A/N: This is inspired by a tweet from Ryan Murphy during one of his infamous Q&As, so it does contain a potential spoiler (and my hopes for canon Blaine with respect to this event). Enjoy! xoxo

Prompt #16: If only I'd known then what I know now. (Write in first person..)

Character(s): Blaine Anderson

Words: 521

Date: November 14, 2012

Running In Circles

At moments like this, I'm grateful that tying a bow tie is something I can do on autopilot because I didn't even realize I had moved to in front of the mirror until I caught sight of my scared eyes and sallow complexion.

It's so silly really. As Senior Class President, I could have vetoed this entire event.

Why did I let myself end up here again?

Two weeks earlier

"Hey Blaine, I wanted to ask you something." Tina said softly as she came up beside me at my locker at the end of the school day.

"Of course Tina, what's up?" I think I know what's coming but I don't want to be presumptuous.

"So, I know this is awkward, but will you go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me? Just as friends, of course." Tina says. "I mean, I think we're kinda in the same position, the boys we each want to take aren't exactly an option right now."

"Yeah, we definitely are." I smiled at her sadly. "I'd be honoured to go with you."

And I'd meant it, except now I can't help but focus on how I've come full circle only worse. This time I'm going to the dance with a friend but that friend is a girl. Somehow I've managed to end up further behind than when I started. And to me, that first Sadie Hawkins dance was a beginning. It was the moment I decided I wouldn't hide who I was any more. But it feels like all I've done since that horrific night is run. Sometimes I can fool myself into thinking I'd been running toward something, toward someone. But really, I was still just running. And it seems without even realizing it, I've run myself in a circle.

I know that's not completely true, so much more than I could have hoped for happened somewhere in between. But all I have left to show for my efforts are the scars on my heart, that no one else can see.

I can hear footsteps on the stairs, I know I'm taking longer to get ready than I should. Sam has been waiting patiently downstairs for me.

"I'm almost ready, Sam." I say because maybe that will make it true.

"It's...not Sam."

His voice hits my ears and splits my already barely holding it together heart apart, and that pushes me over the edge. I'm falling but I don't crash. Instead, there are warm, strong arms around me, guiding me safely to the bottom.

"Why didn't you tell me about the dance?" Kurt asks me.

"I couldn't." I answer honestly.

Kurt tightens his grip on me as I fall in a completely different way now. My sobs wrack my body as I bury myself further and further into him.

As we sit on the floor in a crumpled heap, both of our faces stained with tears, I can't help but wonder if I would have changed any of it, if I'd known. The answer is no, of course. I'd do it all again to end up exactly where I belong.