Part Two: Light

Chapter Five: Choose

Bad men doing bad things
That's common; ordinary
Unremarkable.

It's when good men
Do evil deeds
That the devil smiles.

May 3rd, 2011

Vetis didn't sleep. He didn't sleep, but Adrienne was able to slowly lull him into unconsciousness. Within half an hour, his hooded eyes closed completely. He even let out a little snore. It was kind of adorable.

Satisfied that Vetis would not be watching her sleep, Adrienne lay her head down and closed her eyes.

Adrienne slept for a little over an hour, and woke up cold and wishing she'd thought to get under the covers. Although, her side was weirdly warm. She looked around the room, confused at first to see the fallen angel beside her. She smiled at first when she saw his peaceful expression, even thinking that he looked like an angel. Her face fell when she remembered what had happened. She felt like she should cry when she thought of the fear and disgust that had clouded her father's face, but she couldn't. Maybe she was out of tears. Adrienne laughed bitterly to herself. Wouldn't that be something.

Vetis, at least, was still asleep. Adrienne was half ashamed to admit that she breathed a sigh of relief when she realized he wasn't awake. She brushed her hand over the side of his face, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. He didn't respond.

Adrienne slid off the bed, pulling her nightgown off over her head and dropping it on the floor. Behind her, she heard Vetis make an upset noise. He rolled around on the bed, reaching out for her, his hand closing around empty space. He whimpered pathetically, a frown contorting his face. Her heart ached to look at him, and she caressed his face. "Shhhh, it's okay. I'm here, I'll always be here." Her palm glowed yellow, and Vetis returned to his peaceful state with a snore.

Adrienne opened her closet. She thought of wearing one of her dresses, but that didn't feel right. After some deliberation, she put on a plain pair of jeans, an orange halter top, and a pair of sandals. She almost smiled. It felt like she was herself again, before there were angels and demons, and when college still mattered.

Now that she was awake, Adrienne wasn't sure what she wanted to do. She didn't want to stay in Hell, and she definitely didn't want to be there when Vetis woke up (she figured she had half an hour, but it was hardly an exact science), because, although she did care about him, she had a feeling it would be more awkward than anything else, and she was so upset right now that she might actually start crying if things were too awkward.

What she really needed was comfort. Somewhere she could go to just sit and soak in the feeling of home.

She thought about it for a few second before realizing where she should go.

Adrienne sat on the sidewalk across from her house. She had tried to go in twenty minutes ago, but her hands shook when she tried to open the door, her mind filling with images of dark blood and orange flames and silver blades, the sensation of drowning in death shaking her.

Adrienne sat outside on the lawn, picking at the dead flowers in irritation (her mother had worked for months to get the damn things to grow, and then they just go and die! Who does that?) She was hidden from human eyes, and glowered in annoyance at the door before trying again five minutes later. She started to push the door open, just a sliver, before she had to stop. Each time, she moved a little bit farther away as she tried to build up her courage.

When it had been twenty-three minutes, she stood up, walked across the road (not teleport, she was pretty sure she'd end up in China if she tried that right now), practically tiptoed across the lawn, and was generally so slow that it took her three minutes to get to the front door. Steeling herself, she raised her hand, wrapped her fingers around the knob, unlocked the door telepathically… and ran away.

She didn't stop at the sidewalk this time. Rather, she kept running until she was nearly a mile away, at the park she used to take Zac to. She sat in the shredded pieces of tree bark, staring at the swings. There were rain clouds in the sky, heavy and gray, so there was no one there to see her except a few people in heavy coats with hoods to protect them against the wind. Adrienne pushed the swings slowly. The creak of the metal was nice in a way, though she used to think it was the most annoying thing in the world. At first she did it telepathically, but then she sat in the swing and pushed herself back and forth. A small smile crossed her face, and she even let out a laugh of pure, child-like happiness once she got really high.

But soon her head started to hurt from the constant movement, and her hands ached from holding onto the chains. She stopped smiling and got off, quickly fixing her pains. Adrienne sighed, looking from the swing to in front of her. She almost took a step back when she saw the church across the street.

Really, it shouldn't have been so surprising. That church had been there for over a hundred years, and Adrienne was half convinced it would be there for a hundred more. But it still surprised her, almost as though she hadn't realized something so good could exist in the world anymore. It was the same church that her family had gone to every Sunday, followed by an afternoon at the park considering the weather was good. It was a happy memory. Or it had been two days ago.

Adrienne shifted nervously on her feet, looking to each side as though expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and stop her. When they didn't she ran across the world, throwing open the church door before she could change her mind.

There was a small room that she had to pass through before she could get to the sanctuary. It was darkly painted with one small ceiling light and a table of flowers in each corner.

The door leading to the sanctuary had two rectangular panes of stained glass depicting Jesus and his disciples, a pattern of gray stars on the perimeter. The room was filled with rows of darkly colored pews with soft blue cushioning - for the virgin Mary, Adrienne remembered. The particular shade of sky blue that Adrienne hated was often associated with her. Candles decorated the walls, the soft glow giving the place a warm feel. There was a life-sized cross behind the podium with a model of Jesus, blood dripping from where he'd been nailed, dead eyes staring at you wherever you go. After an hour or so sitting in the pews, listening to the preacher drone on and on, Adrienne would glare at the cross, thinking, You're the lucky one.

There were only a few other people there, the really desperate people that come whenever they can, no matter how bad the weather is or how late it was. Adrienne supposed she could count herself as one of them now.

Adrienne thought of hiding herself - it was never safe anymore - but she wanted to be seen. She wanted people to look at her and know she existed, even if they didn't care. She wanted them to see her and think nothing of it. Just an ordinary girl, with no mission or special destiny.

Besides, she was pretty sure none of them knew her. She hadn't lived here that long.

Adrienne sat in the far right of the front left pew, as close as you could be to the podium without standing. She stared into the dead man's eyes for over a minute before closing her own for longer still.

Someone touched her shoulder.

Adrienne jumped, eyes flying open to the man standing next to her. He had stepped about a foot back, hands held out in a placating gesture. He was plain looking, probably in his thirties, with thinning brown hair and green eyes. She realized he was a preacher when she saw his plain black clothes and white collar. "Hello."

"Uh, hi. Can I help you with something?"

"No, no. It's just that… you look familiar, but I don't think we've met. What's your name?"

Adrienne forced herself to stay calm. He doesn't know who I am. He probably saw me on the news a couple of times, or saw someone who looked like me. He doesn't know me. "Lorelei. Lorelei Abeln. But most people just call me Lori."

"That's a nice name Lori. I'm Father Thompson." he said. He had a gentle voice, and a kind smile. Like a father. "Are you new to town?"

"No, I'm actually just sort of passing through."

"Really? Forgive me for asking, but most people who are just 'passing through', as you said, do not stop at the local church."

Adrienne was sure her eyes were wide with nerves and fear, and couldn't help the way she stumbled over her words. "Yeah, well, I guess I just… needed some help."

"Help?"

"Spiritual help. You know, guidance and faith and all that fun stuff." She tried for a smile, but it came across more pained than anything else.

"Is it working?"

Adrienne prepared to say yes, of course it is, please leave. But she was so tired of not being able to talk to anyone about what was going on. She couldn't even really talk to Vetis half the time. He just wasn't human enough.

Adrienne sighed. "No. It's really not." She stared at the cross again, hands limp in her lap, but there were no answers to be found there.

"If you don't mind my asking, what's troubling you?"

Adrienne paused before answering, staring in front of her. "A couple of months ago, my parents died. And since that happened, I've done things, that I know they wouldn't be proud of. But the thing is, I thought I was doing the right thing."

"Do you still think that?"

"See, that's the thing. Part of me still thinks that it's the right thing to do, that I should keep doing it. But then I think of my parents, and I'm not sure anymore."

"Well how do you know your parents would be ashamed? If you think it's the right thing, why wouldn't they?"

"We had… different views on certain things. Mostly philosophical, really."

"So you think that you're right, but you're worried that they wouldn't?"

Adrienne nodded. "Basically."

"Do you know what you're going to do next?"

"Not really. That's kind of why I'm here." Great, now I'm being a smart ass to a priest.

"Have you tried praying?"

Adrienne fiddled with her hands, eventually forcing herself to stop. "To be honest, I'm not really the praying type."

"Really? Why not?"

"It just doesn't seem to work for me."

"Well, maybe that can change."

Adrienne almost scoffed, but stopped herself just in time. "Yeah, maybe it will."

Father Thompson smiled then, a warm, friendly smile so different from than the threatening ones demons, or even her own, which is creeping more and more towards frightening. "I'll leave you alone now. Good luck."

He left, and when Adrienne looked around, she realized that everyone else had to. She was alone now, with only the statue staring down at her.

She knew that God didn't care. That he would probably destroy her if he was there. But she believed once. She sat in this room, and prayed. Prayed for good weather and good grades and happiness for herself and her family.

Maybe the fourth time's the charm.

Adrienne bent her head down to rest on her clasped hands with a soft sigh. Here goes nothing.

With a voice barely above a whisper, not loud enough for anyone who might come in to hear her, Adrienne said, "Vetis says you're not there." Adrienne shrugged. "Maybe you aren't. But right now I need help, I need… guidance. And you're supposed to be good at that sort of thing." Adrienne paused to think about what to say next. "And maybe you don't care, but I guess I'm desperate. If you are there, then you probably already know about what happened between my dad and I. And you probably know that I'm… having doubts. I'm not sure what to do, and I need help deciding. So if you could help me, then I would be really grateful."

Adrienne waited, but nothing happened. She wasn't sure what she'd been expecting. Maybe to feel different. More sure of herself, of Vetis or Josef. But nothing had changed, and now she felt like an idiot.

Adrienne made to stand up, and was shocked to see Vetis standing behind her.

His jaw was hard set, and his fury-filled eyes were red. They looked different than they usually did. More like fire than wine.

"What, the hell, is wrong with you? How can you let yourself do something like this? Have you forgotten everything we've been through, all the sacrifices that have been made? How can you be so stupid?"

Adrienne was sure her eyes were glowing, but she didn't care. "There is nothing wrong with me. What's wrong with you?"

Adrienne was sure she'd never seen him so angry. He grabbed her arm, knuckles white with pressure. She looked down at where they were connected, about to tell him to move, when she felt searing pain running up her arm, like fire. Her arm was glowing orange, like a dying demon. "Ow! Stop!" He held on. "Vetis, STOP!"

The pain spread up to her shoulder, soon filling her head and torso until it covered every part of her. Adrienne clawed at Vetis, but he held firm. Adrienne whimpered in pain, acid tears spilling from her eyes onto the pew, burning holes in the blue cushioning.

"Please… please stop, Vetis…"

Finally, when the pain had grown to nearly unbearable proportions, he let go.

Adrienne sucked in a breath, pulling her arm against her chest and holding it there, cradling it carefully.

"Do you know what that was?" Adrienne shook her head. "That was what I felt when I fell. That was the feeling of my father, the man you just prayed to, throwing me from Heaven. And if you think that hurt, then you can't even imagine what Hell was like, what Lucifer felt."

Vetis grabbed her jaw, forcing her to look at him. "I'm going to say this once, and then I better not have to ever say it again. That man you were just praying to? He's gone. Whether he's dead, or on the other side of the universe, or taking a fucking vacation in Mexico, he is not here. The only thing here is pain, and suffering. Because of him. He created us and left us a shit hole without a care in the world. He threw me into Hell. The best case scenario is that he doesn't care. The worst is that he's a fucking sadist with no care for the things he creates. You have a chance to end it, and I think you should take it. And if you don't want to, then you better tell me."

With that, he stood up and stormed out of the church. Adrienne jerked when he let go of her, and turned back to stare at him, expression quickly shifting from shock to an almost desperate fear. "Vetis!" she yelled. He kept walking. Adrienne stood up, twisting her body to face him. "Vetis, come back!" He was gone.

Adrienne sat there, stunned by what had happened. She could still feel the pain, the heat, that Vetis had shown her. And mixed with the physical pain was a burning hatred worse than everything else combined. She hadn't even realized Vetis could feel things like that.

She stayed for over half an hour, thinking. When she made up her mind, she left.

Vetis wasn't hard to find. He was sitting in the parlor room that he'd claimed for himself. He was sitting in one of the plush chairs, drinking wine from a large whiskey tumbler (it always got on her nerves when he did that. Wine glasses exist for a reason, dammit!)

"What?" He asked in a voice akin to a growl.

"I… I just…" Adrienne sighed, rubbing her face with her hands. "You're right, I know you're right, but it's hard. It's hard to accept something you don't want to believe." What seemed even harder was to face Vetis when he looked like he might kill her at any second. Logically, she knew he couldn't, but it hurt to see him like that. "Please, let me show you, let me prove to you that I do believe in this."

Vetis's face was void of emotion when he looked at her. "You want to prove yourself?"

Adrienne nodded enthusiastically.

Vetis's eyes were still red, though no they betrayed no emotion. "You know what the next ingredient is, right? The soul?"

"Yeah, a pure soul. What, do you know where one is?"

"Oh, I know exactly where one is. And I want you to be the one to get it." He picked up a large glass bottle with a cork stopper from the table in front of him and handed it to her. It was glossy, and seemed to shine the slightest bit gold. "The glass was made using holy fire. It will hold the soul until we need it

"Okay. Where's the soul?"

He smiled then, a scary one full of teeth and the promise that she was not going to like what happened next.

Father Thompson flitted around the sanctuary, putting out the candles one by one. He had finished half the room and was preparing to do the other half, when he noticed the woman sitting in the back pew. She was leaning forward slightly, her face dimmed by the lack of light.

"Excuse me miss, the church is closed."

She said nothing.

"Ma'am, I'm serious, you can't stay here." He walked closer to her, and realized who she was. "What are you doing here Lori?"

For a moment, the woman was silent. Then she said, "I prayed earlier. Like you said I should. And I think I know what to do know."

"Well that's good." Her silence was eerie, and he realized he was scared of her. "What did you decide?"

"I was right." She started to say something else, but stopped herself. "He was right."

She hadn't mentioned a man earlier, and it didn't sound like she was talking about God. "Who was?" She was silent. "Lori, who's he?"

"My friend, my… protector." She seemed to curl the last word, almost like smoke, and it is decidedly creepy.

"Well, that's good, but you can't stay here. You can come back tomorrow if you like." He hated the way he sounded. Like he was desperate to get rid of her, but he couldn't help it. Her blank stare and emotionless tone were scaring him. He almost couldn't stand to be in the same room as her, but still he moved closer, only a few feet away now.

"I won't. In fact, I'm never coming back here again. Not this church, not this town, not that house."

"What house?" He was right beside her now, close enough to reach out and touch. He does just that, letting a careful hand rest on her shoulder. "Lorelei, what are you -"

The last word is lost in a sound of pain. Her hand was resting in his chest, clutching for something on a level above the physical. She seemed to find whatever it was, and pulled her arm out, revealing a small ball of pure white light.

Adrienne appeared in the parlor tossed the jar to Vetis, and left.

Adrienne went to her room. She was tired and wanted to go back to sleep, but stopped to look at herself in the mirror. She was still wearing the clothes she'd put on after waking up. Her jaw tightened, and she ripped the shirt off, tearing it to shreds with her hands. The pants followed the same fate.

When Adrienne was done, she was naked, and her hands and nails ached. She didn't really want to get dressed again, but she knew she couldn't stay naked all day. She looked through the closet for something to wear, finding a black cotton gown with an a-line cut and petal sleeves. It was soft enough to sleep in, and she thought she might just do that.

As she lay down to take her nap, she thought about what had happened. She was ashamed of herself. She had allowed the doubt of a human to cloud her mind. She'd lost sight of her mission. Now she needed to center herself, to concentrate on the goal at hand. And most importantly, she needed to separate herself from her so-called family. Josef, she thought, is not my father. I have a father. One who has protected me, who guides my path even now, and I will not fail him.

The poem at the beginning is "he was an angel once, too, y'know? and he was god's favorite" by dvoyd on tumblr.