As soon as Fitz got back to his office he poured himself a drink. And then he poured another one. And another one. He wanted to drink as much as he could to make his brain shut off. To make him forget everything that had happened between them. To make him hate her. He wanted to hate Olivia. Because if he hated her, that meant that the aching in his chest wouldn't be there. Because the pain he was feeling was only caused by loving someone and them breaking your heart. He thought that if he talked to her and let her explain the reasoning behind Defiance, he'd feel better. That was a lie. He felt even worse now. The things he said to her. The way he said them to her were nothing but disrespectful. Hemming her up in the electrical closet was disrespectful. Afterwards he could barely look at himself in the mirror. He didn't recognize the person he was anymore. The Fitz everyone knew died ten months ago and was replaced with an angry, alcoholic murderer.
And that sickened him. But what sickened him the most was that he was a hypocrite. He was condemning Liv for lying to him when he'd killed a woman. Although she was on her death bed and had just confessed to trying to kill him, Fitz murdered Verna. That made him feel like a monster. And he didn't want Olivia to be with a monster. Regardless of what she'd done, she didn't deserve to be with a monster. That's part of the reason he was still with Mellie. She deserved this version of him. He was going to make her pay. And who better to make an animal pay than a monster.
After drinking enough to rival a college student on any given Friday night, Fitz headed up to the residence. He quietly went into the nursery and peaked in at his sleeping son. That little boy had been his only beacon of light in the darkness that was his life. After watching his son sleep for a few minutes, Fitz left and made his way to his bedroom. Without a word he walked past his wife and went straight into the bathroom. Locking the door, he stripped down and got into the shower. He let the warm water wash over his and then the dam that had been holding his emotions at bay for the past ten months finally broke. Fitz slid down the wall and sat on the floor of the shower and cried. He cried because of the things he had done. Cried because of the pain and anger he was feeling. Cried because he was so heartbroken and missing the love of his life. This was him finally mourning the end of something he had held so dear.
After sitting on the floor for what felt like hours, Fitz finally found the strength to wash himself and pull it together. He came out of the bedroom to see Mellie sitting up with an worried expression on her face. "Are you alright? You were in there so long I thought something had happened to you. I went to the door but it was locked."
"You don't need to worry about me. I'm perfectly fine. I mean why wouldn't I be?" Fitz asked sarcastically.
"Because you're going through a lot. And the people closest to you betrayed you, myself included. I just want you to know that I'm here for you and that you can trust me. I'm really the only one you can trust. You certainly can't trust Cyrus since this was all his idea." Mellie lied almost flawlessly. If only Fitz didn't know Hollis came up with the idea.
"Yeah, it's just me and you. You're all I have left. I can't trust anyone else." Fitz gave Mellie a weak smile and she smiled back. He knew she was proud of the lie she had just told. Yes he was definitely going to make her pay.
"She's feeling his head with so much bullshit that I don't know what to do. I mean he's actually trusting her Liv!" Cyrus plopped down on the couch next to Olivia and grabbed the glass of wine sitting on the table in front of him. "I've got to do something though. She's going to drive this country into the ground playing pseudo president."
"Let the bitch hang herself Cy. You know she will. She's her own worse enemy. She'll overplay her hand like she always does. She can't stop when she's ahead. And when she fucks up, and you know she will, go for the jugular. Pull no punches." Liv looked over at Cyrus and gave a weak smile.
"You're right. This is just a clusterfuck. This is bad Liv. Really, really bad. This is destroying you both. It's painful to watch you both try to cope with this."
"I'll be alright Cy. You just keep an eye on him. He's broken and I don't know if he'll ever fully heal. It's going to take time but with the job he has, he can't just take a leave of absence to get it together. So just be there for him. He'll eventually let you back in." Olivia scooted closer to Cyrus and laid her head on his shoulder.
"He needs to let you back in too. It's not fair that he's punishing you the most. You were the only one that gained nothing from it." Cyrus tried to comfort the woman who he looked at as a niece. Or sometimes even a daughter.
"I was the one who was supposed to believe in him. And I did. I still do, but he sees that as the biggest betrayal. Because I was in on it. I'm sorry I did it but I can't take it back. Fitz came by a couple weeks ago. It was heated to say the least. Things were said on both sides so yeah, it's pretty much over and done. I love him and he hates me. He's pushed me away. I see how he felt all those times I left him. Hurts more than I could ever imagine."
"He could never hate you Liv. He loves you too much for that. And while he's hurting, that's no excuse to treat you like this. It's been ten months now. It's getting late and I want to tuck the little one in before she's out like a light." Cyrus kissed Liv on the side of her head. "Call me if you need anything."
"Sir, you're going to need to look over these briefs before your meeting with the General at 2." Cyrus said as he followed Fitz into the Oval.
"Sure." Fitz took the briefs from Cyrus as the older man stared at him. "Something on your mind Cy?"
"Yes. I saw Olivia last night. She's not doing well. But I assume you already know that." Cyrus stood in front of Fitz's desk, gauging his reaction. He saw his jaw tighten at the mention of Olivia but he continued. "She understands your anger but it's been ten months Fitz! Let up on her. Stop punishing her as if she acted alone."
"No she didn't act alone but she should have known better!" Fitz didn't want to have this conversation. Not right now.
"Just like you shouldn't known better when you screwed a White House aide and had your girlfriend come clean it up. And she forgave you for lying to her about Amanda Tanner. A lie is a lie is a lie. No matter how you dress it up and put lipstick on it. One lie and betrayal doesn't negate another. Yes she was hurt and angry, but she didn't torture you with it."
"Cy, I really need to look over this brief."
"Yes you do. But you also need to let the love of your life back in. And that's your description of her, not mine."
"You guys, something is wrong. I can feel it." Abby whispered in the hallway as she looked into Olivia's office. "She's pacing in circles She's been doing that for the past hour, none stop."
"How do you know something is wrong?" Quinn asked. "She's always like this. You know Liv doesn't talk about stuff."
"Yeah yeah. But this is different. After we learned about the election, we had made some headway. Everybody put their secrets out there. She's holding back. Something is bothering her. And it's not about her breakup with Edison. It's like she's on auto pilot. And I don't want to just stand by and watch her crash."
Harrison grumbled but he knew Abby had a point. Olivia had definitely been different. "Abby do not push her. You know she'll only retreat that much more inward. She'll talk when she's ready."
"How long was she in bed the last time she got like this? Four freaking days! I'm telling you Harrison, the past two and a half months, she's been here but not really here. Something major is going on and I'm going to find out."
"Abby!" Harrison whispered slightly. "You can't push."
Olivia could hear her employee's in the hall but didn't have it in her to care that they were talking about her. Her mind was a haze of fog and she didn't know what to do. Her life was going from bad to worse. She couldn't get the past two hours out of her head. She had been feeling sluggish and nauseous lately and thought she may have been coming down with the flu so she decided to go to the doctor. Olivia wasn't prepared for what she found out. Oh how she wished it was the flu. But instead she was pregnant. Pregnant with a child of a man who wanted nothing to do with her.