Thanks for the reviews. Sorry it's taken me so long to update but I've been busy with Christmas, etc. I decided it would be cruel to leave you in suspense any longer so here is Christmas chapter with the "big thing" as promised. ;)
Chapter 13.
"Any thoughts on what I should get Kate?" Jack asked Claire as they left the toy store a few days before Christmas, loaded up with parcels for Aaron, who was safely at home with the object of his attention.
"You don't have to get her anything," Claire told him. "She's happy just having you home."
He wished that he could believe her, but it wasn't enough. "It's not much of a gift if I still can't remember her," he argued bitterly. She deserved something more, something really special, that would show her how sorry he was for all of the pain that she'd had to endure because of him and how much he would love to be able to take it all back. There was nothing he could give her that would make up for abandoning her – twice – but he wanted to try. It was really the least he could do.
Claire eyed him with a thoughtful look. "You really care about her, don't you?" she asked.
She was still a virtual stranger to him, and yet he was constantly worrying about her: how she was feeling, what she was eating, if she was sleeping okay… "It's kind of hard not to when she's carrying my child," he agreed. He regretted his choice of words when a flicker of sadness passed over her features. "I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?" From what he could father, Aaron's father hadn't felt the same way about her. He hadn't been to see him once in four years.
She shook her head slightly, cutting off that avenue of conversation. "This isn't about that though, is it?" she continued, changing the subject back to him and Kate. "You like her."
The teasing way she said it made him wonder what it would have been like to grow up alongside her. "Would it be so crazy if I did?" Falling for the mother of his child: wasn't that the dream?
"No," she assured him. "I think it's romantic. Most people only fall in love once. You get to do it twice."
If she let him. He still wasn't sure if that was what she wanted, or if she was just trying to keep things friendly between them for the baby. "Do you really think I have a shot at getting her back?" he asked.
"A shot?" Claire's expression was incredulous. "Jack, have you seen the way she looks at you?"
He had. That was the problem. How was he supposed to have a relationship with her in the present when she couldn't let go of the past? Of their past? It seemed like their whole future hinged on him remembering and he still wasn't convinced that he could. "What if it's not really me she wants? What if it's the guy I used to be?"
"Then you just have to show her that you're still that guy," Claire told him with a shrug.
The whole time they were talking, he was searching for ideas; the corners of his lips turned up into a smile as his eyes fell on a display in the window of one of the stores up ahead. "I think I know how."
"Merry Christmas," Kate said, looking as lovely as ever as she answered the door in a red wrap dress that hugged each of her newly-discovered curves, her long dark curls spilling loosely down her back.
Passing her on the way into the house, Jack stooped to kiss her cheek, his mouth lingering half an inch from where he really wanted to be. "Merry Christmas, Kate." He let go of her arm, repositioning his hand on her belly. "You too, little guy." He prodded it gently with the tip of his middle finger, breaking into a grin when he felt his son prod back lightly in response.
It was his mother's turn to greet her after he stepped back, folding her in a warm embrace. Rather than release her completely, she held her at arm's length. "Look at you. You're even more beautiful than the last time I saw you. Pregnancy really agrees with you."
This seemed to embarrass Kate, who ignored it, reaching for his mother's hand instead. "Here, give me your hand." She placed the other woman's palm on her belly where Jack's had been. "There," she said, pushing down. "Do you feel that?"
Jack knew that the baby must have kicked right at that moment because his mother glanced down at it, startled. "Wow, that is just…" She shook her head in amazement. "Thank you."
"Looks like the guest of honour has arrived," Claire's voice announced; Jack looked over to see her coming down the stairs with Aaron, who was dressed up for the occasion in a pair of khaki trousers and a blue button down shirt.
"Merry Christmas, big brother," she said, dropping Aaron's hand on the last step so that she could hug Jack.
He felt an urgent tug on his wrist, glancing down to see Aaron gazing up at him with huge blue eyes that were impossible to resist. "Uncle Jack! Come see what Santa bringed me!"
It was obvious that he wasn't going to take no for an answer, so Jack allowed himself to be dragged into the living room where his nephew's new toys lay scattered at the base of the tree amidst mounds of crumpled wrapping paper, listening to him tell him about each one.
When he was finished, he gave him his gift: a parking garage for his toy cars, which he then assembled for him.
While Claire and his mother were busy helping him populate it with the brightly-coloured cars that his mother had bought to go with it, Jack approached Kate, who was sitting alone on the sofa, nursing a mug of hot chocolate.
"I can see why they say 'Like a kid at Christmas'," he remarked as he pushed a throw pillow aside and sat down beside her.
She had been watching the little boy fondly but she tore her eyes from him then. "Get used to it."
He felt the same flutter of anticipation he always got whenever anyone mentioned his son. "I'm actually looking forward to it." He took the mug from her gently, setting it to one side so that he could present her with the small, misshapen package he'd brought over with him.
"What's this?" she asked, turning it over in her hands.
"Open it," he told her.
She did as instructed, peeling off the paper to reveal a white bear with a candy cane striped scarf and hat.
"Is this a polar bear?" she asked, glancing up at him a strange look. Her voice was wary; worried, even.
"It's for the baby," he explained. "I wanted him to have something to mark his first Christmas."
This seemed to relax her. "You know that's not until next year, right?" she teased him.
"He's here now, isn't he?" he countered.
"I guess he is," she agreed with a smile. "His first toy." She leant over to place it on the coffee table in front of her where she could admire it. "We can put it in the nursery when it's ready."
"I'm glad you decided to come," Kate told him later that night as they sat side by side under a blanket, watching It's A Wonderful Life on TV. Margo had gone home after dinner, and Claire was upstairs getting Aaron ready for bed, leaving them alone. "It wouldn't feel like Christmas without you."
All day, he'd been waiting for the perfect moment; deciding that this was it, he reached behind the couch cushion, producing a large yellow envelope.
"Is that for the baby too?" Kate asked when he handed it to her.
"No, this one's for you," he told her. "Both of us, actually."
He could see that she was surprised. "You didn't have to get me anything," she said, echoing Claire's words, and he knew what she was thinking: it wasn't like they were together.
"I wanted to," he assured her.
She ripped back the seal, pulling out a handful of glossy brochures. "Shelter Cove?" she read, glancing up at Jack with puzzled look. "I'm not sure I get it."
"It's up north, in Humboldt Country," he explained. "I wanted to take you to Hawaii, but somehow I don't think your probation officer would be very happy with me."
"You want us take a vacation together?" she asked uncertainly. It was obviously the last thing that she was expecting.
"This isn't about sex, if that's what you're thinking," he assured her when she went back to studying the brochure in silence. He didn't want her to get it into her head that he was asking for anything from her in return. "The house I rented has three bedrooms. You can have the master and I'll take one of the guest rooms. I just thought it would be a good way for us to spend some time together, getting to know each other again before the baby comes." What he didn't tell her was that he was hoping that the combination of the romantic locale and the ocean might be just what he needed to reawaken the feelings she was afraid he'd lost forever. That was the best gift that he could think of to give her.
"You rented a house?" she repeated, still looking dazed.
He nodded, encouraged by her curiosity. "You're gonna love it. It's right on the water so you can go to the beach any time you want," he told her, careful not to sound too presumptuous. He couldn't expect her to want to do everything with him. They weren't a couple anymore, even if she was still wearing his ring.
"I don't know what to say."
"Then say 'Thank you'," he prompted her.
She considered this for a moment longer, waging a silent battle with herself, before her smile won out. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," he told her, and a comfortable silence fell over them.
She broke it after a moment. "You do realise that I don't have a bathing suit anymore? At least not one that fits."
"Then I guess I'll just have to go swimming without you," he teased her. "Or we could make another trip to the mall…"
"Are you sure you really wanna see me in a bathing suit right now?" she complained, patting her middle.
"Why not? I think you look cute."
"Yeah?" she asked, seemingly pleased with the compliment.
"Yeah," he agreed with a smile.
They lapsed into silence again. "Jack? Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure." He had a feeling he knew what was coming.
"Why did you try to kiss me the other night?"
He could try to invent an excuse that he doubted she would believe, but what would be the point of that? "Because… Because I like you," he confessed.
He knew that this was the right answer when her face lit up with hope. "So you wouldn't mind if I did this?" She placed a chaste kiss on his lips, pulling back slightly to test his reaction.
He wanted to know what it would have felt like if he'd kissed her that night so he leant forward, returning the kiss, gently at first, then with more passion, urging her mouth open with his, his hands winding through her hair, cradling the back of her skull.
After a while, she tried to break it, but before she could, he kissed her again, his hands moving from her head, down to her waist, the blanket falling away to the floor as he lifted her onto his lap. He could feel her belly pressing against him as he wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer still.
Then, without warning, a wave of dizziness swept over him; he couldn't seem to get enough air to fill his lungs and stop him from feeling weak, and when he looked down, the scar on his stomach was bleeding, the life force slowly draining away from him…
He jerked back so abruptly that he almost dropped her.
Sensing the change in him, she slid off his lap, back onto the couch beside him. "Jack? Are you okay?" she asked, taking his face in both hands to get him to look at her. "What happened? What's wrong?"
His breathing was still ragged as he forced himself to meet her concerned expression. "I saw something." He wasn't sure if it was a memory, a vision or some kind of waking nightmare, but whatever it was, it had shaken him more than anything else that had happened to him since the day he found himself in the hospital in Tunisia. He was dying, he knew that with the same certainty that he knew his own name.
She watched him intently as she waited for him to finish explaining. "We were on a cliff," he continued when he felt calm enough to speak. "I was hurt and you… You were crying, and then... You kissed me." She let out a barely audible gasp. "Does that mean anything to you?" Part of him hoped that she would say no because he didn't want to believe that what he'd just experienced was real.
But he could see in her eyes that it was. She nodded tearfully. "You just remembered our last kiss…"
Next chapter: Kate's thoughts on all of this... ;)