"And so, then I was like -" America's voice cut of abruptly, and he frowned. "Hey...someone's coming!"
Prussia and America quickly ducked behind a nearby corner; Canada didn't make any move to leave, continuing to sit still, and hate the world in general.
A guard walked past, and Prussia and America stood as still as possible; Canada simply glared at the guard as he passed by.
The guard paused for a moment and stared down at Canada, blinking uncomprehendingly.
"I could have sworn..." He shook his head and then continued on his way.
As soon as he was gone, Prussia and America returned to their previous spot.
"So where was I?" America questioned. "Oh yeah! So then, Iggy was like -"
Canada glared at him. "Are we going to get on with this?"
"Shut up, invisible guy!" Prussia snapped. "America's not done yet! And after that, the awesome me has a story to tell!"
Canada stared at him. "...I thought we were supposed to be breaking an alien out of here?"
"Huh?" America blinked. "Oh yeah...we'll do that in a second."
...
Russia stared at Ukraine, his eyes wide and desperate.
"Did you speak to her?" he demanded, struggling to keep himself from screaming. "Did you speak to Belarus?"
Ukraine, who had been hurriedly stitching a garment together, paused her work and glared up at her brother.
"Ukraine?" Russia stared at his sister. "What happened?"
"Go away," Ukraine snapped. She returned back to her previous activity.
"What are you doing?" Russia questioned.
"Making uniforms," was the stiff answer he received.
"...For?"
Ukraine dropped the needle and material she had been holding, and glared viciously at her brother.
"For Belarus!" she snapped. "And I blame you!"
Russia looked utterly confused by his sister's response, and by her odd behaviour. After all, Ukraine wasn't one to get angry for no reason - especially not at him.
"What did I do?" he asked. "And what do you mean 'for Belarus'?"
"She told me if I didn't make these for her, she would declare war on my country!" Ukraine went back to sewing.
"...What are those uniforms for?" Russia dreaded the answer.
Ukraine's brow furrowed in frustration. "Please leave, Russia," she sighed.
"Ukraine," Russia growled, his usual menacing aura returning. "If you do not tell me, I will declare war on your country."
"Is this what I get?!" Ukraine's eyes flashed with indignation. "After I looked after you and Belarus, and showered you both with love and motherly devotion...this is what I get?! Declarations of war?!"
"UKRAINE!"
"Fine!" she snapped. "Belarus has started up a new group - she calls it 'One With Russia'. I don't think I have to explain things to you - the name tells you enough."
Russia stared at her in horror. "You are joking...da?"
"I wish I was," Ukraine replied, stiffly.
"But...no!" Russia shook his head in denial. "She cannot do that! Doesn't she realize that she is humiliating her country by doing this? My country will not stand for this!"
"Yes," Ukraine snorted. "Because they have been doing so much since they discovered Belarus' obsession with you." She shook her head. "Face it Russia - they care for nothing other than the gossip."
Russia shook his head in denial. "No -"
Ukraine narrowed her eyes. "I think you should leave now," she told him. "I need to finish these uniforms before Belarus comes after me." A moment later, she paused. "Also - Russia?"
Russia looked at her, curiously. "Yes?"
"Do you mind spreading the word that my breasts are not fake?"
Russia, looking disturbed, nodded his head.
...
America's phone rang.
"Can we please just go now?" Canada pleaded, as America fumbled around for his phone. "We've been in this same spot for the past -"
"Shut up, invisible guy," Prussia cut him off.
"Hey boss!" America greeted, once he had answered his phone.
"Alfred," said his boss, "I said I wanted to see you, to talk about the conference!"
"Sorry boss," America replied. "I'm busy breaking into Area 51, with Mattie and Prussia."
His boss simply snorted. "Sure you are."
...
Eventually they did manage to get a move on - after that, it was only a matter of minutes before they found what they were looking for.
"Hey - here we are!" America exclaimed. "The aliens!"
"I can't believe it," Canada muttered, looking around incredulously. In front of them were rows and rows of locked prison cells - and in them...well...
...They'd definitely found their aliens.
"This is awesome!" Prussia looked around the room, grinning widely. "There's enough in here for me to make a fucking awesome army!"
"We have plans for them first," America reminded him.
"Yeah..." Prussia didn't seem deterred by this. "But then..."
America smiled. "Then you can have you fun."
"Awesome!"
"So what...?" Canada frowned slightly, looking unsure. "We just...pick one?"
"Yeah!" America nodded his head. "The best one, of course!"
Walking over to a nearby cell, he peered inside. A moment later he shook his head, and walked away.
"Not that one," he said. "He looks like a pussy."
Prussia glanced into the cell, and then nodded in agreement. "Oh yeah, totally."
Canada stared. "They...all look exactly the same."
"Nah, of course not!" America cried. "They're all unique!"
He walked up to another cell and then glanced inside. "Nah," he said, shaking his head. "That one's too small."
Prussia glanced into another cell. "Too large."
America peered into the next cell. "Too big teeth."
Prussia squinted slightly at another alien. "Too blue eyes."
"Too creepy," America muttered, as he glanced at another one.
"Too awesome..." Prussia scowled slightly. "NO ONE can be more awesome than me!"
America stared at an alien who shared a disturbing resemblance to France. "Too perverted..."
"Oh hon hon hon," laughed the alien.
The three nations all simultaneously shuddered.
"Too spiky," Prussia said, moving to the next cage.
"Too...boring..."
"Too dead," Prussia frowned into one of the cages. "Wait, no, he really is dead."
America stared at one alien, who stared back with a disturbing look in it's eyes.
"Too Hannibal-Lector-like."
"This is ridiculous guys!" Canada hadn't moved an inch since he'd walked into the room. "Just pick one and let's go!"
"Oh!" America's face suddenly lit up, as he stared into another cell. "I want her! She's awesome - she looks just like Tony!"
Canada wandered over and stared at the alien in question. He frowned slightly.
"How do you know she's a girl?" he asked.
America shrugged. "I don't," he said. "I just think it would be col to have an alien-chick."
"I'll except chicks into my army," Prussia said, nodding his head.
Canada raised his eyebrows, yet didn't say anything.
"Let's let her out!" Grinning, America reached for the bars of the cell. In one single moment, he had ripped a perfect hole in the center of the cell.
"America, wait!" Canada cried. "How do you know it's safe? I mean, there's a reason they keep them locked up!"
Ignoring Canada, America reached in and grasped the alien by the arm. He pulled it (or, in his opinion, 'her') out.
"America!"
America snorted. "What's the worst that can happen?"
"...I don't think that's meant to be happening..."
America and Canada turned around, confused by Prussia's statement. Their eyes widened in horror at what they saw.
The alien...well, it didn't look as innocent as it had previously. In fact, it looked murderous. Also...
...Was it growing?!
The alien took a step forward, it's eyes flashing dangerously.
"...RUN!"
The three nations took of running through the doors.
...
"I can't believe it..." England shook his head, looking disbelieving. "In this short amount of time, they've created a magazine about us?!"
"It's only to be expected..." France shrugged his shoulders. "What did they say about me?"
England glared at him. "Shut up you fool!" he snarled. "Stop looking so bloody eager! This isn't a good thing!"
France smirked slightly. "You are just bitter that the world believes that you are having an affair with Amerique and mon Mattieu."
England looked horrified. "They are my brothers!"
"That would not stop me...oh hon hon hon..."
"You perverted frog!"
France reached out, and tried to pry the magazine out of England's hands. "Tell me what they said about me!"
"Ahh! Fine!" England flicked the page; his eyes flickered around, scanning it thoroughly.
"...Apparently you were once a woman."
"What?" France's eyes widened. "They said that?"
England nodded. "Yes...I quote; 'The Nation of France, who now appears to be a man, was once a proud and upstanding female...'" He snorted. "Proud and upstanding. What bullshit."
France frowned slightly. "How would they know what I once was?"
"That's irrelevant!" England exclaimed. "You were never a woman!"
France raised one eyebrow. "And how would you know that?"
"...Well, you weren't, were you?" England sat still, frozen.
France snorted. "Of course not! I am, however, flattered that they think so highly of my godly features." He fluffed his hair.
England scowled. "They didn't say anything about you being a 'good looking' female..."
"It was implied, of course," France replied.
England snorted. "Of course."
France reached out and grabbed the book out of England's grasp. He flicked through it, his eyes scanning the pages.
"Hmm..." France's brow furrowed. "What is this about Amerique being a child beater?"
"What?"
"Yes..." France continued to scan the page. "Apparently a woman claims that she heard him say, "I'm gong to grab that kid and throw him through a window, and listen to his screams," while at McDonalds."
"...That never happened." England looked slightly disbelieving.
"Well of course not," France replied. He glanced down. "Hmm..."
"What now?" England groaned.
"Apparently Canada is a ghost, haunting this earth."
England blinked. "...What?"
"Don't ask," France responded. He flicked to the next page. His eyes widened.
"Oh my!"
England leaned forward, looking curious despite himself. "What?" he asked.
"...Finland and Sweden have been hiding a secret affair from us all!"
England scowled slightly. "No, they haven't been!" he snapped. "Everyone is aware of their relationship!"
France snorted. "Not according to Denmark."
"Oh..." England frowned. "Alright..."
"Yes," France nodded. "Oh, and look at this. Apparently Ukraine has breast implants."
England's eyes widened. "I knew they were too big to be real!"
"Yes," France agreed, "and Belarus dabbles with incest."
"Of course, of course," England replied, rolling his eyes. "We all knew that."
France glance down at the page; his eye brows raised. "What is this?" he murmured. In a louder voice, he said; "Apparently Poland and Lithuania are sharing secret affairs with hookers...isn't that interesting?"
"It probably isn't even true," England snorted.
"No." France shook his head. "They included pictures."
England glanced at the page. "...Thats them."
"Hmm...so it is." France thought for a moment. "Kinky."
...
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Canada screamed, struggling to breathe as he ran, his legs pumping as hard as they could in an attempt to get away from the...thing that was chasing them.
"YOU CAN'T BLAME THIS ALL ON ME!" America screamed back. "YOU NEVER TRIED TO STOP US!"
Canada's response was a simple howl of, "I HATE YOU!"
"THIS IS KIND OF AWESOME!"
No surprise, that statement belonged to Prussia
"SHUT UP PRUSSIA!" America and Canada both screamed at the same time.
The three nations ran straight past the duo of guards that they had passed earlier on in their journey. The guards both let out loud snorts, and then went back to sleeping, undisturbed by the chaos going on around them.
"...Yeah," America coughed. "Someone really needs to replace those guys."
...
Somehow, they managed to make it back to America's house in one piece (they'd also somehow managed to make it back without being seen).
"Get inside!" America cried, gesturing furiously towards his two fellow nations. Prussia dashed into the house; Canada followed close behind but before he could, the door slammed in his face.
"America!" he howled, pounding on the door. "Open up, I'm still out here!"
He turned around, his eyes widening with panic as he caught sight of the alien, getting closer and closer with each step.
"AMERICA!"
The door opened.
"Oh, sorry Mattie!" America apologized, poking his head outside. "I kind of forgot about you - didn't even realize you weren't there -"
Canada shoved past him and ran into the house.
"I hate you," he spat, once America had bolted the door shut. "I hate you."
"Well then," Prussia said, struggling to gain his breath. "I guess that's done. Too bad...she would have been perfect to reveal to the world."
"She would have destroyed the whole world!" Canada snapped. "We're lucky we got out of that alive!"
The door burst open.
"...You really shouldn't have said that, Mattie," America choked, backing away. "You know what they say about jinxing things..."
The alien growled and took a menacing step forward; all three of them screamed.
"We're going to die!" Prussia howled. "This is so not awesome!"
"So...beautiful..."
At the sight of a newcomer into the room, Prussia screamed again.
...
Minutes later, Prussia was still screaming.
"It's okay," America assured him. "That's just Tony, my best friend."
"America!" Canada snapped. "Take a look at that thing standing in your doorway, and tell me that everything's 'okay'!"
"So beautiful..." Tony took a step forward. "She is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen..."
"Aww, that's adorable!" America exclaimed, a wide grin spreading across his alien growled; he squeaked with fear.
"Maybe we should leave?" Canada stared with wide eyes. "I mean...that thing is probably going to kill us...and we're just kind of...standing here..."
"You beautiful woman," breathed Tony. "You beautiful -"
The alien grabbed him and slammed him into the wall.
"Well," Canada coughed. "That's that, I guess."
"She is beautiful!"
The alien slammed him into the wall again.
"Is this some sort of kinky alien thing?" Prussia sat down on the sofa and stared, curiously.
Canada stared, nervously. "I think we should be leaving..."
The alien hurled Tony yet again; the wall cracked.
"This is perfect!" America exclaimed, grinning widely. "Tony has tamed the beast!"
"What?!" Canada stared with wide eyes. "No...I'm pretty sure he hasn't. In fact, I think he's made things worse."
He flinched as another crack sounded.
"Tony will keep her normal until we need to use her," America continued, ignoring the unfolding events. "We won't even have to do a thing!"
"Well..." Canada stared at the cracked wall. "You might lose your house..."
"Nah, it'll be fine." America continued to grin. "We'll keep her here until that conference my boss mentioned - and then we'll show her to everyone! It'll be great!"
Another crack sounded; Tony moaned, half with joy, and half with pain.
"Tony can come along too!" America nodded his head, looking pleased. "Two is better than one!"
"...I really have to stop letting you drag me into these things," Canada muttered.
...
AN:
Review and tell me what you think :D Also, are there any characters that haven't been in this fic, that you would like to see? I don't have any room to fit in any more main characters, but I could have a small section for them.
Next chapter, Japan, Korea and China will be back :D And insane!Finland (XD) should be back soon too!
You guys have been so great, and I hope you continue to enjoy this fic :D