A/N: Finally an update. I wanted this chapter to be a little longer and have a few more things happen in it but sadly I damaged my laptop screen during the move to our new place and before I could have it repaired, the hinges snapped off completely so now I have to resort to borrowing my cousin's laptop to put up what I had written before mine broke. I'm hoping I can have it repaired sometime soon this week but if not… it might be a while before the next update I'm afraid. Anywho, bad news aside, I hope you enjoy this chapter all the same. Drop me a review and tell me what you think. ;)
Masooma woke up to the pleasant scent of snow and sunshine mixed with something masculine, with a hint of vanilla and something sweet. Smiling a little in her half-asleep state, she turned over and tried going back to sleep, wondering vaguely about the warmth that she could feel pressed up against her side. She moved her hand to get a feel of it and immediately froze up when she touched bare flesh. Eyes flying open and breath catching in her throat, she shot up, wildly looking around to get an idea of where she was. The familiar walls of her bedroom greeted her, making her pause as her gaze slowly drifted to Fai's peacefully sleeping form. She was rather surprised to note that for once the blond was not sleeping facedown like she had come upon him so many times before but on his side, his back to the wall and body curled up in a half-fetal position as though instinctively trying to protect himself from being hurt again, his face partially hidden under one arm.
Her thoughts drifted back to the events of the previous night as her eyes traced the ridges of his spine, slowly taking in the powerful muscles of a predator that formed his well-toned chest. She could see the tips of the vampire claws hidden beneath his normal nails and she knew if she were to part his lips at that instant she would see the shrunken-yet-sharpened canines that she had felt when they kissed. At the smallest hint of a threat, the canines would emerge and the claws would grow and she would play witness to one of nature's deadliest creations. It was rather ironic that such a powerful creature could actually be the same person that had childishly leaned against her side as she had sung the Celesian lullaby before drifting off to sleep with his head resting in her lap.
She heard a soft knock against her door before it was pushed open and Nixon stepped inside. The Oracle turned his sightless eyes in her direction as he walked over to her desk and pulled out the chair before seating himself.
"I could have been asleep, you know." She said irritably, only causing the blind man to smile at her, though she could spot a little bitterness in his gesture even though his body posture betrayed nothing of the sort.
"I waited an hour outside your door for you to wake up." He replied softly, "I wouldn't be much of an Oracle if I couldn't even tell whether you were still asleep or not."
"If the esteemed Oracle came in person and even deemed fit to wait for an entire hour outside my humble doorway," she said stiffly, refusing to let her heart melt at the sight of his face, "I suppose it was something important or his Oracleness would have just sent one of his followers to pass along the message like he has so far. It would be rude of me to keep you from your important duties much longer than I already have, so I will just let you get the ordeal over with."
"You are a cruel woman, Masooma," the man murmured in response, "I wish it was possible to lock away everything that I feel for you, but if I were to do that, I wouldn't be the man I am today."
She could see the direction this conversation was going to take and for the life of her, she could not decide whether she wanted him to continue speaking or not. Fai was right there,but… if Nixon did not get it all out in the open, they would not be able to go back to the way they were before, or ratheranything even close to that because going back to how it used to be was now an impossibility. Things had changed too much for that. Unable to say anything, she continued to listen instead.
"To simply bar what I have felt for you for the past forty-five years would be like erasing a part of myself and even if I wanted to, I could never do that." His eyes locked in on hers, even if he couldn't exactly see her, "I know now is not the right time, but then again, that's what I always told myself. That night in Celes, at the party when you danced with Fai, getting jealous over the attention all the other women had been paying your master. Then again when you almost killed yourself with that transportation when you came to wish me luck right before the final task. I said that to myself so many times, I can't even recall the exact amount. By the time I finally plucked up the courage to decide that the time was right," he chuckled condescendingly, dropping his head a little, "it was already too late."
"Nixon," she realized right then that she did not, in fact, want him to continue what he was saying. It would be better to pretend she did not know than to hear him say it to her. Lying to herself that it did not hurt was a lot easier that way. "Please don't say it." She pleaded, tearing her gaze away from his lowered face.
"Just let me say it once." She flinched, closing her eyes at the sound of his voice. His tone was soft but he might as well have screamed at her in rage, "I don't want to die knowing I never even got to tell you."
Biting her lip, she remained silent, dreading what she was about to hear but perhaps his sixth sense had alerted him to her trepidation for he sighed, prolonging the silence that carried on between them. One of Fai's hands snaked across the mattress towards hers, his thin fingers entwining with hers as he pulled her hand a little closer to himself though he kept on sleeping, oblivious to the conversation that was taking place right beside him.
"I lost any chance I might have ever had with you that night when I chickened out for the first time." He chuckled in that bitter manner once more, letting her know that he had seen what Fai had just done. "I never told you how beautiful you looked that night at the party, dressed in that silver gown with your favorite sneakers, breaking the dress code when you refused to wear those 'killer' heels." She couldn't help but laugh along with him at that joke, even if the sound that escaped her lips was weak and almost pathetic, "I never... I never ever told you how I really felt about you." He paused, as if waiting for her to tell him to stop again, but Masooma felt like she had completely lost her voice as he laid his soul bare to her.
"We always used to joke about how everyone said we would end up together, back home, but a part of me had always hoped we really would." She drew in a sharp breath as he continued, pretending not to have heard her. "We both went to Celes and I played host to your rants about how much you hated your Master. As time went by, I watched your admiration for him grow, slowly turning into something more and more as I lost you little by little each day, but I never worked up the courage to say it." He paused once more, the silence slowly growing longer. She did not want him to say it but her voice had abandoned her completely. She opened her mouth once but then snapped it shut when no words came out, only to try again and again.
"I love you." Her breath caught in her throat and she felt Fai's grip tighten on her hand, as though despite being asleep the blond knew what was going on at some level.
"Nixon…" she finally managed to choke out, feeling her eyes burn as the man spoke up a little louder than before.
"I know. I know." He laughed again, his laughter sounding fragile and fake as though he himself could not believe he was laughing when he should have been crying, "I'm forty-five years too late. I just had to tell you once, just so I did not have any regrets."
"Quit talking like you're going to die!" she almost screamed in anger, finally managing to gain control of her vocal chords, "I know you're not stupid enough to go and kill yourself. Not even over something like this…right?" she couldn't help but add weakly as her own belief in the blind man began to shake. What if…what if that was exactly what he was…
"I'm not going to kill myself." He told her firmly, "I know I don't stand a chance with you, but you are still my best friend and I still think of Fai as a brother. I'm not just going to abandon the two of you."
"Then why are you acting like this?" she cried, "Why are you telling me all this now? What is it that has you feeling like you'll never have another chance?"
"I never intended on saying anything to you at all," He said, shaking his head as he heaved a sigh and turned away from her. "It just came out on its own…I actually came to explain the reason why I freaked out so much the other day."
"You had a vision." She supplied. If Nixon took note of the way her voice quivered he made no mention of it.
"Our plan to get Fai out of the Complex had involved us breaking in, grabbing him, breaking out before vanishing somewhere in the city and then hightailing it back here using a transportation spell." The Oracle told her, "unfortunately, things did not go according to plan, and circumstances made it so that we had to directly get back to Magihidusi right from the Complex and since space magic can be traced from its origin to the destination…" he trailed off, allowing Masooma to connect the rest of the dots.
"The hunters have located Magihidusi…" she gasped, feeling the earth slip out from right underneath her feet as she stared helplessly at the Oracle before looking down at the shell of the man she loved. "They will be able to get inside and if they come here, then I'm the only Guardian left so…I will have to defend the Essence and…" her breathing sped up, alternate waves of hot and cold travelling all over her body, "Fai and Tsubasa and…I… Nixon, I-I… oh God… oh God…"
"Hey, Masooma, calm down." He was gripping her shoulders, forcing her to look at his spark-less eyes as he spoke firmly, "Breathe, alright? You're not alone. We still have two days before they get here and I've got a plan. I told you I'm not going anywhere, so why are you having a panic attack? You've got the Oracle at your beck and call."
She laughed at that, a touch of hysteria in her tone. "As if things were not bad enough already…"
"Masooma, nothing has changed." The oracle assured her, "Calm down."
"It changes everything." She cried, "Mokona is out of commission and Fai is in no state to get them out. Tsubasa is too weak to use his magic, Syaoran is still reliant on the Essence to even remain tangible and Sakura told me she doesn't know how to use a trans-dimensional spell. Kurogane has no magic. You have to get them all as far away from here as possible. I don't care which world you take them to, but you need to leave here as soon as possible. I can't leave without dying but you can protect everyone else, right?"
"You're not going to die, Masooma." He sounded a little angry as he told her that. "And I'm not leaving you to face those bastards on your own. I have a plan to take care of everything. I only thought you should know about the upcoming attack since you're the sole Guardian now." He said, climbing to his feet as he made to leave.
Taking in deep breaths to calm herself a little, she looked at his receding back, finally plucking up the courage to say something that might alienate Nixon from her and Fai…probably forever. "You do know confessing all this to me and staying by my side to help changes nothing."
He froze, his back stiffening a little, though he did not turn around to face her again. Then again, it wasn't like he would have been able to see the tears streaming down her face even if he had. "You kissed me. And right after that you started hiding from me. When you do finally work up the courage to face me," she saw him flinch at that, "and I try to set things right with you, you tell me it was all nothing but a mistake." She saw his fists clench at that.
"You vanish off the face of the earth right after that and the only clues I even have to you still being here were your constant messages through Numero or Violetta." She spat, "When you finally saw me again, you acted as if I was something that did not even deserve a moment of your time, and now you show up out of nowhere, baring your soul and telling me you love me? The man I love is asleep right here and you…You….Do you think this is easy for me?" she sputtered in anger, "Knowing what you've told me and still having to choose between you and him every time? Even now that you claim you don't stand a chance with me, you're still hoping I might actually change my mind, aren't you?"
The lowering of his head at that was all the answer she needed. She crossed her arms with a scoff, turning away so she did not have to look at him as he stood there…defeated and lost. "Atleast you had the decency to take his feelings on the matter into consideration, seeing as he's slept through it all… or rather, was made to sleep through it all."
"…There might have been a time when I could have reciprocated your feelings, but it's like you said…"Her words were soft but still they seemed to ring in the silent room, "You waited too long..." She paused, waiting for him to say something in response. The silence was suffocating, almost choking, yet he did nothing except stand there with his shoulders hunched in defeat.
"None of that matters anymore because… I'm in love with Fai. I love him. Even if he may never be the man I fell for back in Celes…" she gently brushed the blonde's hair away from his face, "I don't think I can ever stop loving him."
"You said I was cruel, and maybe you were right." She finally continued, "Given the choice between you and him, I will still choose him. I will always choose him. I'm sorry, Nixon, but I don't love you the way you want me to and I never will. I know you've wanted to say that to me for a long time and that might even be the reason why you've stuck by my side all this time, but… I love Fai. I'd be lying if I said I wish I could say otherwise and I know that after everything else that I have put you through, you deserve the truth. I'm sorry, but you're not him and…I'm sorry…" she finished helplessly.
"The saddest thing is,"he murmured, slowly making his way towards the door, "I know exactly what you mean. And you know what makes it even worse?" he paused over the threshold, "I'm not gonna stop loving you." And with that, he was gone.
A/N: So Nixon hijacked this chapter. I've noticed a pattern here. Everytime it's his POV, he tends to con his way into having way more screentime that I have actually planned for him. Despite the fact that this whole confrontation was not meant to take place here, I can't help but like the way this chapter (or half chapter) turned out. Masooma was a little harsh with him but it had to be done. Better to tell him the truth than to string him along for nothing, no?
Okay so since I cant exactly reply to anonymous reviews via PM, I'm gonna reply to the two reviews I got for the previous chapter over here. Since both anon reviewers called themselves Anonymous, I'll be putting parts of their reviews here.
Anonymous: why did the... Er... Bad guys attempt to kill Fai before they extracted his magic? If he was killed, then wouldn't the magic die with him.
The bad guys don't know about the whole deal with Fai's magic dying when he dies. And the bad guys actually wanted to extract the magic before he died though they weren't exactly invested in keeping him alive afterwards. I'm pretty sure if they had known about the death of magic thing, they would have been a lot more careful. ;)
Anonymous : I'm glad Tsubasa has finally regained his memories and accepted them. I'm
still pretty bummed about the whole paralysis thing though. Is that really
gonna last?
Well I might have something in mind for Tsubasa's condition. I can't tell you what it is just yet though but just know that I won't leave him crippled for life. Well, Kuro does play a part in their recovery as well eventually. But how that would happen is something I want to keep a surprise for now. ;) I'm glad you enjoyed the story so much and I hope you will continue to do so in the future. Did Nixon manage to win you over yet? ^_^; You have no idea how much it pleases me to hear someone tell me that even though they usually tend to dislike OCs, mine are the exceptions. I'll go on ahead and do a bit of shameless advertising over here. Since you liked Masooma and will hopefully come to like Nixon as well ( *wink wink* ) I think you might enjoy another fic of mine with OCs. It's called Full Circle. The link and summary can be found on my profile so if you've got some time, do check it out.
Now with the review replies out of the way, I'll just go ahead and mention that next chapter will involve preparations for the impending Hunter attack, Sakura will finally get to be badass with her swords once more and Syaoran will come to a realization regarding the kiss.