A/N: I feel like this one-shot is my own moment of weakness. I wanted to write a different character, but the first idea that came into my head was Kurt related and then it started to write itself. And honestly, my life is crazy busy right now, so rather than risk not having anything to post on Wednesday, I let my muse create yet another moment in my Klaine-centric world. Enjoy! xoxo
Prompt #11: A moment of weakness.
Character(s): Kurt (with a side of Blaine)
Words: 725
Date: September 12, 2012
Right Through The Very Heart Of It
The rejection letter was crumpled in the bottom of his messenger bag, his self-esteem laying right beside it.
He'd told everyone he needed to tell. He'd accepted the sympathetic hugs, the promises of a better, albeit different, future just waiting for him. He'd nodded his head, not trusting his voice. Knowing that if he'd responded verbally, he would have sounded like a petulant child as he stomped his foot and whined, "But I don't want something different."
So he remained quiet and everyone mistook is silence for a stoic outlook on the rejection, and he just couldn't bring himself to tell them otherwise.
Well, everyone that is except for Blaine.
Lying in Blaine's arms every night for the first week after the letter had arrived, Kurt allowed himself to fall apart. The loss of the only future he'd pictured would come pouring out of him in rivers of tears, and words full of devastation and hopelessness would circle them both. Blaine would respond with calm reassurances as he stroked Kurt's cheeks, whispering words of unfaltering faith in Kurt as he kissed him and softly sang him songs of new dreams found as Kurt fell into a restless sleep in his arms. Blaine would lovingly wrap the blankets around Kurt, as if their warmth could shield him from the harsh reality he was currently facing, and then slip quietly out of the bedroom to return to his own home.
On the eighth night, Blaine couldn't come over to sing Kurt to sleep. He had to attend a party with his parents, against his wishes. Kurt assured him it was fine. He was 18 years old after all, he didn't need his boyfriend to rock him to sleep. Of course, that was easy to say in the brightly lit hallway of McKinley, with noisy distractions at every turn.
It was quite a different thing, when Kurt laid down alone in his cold bed and tried to relax enough to fall asleep. He played music softly in the background, humming along, hoping to stop the soundtrack of rejection and humiliation that threatened to overwhelm him in the dark.
Nothing seemed to help and as his clock ticked over into tomorrow, Kurt huffed in frustration and sat up in his bed. He pulled his laptop onto his legs and turned it on. The glow from the screen chasing away his negative thoughts, until one of the tabs he'd left open caught his attention. Against his better judgement he clicked on it and sighed loudly when the images loaded.
Kurt stared at the outfit he had painstakingly assembled, while singing New York, New York to himself. It was the perfect ensemble for arriving in the city he foolishly believed would fulfill all of his dreams. He knew it was only clothing, but over the last few weeks it had grown to represent so much more than that to him. And now...well, now he had no use for them. He moved his mouse over the x to close the tab but then hesitated. He'd lost everything he'd reached for this year, he didn't have to lose this too. It was foolish and impulsive and completely unnecessary, a moment of weakness, but Kurt didn't care. In that moment, it felt oddly empowering to fool himself into believing that he would one day have a reason to wear this outfit. He provided his payment and shipping details, shut the laptop off, and fell asleep immediately.
Two days later, when he told Blaine about his purchase, the shame on his face broke Blaine's heart all over again. He assured Kurt that he would take care of it. Kurt thought that meant Blaine would return the items and as far as Kurt could tell, that's exactly what Blaine did. But in reality, three months later, when a new dream was realized and Kurt found himself holding an airplane ticket to the exact city he had been denied entrance to just a short time ago, Blaine brought over a garment bag that contained the physical embodiment of his original dream. Blaine kissed him breathless and reminded him that sometimes our moment of greatest weakness is also a reflection of our heart's greatest desire. When Kurt had thought everything was lost, buying that outfit had been the first step in realizing that he hadn't given up hope.