Shepard wandered the markets. She did not want to return to the Normandy right now, the Cerberus vessel. She did not want to see all those logos, granted they'd been getting fewer by the day. The desire to go pummel Grunt had been strong but stronger was the knowledge that going to beat him up every time she got angry was not setting a good example for the young krogan. Of course if she'd had a clearer mind she would have countered that argument quite convincingly. That in fact channelling the aggression in a controlled environment with an opponent of similar strengths, or at least could handle the punishment, was better than unleashing the anger on some poor unfortunate who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or going ten rounds with a punching bag and losing. But clear minded she was not and it was in this state that a female voice called out to her.
"Shepard is that you!"
Shepard stopped, head jerking in the direction the voice had come from.
"It IS you!" A grinning Gianna Parasini strode up to her with a bounce in her step and hand outstretched in greeting.
Shepard smiled, "Gianna." she returned the greeting and clasped hands with the Noveria Internal Affairs investigator.
"Wow, the news said you were dead. What happened?" She asked enthusiastically in her gravelly middle class accented voice. Then she registered just who she was talking to and released Shepard's hands holding up her own and shaking her head, "No wait, probably classified, don't worry about it I never asked." she grinned.
"Actually it's not classified as far as I'm aware but it's a bit of a long story." Shepard shrugged, the friendly warmth and excitement in Gianna was... soothing.
"Well in that case I believe I owe you a beer for your help with Anoleius who is currently serving a very long time in a white collar prison." Gianna winked, "If you've got time that is, I know you're a busy woman."
Shepard straightened her shoulders and nodded, "You know what Gianna, I'd love a beer right now, better than that a brandy."
Gianna chuckled, "Tough day huh?" she gestured for Shepard to follow.
"Yeah." Shepard didn't elaborate and followed Gianna's slender and much more comfortably clad form through the market. The woman had complained about having to wear uncomfortable dresses for her last assignment and now donned a simple but nice burgandy and white form fitting suit that fit right in with the general attire of this area of Illium. She was obviously on a job but what would Noveria IA want out here? Honestly Shepard didn't really care, a familiar face and a few drinks just sounded good right now.
Gianna took them to Eternity, a nice bar that had enough people for this time of day to show it was popular but not too crowded to make it uncomfortable. Asari, humans, turians, salarians even a couple quarians lounged around the different tables, it was too early for any drunken louts so there was just the hum of people enjoying themselves and some nice, soft background music.
It took a few drinks for Shepard to begin to unwind. Gianna proved to be very amiable company indeed. Probably from having worked under cover for so long she could strike up conversation with anyone and knew how to put them at ease. Shepard didn't mind at all that Gianna was using a few of her work charms, having Miranda's example to work from she could generally pick when someone was trying to manipulate her. Sometimes it wasn't so bad to be manipulated like this, she wasn't unaware of it but she did allow it to relax her.
"So, Cerberus huh." Gianna would never have picked it, not after meeting Shepard on Noveria, the fiery Spectre on a mission of utmost importance and high morals that had refused to be dragged into Noverian corporate infighting.
"I hate Cerberus. Their morals and ideals are corrupted so much that even highly intelligent people who should know better just can't see. They're so blinded by the 'advancing humanity' crap they don't even realize the harm they're doing to our race. It's all for the power of one man." Shepard growled into her shot of Ice Brandy.
Gianna considered her for a long moment. Reading people was a huge part of her job, reading them and listening to what was said and what wasn't. "You need them though." it was part statement part question.
"They're the only ones willing to give me a ship, crew and resources to take on the Collectors. If it wasn't for that I'd be hunting down the Illusive Man himself to put a bullet between his eyes." she clenched her jaw, her eyes glowing angrily and she knew it, she kept her gaze firmly on her poor defenceless drink. Liara's words burning through her mind.
"So when you're done with the Collectors do it." Gianna shrugged as if it was the simplest thing in the world.
At that Shepard looked up, a little confused.
Gianna leaned forward and met those strange eyes, "Look, it's like what I do for a living. I have to play a role, dress the part, talk the part, make the people around me think I am the part. But I have a purpose, I'm there to stop people breaking the law. Sometimes the roles I play mean that I have to break laws in order to get in close to my targets. Then once I'm done, once I've caught them and my purpose is complete I get to go home, to shake off the role and be myself again." she sat back and looked out the window to her left.
"And how do you do that, be yourself again?" Shepard asked softly.
"There are times that's easier said than done, like if I've been undercover for a long period of time. I have to purge myself. I binge on the things that make me, me."
Shepard listened intently to every word she was saying.
"I eat my favourite meal, a great big pepperoni pizza with beer." Gianna grinned, "Put on my favourite music, wear my favourite clothes, watch my favourite movie, listen to recordings of my family and friends, read my favourite book. I surround myself with the things that are me, that are special to me." she answered the question easily. It was something she faced at the end of every assignment after all. "Sure there are sometimes I'm with my family and friends and I forget I'm not undercover any more. It can be hard and can feel like they're not actually my family or I have no idea what to say to them." her dark brown eyes returned to the riveted ambers of Shepard that had thankfully stopped glowing that eerie red, "It just takes time to acclimatize, to return back into being me. My sister is my lifeline. She's the only one who knows what I really do and when I'm struggling she just... knows. After some jobs I don't know how I'd have found myself again if not for her." she shook her head but was smiling at the thought of her younger sister.
"You're so lucky." Shepard sighed wistfully. "You have a family and home to go back to. For so long my family has been the Alliance, my home packed in my duffle bag and moved from ship to ship." she looked away, lost in her memories, "Almost everything I treasured was destroyed on the Normandy... and not just what fit in my duffle bag. The Alliance and the Council hung me out to dry and the only ones who're showing an ounce of support are terrorists I never wanted anything to do with that didn't involve blowing them up."
Gianna's heart broke a little for the ache she could feel in the powerful, famous and misunderstood woman before her. "So find something. One thing that you can hold on to. Grab it with everything you have and don't let go until you're ready and not when someone tells you to." It was really the only piece of advice she could give and it worked for her.
Shepard became very thoughtful as she contemplated that thought. Something that was uniquely her.
After a few more shots Gianna was looking at her in wonder. "Damn you hold your liquor girl."
Shepard shrugged, "I could skull the entire bottle and won't even get a tingle because of the Cerberus upgrades. I haven't had the time to try out how much it'd take to get me drunk but just thinking about it makes me queasy."
"Can't get drunk huh, that's got to be a capital offense somewhere." Gianna chuckled, her cheeks were a little coloured from the beers she'd had. "Hey wanna help me on a job? It's real easy I swear, I just can't do it because the target will recognize me."
Shepard smiled, "Why the hell not."
A short while later she'd sweet talked an asari into not only showing her an illegal prototype biotic amp that was still in development on Noveria but with a little flirtation she'd even managed to get a significant discount for the shop.
Then Gianna swooped in victoriously to the horror and dismay of the asari. As the asari scrambled away Gianna cupped the side of her mouth, "Talk fast Hermia, when the fines hit you won't be able to afford him!" she called smugly.
Shepard grinned, "That was fun."
Gianna laughed, "I love nailing asari. So ageless and superior, then when you get them they squeal like little girls."
Shepard chuckled, "They really do don't they."
"Thanks for that Shepard. You ever need a hand with anything I can help with, let me know." Gianna extended her hand, she had reports to file now.
Shepard shook the offered hand warmly, "Thanks Gianna, I'll keep that in mind. Have fun making Hermia squirm."
Gianna's eyes glinted with mischief, "Oh I will. Good luck with the Collectors and stuff."
With that they parted ways, Shepard feeling a damn sight better than after she'd left Liara's office. Taking her time to return to the ship she stopped off to buy some more fish and models, something constructive to pass the time with while she waited for information from Miranda about her condition and Liara about their targets.
Shepard sat in Miranda's office in numb silence as her mind processed what Rana had just told her.
Miranda was pacing angrily at the foot of her bed.
"So you're saying that someone discovered how to..." she fumbled for language she understood to interpret the scientific explanation of Rana's, "disconnect specific memory pathways. Which means that Miranda can't make the right connections to link memories even though the memories are all still there."
"Basically." Rana nodded.
"If they can target memories like that why not just erase them if they don't want her to remember me?" Shepard was confused, not truly understanding this at all.
It was a question that had Miranda on edge as well.
"I can't answer that, I can only tell you what we found." Rana shook her head, she had no way to speculate on the motives of the people behind this.
"So does the wrong connections thing explain why I can be dropping significant hints and she doesn't get it?" Shepard asked Rana slowly.
"I'm right here Shepard." Miranda growled.
"I am aware of that, your heels are giving me a headache with all your pacing." Shepard growled right back at her.
Miranda stopped pacing and glared at her silently.
"Yes. Two things will trigger an overstimulation of pain. The first is telling her outright who you are. The second is to visually remind her of who you are, which is why your eyes are problematic." Rana summarized what their tests had shown in answer to Shepard's question.
"Problematic." Shepard huffed despondently. "Can you treat this?"
"It will take time..." Rana hedged.
"Weeks if not months." Miranda sunk down into her work chair, her shoulders slumped minutely. "We don't have time."
"Then we'll make time." Shepard asserted instantly.
"What think you can write the Collectors a message asking them to hold off their attacks while you fix the mind of your broken XO?" Miranda scoffed, masking her pain behind angry sarcasm.
Shepard surged to her feet and stormed over to the console, slamming her clenched fists down with a resounding bang and her eyes blazing red she yelled at Miranda furiously, "You are NOT broken!"
Miranda sat back in surprise, her eyes wide and lips slightly parted at the outburst.
"You are NOT a tool to be used and discarded! I don't care if you think that to make yourself feel better but you're a bloody human being Miranda. Shit goes wrong in our bodies that we can't control. Yes someone's purposefully messed with your brain but it can be treated, and until you've fully recovered we can manage this." Shepard clenched her fists on the desk so hard she drew blood as her fingernails cut into the palms of her hands.
Miranda found her voice to shoot back, "We'll have to find a way to manage this because tool or not this," rising to her own feet so she didn't feel so vulnerable she gestured between them, "is a risk. Think rationally Commander, we have no idea when or where the Collectors will strike again. It could be in a couple weeks it could be tomorrow and we must be ready. We haven't even got all of the specialists yet."
"I told you I'd do whatever it takes and I meant it." Shepard growled, "Two of the specialists are here on Illium and I've got Liara looking for them." she didn't feel it wise to add that she hoped Liara was looking for them. "Then there's just Tali and Ash and both have missions to wind up before they're ready for this. In the mean time we'll be here for as long as it takes to find Samara and Thane so use it. I have Massani, Jack and Grunt if I need any backup for anything and I highly doubt we'll be seeing any heavy action that will require the full squad." Shepard straightened, pulling away from the console and searching those cool cobalt blue eyes.
"I will not delay our mission but until you locate and recruit Samara and Thane I will undergo treatments. As soon as they're found and we have confirmation that Tali and Ashleigh William's have concluded their business we leave." Miranda reasoned curtly.
Shepard nodded knowing that that was the best she could hope for with the stubborn mission focussed woman, "Agreed."
Seeing the pair like that had reminded Rana of what the little human woman Kasumi had warned her, not to get between them if they started fighting. Now she understood why. Clearing her throat she got their attention, "There is something else."
Miranda frowned while Shepard waited with a feeling of dread in her stomach.
"Miranda can you identify this?" Rana activated her omni-tool and sent an image to the operatives console.
Miranda studied her screen for a moment, "That's an anomaly in Shepard's brain."
"Actually, that's your brain, Miranda. You and Shepard both have this anomaly." Rana corrected her. Miranda had been so focussed on the problem area of her brain she hadn't taken into account the rest of it.
Shepard turned to Miranda slowly, she was fighting internally not to let her rage consume her as Miranda might not have been the one to put this anomaly in her brain.
Miranda was working quickly, bringing up Shepard's neural images beside her own. "This anomaly was documented by Chakwas before project Lazarus before you go jumping to conclusions." She advised, already feeling the surge within Shepard.
Shepard held her tongue, not trusting what she'd say right now.
"We could never figure it out and assumed it to be related to the changes the Prothean beacons and Cipher made to you." Miranda sat back down, staying that anxiety that was churning in the pit of her stomach through working her mind analytically on the problem. "In reconstructing you I ensured that everything was exactly like your last physical, including all the things I and other experts in varying fields just couldn't explain. Yes there were some things we upgraded but they were all based on what you already had, not replacing anything."
Shepard mulled that over in her head, "So someone who does know what this anomaly does copied it from my scans and recreated it in you while they were altering your memory pathways?"
Miranda clenched her jaw, "Damnit. If only we still had the station logs, they might have left something behind to identify them with."
"I'm beginning to wonder if in fact Wilson was working for the Shadow Broker or for someone else seeing as the scuttling was a result of his actions." Shepard mused wryly.
Miranda's face snapped up in surprise then anger, "That bastard! He would have had access to everything, to all your data and to me." she realized what Shepard had just deduced herself.
"So we figure out who he was working for." Shepard was loathe to go to Liara to ask for her help but it might just come to that. "But that will be an investigation for someone else at this point in time, we've got other things to worry about. Like..."
Miranda frowned slightly as Shepard's eyes went far away for a long moment, but she did not intrude on Shepard's thoughts as Shepard would share them when she was ready.
"Okay so someone, assuming Wilson was taking orders from this someone, has given us the same neurological anomaly and they altered your memory so you can't recognize who I am but didn't alter my memory pathways. Why didn't they alter mine?" she asked suddenly, her eyes came back into focus and she looked to Miranda.
"Other than I would have caught that?" Miranda frowned at her, she had been highly protective over Shepard during her reconstruction after all. "Any alterations to your brain chemistry could cause catastrophic damage to your mind. Your brain is no longer entirely human and with the Cipher implanted in your mind your neural pathways are infinitely more complex. I had wanted to study it more on the Lazarus station once you'd woken but with the betrayal then Freedom's Progress..." Miranda shook her head, it was a very interesting question though. "Perhaps whatever the purpose behind this memory block is, it only takes one of us not to remember." she sighed and sat back, rubbing her right temple absently. She couldn't help this nagging sense of inferiority that it had been her that had been deemed acceptable to alter, the perfect human specimen.
"But why? Why do this when they obviously knew we'd be working together, that I'd know of our past and try to get you to remember me." Shepard continued in frustration, "Hell the most logical assumption they could have made was that when we first met face to face I'd tell you who I am, you'd have had an aneurism and died right then." she gestured to Miranda angrily.
Miranda shook her head, "It's been gradually intensifying. I would assume that if you had told me back then I would have dismissed it and not believed you, I probably would even now to some degree. I still find it incredibly hard to believe that we knew each other yet I know logically that it makes sense, especially given everything you know about me." she glanced at Shepard, "And how emotionally invested you are in having my mind restored." she added, her voice a touch softer.
Shepard stilled a little, that did explain why Miranda had been so flippant about her childhood. "And when you do get your mind restored you'll understand why." she turned her gaze back to Rana, "Any other surprises?"
Rana nodded, "Given that Miranda's biotics were implanted after birth you may be interested in knowing that you are biotically synchronized to each other."
"What?" Miranda gaped at the asari doctor.
"Both of you operate on the exact same dark energy frequency, you are not just highly compatible, but perfectly compatible and that's why you work so effectively together. If you tried to do that swarp thing you do with someone else it wouldn't have nearly as much effect." Rana looked between those faces, Shepard wasn't nearly as surprised as Miranda as she'd had a little warning from Rana's musings during their sharing.
Miranda was floored, to say the least. It took her a moment to process that and its possible ramifications. "Did you manifest your biotics before or after my operation?" she asked Shepard softly.
"Before." Shepard glanced at her, wondering what she was thinking.
"Was it known that you were such a high potential biotic?"
"Highest on record, it was why I was sent to your school when my family didn't come from money like everyone else." Shepard answered softly.
"So my father had your biotics copied and implanted into me." Miranda felt sick to her stomach.
Shepard moved to walk around the work station to console Miranda but was stopped by a quick shake of Miranda's head.
"Don't. I'd like you both to leave." She asserted crisply, not looking at either of them but her face a stern mask hiding the empty ache she felt inside.
Rana quietly got up and left.
Shepard hesitated, "Miranda..."
"Shepard don't. Just go, please." Miranda whispered, she did not want to get emotional in front of the Commander.
Shepard was torn, the emotional pain was rolling off Miranda in waves and crashing straight into her heart. Did she do as Miranda wanted and leave or push through it? Miranda's pride was a beast in its own right, it would rage at appearing weak in front of another like this. Bowing her head she exhaled a pent up breath as she turned and left as requested.
As soon as the door shut and locked Miranda broke down into tears. Everything about her was copied and pasted from others. The best genes from the best sources money could buy. There was absolutely nothing about her that was unique, that was Miranda. It had been almost bearable knowing that even if her biotics had been paid for by her father they'd been her own. Now she discovered even that had been copied, from none other than Commander Stephanie Shepard herself.
Being so distraught she didn't pay attention to EDI's advisory notice that Commander Shepard had left the ship so she was in charge.
So some confirmations of what I'm sure you'd picked up on already, some hopefully unforeseen revelations and no we're not finished with this yet. This just seemed a good place to end this particular chapter. More on just how they're going to be treating Miranda for this coming up soon!
Oh and Hopelessly Blue... again with the no private messaging! ;) But num num num for the muffins. Glad you're enjoying the drama, really could change the sci-fi to drama or angst couldn't I. I am a Liara fan to so it wasn't easy writing that chapter especially considering how torn up and guilt ridden Liara feels about it. But truthfully she's yet to feel the burn of Seph's anger. Looking forward to the reviews ;)
:)