Chap 2
"Kengo.."
Kengo is still waiting for an answer, and by the look Kankurou gives him, it's not an simple thing. Kankurou squeezes Kengo hand, makes the childhood friend even more embarrassed and irritated. They can hear each other's breath. The thing is, the sun is about to vanish and it's getting dark.
"If you don't hate me, despite every thing I have done, I will always be here for you."
Why does he say that at a time like this? Kengo doesn't get it that much, but he somehow feels there is something about to happen. Should he feel happy or not? Kankurou won't lie to him, he knows, but what is he trying to tell him? His heart jumps when Kankurou approaches him, gives him a hug in a middle of nowhere. Kengo didn't try to resist, he wants to know what is it all about. Beside, he doesn't hate this.
"Remember this, I will never try to harm you, not once in my life. I will try my best to protect you."
"Why do you keep saying nonsense? Are you trying to confess or something?"
Kengo knows that it is nothing like that, but he doesn't have enough patient to wait. And he doesn't intend to wait either. Kankurou just sighes, take a look at him, and just slowly continues his story.
"Even if I have to become your lover to have the right to protect you, I will do it."
That one sentence makes Kengo's face all red, like a ripped tomato, and about to explode. What is this idiot thinking? Anh why does Kankurou have to do that? We are both boys, and of course, Kengo is not that weak. He wants to tease Kankurou somehow to break this heavy atmostphere but all he can do was giving Kankurou a pat on his back just to calm him down.
"I understand. Don't force yourself too much. Tell me if something happens."
Of course Kankurou won't do that. Kengo knows that much. Why? He is that type of person that doesn't want other to worry. Like a stupid boy trying his best to protect what he has left. Kengo suddenly gets closer, the other hand touches Kankurou's mask. He want to know what is the other male was thinking, but Kankurou stops it, saying this wasn't the time for this. If this isn't the time, when? Kengo laughed.
It seems like there is still a distance exists between them.
...
The next day, everything seems fine. Nene is going to school as usual, but this time Kankurou isn't with her. Nene just sits there, before Kengo can call her name, he realizes she is actually crying. There was no sound, but somehow it's so lonely just by looking at her. Kengo didn't know what to do, so he just stands far away until Kankurou appears out of nowhere and drags him to where Nene is.
What happened? They both seem strange. The weird atmosphere surrounds them like something really, really bad has happened, but no one would know what it is. Kengo didn't bother to force them to say anything, he just doesn't know what to do.
No one knows what to do.
Nene didn't tell why she was crying, she just looks into somewhere, and Kankurou too, he just continues to eat his lunch. Why doesn't anybody tell Kengo anything? He lets out a long sigh, then stands up to get back to class. If there is no reason to be here, why has to force himself. Kankurou stops him, and ask if he could stay for a bit more. Because they didn't know where to start.
That one person is not allow to come back.
That's what Kankurou says, and he also talks about something will happen again, but he didn't say it in detail so Kengo can only understand there is something happening at Mitosaka house, and something he knows might happen again. What is it?
It's lonely.
...
"Where are you going?"
Who knows? The voice inside keeps talking while Kengo is trying to ignore it. He sometimes thinks about suicide too, like what's the point to continue living when nothing worth mentioning? Is life this simple and boring? Or the life between live and death has also become an ordinary thing for him? And those idiots, they won't tell him anything. What can be such a secret?
This alone moment reminds me of those scary faces he once has to face. The cruel talk, nasty things come from adult try to break a small child that did nothing wrong. How can they be so selfish and disgusting? If Kegare is something dirty, then is bringing something dirty along with our lives making us Kegares too?
I really want to disappear.
The sudden sounds surprises Kengo, Kankurou is here, he just sits beside Kengo. Guess he can somehow read his friend's mind. Kengo doesn't care. He doesn't want to live with everything like this. He is tired enough for ignore everything and continues to deceive himself that this is a beautiful world. He himself knows that it's nothing like that. It can't be helped.
"Kengo, don't try to torture yourself anymore, will you?"
"..."
He didn't answer, even if it's selfish, he wants to be selfish only with Kankurou. The trauma that obssesses him didn't seem to stop soon. Why can't he make a step ahead and forget everything that happened? He is too weak.
"You know I can't stand a world where you didn't exist."
Kengo cries, he doesn't know why, but this Kankurou always knows how to comfort him. Still, it's not enough. He has to move on one day, and he is still too weak for that. Kankurou puts his arm around Kengo's neck and pull him closer, Kengo just follows and hugs him. He can feel warm, and maybe the only person in the world can make him like this was Kankurou.
If only that day he realizes what Kankurou has to tolerate on that day.