Vode An arc
Brothers by Choice
Chopper had to think about where the commander might be. Finally he shrugged and sent her a message on her comm unit that he would like to speak with her at her leisure. Moments later he sent a second note specifying in the mess. Then another asking for late night or early morning, when he realized he didn't want his brothers privy to his conversations. He almost sent a fourth note canceling the entire thing when he tried to imagine her reaction to his rapid succession of notes but satisfied himself by holding his head in his hands and realizing it didn't matter what kind of fool he made of himself if they were friends.
# # #
There was no one in the mess except Chopper at his table in the back corner with two steaming cups in front of him. She reached out with the Force to gauge his feelings; his messages had been unusual and cryptic. He wasn't angry or sad, simply waiting, holding himself still, prepared and... She smiled to herself… resolute.
He frowned at her, but he was always frowning. She suspected he would have permanent creases in his forehead long before any other clone. His Force signature was warm and welcoming.
"Hi Chopper," she sat across from him and reached out for one cup of the steaming tea. The cup warmed her fingers and she noticed that he hadn't yet taken a sip of his equally hot caf. "Mmmm," she murmured as the scent of the tea reached her. "Not the regular mess tea."
"Fives gave it to me. It's from Zeltros." Chopper ducked his head. "I thought you might like it."
That meant that he'd traded some duty with Fives, paying for the favor of part of Fives small stash of tea with his labor. Ahsoka smiled. "It smells delicious, like flowers."
"Like the tea from the dream," said Chopper softly and Ahsoka set the tea back. Chopper pushed the mug toward her with his own large hand. "Did you make the dream?"
It wasn't what she had expected him to ask. She bowed her head and chewed her lip, then nodded. "I'm sorry, Chopper. It's prohibited to mess with other people's dreams." Her fingers curled around the mug. "But the nightmares just hurt you so much." She looked into his eyes, slightly surprised that he was looking back. "You said yes each time I asked. That's a requirement from the Jedi council." Ahsoka squirmed as Chopper bent his head to take a sip of his caf. "That's not exactly true, the Jedi Council maintains that someone has to ask, not merely grant permission and you didn't say 'yes' in real time."
"It's ok, commander. You didn't hurt me in any way and if I'd known you could do something, I would have begged you that very instant. It's hard to ask for something you don't know exists." He frowned and stared into his caf and Ahsoka caught an echo of shame. A trooper should be strong. Then Chopper looked into her eyes again. "But I don't want you doing it all the time. You need your sleep also." His eyes trailed over her face and body. "More so than me. You're not full grown yet."
"I don't go in your dreams very much anymore, Chopper." Ahsoka brought the tea to her face, letting the steam from the cup warm her skin. "Remember when the tent peg was pulling out? You were learning to control the dream on your own. By re-setting the pegs and tying down the flap, you make the tent yours in the dream. Each time you come to the dream and re-set the pegs, check the lines, it becomes more and more yours." She shrugged softly. "Now, I just visit occasionally…"
"Offering tea," he finished for her and smiled. It was a shy smile that took her breath away. "You come to my dreams bringing tea," he whispered the words as if they were a gift beyond his imagination.
The commander nodded and laughed just a little with a fiery blush on her cheeks. "It seems a very Jedi thing to do."
Chopper nodded, his voice strong again. "You were covering my back when I needed it. It's what brothers do also." He took a sip of his caf, then sat silently, pausing, trying to find the right words. Ahsoka waited as she sipped her tea. It was flowery and pepper-hot. She knew he'd find them. Finally Chopper sighed.
"In the ice cave, you said 'friends is what we are'. It sounded like you were offering me brothers by choice. Do you know what brothers by choice is to a trooper?" He seemed intent, watching her face. He didn't duck her eyes anymore.
She reached out for his Force signature. She read the prickliness that was Chopper, but now there was so much more of the warm feeling she'd felt in the cave; so much more and not hidden very much at all. It seemed to suspend itself, reaching out to touch her tentatively as though it wanted to hold her, shield her.
"I'm a Jedi, Chopper. I can't have attachments."
Chopper tilted his head. "It seems to me that you have a lot of attachments. The general, General Kenobi, Commander Offee, Captain Rex, your light saber, the akul teeth, the beads between your lekku, the 501st as a unit, R2-D2."
She frowned, considering his words.
"I've seen you weep and rage when your men die or get injured. That looks like attachment to me. So how do the Jedi define 'attachment that allows all that, but not the close friendship of brothers by choice?"
"Mostly romantically," Ahsoka gestured palms out. She had no arguments of her own, no experience to draw upon here. There were only lessons. "Attachment leads to selfishness; sexual love between two people leads to possessiveness and own…"
"You are a Jedi and my commander." Chopper interrupted her, affronted, with his cheeks blazing red, "and a barely fifteen-year youngling. I am a trooper in the GAR, your subordinate and not…." He stopped and dropped his head. Ahsoka felt his spike of pain but he pushed it down. "Echo and Fives said friends could talk about anything." He paused a moment. "I don't think there would be the danger of that kind of attachment between us. And it's not what I'm asking about." Again he bowed his head, tilting his face to look into her eyes, "or for."
Ahsoka took a sip of her tea and Chopper twisted the mug in his hand then took a mouthful of the hot drink.
Ahsoka nodded. "I think you're right, Chopper. There would not be that kind of attachment between us. But close friendship is also dissuaded for similar reasons. Actions stop coming from the Force and start coming from other influences, from thinking what is good for the whole to what is good for the object of one's friendship. Emotions for the individual override the compassion for all. But what are you asking."
"Friendship. Like Fives and Echo. Like Coric and Kix. Better men for being together." He licked his lips nervously. "I'm a trooper and I probably won't survive five years."
She opened her mouth to protest but he grinned and tapped his head. "Yeah, I'm tenacious and hard to kill but I will die in this war. I have no doubt of that." He watched her expression; a touch of anger and mostly fierce protectiveness.
He saw the tears gather in her eyes and reach out his hand to touch her cheek with a rough fingertip, shocked by her reaction.
In the ice cave, death had been imminent, they had been dying and her tears had seemed to reflect the portion of life they would never live. Now, her tears seemed to be for him and him alone, for how much she would miss him. For how much she would miss Chopper, the individual. For how much he would never live.
"We are brothers by choice." He spoke softly and shrugged a shoulder, giving her a small grin. "Or siblings by choice; whether or not you realize it, whether or not you acknowledge it. I can see that." He nodded, slightly brusquely. "I will always have your back. You can trust me in all things."
"I know that, Chopper." She sniffled and rubbed her hand against her face.
"And when I die you will cry for me and miss me. I can see that." He spoke with tenderness then he swallowed, touched by her emotion. "I'm not dead and already you're prepared for remembrance."
He paused, his caf and her tea now gone. Someone had come into the mess but had taken the table closest the door.
Chopper continued speaking. "Between clones, brothers by choice is only between two brothers, usually who've grown up together. It won't be that way with us. We'll be unusual - trooper and civilian, Jedi and clone, male and female so I don't think it will go smoothly." He smiled again, a shy and soft smile so at odds with the hard-worn Chopper of the 501st. "But we'll make it work."
"I think it will go smoothly." Ahsoka began speaking. "We're so different we won't have preconceived notions and we will ask. When we don't understand, we will ask." She reached out and touched the top of his hand gently with hers, letting it rest there when he didn't flinch. He turned his hand palm up, to capture her fingers in his.
He sucked his lower lip between his teeth. "You might want more brothers. We can't always keep company - you outrank me." He looked her in the eyes. "I am your man, commander." He smiled again and used her own words. "Friends is what we are."
He looked down at her slender orange fingers held in his calloused, battle-scarred hands. Her hands were warm and he could feel the wiry strength of them. There was a small scar along the outer edge of the blade of her hand. Her nails were short-trimmed. He ran his fingertips over her palm and was surprised when her fingers twitched and she giggled. She was ticklish there.
After he inspected her hands, she did the same with his. He shivered when she ran her fingers over the scars. "If you ever want to know exactly what happened, I will tell you the story of every scar I have."
"Not necessary, Chopper. It isn't important. Your scars are only skin deep; they've influenced you, made you the man you are." She leaned forward. "But I like that man and he is my brother."
Chopper's fingers tightened around hers and he nodded. "I've asked the captain to transfer me to your column. He said you'd want me as your second after him and I'd be proud to watch your back, cover you in battle. For as long as we are together, for as long as I live."
She swallowed. "I've never had a greater gift, Chopper." Ahsoka glanced around the mess, slightly embarrassed by her tears, but the emotions in Chopper were almost overwhelming in purity, in strength. She was bound by oaths of poverty, but she felt richer for knowing this man. "Oh, Kev wants to talk to," she frowned. "Us?"
Chopper nodded; wondering at how much he had changed due to this Jedi padawn. "You might want to talk to the Captain about this also." Chopper turned toward Kev in his armor and gave a slight nod. Kev's duffle was on the floor next to the table and Chopper wondered if the captain had transferred him to another unit.
Kev stood and, as he walked towards Chopper's table, he removed his helmet. Neither the commander nor Chopper said anything about his bruises.
"Do you want me to leave, Kev?" Chopper's voice was steady although he wore a frown.
"No, sir," Kev didn't have to 'sir' Chopper, there were the same rank, but it seemed right given he'd just been talking to the commander and, it had seemed to Kev, talking to her as a near-equal, as if he ranked the captain.
"I'm only here to apologize."
Chopper put his hand, loosely-fisted, to his chin with a small nod.
Kev turned toward the commander. "Commander Tano, I would like to present my apologies to you. I have indulged in needless malicious gossip."
Commander Tano tilted her head slightly. "Why are you apologizing to me?"
It didn't sound like a question to Kev and his heart sank. What Chopper had said in the gym was true. He gave a hard swallow and his adam's apple bobbed nervously.
"My gossip was about you, sir." He didn't mumble and try to slink away, that would be even worse. He stood straight and was glad there was no one besides the commander and Chopper to witness his humiliation.
Ahsoka shrugged, as though it wasn't important. "So I heard. It wasn't true so it didn't bother me at all."
Kev flushed, shamed. "I made rude accusations and ruder implications which could undermine your authority and affect the battle-readiness of the 501st."
"Is my authority so little, that what you said could affect it." She asked with guileless blue eyes. Chopper chuckled into his scarred fist. Kev hadn't even seen the trap coming.
Kev gaped, his mouth opening and closing. "No sir. However, the intent was to make myself more important at the expense of your reputation. That was ill-conceived and I apologize to you. It will not happen again."
The commander nodded. "Apology accepted. It ends here." She tapped the table and Chopper was glad he hadn't had a mouthful of caf. She used his exact words and he would have spit out the caf in shock.
"Thank you, sir." He saluted then turned toward Chopper. "I'll wait at the table while Commander Tano and you finish your conversation."
Chopper frowned, his brows drawn down as his lifted his face toward Kev. "Wait for what?"
"I've been reassigned to your barracks," said Kev. "Captain Rex said that I needed to learn when and how to fight." Kev didn't look pleased at the prospect. His heart sank at Chopper's frowning reaction; he didn't want to bunk with a man who hated him.
"Kriff," muttered Chopper.
The commander chuckled as she stood and picked up both empty mugs. "A just and fitting punishment, wouldn't you say, Chopper?" Her eyes twinkled and she smiled warmly at him.
"For who, commander?" retorted Chopper as he stood and gestured Kev to get his duffle bag.
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I have some traveling to do, so the next chapter may take up until November 18 to be posted. Go read some other excellent FanFiction...