Part Two: Light

Chapter Six: - Cannot Be Undone

"If there's a light at the end, it's just the sun in your eyes."

- Halsey, Young God

May 4th, 2011

Adrienne had not spoken to Vetis after getting back yesterday. She had spoken to some of the demons, had even sent Meg to see if any of her followers who were exorcised by the Winchesters, the ache of Dakota's absence resting in her chest like a hole. She wanted so badly to talk to someone, but the only person she could wouldn't understand. She didn't even blame Vetis, really. He wasn't human, he'd never been human, he didn't understand their emotions. She wondered sometimes if angels had their own set of emotions, separate from human understanding, completely unlike anything they knew.

The thought was strangely exciting. She was half-angel; if she could feel like a human, maybe she could feel as an angel. That would probably be simpler; to just center her life, her entire existence, around a single thing for eternity, like Michael with God, and Castiel with the Winchesters, and Vetis with Lucifer.

She thought of asking Vetis about it, but he might not be the best since he had been separated from the angels so long, and seemed more human each day. It didn't help that things still felt awkward between them, which was undoubtedly one of the worst parts of her situation. She missed the ease they'd had before, the comfort he could bring just by being in the same room.

But that didn't matter right now, couldn't matter, because they were so close. They just needed one more thing, and it would finally pay off, and everything - her father's words, Thompson's death, the hallucinations - would be worth it.

So she stuffed down her turmoil, and was in such a good mood that she surprised Vetis with her cheery grin when she showed up in his parlor in the morning.

He stared at her, noticing the inky black dress and the elegant way her hair and makeup were done. Completely different from the purposefully casual look she'd had yesterday. Cautiously, he commented, "You're in a good mood today."

"I am," she told him, elegantly plopping into a chair and fixing herself a glass of wine. "It's weird, really. This has been such a crappy week." To call that an understatement would be an understatement. "But we're so close! I almost felt like there might be a light at the end of this tunnel."

Vetis didn't really want to smile, but he couldn't help it. Still his words were careful. "Don't celebrate yet; the next part will probably be the hardest for you."

Adrienne sighed irritably. "Of course it will. What is it we need again?"

He stared at her, wishing he didn't have to say it. "The heart of someone you've betrayed."

Adrienne stopped moving, the glass still pressed against her lips. "Well how hard could that be? Just find a stranger and tell them I'm not going to kill them, then kill them. Boom, betrayal."

"It's not that simple. It can't just be some random person, or even a friend. It has to be someone you know, someone you care about, someone you love."

Adrienne laughed harshly. "Everyone I care about is either dead, or in this room."

Vetis would be lying if he said that didn't excite him a bit. He felt incredibly proud to be counted as someone Adrienne cares about. The feeling was ruined, killed by guilt and anger when he remembered the sight of her dead, broken body, and thought, That's going to happen. It hadn't felt real before, but like Adrienne said, they were so close. It wasn't just wishful thinking to imagine Adrienne might not be able to get the last ingredient, it was idiotic thinking. He cursed himself for being so angry when he saw her yesterday, for telling her about the soul; she might never have figured that one out on her own, they might have been able to stay how they were for years, what was he thinking -

"Not everyone."

Adrienne stared at him in confusion, running through the options. He could tell when she realized it, could see it in the way her eyes widened while the rest of her body stopped moving completely. "No."

He wanted to cheer, could hardly contain his happiness at being allowed to stay by her side. But in the back of his mind, like a bucket of ice water being dumped over him. Lucifer said, No.

Vetis didn't respond, didn't want to. He was angry, angry and bitter. Why should he do this? Why should he have to lose one of the only things he had left, and for a brother who had only valued him as a soldier in the war against God's angels, and then as Adrienne's caretaker when he was on earth.

But as much as he didn't like it - and he really didn't like it - there were more important things to think about than his happiness, or even Adrienne's. What was the human saying? 'Take one for the team'? It seemed oddly fitting for the situation.

"Adrienne,"

"No," she said, setting the glass down with enough force to shake the table, wine slopping over the edges and, falling unnoticed onto her hand. "I won't do it, and I won't let you convince me to do it." She stood suddenly, walking towards the door. Vetis caught her by the arm, spinning her to look at him.

"Adrienne, now is not the time to turn back, not when we are almost done." His words were firm even as his conviction wavered.

"No! Vetis, I can't hurt him, I can't do that! He deserves better! Hell, I deserve better!"

She did. She really, truly did. "I know you do. And I want nothing more than for you to be at peace, but that's not gonna happen until this is over."

Adrienne turned away from him. He placed his hands on her shoulders, gently rubbing them to ease her tension. "Adrienne… he's going to die. One day, sooner or later, he'll die, and when he does, he will be granted paradise. If he can get that and complete the spell at the same time, then what is the real sacrifice?"

"I don't care, I can't do it, I don't want to do it!" Her arm grew burning hot, and he was forced to let go of her.

Not one to be deterred, Vetis slammed his hand on the table. "Dammit, Adrienne! We do not have time to argue about this! The sooner we get the heart, the better!"

"It's not just a heart! He's a person! He's someone I care about, and you expect me to just kill him, just like that?" Adrienne shook her head. "I can't. I won't."

"You think that's what's best for him? Adrienne, he is in so much pain right now."

Adrienne faltered. "What do you mean?"

He could see the fear in her face, the dread, and knew he could use it. "Adrienne, you've been gone for over a month. Every day he loses more hope, every day he's in pain. Hell, he was already in pain by virtue of being human. That's all their lives are. Pain, hidden behind a happy face. Then they wonder what's wrong with them, because everyone else seems happy, so why aren't they? Adam doesn't even have a mask anymore. It's too much for him. He can barely function." It was true that he'd been keeping a watchful eye, knowing he was the most likely candidate for the final ingredient, and while he might have been over-stretching it, it was not by much. The boy had taken the rest of the year off of school and was going through the motions of working to pay rent. Vetis was surprised he hadn't moved back in with his parents, and figured it was because he didn't want to be around anyone.

Adrienne's hands were trembling. "That doesn't mean -"

"Adrienne, stop. You can end this." He grabbed her hands, pulling them to her chest. "We can end this. We should end this. What's better for him really. Spending a few more decades on this worthless rock, or beginning an eternity of happiness now?"

Adrienne was silent, staring at their entwined hands. "Vetis, please… I can't hurt him."

"You won't be hurting him. You'll be ending his pain."

Adrienne chuckled ruefully. "You make it sound so nice."

"It's part of my job." He pulled her closer to him, encasing her in his arms so that her head rested against his chest.

"What's the other part?"

Vetis kissed her on the head. "Taking care of you."

Someone was knocking on the door. Adam tried to ignore it, but it was so loud. The person wasn't so much knocking as they were pounding on it, pounding so hard that he could actually feel it. It was shaking the bed and floor. He dragged himself out of bed, pausing to wrap a robe around himself.

He half-ran to the door - which wasn't hard as the small apartment he'd moved into the other week had his room open to the living room. He opened the door.

"What do you -" Adam's eyes widened when he saw her.

Adrienne was wearing the same clothes as the day she left the school, only know they were absolutely filthy, her orange shirt closer to brown, her white jeans nearly black, the cuffs of the legs in tatters. Her shirt was torn in several places, practically hanging off one shoulder. Her hair was tangled, with twigs in several places. Her skin was coated in a thin layer of dirt and grime, her arms and face covered in scratches and bug bites. Dried blood was splattered intermittently over her clothes and in a single smudge under her eye. She didn't have any shoes, her feet covered in rough calluses and painful-looking scratches. She was breathing in heavily, her brown eyes hooded. "Adam."

Adam stared at her in shock for nearly a minute before he could say anything. "Adrienne." The word left him with a large gulp of air.

Adrienne's eyes flitted over him and the door. "I need to come in."

Adam silently nodded, moving out of the way. He stared at her as she walked into the living room, as though if he looked away, she would disappear. She was wimping slightly, scratches evident on her back where her halter top had torn. He saw the bruises around her neck, and realized she'd been choked at some point, probably sometime in the last few weeks. Her voice had been low and raspy, as though she were trying not to over-exert herself.

Adrienne creeped towards the couch, falling at the last moment. Adam dove grabbing her by the arms. She flinched when he touched her, but he was hesitant to move away. She felt the same as she had, her skin smooth, if dirty. Adrienne mumbled her thanks as she sat down, Adam helping her to lower herself safely. He sat beside her, watching Adrienne as though fascinated by her every movement. She laid her head down against the cushion, a small sigh of relief escaping her when she felt her soft it was.

He wanted so badly to ask her what happened, but he could tell she was in pain. She probably didn't want to answer any questions right now.

Adam let her rest for a few moments before asking, "Do you need anything?"

Adrienne peered at him through slitted eyes, hesitating a few seconds. "Can I have some water?"

Adam practically jumped from the small couch. "Of course." He raced to the kitchenette, getting a glass.

Adrienne watched Adam as he busied himself, taking in what was familiar and what had changed. Physically, Adam was almost exactly as she remembered him - pale, with dark brown hair and eyes. They didn't glow, they weren't marbled or red, or even black. They were utterly normal, and completely beautiful.

On closer inspection, he didn't look exactly the same. Adam had always been the sort of person who cared about his appearance, sometimes to the extent that it was a little weird at times. Straightened his hair, got a manicure every two weeks, always well-dressed, even in private. He had lost weight, and though he was always pale, now his skin was the color of pale ash, barely distinguishable from a corpse. His skin was also more taut, especially around his eyes, which had dark circles under them, and his clothes practically hung on him. He wasn't as neatly put together as before. Hell, his shirt had stains on it. If that didn't say how bad it was, she didn't know what did.

Adam brought her the water. She muttered her thanks, sipping delicately at it, careful to keep up the glamour. A spell like this wasn't particularly difficult for her, the only problem being that it required basically constant attention to ensure it didn't suddenly fall. After she 'regained her strength', she gulped the water down in faux desperation. As she finished, she watched Adam over the rim.

In the past, though Adrienne knew she loved Adam, she could never say she was in love with him. Even now, that wasn't true. He was too plain, too ordinary. It was that same normality that drew her to him now, the last thread connecting her to her old life. And here she was, ready with the scissors.

They sat in silence, Adam farther from her now than he'd been earlier. He was looking at her like she was a mirage, and if he got too close, she'd fade away, leaving nothing but sand and thirst.

Despite the almost crazed desperation in his eyes, he looked more alive now then he had when he opened the door. She thought she was hallucinating again when she saw him at first, couldn't believe he could possibly be so worn-down. It was almost funny. He'd looked like he was dead.

Her father's words returned to her then, tinged with worry and fear and anger and desperation.

If you don't stop, then soon you're going to get to a point where you can't anymore.

She forcefully ignored the memory. "Can you get me something to eat."

Adam stared at her lips for a few moments before realizing she'd said something. "Yeah, of course." He scurried to the kitchen. "What do you want?"

"Whatever you have. Nothing heavy."

"Got it."

Adrienne stared at his back. Now was the time to do it, when he was too dazed to realize she was doing anything. She had an even better chance when he got the water earlier, but was too weak. If she didn't go now, she might never be able to.

She stood up.

Don't do this.

Adrienne moved closer to him.

Stop.

She put his hand on his shoulder, watched him turn to look at her.

Please stop.

Adam frowned. "Is something wrong?"

I don't want to do this.

Adrienne cupped his face in her hands, holding onto him so hard it hurt while she pressed their foreheads together. There were tears in her eyes. "You don't know it yet," she said in a small voice, "but I promise this is a good thing."

Before he could ask what she was talking about, there was a horrible pain in his chest. He looked down, seeing Adrienne's arm sticking out of his chest. She pulled it out, holding a clean heart in her hand.

There was no wound, no blood. His shirt wasn't even torn. But he was dead, falling forward almost immediately. Adrienne caught him, setting the heart on the counter to better hold him. She lowered herself to the floor, Adam's legs folding under him. Adrienne cradled him in her arms, her hand brushing over his cheek. She began to cry, her tears landing on his face, leaving grooves where they burned. "Shhh, it's okay." But it wasn't, and it never would be.

Vetis knew when Adrienne came back.

The air grew heavier, like a storm building up. He debated for a minute about whether or not to go see, sighing in defeat when he realized the he would even if he didn't want to.

He opened her door as quietly as he could, wary of provoking her. Adrienne was still wearing her outfit from earlier, completely with dirt and blood stains, though any injuries she might have had were gone. She was staring out of a window, spelled to look like it opened to a sunny beach, with pure white sand and crystal water. As soon as he closed the door, Adrienne forced the picture to change, showing an image of Hell, filled with an ugly vomit-green and black chains and screaming. She stared at this too for a few seconds before pulling the thick black curtains shut.

They stood there for several minutes, neither moving, before Vetis asked, "Are you alright?"

Adrienne looked at him then, brown eyes dim and wet. "Am I alright?" She chuckled humorlessly. "Yes, I'm alright." She walked over to him, not looking at his face when she began unbuttoning his shirt.

Startled, Vetis grabbed her wrists. "Adrienne, what are you doing?"

She blinked owlishly. She looked almost dazed, like she wasn't quite thinking straight. "Unbuttoning your shirt." She pulled her arms from him, returning to her task. Vetis stopped her again.

"Adrienne, you don't want to do this." He purposefully made himself sound rude, hoping to snap her out of the weird daze she was in.

It didn't work. Adrienne was practically shaking now, and though her eyes were dry, they were also red-rimmed from crying. "Vetis, please," her voice trembled, "I need you now." She gently pushed him back, maneuvering him to the bed. Reluctant, he sat down.

Adrienne undid his buttons, pulling it off of his arms and leaving it on the floor. His undershirt followed. She pushed at his leg to get him to undo his pants and shoes and pull them off while she began taking off her own clothes. When they were done, Adrienne ran her hand over his chest, grabbing hold of his shoulder to push him down. Vetis moved further up the bed, resting against the pillows. Adrienne crawled on top of him, straddling his hips. Vetis sat up, pushing her down on the bed and moving over her. Adrienne held onto his shoulders as he moved in her, slowly pulling him closer until his face was hidden in the crook of her neck, her grip punishing against the back of his head. After a few minutes, he felt hot tears slide down his cheek. "Don't leave me." Adrienne's voice was quiet, and cracked halfway through. "Please don't leave me."

"I won't," he promised. "I'll never leave you. I can't leave you."

Vetis unraveled above her, steaming tears falling from his eyes onto the sheets. His arms caged her in, lowering him so that there was no space between them. His hands formed fists in the sheets, letting them go after the precipice of release hit.

Vetis held her for nearly an hour before she was asleep. He crawled out of the bed, making soothing sounds when she stirred. Certain that she would not wake up, he left.