A/N: The moment you have all been waiting for a long time is finally here~ SoI hope you guys enjoy this update.
Masooma staggered back to her quarters, feeling rather exhausted, the day's activities having taken their toll on her. Letting her hair out of the still damp braid she had pulled it into earlier, she used her fingers to work out some of the tangles before letting it fall behind her back as she walked past her bed and through the corridor that led to Tsubasa's room. The brunette appeared to be sound asleep but there were no signs of his father anywhere. Thinking that maybe the spirit had gone back sometime during her talk with Sakura, Masooma set up a spell around Tsubasa that would wake her when the brunette came to and walked back to her room. she only ever managed to get her shoes off her feet before falling into her bed and falling asleep, her dreams plagued with adorable little Fais sporting cat ears chasing around green eyed kittens and brown coated puppies with angry red-eyed black dogs barking at all of them.
-0-
Tsubasa could only stare at his father as his words finally began to sink in.
Sakura-chan never hurt you…
"Sakura… she never…" he stuttered breathlessly, eyes wide, face pale and legs boneless as he took a couple more staggering steps away from the spirit and sank to the ground.
It was the drugs that made you think it was them. Syaoran said kindly but Tsubasa flinched as though he had been physically hit. As his shock began to wear out, anger started taking its place, guilt battling for a spot just as ferociously as he remembered the last words he had ever said to her. His surrounding shifted off their own accord to that day in the infirmary when he had last spoke to the princess.
"What will it take? Tell me Syaoran." The jade-eyed princess begged, "Why won't you believe me? That girl wasn't me!"
The Tsubasa in the bed did not look much better than him but then again, it had to have only been a week since they had had this conversation. He was still trying to piece everything together but now the puzzle pieces had fit together with a lot more clarity now that he had a few more clues. "I have been trying so hard to make you believe me but you… what will it take?" she looked so desperate as she stared at him with bloodshot eyes, "Tell me? What cant I do to make you believe it wasn't me who hurt you?"
He could almost tell what had happened to him though he deliberately refused to push in the last few pieces to complete the picture. He was already beginning to hate himself for what he had done. He wasn't sure how he would be able to live with himself once the complete truth unraveled itself.
"…Kill yourself."
"W-what?" the shock and betrayal that danced across her face could never have been faked. Why had he ever even thought that person that hurt him had been the same as the princess that now stepped away from his memory self as though he had just told her to kill herself? No wait, he had just done that.
"You heard me. Kill yourself." He had been so callous. So uncaring… so cold. He could almost hear Sakura's restraints break as she drew herself to her full height.
"fine! If that's what it will take then…" she grabbed a surgical scalpel from one of the drawers and held it above her own chest, "fine!"
"Do it." He had been so cold… so very cold… how could he have ever claimed to have been in love with her? "I dare you."
Sakura-chan never told me your situation had been this bad. His father said solemnly as the memory faded away and Tsubasa had to bite inside of his cheek to keep from breaking down into hysterics.
"What do you think I would have done?" he replied bitterly once he managed to get his panic under control. She hadn't gone through with it. He had only seen her a few days ago. She had been walking around with Kurogane… But Fai had not been there. Fai had not been there ever since he had been pulled out of that crate in the dungeons! Why had he never noticed the blond's absence before? The man had almost literally taken his place during whatever rescue mission Kurogane and Fai had come up with. Questions about why he had not come with them in the first place flashed across his mind but his thoughts were too much of a mess for him to be able to dwell on it for long.
I never thought you had it in you to ever tell her to kill herself. Syaoran said quietly.
"And I never thought you'd try to kill Fai-san…" he laughed though there was no humor behind it and for half a minute his father seemed too shocked to be able to say anything else. The truth had not yet completely sunk in and for some reason Tsubasa still felt rather detached from everything even as he stood inside his mind discussing the truth.
I was just so angry… the brunette murmured as he brought up his bloodless hands and stared at them as though he could still see the blood flowing down the palms of his hands.
"And I was just too scared and tired." Tsubasa replied softly.
You shouldn't blame yourself Tsubasa, Syaoran approached him slowly. His father's touch felt almost ghostlike but it was warm when he placed the palm of his hand on top of his head. Now that you know the truth, you can make up with them again. Sakura-chan and Kurogane-san won't hold it against you. They know why you did it.
"Knowing why I did it, does not make it okay that I did."
So what? His tone was firm causing Tsubasa to look up, Are you going to wallow in misery now? Shouldn't you try and make things right with them?
"It's easier said than done…" Tsubasa replied, looking away. "I know it wasn't them but… I don't think I can- I'm not ready to- I just can't…"
Sakura-chan and Kurogane-san are really worried about you, you know? Even Fai-san…
"How is Fai-san?" Tsubasa could almost feel his father's disappointed gaze upon him but he wasn't ready to talk about Sakura and Kurogane just then. He… he needed time… after spending so long thinking they had turned on him only to suddenly find out it had never been them all along… He couldn't just flip a switch and be okay with everything in a heartbeat. He was a little surprised at how easy it had been for him to believe his father's words when everyone else had been telling him the same all along but maybe it had not been Syaoran's words that he had believed but the memories he had seen. And then again, a tiny infinitesimal part of him had always hoped that all that torment and pain had been a lie. Even if he had silenced its voice long ago, it had still been there.
He was asking about you earlier when he woke up.
"If he was asking about me… Is he okay now? He doesn't… he doesn't fear Masooma-san like I…" he trailed off.
No. He doesn't. The drugs did not work on him like they did on you.
"They didn't?" Tsubasa could not keep the slight bitterness out of his tone as he asked the question, causing Syaoran to look at him with an indecipherable expression on his face. "I saw him in the memory. He thought that that was-"
They stopped working once his vampire half awakened completely, Syaoran shook his head sadly, but I wish they had.
"Why?"
That woman… what she did to him when he fought back… Syaoran's expression growing dark and murderous as he trailed off. I'm just glad Kurogane-san and Sakura-chan came when they did. Surprise flittered across his father's face as he suddenly looked down at his chest and then back at Tsubasa. I think you're about to wake up. Even as he said this, a smoke began surrounding him, dissolving his body where ever it touched.
"Wait!" Scared that his father was about to leave him on his own again, Tsubasa tried to grab his arm, only for his fingers to pass through smoke as his father gave him a small smile.
Don't worry. I'll be there when you wake up. And then he was gone, leaving Tsubasa alone inside his head. It felt like hours went by before he finally felt the faint stirrings of consciousness return to him. his eyelids felt heavy as though weighed down by lead when he tried to pry them open. The light in the room had been dimmed out a little but he could still make out a pair of familiar amber eyes looking down at him.
"Father." He murmured, feeling relief at having the brunette by his side.
The spirit offered him another smile as he helped him sit up, arranging the pillows behind his back to support him a little better. Tsubasa wondered how his father had gotten his body back when the door to his room slowly swung open to reveal Masooma. The witch's hair was in a bit of a disarray and Tsubasa wondered if she had only just woken up.
"You're awake." She said, slowly walking in before he gaze travelled to Syaoran and confusion flashed across her face. "When did you get here? I didn't hear you come in…"
I've been here for a while now Masooma-san. You were not in your room at the time.
"That's not right." She frowned, "I've been in my room for almost six hours now and I came to check on Tsubasa before that and he was alone."
I'm not sure how to explain what happened but, Tsubasa reabsorbed me. I was with him all this time.
"Reabsorbed you?" alarm colored her tone, "you're not in danger of fading away or something are you? You can still be solid, right? This is bad if you start vanishing before-" Tsubasa felt panic grip his heart at the thought of losing his father after finally being able to talk to the man but a small chuckle from the brunette caused them both to look at the spirit.
I feel fine Masooma-san. In fact, I haven't felt this great in ages. Tsubasa finally remembers everything. He announced happily.
"Everything?" The witch looked at him for confirmation and he gave her a small nod. There were part still missing but it was slowly coming back to him now that he knew what had been locked away from him. "Oh that's great! Sakura will be so happy to hear that! She has been so worried about him and now that he- oh this is just amazing!" she was almost glowing with pleasure as she turned on her heels and almost ran to the door, "I'll go get her now. You obviously want to talk to her, right Tsubasa?"
"Actually, Masooma-san…" he started a little hesitantly, causing the witch to turn around and give him a curious look, "could you please…" he swallowed, "not tell anyone for now? I don't… I don't think I'm ready to face any of them for now."
"Oh…" leaving the door half open, she approached his bed again, settling down on his right. "Of course… I got ahead of myself in my excitement." She said a little soberly, "I won't tell anyone. Don't worry about it. Until you ask me to, I won't say anything. You don't feel a headache or anything right? Dizziness maybe?" she asked, going into healer mode as she traced out various diagnostic spells that latched onto different parts of his body. "What about you Syaoran? You feeling okay? He wasn't supposed to reabsorb you but maybe your proximity to the essence might have had a hand in that." It was as she asked these questions that Tsubasa's gaze was drawn by a flash of something near the half open doorway.
I feel fine, Masooma-san. Someone was standing just beyond the threshold and Tsubasa's breath caught in his throat as he recognized who it was. But what was he doing here?
"And you Tsubasa?" he heard the witch ask but he couldn't quite answer. "Tsubasa?"
"Fai-san?" he mumbled instead, for it was the blond that stood half concealed by the shadows.
"Fai?" Masooma quirked a brow, following the direction of his gaze even as she spoke, "He's not- here…" she trailed off when Fai walked in, looking a little unsure and hesitant. Tsubasa immediately took note of how short the blond had cut his hair. It was even shorter than his own. The next thing he took not of was that the blond was missing a shirt and there were some dark stains on his pants but apart from that he appeared- this bit Tsubasa noted with a little bit of jealousy- perfectly healthy. There was not a single scar on his pale skin to tell the tale of his misadventures, not a single injury or burn or anything really. He looked just like he had at the beginning of their journey when his father had first met the blond. Except for the short hair that is.
"Fai, what are you doing here?" Masooma asked softly as left Tsubasa's side and approached the blond, "You were supposed to be resting in your room." Fai did not appear to be hurt at all. There was nothing wrong with him and for a fraction of a second doubt began to cloud his thoughts. Had they lied to him about Fai? Had the memories been fake? But these thoughts were pushed out of his mind just as quickly as he noticed something not quite right with the scene before him. Fai was not injured but the blond was not smiling at him like he would have done before. The magician was not even looking at him, keeping his head lowered as he wrapped his fingers around Masooma's hand. He was acting as though he could not even see them.
"What did you say Fai?" Masooma asked softly, speaking like one might to a little child.
"Fai woke up and no one was there." He said a little louder, "So Fai looked but it was dark and Fai could not see." Why was he talking in third person? "Fai was scared so Fai looked for Masooma-chan but Masooma-chan was not there. So Fai looked for Nixon… but Nixon was not there… Fai was scared. Fai was alone. Why would they leave Fai alone? She… the woman from Fai's dream… the woman said Masooma-chan and Nixon hate Fai… Does Masooma-chan hate Fai now?"
"What?" Tsubasa heard Masooma's voice tremble before he saw he take both of Fai's hands in her own and offer him a small smile, "No of course not. I would never hate you."
Masooma-san? Tsubasa's tongue was stuck to the roof his mouth as he heard Fai speak but Syaoran had no problem asking the question racing through his head, Why is he speaking like that?
Masooma started to answer but Fai had looked up at the sound of Syaoran's voice and Tsubasa found himself held in place by the blond's inquisitive gaze, a small frown pulling down the sides of his lips as he seemed to struggle at recalling something. Tsubasa never did get to hear what the witch said as a suffocating silence seemed to envelop him, the only sound he could hear as Fai looked at him was his own breathing and the beating of his heart. Then the magician opened his mouth and the silence was shattered.
"Fai knows you…" the blond said as he almost made to approach Tsubasa but then seemed to think better of it as he remained by Masooma's side. "You are… Little Puppy! And that is… that is Bigger Little Puppy!" he looked a little confused again as he looked at the two of them, "But there was only one Little Puppy and now there are two Little Puppies… Why are there two Little Puppies, Masooma-chan?"
"Fai, the Little Puppy is Tsubasa," she told him gently, causing Fai to divert his attention towards her as though she was relaying all the secrets of the universe to him through those few words, "and the umm… Bigger Little Puppy is his father Syaoran." Fai half nodded, seemingly pondering on that point for a little while as Masooma turned around to look at Tsubasa apologetically. "I should probably take him back to his room. You didn't want anyone here but he somehow found his way here…" trailing off she turned to Fai, "hey Fai, how about we go to your room now, hmm?"
Fai seemed to think about that for a little bit too before giving her another slow nod, "Fai's room." was all he said as the witch started to lead him away. Tsubasa felt something wet on his face and he reached up to wipe it away, only to realize that somewhere during the episode, he had started crying. The familiar burn at the back of his throat was also there making him feel all choked up.
"No, Masooma-san, wait." He called out. The witch turned to look at him inquisitively. "I don't mind if Fai-san stays for a while. I'm just not ready to see K-Kurogane-san or Sakura-hi… Sakura right now."
"Fai knows you…" Fai spoke up again as though rousing from a deep thoughts as he looked at Tsubasa and Syaoran once again and Tsubasa could feel the burn intensify at the back of his throat as he struggled to keep from crying, "You are Little Puppy… and that is Bigger Little Puppy… Masooma-chan, there are two Little Puppies." He seemed to say as though such a thing was impossible for him to comprehend, "Little Kitty was so sad… so very sad when that bad people made the puppies vanish…"
The blond's mention of Little Kitty pulled at Tsubasa's heart strings in an unbearable way. He looked away, clenching his fists around the sheets that covered his useless legs. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from letting out a bitter chuckle. What a fucked up fate they had. He got to keep his sanity only to lose his legs and Fai got to keep his legs but lost his sanity instead.
"Big Puppy got really mad too sometimes…" Fai added in a conspirational whisper.
Umm… Masooma-san, I think you should just… Tsubasa heard his father say in an uncomfortable tone as he struggled to school his expression into something that he could show to the three people in that room with him and not have himself pitied for it.
Masooma seemed to pick up on it as she offered him a quiet 'yeah.' in response before beginning to lead Fai away. Tsubasa listened to the sound of their receding footsteps through the small corridor outside before the door on the other side was closed and their voices were completely muffled.
Tsubasa? Are you okay son? Syaoran asked tentatively and Tsubasa vaguely wondered what exactly defined the term okay? It was all just too much… too much…
"I'm fine Father." He managed to half choke, "do you mind if I… had some time to myself?"
Of course not. Was all the answer he got as he heard his father slowly leave his side and then leave the room.
-0-
Syaoran would be lying if he said it did not sting when Tsubasa asked him to leave him alone but seeing where he was coming from and having seen the way Fai was… he was pretty sure he would have done the same thing had he been in his son's place. Still, he could not exactly walk right through the door and invade on Fai's and Masooma's privacy since it appeared as though the pair had stopped right on the other side of the door to talk. Patiently, Syaoran decided to wait until they had left before coming out himself.
"Is Masooma-chan taking Fai to his room now?" he heard Fai say,
"Yes, Sakura will be worried about where you went. We shouldn't make her worry, should we?"
"But Fai woke up alone…" the blond replied softly, "and Fai waited and waited and waited but no one came. Fai does not want to go back to that room. Fai does not want to be left alone."
"But Fai-" whatever complaints the witch might have had to offer were cut off when the magician spoke up again, "Can Fai stay here with Masooma-chan?"
Syaoran had never heard Fai sound so wistful and vulnerable in his life as he did when he heard him ask that question.
"…sure."
"Fai wants to lie down…" he heard the shuffling of feet and the rustle of sheets as Masooma probably helped Fai into her bed. "Masooma-chan grew out her hair…" Syaoran really felt like he was invading on their privacy but his only other option was to go back to Tsubasa's room but he knew Tsubasa needed some space as well. "Fai thinks it's really pretty."
"Thanks Fai. Masooma-chan thinks Fai's short hair really suits him too." The witch replied in a cheerful voice and Syaoran wondered how she still had the strength to be so strong. There was silence on the other side for a little while before it was broken by Fai once again.
"Will Masooma-chan sing?"
More silence after the request and Syaoran almost thought she had not heard Fai's request but then she spoke. "What would you like to listen?"
"Something from home… Fai made it all shrink and grow smaller and smaller and then it was all gone…"
"Gone?" there was alarm in her tone. She didn't know Celes did not exist anymore?
"The curse made it vanish. Just like the bad man made the Little Puppies vanish and the Little Kitty was so sad and Big Puppy was so mad… Fai misses home… But home is gone. Will Masooma-chan sing a song from home?"
"My mother used to sing this to Naina when she was little. It was one of her favorite songs to sing." Masooma told Fai before she started to hum softly.
Syaoran felt the hair rise on his arms when she finally started to sing. The melody was soft and haunting with an almost otherworldly feel to it and it took Syaoran a moment to realize that he was playing audience to a Celesian folk song.
"The stars, they shine so brightly
To mask the night so lightly
And the moon beam so softly veils
It's graceful light upon the dales
As snowflakes gently fall at last
To cover all within it's grasp
Pretty blooms - so new a face
Long for springtime's warm embrace
Lay your head down, go to sleep
May your dreams be ever sweet
For when the morning comes so fast
And the night has quickly passed
The sun will freshly greet
Another day for you to meet"
Masooma began to hum once again and Syaoran opened his eyes, becoming conscious of the fact that somewhere during her singing, he had sat down, leaning his back against the very door that separated him from the pair on the other side. He dared not move when she stopped altogether though, afraid he'd be discovered by the witch by even the slightest of the ruffle of his clothes.
"Masooma-chan misses home too… but home is no more… Fai made it vanish. Fai did not mean to but Fai did…"the healer said nothing in response and the silence that settled all around them was once again shattered by Fai's quiet words. "Does Masooma-chan hate Fai now?"
"No…" she was crying and Syaoran realized that so was he. "Never."
A/N: I am seriously no good when it comes to poetry so I had a friend help me out with Masooma's Lullaby thing. I might be missing from the scene for a little while since we're moving to a different city in a few hours time and well I'm not sure how long it might be before we can get an internet connection at our new place. It can be anything from just a couple of days to as long as a fortnight so yeah… I figured it would not be fair to your guys if I vanished without a trace for that long and left you hanging on another partial cliffie so you all better be grateful ;P
Oh and to anyone who might be wondering why Fai has suddenly switched to third person while talking, his mind is a big mess right about now, what with half his memories locked away thanks to Sakura's spell and with everything else piled on top, the personality dissociation thing has been taken to a new level. My beta found him rather adorable in this chapter and she said she really wanted to hug him. I'm curious, who else wants to give him a hug? You will probably get to see a bit more of this version of Fai in the future chapter since he's really fun to write ^_^
By the way if you found any mistakes while reading, please know that this chapter has not yet been beta-read but I will replace this with the corrected version when I get it myself. Leave lot of reviews since the action starts next chapter… or well the chapter after that most definitely. Preperations for the upcoming attack get underway and Tsubasa tries to deal with his feelings now that he knows everything and guilt and shame begins to set in.