The day turned into a blur after that. It seemed as though some sort of fog had descended over my brain and emotions, and it refused to let go. Of course I refused to cry, and what surprised me most was that I wasn't even mad.

More than anything, I was sad, and hurt, deeply hurt. I suppose I had always assumed that he had saved himself for me- especially after our talk at band camp. Was there something in the male mind that programmed them to just crave sex, and not care at all about who it was with or what the consequences were?

Meeting the teachers, conducting in band class, nothing penetrated the mist in my mind. At lunch, I sat with Megan and our friends, and the conversation hopped around uninteresting subjects. When we had about fifteen minutes left, Travis got up to go to the bathroom, and I followed him. When he came out a few minutes later, I pinned him to the wall as best I could.

"Tell me how you know he's doing that." Confusion etched across his face and into his eyes. Clearly, he had forgotten this morning's conversation. Well, I defiantly hadn't. "About Jacob and Courtney, you know…" Finally, comprehension dawned, and he raised his eyebrows.

"I don't know why you care so much, but he told me. A few months ago we were chilling at my house and he brought up about how he got laid the night before." Despair seeped through my veins. "He said out of all the girlfriends he had, she had been the best so far. He's only had three girlfriends, though."

"He slept with all of them, every last one, at least once?" If a girl did that, she'd be called a whore, or a slut. But guys could do that and get away with it, no strings attached.

"It's not that many Nicole, calm down." I wasn't mad, I was just disappointed. Okay, maybe I was a little mad. In all the conversation, in all the movie nights he'd spent at my house, not once did he mention things like that were going on. Maybe he thought I would get jealous, or mad, or we'd stop being friends. But I would have been less mad and hurt if he'd told me.

At the end of the day, I went down to the band room. I lived here- doing my homework, chilling with friends, surfing the web. Jacob was oh so conveniently there as well. I pulled him into a practice room, not sure what I was going to tell him, but certain I had to tell him something.

"You slept with Courtney." It slipped off my tongue before I even thought about. He just continued to look at me.

"And your point would be..." I cocked my head at him, wondering exactly how I could get the point across and not admit I was madly in love with him.

"I just thought after what you said at band camp, after everything, that... I've been saving myself for you; don't I get the same respect?" Maybe respect wasn't the right word, but I couldn't think of what else to say. He gaped at me a tiny bit, and then composed himself.

"Nikki, I never asked you to save yourself for me." Cool as a cucumber, he said that. So he could get mad at me when I grinded someone, but I couldn't be upset when he slept with someone? So much for not fighting.

"But you promised. You promised at band camp that we'd be together." He pushed up close to me and took my chin in his hands.

"You're right, I did. But I never promised that I'd be a virgin." Stupid loopholes. How could I not have seen that? "We will be together, Nikki, promise." I smacked on a smile. If he wanted loopholes, I'd catch him in one.

"I know we will. How about you come over for a movie Saturday?" He grinned, thinking all was forgiven. Well, I had a little trick up my sleeve. It would take some cultivation, but I could pull it out soon.

"Sounds great, I'll bring a movie." He flicked my nose and left. As the door closed, I turned my lips in and pressed them together in a hard line. If he wanted to fight dirty, I would fight back, and I would win. Courtney didn't deserve him, I did, and if I had to fight tooth and nail to get them both to see that, then I would.

Saturday came and found my plan fully in action. I buttoned up my shirt and smoothed my hair as the doorbell rang. Flashing myself an evil grin in the mirror, I flitted down the stairs and swung open the door. This time my smile was welcoming, friendly, and nice.

"Hey Jacob, what movie did you bring?"

"The Last Exorcism, cause I know how much you love horror movies." I wrinkled my nose and he winked before coming in. I'd already made popcorn, so we sat down to 'enjoy' what he brought. For some reason, I always let him pick what movie we watched. Usually it was fine- a comedy, a musical, something we could both enjoy. Sometimes he would suck it up and bring a romance to indulge me, and other times he would bring a horror movie for himself. Today was one of those times.

I dreaded every moment of watching that film, but my real motives would make up for it. What do girls do when watching scary movies? They bury their faces in the boy's shoulders. Perfect chance for me to get some snuggle time with him. And after burying my face into him for a little while, the real work could begin.

Half an hour in I was nearly sitting in Jacob's lap, and he had his arm around me while I had my head on his chest. Fifteen minutes later we were reclining, and I was practically on top of him. All it took was a turn of his head during a lull in the movie and his mouth was on mine. I kissed him back, and he stuck his tongue in my mouth, flipping me over so fast the couch moved a little under us, and I was suddenly underneath him.

He was breathing heavy, and his eyes had darkened. His lips attached to mine once more and then his hands were unbuttoning my jeans. My heart started beating faster- I had never done this before, I was nervous, and a little scared. But Jacob was pursuing what he wanted, and his own pants and underwear were off before I knew it.

His kisses got more persistent, and everything below my waist was off, and my heart was hammering in my chest. Doubt flooded through my mind- did I really want to do this? What if this didn't end the way I had planned it?

"Jacob..." He pulled his lips off of me when I mumbled his name. If I had anything to say, I was going to have to say it now, before anything happened that I really regretted and could never take back.

"Just...just be gentle. I've never done this before." He nodded, his hair dangling down in front of his eyes and then he said something.

"You know it's gonna hurt, right, that I'm not doing that on purpose?" I nodded- I knew about sex, I was in marching band and had gone through health classes. "But honey," I looked back up at his eyes, "even if you tell me to stop, I'm not going to until I'm all the way in, okay?" I didn't nod that time. He sighed, trying to explain it differently, obviously in a rush to get this show in the road. "I mean, I'm not going to stop until I...until I break your hymen. That'll be the worst part, and after that's over I'll stop." This time I understood what he meant and nodded.

҉

I was lying on top of his chest when it was over, with him rubbing my back. We'd pulled our clothes back on, just in case anybody came over unexpectedly.

"I'm sorry Nicole." I pushed myself up on my elbows and looked at him curiously.

"What exactly are you apologizing for? The...the hurting part or something else?" He pulled me back down to him and continued with what he had been saying.

"I'm sorry for both- one I couldn't control, the whole hurting you part. The other thing I'm sorry about is the fact that I have to go back to Courtney after this, and honestly, I don't want to." I titled my face to look at him, and he pecked me on the lips before I spoke.

"You know you don't have to go back to her, right?" He stared at me, puzzled, and I slid off of him, sitting on the floor and looking up. I tried crossing my legs, but that didn't work well after what had just happened- I was still sore.

"We could leave, together. It's not like I want to stay here with my parents, and you have enough credits already to graduate." His eyes nearly bugged out of his head at my suggestion.

"Are you serious? Just...leave, now? What about being drum major next year for you, and college for me?" I took his hand.

"Didn't you say NYU accepted you last year and invited you up, but you said you would come when you officially graduated? Well show up now, they'll still take you. And as long as we're together, I can figure something out, like giving private lessons or something." The idea was rooted in his brain now. Even if he said no, it would still be in the back of his mind, making him think what if every now and then. My eyes glowed hopefully- this was what all of this had been for. He had to say yes.

"You're packed and ready to go, right now?" I nodded my head and stood, making him do the same.

"I have a bag upstairs with everything I'll need. We couldn't bring cell phones, laptops, even an iPod. The police can track anything these days. I already wrote a note to my parents too." He nodded and grabbed me, kissing me hard.

"I'll be back in half an hour with my own bag." I grinned, nodded, kissed him again, and ran upstairs.

My plan had worked. I had had my doubts, but it had all come to fruition. Looking at the letter to my parents, I realized Mr. Sacket deserved one too. He was like a second father to both of us, and would be wondering why we had suddenly run off like this.

Dear Mr. Sacket,

I know this isn't fair to you, leaving you without a section leader and drum major in the middle of the season. But you always told us to follow our dreams and not let anything get in our way, and right now, the thing getting in our way is being in high school. Therefore, that had to end for the dream to be achieved. You probably think it's not very wise for us to run off like this- that we're just teenagers and it's never going to work, that one or both of us will show back up in a month or two and say, "You were right, we just couldn't make it." But we won't let that happen.

For our own reasons we're not going to tell you where we're going, but I had to let you know that I love you like a father and that you had a huge impact on my life. Never stop being an amazing band director, and I hope you don't think of me as a failure because I ran away with some boy when I was sixteen. Think of me as strong, outgoing, or a dreamer instead. Good luck with the band, I know you can handle it. As replacement drum major for me, pick Madison. She was at lessons last year, and she has potential inside. She's a bass clarinet player, and I don't know her last name. Have fun with the band, and give them my love and Matt my appreciation, he was great to work with.

Nicole An