I'd like to thank everybody for the reception this story's been getting. I started this less than two months ago, and I have 50 reviews, incredible pageviews, a recommendation on TV Tropes and, best of all (in my opinion) someone else giving my themes a try! (Eliza Loves Yaoi's Alchemy and Absolution : EdEnvy 100 Themes, go read them!)

what-is-the-color-of-love: Darling, Envy's always amazing. And trust me, I know boredom ==; Thanks for reviewing!

DemonLordOfTheSurface: Yes, because Envy is the most loved being in the FMA universe. /sarcasm It's true though, lollipops are the answer to everything. Try it and see! Thanks for reviewing~

Ashling Ivy: *evil grin* Excellent~ my plan is working! Thanks for reviewing ^w^

Eliza Loves Yaoi: Bahaha. And…OH COME ON. ARE YOU SERIOUS? I've written THREE silly stories out of FIFTY chapters and you're complaining because of the four you have up, they're all angst _ Perspective, darling. It makes the world round. Good motto though. (And good memories!) Thanks for reviewing as always ^^

Rockmari: D'aww. They can't be the best, surely o_O *blushy-face* Thanks for stopping by, hope to see your reviews on later chapters ^^

xxakikoakanexx: I aim to please! Glad you liked it – and my daily record is pretty awesome so far~ Thanks for reviewing! ALSO YOU ARE THE FIFTIETH REVIEWER *confetti*

AAAAAAAAAAAND back to the angst. First-anime-verse.

50. Look At Me

He tells everybody he's forgotten it.

But he hasn't. He can't. You don't forget your own skin. It just becomes…unfamiliar. So unfamiliar after decades on decades on centuries that when you see it in a mirror, you think it's somebody else.

But it's not. It's him. He's just shifted back out of habit, because bad habits are the hardest to break. And he stares into his own eyes, tired and anguished, and despite himself, despite the pain, he smiles. I missed you, his reflection says.

"Stop it," he murmurs. "I don't want to fucking look like that bastard!"

He doesn't. But he does want to look like himself every now and again – it's a wish he denies, but denial doesn't make anything go away.

There's footsteps at the entryway and Will – Envy! – tries to shift back. He can't quite make himself do it, because in the end he is vain, horrifically so, and he knows his chosen form, compared to this, compared to William, is ugly. Bizarre. Freakish.

"Who are you?"

He's not even wearing a military uniform. He's caught. Except nobody but him has seen his form in four hundred years.

"Nobody," he answers, but it's the wrong answer – and in the wrong voice.

"Envy?"

He looks up despite himself, and then looks away again, because it's the pipsqueak. It's Edward Elric.

It's his brother.

"The hell -? Whose form is that?" Ed marches towards him, and he starts to step back. The windows are high enough and small enough that they'll be difficult to escape from. And Ed is blocking the doorway.

"Mine," he hisses in return. Turn back, you fool, change back. The longer he looks, the shorter your lifespan. Change back.

But he can't bring himself to.

"Look at me, Envy."

He does.

Ed inhales sharply. He comes closer to Envy, Envy tries to back away but finds a wall behind him.

"So this is your true form?" Ed's voice is soft. Envy's never heard him soft before.

"The fuck does it matter to you, pipsqueak?"

"It matters when you look like me." Ed's eyes harden slightly. "Explain. Now."

So Envy does, plastering his psycho-smile on and seeing if Ed will squirm when he explains who he is and what he is.

And he does. He backs away, then sits down hard on the bathroom floor.

"What's the matter, pipsqueak? Gonna scream?"

"I might."

Envy won't admit it, but that kind of hurt.

"I always figured…" Ed covers his face with a hand. "I always figured the bastard had another family somewhere or other, but I just…I guess I didn't really expect it, you know?"

"Why aren't you attacking me?" asks Envy hollowly. "You should be getting pissed off and cursing and waving your blade around like the overcompensating shrimp you are."

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A MINOR LEVEL CRUSTACEAN?"

Envy sinks to the floor, and he and Ed stare at each other for a moment. The rant doesn't count as anger. None of this is anger – it's just plain, destructive curiosity.

"You're my…brother…" says Ed slowly. A stunned smile creeps across his face. "I have another brother."

"Half-brother, pint-size," corrects Envy. He's being acknowledged. He's being acknowledged.

Why is this happening? This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to be how it happened.

"Your hair's the same colour as mine," says Ed, then pulls a face. "Same as his, I suppose. Jackass."

"A jackass with pretty hair," adds Envy, and Ed laughs. Envy laughs along with him.

"Man, Al's gonna be so pissed off. His hair – in his actual body, I mean – it's just brown."

"Some people have all the luck," comments Envy drily.

Ed grins. "You have the eyes, too."

"The bastard's Xerxian."

Ed's eyes widen. "Are you serious? We're Xerxian? That is so fucking badass!"

"You better believe it, shorty."

"You and Al have the same face, though." Surprised, Envy reaches up and traces his jawline. He's always had a prominent chin and not a lot of baby-fat.

"Really?"

"Yeah. You'd be surprised. You'll see, once he gets his body back."

Envy snorts. "Still harping on that chord, Fullmetal?"

"Always."

Envy falls silent. He stares at the tiles. He'll run away any moment now. But this is a new feeling, a strange feeling, except it's not. It's familiar. He used to be happy, back when he was alive.

"I'm not human. I'm not your brother," he spits. "The same way Sloth wasn't your mother."

Ed's face falls.

"I've tried to kill you countless times. I'm a heartless son-of-a-bitch who isn't even human so why, for the love of god," he almost yells, "are you talking like I'm your brother?"

He gets up, coils up in preparation to make his escape, but Ed is somehow faster. Ed wraps his arm around him, squeezes tight and Envy realizes he's not used to holding flesh-and-blood.

"If I didn't believe in second chances," murmurs Ed through the blond hair falling over Envy's – Will's – ear, "I would have died a long time ago."

Will doesn't hug him back. He doesn't walk away. He doesn't say anything. He just stands there, paralyzed.