Eliza Loves Yaoi: Done and done And thank you! Writing in present tense is really fun for stuff like this, and I felt too much background would just get in the way. I'm glad you liked it – thanks for reviewing as always ^^
DemonLordOfTheSurface: Well, gorram. I guess it kind of is. I like writing Ed as a sweetie, because that's a side of his character that's really not seen enough. And Envy will come around eventually, he's just not used to hugs, haha. Thanks for reviewing!
Pen-Name-Kitsune-Chan: I LOVE writing lines like that. I feel all shivery when I write them. And nobody's angry 100% of the time – I wanted to play with that. I'm glad you noticed :D Identity's a huge thing for me, which is one of the reasons I love Envy, so it's brill that you noticed the names thing :D As for Lollipop…that one seems to have a lot of people laughing in inopportune places. Mwahaha XD Thanks for reviewing!
This one should be fun for anyone who knows the movie, and educational for anybody who doesn't. My first true AU of the collection (an accomplishment considering my love of them) and a crossover with Repo! The Genetic Opera. I have plans for a longer version, but those are on hold until I finish either SNEA or Hero.
I name-dropped as many songs as I could, just because XD And I had some fun with Envy and slang. If you want to visualize his voice, mix his Brotherhood voice with Jayne from Firefly. And hopefully your brain won't explode.
51. Battle!
His name wasn't Envy, and Greed wasn't his name either, but it was as close as it got these days.
"Get the hell off my turf, asshole." The other graverobber had made the first move. Big mistake.
Envy crossed his arms, glad for the slight breeze that made his brown longcoat billow out behind him. It was suitably intimidating, and displayed his entire (admittedly small) frame in its wonderful outfit.
He sometimes wondered if he and Amber Sweet had been switched at birth.
"I ain't goin' nowhere. Got here first, didn't I?" Envy grinned, showing off his filed teeth. Each of them ended in a wicked point that shone dully in the pale moonlight.
Greed took a step closer. "Yeah, well, this is mine."
Envy rolled his eyes, not budging. "If you had your way – Greed – every graveyard in the whole damned city'ud be yours, eh? So shove off and let me make a living." He smiled, perhaps a little too widely, at that last bit.
Greed reached up and tugged down his blood-red sunglasses, giving the smaller man a harsh look. His other hand crept warningly towards his hip. "I don't –" He cut himself off, looking above Envy's head (not that it was hard). "Actually," he amended, "you're right. I'll let you have this one. Tonight."
He turned and walked away.
Envy turned around.
"SHIT!"
The graveyard they'd been squabbling over was now illuminated with blue light, and from his vantage point on top of the mortuary, he could see figures combing through the rows. One turned his head – revealing a gas mask's soulless eyes.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me…" Of all nights, all nights, they were having a raid tonight.
He couldn't spend another night without some Zydrate in his pocket. He was broke, skint-broke, and he'd already gone three days without food.
I could jump down there, break one of their necks and get one of their outfits. Blend in. Then…then what? Raids take hours. And I need to get some of the blue before dawn.
"Lost?" came a voice from behind him. He froze, then slowly, agonizingly, turned around.
And behind him on the mortuary roof, there he was. The nightmare of every man, woman and child in America. Legal Assassins, Mad Doctors, Night Surgeons – they had a thousand names, but their real name was the most frightening.
Repo Men.
Envy's hand automatically crept up his chest to clutch at the scarred area where his heart beat fast and strong. "I ain't afraid of you," he said, wincing at the quaver in his voice.
"Okay," replied the Repo Man.
Envy's eyes widened. "Did ya –"
The Repo Man laughed, although the sound was muffled by his mask. "You're not afraid, you're just protecting one of your organs the only way you know how and you're too shocked to make a move."
"Bastard," he hissed.
"Like I haven't heard that before." He cocked his head. "Now, I'm not here for you, specifically. So can you save me the trouble, and tell me how behind you are and on what?"
"Go'der hell!"
The Repo Man's shoulders slumped. "Why does no one make it easy for me? It really is a thankless job."
"Ya tear people's organs out!"
"Well, yeah." The Repo Man shrugged, and with a flick of his wrist, suddenly he was holding a scalpel. He twirled it nonchalantly in his hand. "Although to be honest it's less of a tear and more of a cut. Now can you do everybody a favour and hold still? It makes an awful mess when you squirm."
Envy merely braced himself, watching the Repo Man carefully. "Yer short, eh? Aren't yeh supposed to be six-foot-six?"
"Don't call me a miniscule undergrown dwarf, you necrophiliac freakazoid!"
He gnawed on the inside of his cheek. There was something very surreal about this entire situation. In fact…He narrowed his eyes. If he was wrong…Well, if he was wrong, he was dead, so it didn't really matter anyway.
He bent his knees, all too aware of the drop behind him. Then, he sprang towards the Repo Man, reaching out his arm and grabbing – not for the scalpel, which curved up towards him – but for the mask that concealed the assassin's face.
Grabbing a handful of shiny plastic, Envy tumbled to the ground, getting a faceful of tin roof for his trouble. "Uck," he muttered, then turned his head. The mask was firmly in his hand, which meant –
He flipped onto his back and jumped to his feet with a grin. "Haha! Son'va bitch, show me ya fuckin' face!"
Slowly, the assassin turned around.
Envy had expected some pimply kid playing a joke on him. The Repo Man didn't hold conversations with his victims, ferchrissakes. He came like a breath in the night. You didn't have time to scream. You didn't have time for banter. So after the initial fear, he'd expected a prank.
Well, he was a kid, alright. He was younger than Envy was, probably about nineteen or so. But he was no street brat. His hair was a rich golden colour, clean and bright and tied back in a short braid, and his skin was just as sterile, slightly tanned with a red, raw tinge to it. His eyes, however, told the truth of the matter – those eyes had seen blood, and lots of it. They were gold like his hair, but harder than the soft metal could ever be.
"Satisfied?" asked the Repo Man coldly, walking towards Envy with the scalpel gripped in his hand. The playfulness was gone. "Let me guess. You're obviously a graverobber, and the graverobbers are all from the lower classes. The lower classes smoke and drink to excess. You haven't fought back as much as you could have. So you don't want to overexert yourself." He pressed the blade of the scalpel lightly to Envy's heart. "And that's what you were protecting earlier. You're a heart transplant, aren't you?"
"F-fuck you," whispered Envy.
He smiled grimly. "You're the first of my patients to see my face in a long time. Would you like to know my name?"
"Hell na."
"Please. Let me tell you." The voice, though still edged with steel, had a pleading tone to it.
"Fine."
"Edward." The eyes softened slightly, looking up into Envy's purple ones. For a moment, Envy could see how the boy should have been.
This boy should not have been a murderer.
The scalpel pressed lightly against his chest, and Envy squeezed his eyes shut with a little gasp as it pierced skin. Then –
"LET GO OF ME! I'm not – I'm not –"
At the heels of the anguished cries from the graveyard below, a tinny voice came from Edward's wrist. "Medicine required. Medicine required."
Envy opened his eyes just in time to see the anguished look on Edward's face before he pulled away, letting Envy fall onto the ground, clutching his chest where a few drops of blood were welling up. "I'll get you later, Graverobber." Then he jumped from the roof.
Envy crawled to the edge of the roof, panic making his legs shaky. He saw Edward cross the graveyard at a run – then remembered something.
"OYA!" He didn't stop. "EDWARD!"
Ed slowed, turned around. Envy chucked the mask at him, and with a surprised glance, he put it back on. Ed was gone – the Repo Man was back.
Envy traced his progress across the graveyard, and watched as he picked up a prone figure. It was a boy, a teenager with the same golden hair, but on him it was cropped short. He was thin – even from where he was, Envy could see the bones in his wrist where they poked out from his shirt.
A mook in a gasmask held up his hands in a gesture of surrender, but he collapsed to the ground a moment later when the Repo Man kicked him in the head.
Then Envy put the pieces together. They'd gassed the kid. The kid who looked just like Edward.
It's a thankless job.
"Fuckin' hell, pipsqueak. Just when I think I've figgered out this gorram city."