Conversations

Jacob didn't leave Esperanza's cabin until well after breakfast the next morning. Once he was gone and she was finally able to take a shower without the enjoyable distraction that was Jacob, she started to think about what had just happened. They'd had a conversation before about keeping things "strictly professional" but that was obviously out of the window now. After the way things went down with Ashley, Shepard just felt like she wasn't really ready for anything too serious. Having an alternate means of releasing stress would be very nice but a relationship was just out of the question. She could only hope Jacob would be on the same page and this wouldn't affect their professional relationship.

After ordering a few new armor and weapon upgrades and talking to Mordin, Shepard headed into the armory. She took her usual spot on the table behind Jacob and watched him work for a while. She watched as he skillfully disassembled the pistol, installed the new mod, and reassembled it. Her mind drifted back to the night before when those same hands just as skillfully navigated her body.

"Are you gonna sit there and stare at me all day or did you want to talk about something?" Jacob's voice startled Shepard out of the beginnings of a very pleasant daydream.

"Well I did want to talk to you but you are very distracting."

"Oh really," Jacob said as he turned around and took a step towards Shepard. " Am I a good or bad distraction?"

"A good one. A very, very good one." Shepard smiled and hopped down off of the table. "As much as I would love to continue this line of questioning, we really do need to talk."

"Uh oh. Nothing good ever follows that phrase." Jacob started towards the small table near the window that overlooked the drive core and Shepard followed close behind. While his voice was light and joking, Shepard saw in his face that he was slightly nervous about the talk they were about to have.

"It's nothing too bad, I promise." Shepard said taking a seat at the table. "I just felt like we needed to clarify a few things after last night."

"I was feeling the same way actually." Jacob said, taking the seat across from her.

"Great minds think alike." Shepard said with a small smile. She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts then took a breath and continued. "I'm just gonna be straight with you, I'm not looking for a serious relationship. After everything with Ashley, waking up, and this suicide mission, I honestly don't think I could handle that. I'm not in the right frame of mind to really dedicate myself to a relationship. If that's what you're looking for then we need to end this, whatever it is, now before anyone gets hurt or the mission gets compromised."

Jacob was very quiet after Shepard's mini-speech. She didn't want to be too blunt and hurt him, but he had been open and honest with her from day one and she felt like he deserved the same from her. Just when she was beginning to worry that she had seriously messed up whatever friendship they had, he cracked a small smile and began to chuckle.

"Why exactly are you laughing right now?"

"I'm just amazed at how you were able to articulate the exact thing I've been thinking for the past three hours."

"Oh fuck! Don't scare me like that!" Shepard said with a relieved smile as she reached across the table to smack Jacob on the arm. He flinched and started to laugh even harder.

"Why the hell would my laughing scare you?"

"Haven't you seen any horror movies? People always start randomly laughing before they snap and kill someone!"

"You're weird Esperanza," Jacob replied, his laughter finally dying down. "So, if this isn't a relationship, what is it?"

"I feel kinda juvenile for using the phrase but, friends with benefits?" Shepard bit her bottom lip and looked away from him. It was the first time Jacob had ever seen Shepard look nervous about anything. He thought she looked kind of cute. "I mean, that's if you want the benefits part."

"I do," said Jacob. "However, if we're gonna do this we should probably set some ground rules."

"That is a wonderful idea. Well, we're obviously not exclusive so if either of us wants to pursue an outside relationship, we should be able to do so."

"Ok, that's good. Also honesty above everything. I'm not interested in losing a friend over this."

"I'm glad we're on the same page," said Shepard as she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "Since we're talking about honesty, I think another major thing is we should be honest about how we feel."

"What do you mean?" Jacob said, a look of slight confusion crossing his face.

"I mean if either of us starts to feel anything other than friendship for the other, we should speak up. That way we can reevaluate our arrangement before anyone gets hurt."

"Ok, that's only fair." Jacob sat back in his chair, mirroring Shepard's position and thought over his current situation. If anyone had told him only a few short years ago that his commanding officer would be the Esperanza Shepard and that they'd be sitting together setting rules on how to fuck each other, he would've suggested that person seek medical help asap. It was an odd situation to be in, but he had no complaints. "I think there's one more though. Seeing as how we're on a suicide mission, we can't let what we do in the bedroom affect what happens on the ground."

"Definitely," said Shepard, finally letting a serious look color her features. "The mission is too important to let this mess it up."

"I agree. As long as we're adults about the situation we shouldn't have a problem."

Shepard smiled and was about to reply when a ping from her omnitool interrupted her. Jacob watched her as she read the message taking note of the frown that seemed to deepen with every line.

"Is everything ok?" Jacob asked.

"Yeah," Shepard said after a brief moment of silence. "Tali wants to talk to me about something and I can practically hear her nervousness through the screen. It must be damn important too if she went through my private channel and not Chambers."

Shepard closed her omnitool and started towards the door. "I'm gonna go check on Tali. I'll check in with you later, ok?"

"Not a problem Shepard. Oh, there's one more thing I want to do before you go." Jacob got up from his seat and walked over to Shepard. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her in for a slow, sweet kiss. Just as Shepard moved to deepen it, he pulled back and smiled at her. "See you tonight?"

"Uh huh."