Beauty and the Beast: Edvy 100 Themes

by rokosourobouros

Enemies, nothing more, nothing less, but neither Ed nor Envy are known for being particularly honest with themselves. Sometimes about Ed, sometimes about Envy, sometimes about both of them, sometimes about them kissing. 100 Themes of Edvy, because we didn't have any yet. Now complete.

96. Desperation

96. Desperation

When they fought, it was hell. Envy wasn't about to say he liked it. Yes, he got to be close to him, but the pain, god, he almost couldn't handle it. Ed driving his automail fist into his stomach, or kicking his legs out from under him - oh yes, he could fight back, he did fight back, but it didn't change the fact that it was Ed beating him and bruising him.

Oh, but he needed it. Not the fighting. That he could do without. But even the smallest of interactions - a jibe, a jeer, a protest - it meant he got to hear his voice.

If only Ed seemed to realize...if only he could return something, a smile, even a little glow in his eyes, and Envy thought he saw it sometimes but then it would fade again and Ed would just be angry.

Envy knew he was a damned fool. He didn't want any of that, the romance he saw on the city streets in February or the rest of the year, humans holding hands and looking so damned happy, he didn't want it. He just wanted...he wanted...well that was the trouble, really, his name was Envy but nobody had ever told him exactly what or who he was supposed to be envying. Probably the mechanic, or the tin can, the ones who got to hold Ed's attention for more than a few minutes at a time.

Envy wanted to be looked at. By Ed. He wanted Ed to look at him and listen and smile and know that the alchemist didn't want him to leave. (But he'd never say it, of course, that wasn't a very homunculus kind of thought.) Envy wanted Ed to ask him, just once, 'don't go'. He never got it, obviously, the thought never even crossed the stupid blond's mind, why would it?

All the same, knowing it was wrong, knowing it was hurting him and breaking him and cutting him in ways that blade on Ed's arm could never do, he kept taunting him. Kept showing up where he knew Ed would see him. Kept making any excuse to cross his path. Anything, anything, anything. Please. See me. Look at me. See me. Can't you see? And fight after fight, Envy would feel something drop out of his stomach and pretend he didn't wonder what it was like to cry.

Envy wanted Ed. More desperately than that, though, he wanted to be wanted.