WARNING FOR ROYED. Apparently that's a thing I should put on anything in an EdxEnvy collection that has the dreaded RoyEd in it. I actually like the pairing so whatever.

I have rewritten this one so many times. You don't even wanna KNOW how many times I've rewritten it. There's a reason I'm late in getting it up, and it's shitty anyway TwT My days of reliability are over, I'm afraid, although I am trying my best, I swear!

Guest: (Pen-Name-Kitsune-Chan is my guess, but I may be wrong) I got a huge kick out of writing it, so I'm glad you like it! I love the homunculi for exactly that reason – they're evil because they believe that they must be, kind of. They believe that they are non-human, and everyone else does because otherwise, why would they be fighting? I never do enough with Greed either, so the friendship was fun. There's no way they could hate each other that much without some friendship to start with.

rockmari: Heehee. Speechlessness is a good response. (As long as you let me know you're speechless, haha.)

Fairyboydammit: It's okay, I've been out of town anyway ^^ And it's awesome to get a nice big clump of reviews!

Distractions: Omg yay :D It was one that thrilled me to write so to have it be a favourite of yours makes me squee. That's EXACTLY why I like writing Envy, despite him being a total arse all the time. And if you like GreedxEnvy, my next themes project is probably gonna be around them, so keep your eyes open once this is done

Prayer: I wanted to make this one a lot longer, but I didn't want it to meander too much. I'd love to make a sequel, and if there's a theme that fits, I just might.

Ice: This is one where I knew what I'd write for it from the very beginning. I'm glad you like how I write tragedy, I agree that not enough people try to write it – which is a shame, because at its core it's actually far easier than comedy. Although what you said is also true. Some of the stories I've read *shakes head* NAAARM.

Fire: Your favourite? :D *sniff sniff* That's so sweet ^^ I like giving Ed dark moments because he's a really dark protagonist – a lot of people sugarcoat that or turn it into typical 'emo teen' stuff.

First fruits of the season: Haha, yeah, the plotline is actually stolen from a oneshot I tried to write years ago as a present for someone. I never finished it (and I think they ended up changing their username) but I liked the idea. I had fun with the dream/hallucination as well, and the Gate is perfect for contrasting with something as rich and flavourful as fruit.

64. Green with envy

It was wrong. It was horribly, horribly wrong.

The colonel – that goddamn ponyboy colonel with his Xingese eyes and his jet-black hair – shouldn't be the one oh-so-subtly nudging Edward's shoulder.

He shouldn't be the one trading meaningful glances with the pipsqueak as he sat down. Weren't they supposed to be yelling? Weren't they supposed to hate each other?

Hate. Come on, dammit, hate each other. That was how it was supposed to be.

Envy quickly glanced back down at his food. He was wearing an unassuming form – one he usually used around headquarters. They wouldn't recognize him.

"See anything moving in there, Fullmetal?" said the Colonel, looking pointedly at the lump of mashed potatoes balancing precariously on Edward's fork. The diminutive alchemist was currently losing a staring match with the so-called food.

"Not yet," murmured the blond, "but once I do, the fucker is mine."

"I could just toast him, you know."

"When hell freezes over, bastard," retorted Edward, not looking away from the hovering fork. "I let you do that and next thing I know I have to run my head under the tap to put out the flames. And my hair dries frizzy."

Envy stared resolutely at the tray he'd filled in an attempt to fit in at the mess hall. He wasn't really sure why he was here, but now he was, all he wanted was to leave.

Roy smirked. "Oh really? I'd love to see it."

Ed paused, and looked acidly at Roy, although he couldn't stop the hint of a smile from tugging at the corners of his lips. "Pervert."

"Don't be vain."

"Vain? Look who's talking."

Envy wondered how it wasn't obvious to everyone around him – the easy companionship, the teasing, the comfort levels that no superior officer and subordinate should have with each other. It was clear as goddamn mud that they were sleeping together, and it made him want to tear something apart.

It was…it was disgusting, he finally decided, because Mustang was more than ten years older than the pipsqueak. After all, how old was the kid now? Sixteen? Maybe less than that? He didn't really keep track. Too young was the point, too young for some middle-aged playboy to be screwing.

Although, if Mustang was a middle-aged playboy, what did that make him?

Envy shook his head distractedly, hissing, "Stop it!" under his breath.

"You alright?" He looked up. Both Mustang and Ed were looking at him – as well as the men surrounding him.

"Uh…yeah. Just a…headache."

He got up and left, leaving the tray behind, but their conversation followed him. He could hear Ed snicker slightly and say, "Hey, maybe he has a crush on you!"

"Don't be crude, Fullmetal."

God, he wanted to kill him. The problem was, he wasn't quite sure who he meant.