Chapter 31: Realisation

The Doctor had had a difficult few hours. After having to sedate the Captain to prevent her from hyperventilating, he'd then had the difficult task of autopsying the found body from the nacelle tube and identifying it. He now knew the name of the final casualty of the filaments.

He lifted his head at the sound of Sickbay's doors hissing open. He wasn't surprised to see Commander Chakotay returning despite his earlier order of sending the Commander away to get a decent meal. While the Captain was sedated, there was no reason for him to stay.

The Doctor met his eye as he entered his office. "Commander."

He Commander sighed. "Tuvok said you were conducting the autopsy of the body recovered."

The EMH nodded solemnly, his face long. "Yes, Commander."

"Who was it?"

The Doctor sighed, slowly turning around his monitor for the Commander to see the profile of the crew member he was currently making out the death certificate for. In an instant, he saw the Commander's eyes widen. He looked exactly how he felt.

The Commander sighed deeply. "Well, there's no chance of her coming back from this one."

The Doctor concurred, her memorial service would be final that time.

Turning the monitor back, the Doctor's attention was caught by the sudden pipping from one of the monitors behind him. He turned, his eyes registering what the reading were telling him.

"The Captain's regaining consciousness."

In no time at all, the two men left the Doctor's office and arrived at the Captain's bedside. It took a few moments before her eyes properly opened and she was able to glance up at the Commander.

She held her hand out, her forehead creased. "Chakotay."

He took her hand instantly, his smile incredibly soft as his other hand began stroking her forehead. It was clear she was still struggling to accept the harsh reality she'd been dealt with.

"Hey. How are you feeling?

It was a stupid question really. He knew that, but there wasn't much else he could say.

"I… I want it to be a nightmare." her empty hand came up to her chest, roughly rubbing in the location of her heart, "It hurts, Chakotay. It hurts so much."

He could only nod, his composure being tested as he watched her eyes squeeze shut and the tears begin to leak out. If he could have helped her stop hurting, he would have. He'd have done absolutely anything.

He felt her push her head against his hand, obviously needing to feel the contact of his skin.

"I don't understand." she gulped, "Why couldn't he have given us a little longer with her?"

The Commander couldn't answer. "I don't know."

The doors hissing open made the Commander and Doctor turn, as well as the Captain compose herself enough to stop her tears. Despite everything, she didn't want any crew member to see her broken. She may no longer have had her daughter but she still had her Captain's image to maintain. She wasn't sure she'd be able to cope with losing that too.

Her eyes caught sight of Commander Tuvok entering the room as she pulled herself up to lean against the pillows. She relaxed a little. She could handle Tuvok seeing her in her current state far more than any other members of the crew.

It was Chakotay who acknowledged him directly. "Tuvok."

The Vulcan nodded as he came to a stop at the Surgical Bay. "Captain. Commander." his expression seemed a little longer than usual, "I am unsure what to say."

The Captain sighed, the corner of her mouth turning up incredibly weakly. Even though she'd never seen Tuvok show any emotion in all the years she'd known him, she knew he cared.

"I appreciate that, Tuvok." she shuffled slightly, taking a moment to allow her Captain's head to return, "What is it, Commander?"

"The ship is returning to peak efficiency. The hull breach has been repaired, the main computer is back online and Cargo Bay 1 has been recovered."

The Captain nodded, slowly examining his face. Many people struggled to read him but not her. She'd known him long enough to be able to translate his little, Vulcan quirks. There was something else wasn't saying, something he was trying to avoid.

"And?"

He took a moment before replying. "In total, four members of the crew were killed by the anomalies."

The Captain felt the knot in her stomach tighten. She hadn't been naïve enough to think there weren't any casualties but it still hurt to hear.

Her eyes briefly glanced at Chakotay. She could tell by the softened expression on his face that he already knew that. She turned back to Commander Tuvok with a sigh.

"Who?"

For the first time the Captain could ever recall, he saw Tuvok hesitate. He was Vulcan, he never hesitated.

"Crewmen Knight and McCormack were killed in the hull breach. Ensign Jenkins suffered severe head injuries in result of the breach, and then another crew member whom I believe the Doctor is in the process of identifying."

The Captain turned to face the Doctor, her brow creased. She wasn't sure she wanted to know why an identification was needed but she sure as hell wanted to know who it was.

"Doctor?"

The EMH sighed. Being put on the spot like that meant there was no way for him to avoid the truth. He briefly glanced at Commander Chakotay. They both knew for a fact the Captain would struggle with the news of the final victim's death.

He met her eye. "Adele Hopson."

The Captain felt what little air was in her lungs vacate. Her hand came up to her mouth as forehead creased drastically. The pain she'd felt over the young Ensign's presumed death a few months before had hurt but that was worse. Now she really was dead.

She avoided Chakotay's eye contact as he moved closer to her side. She knew if she met his eye, she'd break and she couldn't afford to do that.

"Why… why did she have to be identified?" she wanted to know, "What happened to her?"

"Kathryn." the Commander tried to object slowly.

It only fuelled her determination. "What happened to her?" she repeated, her voice firmer.

The Doctor sighed. "She died from lack of oxygen, likely from when she left the ship via the hull breach."

The Captain nodded slowly, her frown deep. "That doesn't explain why she had to be identified."

She saw Chakotay pull on his ear at her side, the movement making her look around and meet his eye. It was a classic Chakotay move when he was faced with talking about a difficult subject.

"We're assuming that after she was blown out into space, her body ended up being pulled into the nacelle plasma stream." he explained slowly, "Lt. Paris and Ensign Wildman found her in the nacelle tube after investigating a disruption in the plasma field."

Her eyes fell closed. She doubted her day could have gotten any worse. Someone would have been playing an awfully cruel trick on her if anything else happened to made her feel worse than she already did.

=/\=

"Shut that child up!"

Q found his eyes rolling as the loud voice boomed from the corner of the little room they were in. Couldn't they see that's what he was trying to do? He had been for years.

He'd tried everything, shaking her, leaving her alone to stop herself, even simply holding her. It wasn't enough. The little girl just didn't want to stop her persistent wailing.

"Try rocking her, Q." another voice piped up.

Q nodded. At that point, he was willing to try anything.

He began to rock the baby, the soothing motion only working for a few seconds, if that. It made his head hurt. He didn't remember Junior being so hard to calm as an infant. Then again, Junior's mother had been present during his early childhood. Also, they had all been able to exist in their normal form. He couldn't do that with Kathy's baby.

"Come on, little one." he hushed, "I'm not that scary, I promise."

He was stood in a perception of the Continuum that a partially-human child could comprehend, namely a small, dark room containing a crib and rocking chair. There was nothing else.

"Q!" the first voice yelled.

Q felt his resolve snap. It wasn't as if he wasn't trying to stop the child's cries.

"You come and do it then!"

The following silence made him sigh. He knew they were listening to him.

The sudden arrival of a female Q made his eyes widen. In human form, she had a brilliant shade of golden blonde hair and soft smile. He recognised her immediately.

"Give her to me."

Q handed her the baby with no objection, the tension in his shoulders easing.

"Amanda." he met her eye, "I haven't seen you for years."

She smiled softly, holding the baby delicately and rocking her softly. It wasn't immediate but the child did soon start to hush in the woman's arms.

"That's better, sweetie." Amanda cooed, looking down at the infant in her arms with a large smile.

Once upon a time, she had dreamed about having children of her own. She guessed it was thanks to her experience of growing up as a human. Back before she learnt the truth about herself, she had aspired to becoming one of the Federation's best scientists as well as find someone to have a large family with. And dogs. She had originally wanted to have as many dogs as humanly possible, no pun intended.

Q watched the child quieten down, his surprise evident as he met Amanda's eye yet again.

"You're an expert with human babies."

She rolled her eyes automatically. "I grew up as a human, remember?"

Q nodded. He remembered the day he first put her powers to the test on Jean-Luc's Enterprise. He could still hear the disgust in the French Captain's voice when he had learnt it had been his fault his ship had almost been destroyed. He really did miss Jean-Luc from time to time.

His memories were interrupted when the baby in Amanda's arms began to wail once again.

His brow dropped. "I take it back. You're not an expert."

Amanda shook her head, scoffing involuntarily as she made a bottle appear in her hand and then tried to feed the child. She wouldn't take it.

The female Q sighed deeply. She could tell that the baby was hungry but she just wouldn't accept the food on offer. It made her laugh lightly. It looked as though the little girl had inherited her mother's stubborn streak.

Q frowned. "What is it?"

Amanda lifted her head and met Q's eye. "She misses her mother."

Q sighed deeply. He knew that, but he didn't have a choice.

"I had to bring her here. The Q wouldn't let her grow up outside the Continuum."

Amanda raised her eyebrow pointedly. It made him shudder. It was a move he'd seen Kathy shoot many times.

"They would have, if you'd have tried hard enough."

Q sighed. "They wouldn't have…"

"Rubbish!" she interrupted, "They let me and I'm fully Q."

He was silenced, rightly so. He couldn't argue with that, she was right.

"Besides, the only reason they wanted me to return to the Continuum was because my adoptive parents weren't Q." she reminded him, "They couldn't help me control my powers, and that would have been dangerous."

Q's forehead tensed. "Kathy's not Q either. That's why I had to bring her here."

Amanda honestly couldn't stop herself from scoffing.

"Absolute rubbish!" she cried, "She knows about the Q. My parents didn't."

She glanced down at the baby in her arms. "She could teach her to control her powers quite easily."

Q felt his features soften. "You think so?"

Amanda smiled softly, her head nodded. "If Captain Kathryn Janeway is half as determined as I've heard, absolutely. Not many people could take on the Borg and win."

Q frowned yet again. "Kathy's never taken on the Borg."

Amanda raised her brow yet again, her smile soft. "I think you forget I can travel through parallel universes. I've seen what she's capable of, Q. Even if she doesn't experience it in this timeline, Kathryn Janeway is one of the most remarkable humans to ever have existed."

Q sighed deeply, his head dropping. He knew exactly how remarkable the mother of his child was – many of her parallel counterparts had given their lives to save her planet. He had no doubt his Kathy was more than competent enough to do the same.

"She's more than capable of raising a half-Q child."

Q nodded slowly, finally lifting his head to meet her eye. "Maybe you're right."

Amanda cocked her head down slightly, her smirk evident. "Of course I'm right. I'm a Q."

Q found himself laughing when Amanda handed the distressed baby back to her biological father.

"Well, if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting with the comet of Destine VI."

Q watched as the Q before him disappeared. She really had made him open his eyes.

With a sigh, he looked down at the baby in his arms and examined her features. She really did look a lot like Kathy.

"You miss your Mommy and Daddy, don't you?"

The child moved in his arms, near enough in response to his query. He wasn't surprise she understood, she was part Q.

Daddy.

Q shuddered when he heard the infant's soft voice in his mind. When she'd said that, she hadn't meant him. She'd meant Commander Chakotay and in all honesty, he didn't blame her. The human on Voyager with the ridiculous tattoo was always going to be a better father to her than he ever way. He couldn't deny that.

It took him several moments of stillness before he let his head begin to nod slowly. He knew what he had to do.

=/\=

The Captain lay staring up at the ceiling above her. She'd found that the view from the bed in Sickbay had a view almost as dull as the one in her quarters. Her eyes fell closed for a moment and she sighed deeply as the soft pounding in her head intensified. At that moment, two people were invading her thoughts, her baby and Adele Hopson.

Her eyes flickered open and her hands fell to her still slightly extended abdomen, the home her daughter had had for the past seventeen months. It was just another thing which confirmed the harsh fact. Her baby was gone.

It wasn't long before the Doctor came into her sight. Her head automatically rolled to get a better look at the hologram.

"You should be asleep." his voice was incredibly soft.

The Captain scoffed, her eyes looking away and back at the ceiling. "Impossible."

The Doctor allowed himself to be distracted by checking the Captain's vital signs. There was no way he could imagine what she was going through. The closest comparison he had was when he lost Belle. However, even that had nothing on it. He'd only known Belle a few weeks and while he had grown incredibly close to her, the Captain hadn't even had the opportunity to get to know her little girl. He didn't envy the situation she was in.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked her.

The Captain simply shook her head, exhaling deeply. The only thing she wanted was well out of the Doctor's capabilities of getting.

"No thank-you, Doctor."

The EMH simply nodded and returned to his office. The Captain may have been in his care for the night but it was clear the only medicine she needed was one he couldn't give to her. She needed time.

It was just after 1700 hours when the Doctor saw the Commander return to Sickbay. He wasn't surprised, he had said he'd be back after his shift ended.

The Commander joined his tired fiancée in the Surgical Bay, soon taking note of her heavy eyes. It was clear she hadn't got much sleep that afternoon.

At her request, he had informed her about the status of the ship and crew. She listened, glad for the distraction. He even got a smile out of her when he told her about the fight Lt. Torres had had with a particularly stubborn replicator while trying to replicate parts for the new port nacelle. According to the Commander, they were lucky the replicator hadn't been thrown out of the nearest airlock.

Like expected, their conversation soon turned more serious. It wasn't as if they could hide the fact the baby was gone and pretend nothing had happened. The crew would surely begin asking difficult questions soon if no explanation was given.

"What are we going to tell them, Chakotay? They all thought she was yours."

He sighed, his one hand holding up his chin while the other ran absentmindedly down her bare arm. It was a soothing sensation she was in desperate need of.

"We'll just say… we lost her."

The Captain turned her head to meet his eye, a delicate smile on her lips as she nodded sadly.

"I suppose that's the truth."

"Well, not exactly."

Both the Captain and Commander looked down towards the sudden voice at the bottom of her bed, their eyes widening when they saw Q stood there with a baby in his arms.

The Captain gasped, immediately pushing herself up. That wasn't just any baby, it was her baby.

"Q?" her voice was breathless.

With a smile, Q walked around to her bedside and handed the baby to the Captain. She couldn't quite believe it. The moment the infant was in her arms, she felt her breathing halt, her stomach flutter and heart skip a beat. Finally, her body relaxed. Everything was the way it was meant to be. Her baby was with her.

The Captain couldn't tear her eyes away from the content child in her arms.

"What… What made you bring her back?"

It was hearing Q sigh which made her lift her head and face him.

"I had a chat with a Q who made me open my eyes." he admitted, "So then I spoke to the Continuum and told them the best course of action would be to bring her back to you."

He briefly looked towards the Commander who for once was smiling at the omnipotent being.

"It took several hundred years of debating before they agreed, but I'm glad I didn't give up." he smiled down at the baby, "She's a lot more content here." he looked up and met the Captain's eye, "With you."

The Captain nodded slowly, her eyes glancing towards the little one in her arms as new tears began to dampen her cheeks. Her baby girl was home.

Chakotay's hand fell to her shoulder, he too having the fortune to feel his cheeks grow wet. However, unlike the Captain, he did use his free hand to wipe them away.

Q looked between the pair of them, his frown deep.

"Why are you crying? I thought you'd be happy."

The Captain nodded automatically. "I am happy." she promised as she lifted her head and met his eye, "I'm crying because I'm happy."

Q rolled his eyes. Human emotions. He was so glad he didn't have them anymore.

"Well, before I get going, I go I have to tell you this."

Both the Captain and Commander gave Q their undivided attention.

"She still has her powers and she'll need your guidance when they become active."

The Captain didn't say a word, she simply nodded.

"She has a lot of power but unlike full Q, they have limits." he continued, "For instance, she can't change her form. She's destined to look like a human forever."

The Captain understood and looked down at her daughter. She didn't care, she was perfect just the way she was.

Q looked between the smitten pair before speaking up again.

"There's also one more thing."

Again, the Command Team looked over at him.

"Which is?" the Commander questioned.

Q glanced between the child and the Commander before smiling to himself and nodding. He could see by the way the Commander had been smiling at the child that he'd made the right decision.

"I've reconfigured her DNA." he finally said.

The statement made the Captain frown. "Why?"

Q smiled delicately. "Her father DNA strand is now the same as Commander Chakotay's." he told them, "While she's still part Q, looks wise, she's the Commander's daughter, not mine."

The Captain and Commander's eyes met, the Captain's mouth forming a slight 'o' before quickly morphing into a smile. She couldn't have prayed that it could have been any better.

It was the Commander who, when he turned his head, spoke first. "Why?"

It wasn't that he was ungrateful, in fact, he was honoured. He just couldn't quite believe it.

Q shrugged his shoulders. "You'll be a better father to her that I'll ever will, so I made it official."

Chakotay's smile grew. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to forgive Q for what he'd put Kathryn through but to make him genetically the baby's father, he was more than appreciative.

"Thank you."

Q nodded, briefly acknowledging the pair of them, before disappearing. His second visit certainly made up for the earlier one.

Kathryn looked up at Chakotay and smiled as their eyes met. She couldn't have asked for a better outcome.

With a soft smile, Chakotay leant down gently and met her lips. For what started as a simple kiss, it wasn't long before she found herself having to exert an equal force to keep herself in place. It made her head go light. He always had a way of making her feel like no other man ever had.

She sighed contently as their lips parted. "We're a family now."

Chakotay shook his head. "Not yet." he pecked at her lips. "We have a wedding to sort out."

Kathryn could only laugh, her forehead falling against his. "I love you."

His lips moved to her cheek. "Love you more."

The slight gurgle from the baby within her mother's arms caught the pair's attention. It was this that made Kathryn hold her finger out and gently rub her daughter's cheek.

"I think it's about time she gets a name." she said aloud.

The Commander nodded slowly. He wholeheartedly agreed.

"I'm open to suggestions."

The Captain sighed, transfixed on the sight of the little girl's lips twitching at her touch. It was clear in that moment she was part Q. No human baby would have reached in that way at such a young age.

"What about Adele?"

The Commander lifted his head, their eyes meeting. Knowing how much that name meant to her, he couldn't see anything being anymore perfect. Not only would it be a fitting tribute to an exceptionally brave young woman, it was a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl.

"I like that." he confessed, "Adele Janeway."

Kathryn smiled and slowly bent down to kiss her little girl's forehead.

"Welcome home, Adele."