She wanted him, she wanted this. She wanted him too much. Her brain started to surface from the passion and her thoughts started to take over. Fear swept through her, and her hands slipped between them and she lightly pressed at his chest and broke the kiss. "We have to stop. I can't… I can't do this…" She then broke away from him without meeting his eyes and turned to walk down the hallway, leaving him standing there alone.
Killian knew he should let her go. He couldn't afford to upset her, but he also knew his heart couldn't afford not to take a chance. He ran after her, and caught her before she turned the corner. His hand clasped her wrist and tugged gently turning her to face him. His was shocked to see the tears running down her face. "Emma…"
She shook her head, "Let me go…"
He closed his eyes, and loosened his grip on her wrist but then opened his eyes to look at her and he glided his fingers up her bare arm to clasp her shoulder. "I will let you go, but… tell me why love. Why? Why can't you do this?"
Emma shook her head and looked down. His other hand went under her chin and gently raised it to look back into her eyes. She sniffed, "I… I can't just…" she shook her head, "I can't just have one night with you."
He blinked a couple of times, and then the realization hit. "You think I'm trying for just a one night stand with you?" Her eyes were moving back and forth as if she was trying to read him. He looked up and tried to get his barrings, "I thought when we were dancing you agreed to ask me questions without assuming things again." He looked back down at her and saw her eyes widened a little. His fingers moved from her chin to cup her cheek. "I don't know exactly what it is that I feel between us, but I want a lot more than that." He leaned his forehead against hers, "I'd like to date you, if you will let me."
She pulled back to look at him, "How?"
He was confused, "I'm pretty certain you know how dating works Emma."
She shook her head, "You are only here until you serve your hours. A week or two tops. I can't allow myself to do that when you are just going to leave and…"
He cut her off, "What are you talking about? I'm not leaving." She gave him another confused look. "I live a town over on Lake Norman, Emma. It's a short drive. I'm living at my home and I drive over to the shelter in the morning. Mills Racing is a twenty minute drive from my house. I'm not going anywhere." He could see her trying to process what he said.
"But you go all over the country…"
"Yes, I do travel all over the country. But I live here. I am home basically every week." He looked into her eyes still trying to read her, trying to figure out what this really was about. But he knew he couldn't push her, her walls were up. He could tell Elsa was right. "Emma, love, if you feel even a small amount of what I feel between us," he swallowed, "give it a shot."
He moved his other hand up to cup her other cheek, both his thumbs moving to wipe away her tears. She wanted to trust it, she wanted to trust him. But part of her, the part of her scared from her past was too afraid. The other part of her, that part that still had hope wanted her to try. She looked into his blue eyes, so impossibly blue, and she could see him hoping she would just try. She took a deep breath and then nodded, "Yes."
Killian smiled back at her, "Tomorrow night too soon?"
She let out a small giggle, "Eager?"
He moved a lock of her hair behind her ear, "I've been eager since I met you Swan."
"So tomorrow then." Emma took a deep breath at looked at the door back into the ballroom, "But right now I have to go back in there, and all I want to do is go home."
"Are you okay, love?"
She nodded, "Did I mess up all my makeup?"
"You look beautiful."
She blushed a little and took his hand, then both of them walked back into the ballroom. This time making rounds around the room together.
===∞∞∞∞∞===
This time as Emma mingled around the room, she was not cornered by the single men or even non-single men. She smiled up at Killian next to her, he was very effective at keeping them at bay. He was also marvelous at mingling with the donors. Telling them all about his time with the kids, and what a great job the shelter was doing, but that they needed more funds. Let them know that they were down staff, but still trying to do what was right for all of them.
As they talked with everyone, it was almost completely unconsciously, but their hands always found each other's. Or his would rest at the small of her back as he guided her across the room. Seemed that once that part of their walls had been broken it was impossible to stop.
Then the music died down, and there was a few soft taps of a microphone. "Ladies and Gentleman!" Everyone turned to see Archie standing at the front of the room. "I will not take up too much of your time, and let you get back to the party. But I want to thank you all for coming tonight, we all appreciate it. The children appreciate it." He motioned around the room, "This year we have a record number of people here and we also have surpassed our goal for donations."
Everyone clapped in the room, along with cheers. Killian and Emma grinned at each other as Archie continued. "So, again I, and everyone at Storybrooke Children's Shelter thank you from the bottom of our hearts, and Happy Holidays! Now… back to the party." A round of applause went up again, as Archie turned off the microphone and blended back into the room.
Emma grabbed Killian's hand and pulled her behind him, which just made his smile bigger. "Archie…" She got next to her boss and he turned towards her. "That is fantastic news!"
"It really is, Emma. So much so, we can afford another counselor."
"Really?!" she was beyond thrilled.
Archie smiled. "Yes, really. You have been working too many hours. You need to take a break as well. I don't want you to burn out."
"I agree. You could use a break." Killian said, his thumb gliding over the back of her hand.
"Oh really?" She asked him.
"Yes, really." Archie agreed and smiled at the two of them, but decided not to comment at their entwined fingers.
Killian gave a small pull at her hand, and got her attention back. "I'm going to head to the bar and get us some water. I'm sure you'll be okay here Swan, right?"
She grinned, "Yeah, I think so."
"Good, I will be right back." He turned and reluctantly let her hand go as he headed back to the bar.
Emma tried to shake off the feeling of loss from him leaving as she turned back to Archie. "So how far did we surpass the goal?"
He shook his head, "It's unbelievable. By well over a million dollars."
Her eyes got large, "What?"
"Between all the extra people here tonight, and then one large… one very large anonymous donation. Yeah…"
"Anonymous?"
"Well, basically anonymous." Emma gave her boss a strange look and he leaned in closer. "It was a donation from a Foundation that asked to stay anonymous."
"To the public yeah, but…"
"Honestly, I know the name of the foundation, but we have no information on who owns or even set it up."
Emma was confused, she tried to understand. "What is the foundation?"
He smiled back, "Never heard of it actually. It's called 'The Lost Boys and Girls'."
"Really?"
"Really."
"How much was their dotation?"
Archie smiled, "A million dollars."
Her mouth hung open, "Wow."
"Exactly. But the name of the foundation is even hush hush, so…"
She made the motion of zipping her lips, "Not a word."
"Emma, I know you want to head home. Go on. Get out of here. See you on Monday."
She smiled, "Thanks Archie." With that she turned around and saw Killian walking back with two bottles of water. She walked towards him, and he handed her a bottle. "Thanks." She opened her bottle and took a drink.
"More than welcome love. Figured after the wine, it might do you some good." He opened his own bottle and took a drink as well, "and me as well."
She took another drink, "Well Archie just dismissed me for the night."
"Oh really?" He angled his elbow to her, and she slid her hand in to hold on. "Then let me lead you out of here." With that they both walked towards the exit of the ballroom and towards the main entrance of the hotel. "Are you okay to drive home, Emma?"
"Yeah, I'm good. Three glasses over six hours plus the hor dourves I'm just fine. I'm not a lightweight."
He laughed, "Good to know you can handle your liquor."
"And you? While I wouldn't mind you having to work a few more hours at the shelter, I don't think drinking and driving would do your career any good."
"Honestly?" He tilted his head and moved a tad closer to her.
She smiled and looked up at him, "That is the best policy with me."
"I only had one drink. The water was really for you."
She squeezed his hand and pulled him to the front door and stepped outside. They both gave their tickets to the valet. Emma shivered and Killian immediately took off his jacket, "It's only a second, I'm fine."
"You are shivering Emma. Take it." He pulled it around her shoulders, and pulled her closer with it. "Better?"
She rolled her eyes, "Maybe."
Killian laughed, "Only maybe? Well what else can I do to warm you up love?" He watched her eyes dilate in front of him, and he leaned in closer and kissed her cheek, then pulled away. "I'm looking forward to our date."
"So am I."
"Can I borrow your phone?"
"It's in my car, why?"
"Well I was going to give you my number, so I could either arrange a meeting place or get your address to pick you up if you are comfortable with that."
"I doubt you are a murderer so…" She saw his eyes flutter and look away for a brief second, and then set back on her. Then she remembered Milah and thought maybe she struck… something. "So I can give you my number and you can pick me up." He handed her his phone and she put in her contact info, including her address, which got a raised eyebrow from him.
With that both their cars pulled up, and a driver got out of each waiting for them. "I hate to say goodnight Swan. But looks like both our rides await." they walked through the opening between the back of her car and the front of his. "Tomorrow, seven o'clock, wear something casual and comfortable." He saw her questioning eye, "You'll see."
She leaned up and kissed his cheek, "Goodnight Killian."
"Goodnight love."
They both turned and got in their own car and headed home.
===∞∞∞∞∞===
Why was she so fucking nervous? Emma continued to pace. Around her living room, back into the bathroom to check her makeup, back to her livingroom. She looked at the clock, why the hell did she get ready early? So she could pace for another fifteen minutes. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It's just Killian." She shook her head, that was part of the problem, it was Killian.
For a brief second she thought she should call or text him and tell him she had changed her mind. But she really didn't want too, and heck she didn't even have his number. He had hers. She shouldn't have put her address in his phone, and then he would have texted her today to get it. She took another deep breath.
The issue really was, that she was looking forward to it, because she really liked him. She had tried not to like him, she really had. But it didn't work. And now here she was pacing around her apartment trying not to freak out.
Also, as she looked in the mirror again, what was he taking her out to do? She was in a pair of jeans, knee high boots, and a large warm red sweater. She gave a smile to her reflection in the mirror as to what she wore underneath. She shook her head, she wanted to try for a real relationship, she didn't want to ruin it by just falling into bed with him. A small part of her was telling her it wouldn't ruin anything.
She was scared, starting another relationship. After the hell with Neal she had stopped trying for years and years, and then she felt like it was time to try again only to be burned again by Walsh. People told her that everyone had bad breakups. But they just didn't understand just how bad, just how horrible those relationships ended.
Emma was broken out of her memories by a knock at her door. "Just a second!" she called out and gave one more look into the mirror before she went for her door. She stood in front of it, took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. She then opened the door to find Killian standing there, a large smile on his face, his eyes moving over her, taking her in. She did the same. He was in boots, dark jeans and a black sweater with a black peacoat. Her eyes got to his before his got to hers. "So…" She put her hand on her hip, "This okay?"
"Perfect Swan. You look beautiful." He pulled his hand out from behind his back and pulled out a dozen of mixed white and red roses.
She was shocked, "Wow… uhh… thank you." She took the flowers from him and smelled them. "You can come in while I get these in some water." He followed her in and leaned against the archway into her kitchen as he looked through to the rest of her apartment. She saw his eyes look around, "I know it's not much, but it works for me."
Killian arched his eyebrow at her, "Was just trying to get to know you by seeing your place, love. It fits you. Besides I lived in much smaller at one point when I lived in London."
She got the flowers into a large mason jar. She might need to buy a vase if he ever brings them again. And from Emma's experience she had barely ever received flowers, so doubted it would happen again.
He straightened back up as she walked past him and grabbed her purse and her thick winter coat. "Ready?" he asked and stuck out his arm.
"Absolutely." She took his arm and then headed out of the door. She locked it behind them, and then made their way to his car. A nice black Camaro. A beep sounded, and he opened the door for her. She slid into the leather seat, and smiled at the warm seat under her. Her eyes flashed to the dash, yep, seat warmers were already on for her. A few seconds later his door was opening and he was sliding in. "So… is this the car that got you community service?"
Killian pulled away from the curb and started to drive into town. "Well, it was the car I was driving. I was responsible for that though…" He took a second to look at her and then back at the road. "I don't know how sorry I really am about it now."
Emma could feel the small blush creeping up her cheeks, but she couldn't stop what came out of her mouth, "So am I… but don't tell my brother that."
"What?"
She gave a soft laugh, "My brother is the sheriff that pulled you over."
He gave a confused look to her and then back to the road again, "Sheriff David Nolan is your brother?"
That's the moment Emma knew she made a mistake, "Oh… uh… this is usually like a 4th date conversation."
He left one hand on the wheel and took hers in his other, "You can tell me anything love, but if you want, we can wait."
Deep down she knew she could trust him. Why she felt like that she wasn't sure, but she did. "David's parents, well, I guess my parents… well… they had me as a foster kid when I was thirteen, and then adopted me a little after I turned fifteen. It's just David and me now…" She could feel Killian's eyes on her, and she swallowed to look at him. As he looked back and forth to her and the road, and squeezed her hand tighter.
"Thank you for telling me." He brought her hand up to his lips, and placed a soft kiss, and then back down to the console between them. He knew he needed to tell her something, to get them back on even footing. To make her comfortable. "My father left my mother, my brother and me when I was very little. I barely remember him." She squeezed his hand back, "Then when I was twelve my mother got really sick and we lost her. Then it was just myself and my brother Liam."
"I'm so sorry." She was glad he told her, even though she had known part of it, she now had more information and confirmation of what she thought.
He pulled into a parking space and turned off the car. "I guess we are just both a couple of lost boys and girls that found each other." He said with a small smile.
Emma blinked a couple time, "What was that?"
"What? Oh, uhhh… one thing you will get to know about me love, I'm a little obsessed with Peter Pan and Captain Hook, the original novel much more than the movies." She tried to keep the laugh in and pressed her smiling lips together. "Just a reference, you know, the Lost Boys on the island?"
She swallowed and then nodded quickly, "Yeah of course." Her brain reeling as it was putting the pieces together.
He let go of her hand and got out of his side. Her brain was still spinning. Oh my god, he was the donor. He was the fucking donor! But why keep it anonymous? She was brought out of her thinking by her door being opened. She looked up at him and took his hand as he helped her out of the car.
"Right this way," he led her to the restaurant.
Emma laughed as they got to the restaurant, "Granny's Diner?"
"What's wrong with that? Fantastic lasagna. Wonderful pie. And a very casual atmosphere."
She felt even more at ease, "They do have wonderful pie, but I like the grilled cheese and onion rings way better than the lasagna."
He opened the door for her, and with a chime of the bell she walked in and he smiled at her. "That is the beauty of a restaurant love, we can order whatever we each want."
The waitress ushered them over to a booth towards the back and they slipped in across from each other. "So… not that I'm complaining…"
"Well that does not bode well for the rest of that sentence or me."
Emma laughed and was about to go on just as the waitress came to get their drink orders. They both knew what they wanted to so they ordered everything and once she left Emma continued. "I mean… I like the casual aspect of tonight. It's just not…"
"What you expected? Or what other men do with you? Or?"
"Uhhh… any, all… though I don't have a ton of experiences with first dates…"
He gave her a questioning look, because he didn't understand how she couldn't have experience with first dates. "Not a first date type of conversation?"
She grinned, "You could say that. But seriously, why?"
"Well, couple reasons. One, we were both at a fancy party last night, and I had a feeling you might not want to be in a dress and heels again tonight." She smiled, because he was right. "And second, what I have planned after dinner will be better as we are dressed."
"After dinner? Just so you know, I don't pillage and plunder on the first date."
Killian laughed, "Pillage and plunder?"
"You're the Peter Pan, Captain Hook, Neverland pirates fan." She saw him laugh again, and then his hand reached out for hers. She didn't even think and put hers in his. The waitress came back with their sodas and then returned to the bar. "So what are we doing after dinner?"
"Well since you don't do 'that' on a first date, I guess I better change plans." He watched her eyes widen and he laughed, "Joking, love. The plans still stand, but they are secret. However, afterwards…" He laughed again at her eyes and this time her mouth hanging open. "I'm taking 'that' off the table."
"What?"
He arched an eyebrow at her, "Disappointed?" She bit her lip, just as her leg touched his. "I think you are."
"I don't know what you are talking about," she said with a smile as she brought her straw to her lips and sucked down her soda.
Both his eyebrows raised and his tongue swiped across his bottom lip. His brain trying to imagine what she might be wearing under her clothes. If she would have worn something thinking he might see it. He felt her leg nudge his, and his focus returned to her all telling eyes. Well damn, maybe he shouldn't have taken it off the table. But no, no he wanted to do this right.
Just then the food came, which cut off the thoughts both were having. That was a good thing. They made small talk over dinner. She found out that his brother and his wife Elsa along with their two boys were coming in tomorrow and staying with him till just after Christmas. He found out that she was heading to her brother's and sister-in-law's for Christmas day.
When they were done eating he signaled for the waitress, "Can I get the check, but can you also add two hot chocolate's to go?"
Emma gave him a questioning look but went with it, "Can one of those have cinnimon please?" The girl nodded and left the table.
"I should have known."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
He scratched behind his ear, "I may have received a tiny bit of intel from Ms. Lucas."
"Oh really? What all did she tell you?"
"I said tiny bit. She only told me that you had a bit of a sweet tooth, and that snickerdoodles were your favorite." At that the waitress came back over with the two hot chocolates one with a 'C' marked on the lid. Killian laid down more than enough cash for the bill and the tip and stood. He took her hand, helping her out of the booth, and then each took their cup and walked out of the restaurant.
As they got to the sidewalk, Emma started to turn to the car, but his arm came around her, "This way.." He pointed in the other direction. She gave him a look, and he smiled. Neither said anything as his arm stayed around her and rested at her hip as they continued to walk. He directed her to another turn and she knew they were coming up to a city park.
"A walk in the park?"
"Not exactly."
As they got closer, she saw what she thought they were walking up to. It was a horse drawn carriage. When they got up to it, the man sitting at the front got down, and gave a regal bow, "Mr. Jones."
Emma looked to Killian, "Are you kidding me?"
He laughed, "Hence the reason I thought more comfortable, not to mention warm clothes would be better." The driver helped them both into the carriage and he pulled the plush blanket up over the lap, as they sat on the soft bench seat. He took a look at her next to him, it looked like she was about to laugh. "Something wrong?"
She giggled slightly, "No, no. Just…" She motioned with her hands, "I… I… don't know what to say."
He loved to hear her laugh, see the joy in her eyes. "You don't have to say anything. I just hope you like it." He took her hand and held it in his, their others holding their hot chocolate. "So the park and the group of historical homes in the area are all supposed to be decorated in a huge array of Christmas lights. And this young man," he motioned to the driver who was getting into his seat. "Will be taking us around to see them all."
The driver touched a couple buttons and the soft sounds of Christmas music started to play, and then the horse started to move and they were off starting with the park. It was absolutely beautiful, the trees all in white lights. The only thing that would have been more perfect is if there was snow, but it was North Carolina after all.
They listened to the music, sat with their sides pressed together for warmth, and pointed to various light displays as they made their way through the park and then on to the historical homes. As they moved further, Emma found her head resting on his shoulder, and once she noticed, she decided it could stay right there. He didn't seem to try and stop her, and in fact he didn't want to.
He leaned his head against her's and dropped a soft kiss to the top of head. He could smell her perfume, and something so uniquely her. His side pressed next to her so warm, warming his heart, his soul. The other side without her was cold, and he wanted to smile at the philosophical side of that thought. But he knew it was right. He didn't know why she was the one that his heart wanted to finally be willing to open itself back up to, but it did. And he wasn't going to argue with it.
When the ride came to an end, it was almost like waking from a dream. They got out of the carriage and Killian paid the man and then they headed back to his car. He clicked his key to start the car as far away from it as he could. He helped her back into the partially heated car, then got in himself and started on his way back to her apartment. They held hands in the car in the comfortable silence and it wasn't long before he was pulling up to the curb in front of her complex.
He started to open his door, and she tugged his hand, "You don't have to get out in the cold."
"I want to walk you to your door love." With that he got out of the car, and got her door. Soon they were both walking inside and up to her apartment.
Once they got to her door, she unlocked it and then turned back to him, and bit her lip, "Do you want to come in for some coffee?"
He smiled with her and clenched his jaw and shut his eyes briefly, "I would love to, but I shouldn't."
Both of her hands reached for each one of his on either side of him, and intertwined their fingers, "Well, I must say. I had a very good time."
"So does that mean you will go out with me again?" He knew he should probably wait, not look so eager. But he couldn't do that with her. He didn't want to leave now.
Emma knew what her answer was, but as she looked into his blue eyes, she could only do one thing. She pulled him closer by their intertwined hands and then her lips were on his. She released his hands and one of hers went around his and the other to the back of his head. His arms were instantly around her, and her body was pushed back against the door as he angled his head to kiss her deeper.
Both mouths opened to each other, and tongues already moving against one another. His one hand moved to her lower back to press her closer to him. It took all her willpower to pull back and look into his eyes. Both out of breath, and neither wanting to part but knew they should. They both wanted more than one night, and they wanted to do this thing between them right.
Killian closed his eyes and took one step back. "I take that as a yes?"
She smiled and nodded.
He licked his lips and took another small step back, it almost physically hurt to leave her. "I'll see you on Monday." She nodded again at him. "Goodnight Emma."
"Goodnight Killian." Right when he was about to turn to leave, and she opened her door, "Oh and Killian?" He turned to look back into her eyes. "What you were wondering before at the diner… the answer was red lace." And with that she walked into her apartment and shut the door.
He stood with his mouth open, the vision of her in those lace undergarments and nothing else. It wasn't going to be easy to get that thought out of his head. It was going to be a long shower tonight, he thought as turned to leave. "Bloody hell."