confliction, the flicker of movement of her weapon that thankfully had remained lowered.
"Yes." again her honest answer was calm as she observed the uncomfortable man.
"What stopped you Shepard?" He asked slowly, already his mind was ticking over possible answers but he wanted to hear it from her.
Shepard took a deep breath, "Several things. You were honest which is something I'd never encountered in a Cerberus Operative." she hesitated before continuing on, "And the first time I woke up when Wilson had mixed up the meds there was genuine concern in Miranda's eyes." she scoffed, "Little did I realize it was just because her precious project was in jeopardy." she grunted wryly.
"Yeah, she is a little task oriented. But that's why she's the best." he shrugged, he didn't really want to get into a bitch session about Miranda Lawson, she was an incredible woman under that outer shell if she let you in.
Shepard shook her head, but stopped herself from saying anything that might reveal she knew Miri better than they realized. "So you don't strike me as the typical Cerberus guy."
He nodded curtly, "Alliance Corsair."
"Really?" Now that she could picture, he was military to the core. "What happened?"
"Political bullshit happened. Alliance sends you out to work under the radar keeping pirates and the like in check supposedly out of their jurisdiction but they tie you up with enough red tape you can't actually do anything." he growled in disgust. "Yeah I know Cerberus crosses the line time and time again but they get things done without the tape and the Illusive Man knows not to ask me to do anything that crosses the line." he asserted quickly.
Shepard just listened as he vented, clearly he hadn't been able to as everyone he'd worked with was Cerberus but she, she was Alliance, she understood his perspective. "Sometimes a little red tape is needed to keep people like the Illusive Man in check." he was about to argue but she continued, "But I completely understand. Even when they made me a Spectre, above the law in order to achieve the best for the galaxy, they constantly tied my hands, the Alliance was the worst." she admitted sincerely.
Jacob nodded with a scowl at the mention of the Alliance, "They screwed you over Commander. For the first six months after you died you were the Alliance poster girl, they had your face on all the recruitments. But apparently you didn't focus test right, they replaced you with a composite when the Council started downplaying the Reapers. They made you out to be mentally unstable Commander." he scoffed and shook his head in disgust. "You're the best of us and they shamed your memory." he straightened his shoulders and looked to her resolutely, "Commander, I know you're hating this, hating to be working with Cerberus. But know that most of the crew on this ship are ex-Alliance. Some of them were drummed out of the service for their outspoken support of you. We've got your back, ma'am. We've seen what you can do and trust that you'll lead us to kick the Collectors right in the arse. We believe in you Shepard." he declared with devout sincerity.
Shepard was truly touched and actually smiled, "Thank you Jacob. I appreciate that. Really am glad I didn't kill you, you're great for my morale." she winked.
He chuckled, if he'd had paler skin he would've been blushing, "Me to ma'am. Uh, glad you didn't kill me that is."
Shepard smirked, "I'll leave you to your duties Jacob." she returned his salute and headed out to run almost straight into Kelly. Quickly she reached out and grabbed the woman by the shoulder's before she fell.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Shepard! I wasn't looking where I was going." Kelly gushed, going bright red in the face.
Shepard smiled, "No harm no foul." she reassured her, letting her go when she was sure she was steady on her feet.
"I was looking for you actually." Kelly straightened her shirt a little and looked up at the slightly taller woman. "I just got the message from Miranda about altering some of your clothes."
Shepard laughed, "Oh I was just going to rip the Cerberus logo's off but didn't really want to walk around with holes in them." she thumbed towards the elevator, inviting Kelly to come with her.
Kelly joined her eagerly. She hadn't quite believed it when she'd been hand picked by the Illusive Man to join Commander Shepard's crew. Commander Stephanie Shepard! Now here she was, about to join her up in her private quarters, sure it was for work but she doubted few would be allowed up in the loft once they got underway.
Shepard headed straight for the drawers and grabbed an armful of clothes, "I haven't sorted through them or anything so I don't know what's marked or not." she carried them over to the coffee table and just dumped them.
"That's alright I can do that." Kelly sat down and started sorting. It was a little strange to be going through the Commander's clothes like this.
"Oh I didn't expect that you'd actually do it, I just thought you'd arrange..." Shepard realized as Kelly produced a sewing kit.
Kelly grinned, "Four older brothers and two sisters, mending things was self preservation."
Shepard smirked and surprised the woman by sitting down on the other lounge looking at her, "Big family huh." the normal pang of talking families clutched at her heart but she was somewhat used to it by now and her emotions had been in such a constant state of flux since waking up on the Lazarus station she was feeling more and more numb.
"Big and loud." Kelly nodded, "Keeping the peace was a constant job. It's where I picked up most of my observation and counselling skills."
"So you're my yeoman and a counsellor?" Shepard was quite surprised by that.
"Not officially a counsellor though I do have a degree in psychology. My official role is your yeoman, but I'm also here to keep an eye on the mental health of the crew. This is going to be a tough mission and we all need to be at our best. I'm just a friendly face to vent to if needed, it works better that way." she shrugged and glanced at the Commander to find her studying her closely.
"Subtle Miranda, very subtle." Shepard muttered, shaking her head at how smoothly Miranda had arranged this. She had to hand it to the woman, she was good.
Kelly's brow rose, "Am I missing something?"
"Miranda is concerned about me but knows I won't be talking to her any time soon." she glared over at the aquarium, "Happens when you promise to kill someone if they step out of line once and openly declare they wanted to put a slaver ship in your skull." she growled.
Kelly winced, that was stupid on Miranda's behalf, what was she thinking?
"She barged in on me in the bathroom because I was late for a meeting I didn't even know about. She found me... rather upset about my scars, or rather lack of them." she shifted uncomfortably, "She thought I'd appreciate having them removed. She was applying her own values and ideals onto me, she wouldn't want scars so she removed them. But they were a part of me, I wore them with pride and never considered them ugly or repulsive. I earned them. They were my life's story written on my skin. A portrait of what I've done, where I've been, who I am. And she took it all away because she didn't like them, they marred her perfect little project."
Kelly watched as Shepard stood and began to pace, she could see why Miranda wanted her to speak with Shepard. Did Miranda realize just how deeply she had affected Shepard with that procedure? "Would you like to talk about how you feel? Or just vent?" she asked softly, it was too early to really dig deeper, they'd only just met.
Shepard scoffed, "I feel like a piece of my soul was ripped away and I can never get it back. That it was her makes it hurt even more. She values perfection over raw life..." she sighed and walked up to the empty aquarium, leaning against it, "I wasn't a person to her on that operating table, I was a slab of meat to be manipulated. An enhanced biological weapon for the sole purpose of fighting Collectors and Reapers. No other reason. No other purpose. It didn't matter that I'm a human being, that I've had a past, that my past determines who I am. She stripped that from me. It's as though she wants me to forget, forget who I was, forget that I'm an Alliance marine, forget I'm a Spectre, forget everything but the Reapers. To forget my past as she's forgotten hers." her voice was soft, forlorn as she voiced what had been tearing her apart since seeing her reflection.
Kelly sat a little straighter, the clothes all but forgotten, "What would make you think that she's forgotten her past? That she wants you to forget yours?" this was harder on the woman than she'd been letting on obviously.
Shepard bowed her head pinched the bridge of her nose, she'd said too much already. "It's nothing, I'm being melodramatic and moody. Miranda Lawson appreciates perfection, she just thought I would as well. I just need to get my head on straight, it's a lot to process that I... died and two years have passed and everything is different, even me." she snorted, "I think I need to go hit something. Always makes me feel better." she didn't think they'd have a piano anywhere for her to soothe her rawness on.
Kelly filed it all away for later. There was obviously something there, something Shepard wasn't willing to talk about concerning Miranda as she'd just shut the whole conversation down like a bullet between the eyes. "Well I'm always here if you need to talk or vent, preferably verbally." she offered with a smile.
Shepard smirked, "Thanks Kelly." she wondered just how much was going to get back to Miranda. Having been in the military for most of her adult life it didn't occur to her that changing out of her armour in front of Kelly might not be considered normal.
Kelly's eyes widened and her cheeks went red as Shepard stripped down to her underwear to change into jogging shorts and singlet. She couldn't tear her eyes away from that incredible figure, Shepard was sculpted perfection, her muscles defined and not an ounce of fat on her most likely from the reconstruction process taking so long. She was a soldier, her body hardened for battle but she was also a woman with just enough curves to be sizzling if she wanted to show off her figure. Wearing simply shorts and singlet definitely showed off her figure but not in an intentional way. The way Shepard carried herself was of a woman unconcerned about her appearance. After all she had only just finished telling her how important her scars had been to her, things that others would have considered ugly and brutish she had made a part of herself and not just aesthetically, they had been a part of her self-identity. She would have to change how she saw herself now and it wasn't going to be an easy journey for her especially with what she was being thrown in to less than a few hours after waking from a traumatic coma.
Shepard turned to leave the yeoman to her task when she noticed her blushing, "Is everything alright Kelly?"
Kelly blinked and realized she'd been caught out staring and her cheeks went even redder, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to stare, you're just so beautiful I... I couldn't look away." now she did, she ducked her face in embarrassment.
It was Shepard's turn to blush, it had been so long since someone had called her that, her scars had been extensive and to the majority of people horrific. "Um, thank you." she mumbled and quickly made her exit.
Kelly sighed when the doors closed, "Smooth, real smooth Kelly." she grumbled at herself and set about diligently fixing the Commanders clothes for her.